cheating makes no sense.

[Leigh 87]

Well if your not monogomous then your cheating either way. Either your pregnant or your not, thats the way I see it. I don't think she is in the right mental state to to have gave him permission to have sex with other women. If he really didn't want too, he wouldn't. She did not hold a gun to his head. He did it because he wanted too. If he really loved her he would of said no. It is that simple. Love you to man lol.

 

 

 

How do you know he doesn't really love me?

 

It is possible for a guy to love a girl as much as he can, and to also be able to have sex with a hooker.

[Leigh 87]

You know I love you, man, but I have to differ with you here. "Cheating" implies dishonesty. I think that people who have sex outside of their primary relationship with the full knowledge of their so are not "cheating." They are also not monogamous.

 

 

 

Yes, I am getting a little troubled by the constant references to "normal girls" vs "prostitutes."

 

Having sex with another person is having sex with another person. I think that the OP felt like she was in control of it because she paid, procured, dictated what could and could not be done sexually, and watched or participated. That kind of control can be bought, but unlikely to be found with a non-pro.

 

I do think that you, Leigh, did all of that in order to be "in charge" of Andrew's sex life outside of his with you (because you posted about 185,639 times during that period about how neither one of you liked the idea of only being with one person), rather than just having a more typical "open relationship" where he might have actually made out or had oral sex when you weren't monitoring.

 

 

 

Andrew DID NOT WANT an open relationship. He NEVER told me he did not like the idea of just being with me!

 

He NEVER suggested or even allude to wanting to have other sexual partners!

 

I WOULD NOT BE with ANY man who wanted to kiss and fool around with other girls! Yet sex with hookers does NOT bother me. Hence why I suggested it (HE never asked)

 

Hookers are completely different to than non hookers when it comes to being able to have sex with them; he was NOT able to and had ZERO desire to hook up with a non hooker, yet he was able to have sex with a hooker.

Andrew is not stupid; he knows how he feels. To him having sex with a hooker is something he can do with a girl he loves, where as hooking up with a regular girl is not.

 

I thought hookers were a good idea. He was 24 when we met and in no position to settle down with the same girl for life. HE never told me as such but I just knew.

Look, I don't think some men are ready to settle down with one sexual partner for the rest of their lives when they are in their early 20;'s.

I do not think a man who is not ready to only have sex with one women for the rest of their lives will just BE ready when he meets the right girl.

[Leigh 87]

Well if your not monogomous then your cheating either way. Either your pregnant or your not, thats the way I see it. I don't think she is in the right mental state to to have gave him permission to have sex with other women. If he really didn't want too, he wouldn't. She did not hold a gun to his head. He did it because he wanted too. If he really loved her he would of said no. It is that simple. Love you to man lol.

 

 

 

How is it that simple?

 

How do you know that a guy who has sex with a hooker cannot be in love with another girl? Can you prove that ALL men feel like that?

[Leigh 87]

Going back to the subject of the original post, I think it's a bit naive to assume that just because you have a great love with someone, that's going to insure that they don't cheat.

 

Do you have any clue how many men out there are very happy where they are in their marriages, BUT they simply - and selfishly - feel the need for variety? Their wives could be sexual dynamos but they STILL feel deprived because they're 'not allowed' to experience sex with other women.

 

Some people can be incredibly selfish. It has nothing to do with who they love, it has nothing to do with their commitment to the person they're with, and it has nothing to do with the vows and promises they made to their spouses. Some men are very, very successful at compartmentalizing this little part of their lives and can keep it JUST to themselves. You'd be surprised at how they can go off and get their jollies on the side then quite happily go home to the wife and kids to start planning their yearly vacation to visit Aunt Sally in ButtF*ck Oregon.

 

I can't speak for women, I can only speak for what I've SEEN over the years with men.

 

 

 

Interesting. Yet what ALEX and a few other posters have pointed out to me is that ANdrew must not even love me to begin with because he was ABLE to have sex with a hooker.

 

On the other hand you believe a man can truly be in love whilst having other women ont he side; I do not believe that.

[utterer of lies]

...

 

Leigh, please stop. You are setting yourself up to be trolled.

