Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Well, what now, guys? I really want this girl back. She tells you that you push too hard, and that it pushes her away, and you respond to it by telling her that she won't regret it if she takes you back. Really? You walked right over her by saying that. Your only chance to ever get this girl back is by completely giving up on her and letting her go. Anything else will cause you more pain and push her back more. If you feel you need to say more to her (bad idea), then do it now, and then go NC. Anything else you can do at this point will do more damage and may be experienced by her as harassment.
TopCat22 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Well you got your answer. She's spelt out pretty clearly that you need to stop pushing her. However you can't sit around and wait for her, so I guess your only option now is NC and move on. If she ever comes