 

You threatened to 'violate' people if they mention your relationship, but you bring your BF up yourself constantly. You seem very confused about your feelings, and about how to deal with your past with him. As soon as someone mentions that, your insecurity breaks through and you either begin to questions or defend various things. I'm afraid you didn't really process those events at the beginning of your current relationship, and it shows.

 

Combine this with starting a thread like this, with statements that are sure to evoke strong reactions from people that have either been cheated on or have cheated in their past...

 

Sometimes, silence is golden.

[georrgyutss]

I keep trying to change my page via the file manager, but I cant figure out what the index page is or how to edit it. I see the dynamic pages, but I cant figure out how to just edit the home page. The whole setup makes no sense to me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Well, Leigh, I suggest you go back and read your past threads.

 

I don't want to be mean … but you really need to grow up a bit and start to be accountable for what you write here. Probably for what you SAY in real life, too.

 

You tend to completely contradict yourself often. We don't have a clue what's really going on and what is b.s. It makes it really hard to take you seriously. I would like to take you seriously, but when you change your stories so often I start to feel like you are just wasting everyone's time and mostly looking for a lot of attention.

[rainfall]

- Were you incredibly close, both hug in your sleep,?

 

 

How does hugging in your sleep have anything to do with if you love someone or not? I'm kinda confused on that one....

[CarrieT]

Well, Leigh, I suggest you go back and read your past threads.

 

I don't want to be mean … but you really need to grow up a bit and start to be accountable for what you write here. Probably for what you SAY in real life, too.

 

You tend to completely contradict yourself often. We don't have a clue what's really going on and what is b.s. It makes it really hard to take you seriously. I would like to take you seriously, but when you change your stories so often I start to feel like you are just wasting everyone's time and mostly looking for a lot of attention.

^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^

 

It is getting exhausting, Leigh.

 

You are going to break up with him. Then you are not. Then you are. Then he won't let you. But you think you would be better without him. Then you aren't.

 

Do you have a clue how wishy-washy your constant posts are and how much back-sliding you do trying to convince yourself that your relationship is okay? How can it be when you barely seem to be on stable footing yourself?

[Leigh 87]

Leigh where did I ever say Prince Andrew did not love you. No where. I merely stated that he cheated on you. Yes it is cheating, permission or not. I think most normal headed people would agree that a relationship and a prostitute is not a healthy dynamic.

 

 

 

 

To be 100% honest, I really do not care if he has sex with hookers. (even though we have put an end to it)

 

I am unsure if it is ideal or natural for a man to have sex with the same partner for their rest of their lives, especially from their 20's.

I just thought that Andrew could go on lving me, and occasionaly have sex with a hooker.

I watched him do it and it really turned me on, seeing him have sex with a women. To me, true love and meaningless sex for a man can go hand in hand. Not for all men, but I believe some can be truly in love (as much as they can get) yet be able to have meaningless sexcapades.

 

Interestingly, neither of us could stomach him hooking up with a NON hooker; it was not something either of us wanted and the idea was the same as cheating.

 

The only reason we stopped was because my own mother said "it was fine to do initially, but now they you are serious, you should expect total monogomy"

My mum is really open minded! She has friends who were stripers, swingers, and the like. And although my idea in theory makes sense, she still did not support it.

 

I guess I knew that he never " needed" to do and it was more of an idea rather than something he had to do, in order to be happy with me.

I stopped because I asked people for advice, including my own mum, and the consensus was: it is not right to do, it would only work if you too Leigh, were able to have sex with others. And most people just thought it was plain sick for me to even let him.

[Leigh 87]

In any case, regardless of my precious "theory" on hookers in my relationship, it is in the past now, and I have never been okay with him hooking up with a non hooker. It is just how I felt/feel.

 

I would never take a guy back if he cheated. I can see how it is ironic considering what happened with my own partner, but hookers really did not phase me, where as non hookers would still have been devastating.

 

I would still not take a guy back if they cheated. I am still trying to understand how cheating correlates to love.

[Leigh 87]

Um Leigh, a vagina is a vagina any way you cut it. He cheated get over it. You need to not be in a realtionship. A hooker vagina is no different then a non hooker vagina, you just hooked on the stigma that you payed for it.

 

 

 

Yes, but I had no feelings about the hookers. I 100% did not care in the slightest.

 

Where as with a non hooker, I would have been terribly upset; to me, that would have felt like cheating.

 

You don't get it; even if the hookers were cheating (which they were not, given I TOLD him to do it), I still did/do not care.

 

Is it honestly that hard for you to process: I did not care about the hookers. They did not make me feel bad, where as a non hooker would have.

 

That is just how I happen to feel, thanks. So there is no use trying to elaborate on it further, given I have told you how I feel about it.

[Leigh 87]

What is the point in breaking up with a guy who will not stop wanting to be with you?

Look, I know Andrew more than you do; I know what he would be like. He would get over it, but it would take a VERY long time.

 

We would be sitting around in the same town, crying every night and missing one another like crazy. For a year or more. Why sit around miserable and dying to be with a person, when they make you happy and have been there for you during the worst possible times?

 

We want to be together more than you can imagine. Being apart is very painful for us, that is what real love feels like; immense pain if you are to separate.

 

Your crazy to throw ALL relationships away when they encounter problems! SOME can be worked through. The person has to be worth TRYING for.

...... Just because two people has issues, I believe in working on things; as long as the love is there, as well as the will to change.

I have found a guy who make sme laugh every day, and who has been there for me through the worst possible times, and makes it clear how much he adores me. I would be pretty silly to throw perfectly loving relationships away, they are very fun filled, with a person who you love and loves you back.

 

You better believe it, but I am willing to work through the hooker debarcle, because it frankly meant nothing to me; where as any other types of cheating would.

That is just be. You have to learn that different people feel differently.... about different things.

[Leigh 87]

^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^

 

It is getting exhausting, Leigh.

 

You are going to break up with him. Then you are not. Then you are. Then he won't let you. But you think you would be better without him. Then you aren't.

 

Do you have a clue how wishy-washy your constant posts are and how much back-sliding you do trying to convince yourself that your relationship is okay? How can it be when you barely seem to be on stable footing yourself?

 

 

The relationship is fine, we are happy most days, the only bad parts are where I doubt things.

 

Andrew happens to love me enough to have put up with my constant doubts. Sometimes love is enough to try very hard and not let go of a person.

He is very independant and loved that before me, has his own set of friends and his hopes and dreams in life; he does not need me. He chooses to stay with me, because working through things is easier for him than leaving me.

 

In spite of how I sound on here, I am pretty stable in my every day life. You know, calm, funny, positive; you would not know I am very conflicted in my own mind.

Andrew knows I think a lot/too much, and is supportive of therapy to help me deal with my thoughts; when he saves enough cash, he is even going to pay for it for me. The only reason he hasn't is because he has only just got a new job himself and has a lot of debt.

We both know that my incessant questioning of things when HE is always happy, or happy to work through things, is going to ruin us if I do not stop.

 

Since starting my latest threads there have been no mention of them or any mention of... anything at all to Andrew.

We have just been hanging out. happy as usual.

 

He came on here and made an account but is too lazy to come on and read; he hates reading and is very, very practical.

His user name is guesswho123, and he is a terrible speller and bad gramatically (you think I am terrible, wait until you see him!)

 

Not that he would ever come on here.

 

And if he did, he would likely tell anyone who doubted his love for me to get f*cked. He does not like strangers telling him how he feels. I also find it VERR bizarre that strangers on here have the audacity to come out and tell me that my boyfriend does not love me, when they have never MET the guy:lmao: Funny stuff.

[Leigh 87]

In regards to cheating, I have a relevant story for you:

 

I know of a guy who, when he first got together with his partner (this guy has a thing where he hooks up with average/cute girls, but only dates the hottest girls)

He met a girl on a cruise ship when he was with my partner, together. She is tanned, blonde, naturally beautiful. A model.

And the got on great, of course! They got each other.

He comes back and they start a relationship, a LD one; they lived a coupkle of hours away by plane.

She moves over to be with him, last November; she is still with him.

 

Now, I spoke to a girl he cheated on her with; I AM NOT SURE if it was before or after she moved down. He was also with another girl too.

He is a PLAYER - girls LOVE HIM! He has that "look" about him... he is the ideal candidate for girls throwing their panties at him. Smooth talker, makes the girls feel great. Charismatic big time!

I heard that at one stage, they never saw each other! She worked, he worked, they barly spoke all week. He told my boyfriend this.

 

SO now, he has recently decided to commit to her. Before, he wuld severely flirt with girls when out; I saw him at it.

...So what does this all mean? She is a REALLY sweet girl! Super hot, yet hates gossiping or negativity. Very sweet. I wonder if she even knows about his prior cheating.

 

Lastly: he has still not said " I love you" to her yet. He has loved tow girls, one in a 5 year relationship, and I wonder if some men are just slow to say it?

I wonder if he will be truly happy with her? I mean, even if a guy is really into a girl, can they still cheat to begin with, before super strong feelings take hold?

I do wonder: maybe he is just a selfish prick in that regard/was, and would have done it even to the love of his life?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I worry for her - we hang out when I go around there most weekends, and she is super sweet:mad:

[Bridgey]

The relationship is fine, we are happy most days, the only bad parts are where I doubt things.

 

Andrew happens to love me enough to have put up with my constant doubts. Sometimes love is enough to try very hard and not let go of a person.

He is very independant and loved that before me, has his own set of friends and his hopes and dreams in life; he does not need me. He chooses to stay with me, because working through things is easier for him than leaving me.

 

In spite of how I sound on here, I am pretty stable in my every day life. You know, calm, funny, positive; you would not know I am very conflicted in my own mind.

Andrew knows I think a lot/too much, and is supportive of therapy to help me deal with my thoughts; when he saves enough cash, he is even going to pay for it for me. The only reason he hasn't is because he has only just got a new job himself and has a lot of debt.

We both know that my incessant questioning of things when HE is always happy, or happy to work through things, is going to ruin us if I do not stop.

 

Since starting my latest threads there have been no mention of them or any mention of... anything at all to Andrew.

We have just been hanging out. happy as usual.

 

He came on here and made an account but is too lazy to come on and read; he hates reading and is very, very practical.

His user name is guesswho123, and he is a terrible speller and bad gramatically (you think I am terrible, wait until you see him!)

 

Not that he would ever come on here.

 

And if he did, he would likely tell anyone who doubted his love for me to get f*cked. He does not like strangers telling him how he feels. I also find it VERR bizarre that strangers on here have the audacity to come out and tell me that my boyfriend does not love me, when they have never MET the guy:lmao: Funny stuff.

 

You're right, none of us have ever met him, and none of us know how he feels. But if you believed everything he said 100% you wouldn't be on here asking us all of these questions. If he says he loves you and you believe him then don't bother creating all of these threads.

[nofool4u]

Cheating is not black and white,

 

Actually, it is.

 

If you "cheat", that indicates you are betraying someone. Doesn't matter what the excuse or justification in the cheater's mind, betrayal is betrayal.

 

Either they did cheat, or they didn't. Black.....and white.

[nofool4u]

He did not cheat. I went and paid for hookers for him

 

Damn! You are a player's dream come true!!!!

[Leigh 87]

Damn! You are a player's dream come true!!!!

 

I sure was. But I cannot see myself doing it again! And Andrew was not actually a player. He did not get regular sex or have booty calls at his beck and call. In fact, he was too scared to even make a move on his female friends who showed an interest. Hence WHY he got hookers so much.

 

There are certain guys who just "think threesomes and girls who let u have sex with hookers" are " cool" and " awesome" and they think " wow, I wish I had a girl who was that cool"

You know the type; nor necessarily immature in their outlook on life in general. Some perfectly decent men just buy into the whole idea of threesomes and having a " cool" girlfriend who sees meaningless sex as not a threat to the R.

 

What he did was not monogomus, but he did not cheat in my opinion. I let him do what he did. it was MY BAD: wheather I liked it or not.

If he had done it against my will, I would have reacted strongly and felt terrible about the betrayl. But I didnt, because I allowed it and felt okay with it.

[Leigh 87]

You're right, none of us have ever met him, and none of us know how he feels. But if you believed everything he said 100% you wouldn't be on here asking us all of these questions. If he says he loves you and you believe him then don't bother creating all of these threads.

 

 

 

No, honestly, the only thing I am perplexed about, is the fact that strangers feel that they KNOW that he does not love me, just because he had sex with some hookers, which I allowed, and he would NOT have done against my will.

I am different from most women and people; I actually think a man can have sex with hookers, which is meanignless, and still love their partner dearly, as much as they CAN love a women.

I think iti s absolutely ludacris that any stranger purport to know how MY partner feels about me.

I do not think being in love for all men, means that they physically will not be able to go through with having sex with a hooker. For some it will, but not for others.

 

I wish people could see that SOME men are fully capable of loving a women 100%, yet being able to have meaningless sex.

ANd that is what this thread is about. HOW IS IT that menor women cheat repeatedly, against their partners will, when they are really in love with the loves of their lives?

 

People cannot see my story as separate from cheating in any shape or form... yet my own partner was NOT able to ever cheat, and merely was able to have sex with another women when I allowed him to

To my own partner, having cold hard sex with a hooker is NOT THE SAME as cheating with a no hooker. He could do the former, but NOT the latter, I assure you.

 

There is some food for thought then: cheating and the ability to have sex with another women if you allow a man. How can anyone be sure that ALL men in love would refuse the offer to do it if it was given to them?

[rainfall]

I wish people could see that SOME men are fully capable of loving a women 100%, yet being able to have meaningless sex.

ANd that is what this thread is about. HOW IS IT that menor women cheat repeatedly, against their partners will, when they are really in love with the loves of their lives?

 

 

 

 

 

I think if someone is with the love of their lives they would never cheat because they wouldn't want to risk causing their partner that kind of pain. I disagree that a man can be 100% in love and committed to a women and have meaningless sex with a stranger, but to each his own i guess...

[Leigh 87]

I think if someone is with the love of their lives they would never cheat because they wouldn't want to risk causing their partner that kind of pain. I disagree that a man can be 100% in love and committed to a women and have meaningless sex with a stranger, but to each his own i guess...

 

 

But my partner believes he is 100% in love and committed to me.

 

He thinks I am it for him, and cannot see himself meeting a girl, and NOT being able to go through with it if they asked him to try it.

 

He does not think he would be physically unable to have done it with " the right" women.

 

He just believes he can have meaningless sex with a women he loves.

 

The intersting thing is he can do that with a hooker, but not a non hooker.

 

Does it ever occur to people that even the most is love men are capable of different things?

[Leigh 87]

I think if someone is with the love of their lives they would never cheat because they wouldn't want to risk causing their partner that kind of pain. I disagree that a man can be 100% in love and committed to a women and have meaningless sex with a stranger, but to each his own i guess...

 

 

Seriously though, what makes you think that all men who are 100% in love would not be able to physically bring themselves to do it in any way?

 

How do you know what all men feel? I am genuinely interested as to how you think you know what ALL men think.

 

And with my partner, it is not like he is able to go out and do it with just any women in a callous way.

 

And it is not like he did it because i was nort enough for him (he is ver happy to never do it again and would never have suggested it had I not).

[rainfall]

Seriously though, what makes you think that all men who are 100% in love would not be able to physically bring themselves to do it in any way?

 

How do you know what all men feel? I am genuinely interested as to how you think you know what ALL men think.

 

And with my partner, it is not like he is able to go out and do it with just any women in a callous way.

 

And it is not like he did it because i was nort enough for him (he is ver happy to never do it again and would never have suggested it had I not).

 

I don't know you or your partner. I just personally feel from experience (from personal and what has happened with both male and female friends)

that a man who is in love with his partner wouldn't want to sleep with other people.

Its just my opinon and if you know you and your partner are 100% in love then I really don't see why you care so much what random people on a message board tell you.

[Leigh 87]

I don't know you or your partner. I just personally feel from experience (from personal and what has happened with both male and female friends)

that a man who is in love with his partner wouldn't want to sleep with other people.

Its just my opinon and if you know you and your partner are 100% in love then I really don't see why you care so much what random people on a message board tell you.

 

 

 

But I am very interested as to why you know what all men think.

 

My partner believes he is 100% in love with me? Yet he was able to do it to me.

 

I cannot see him doing it again, as it was something we did bfore we settled down into a serious relationship.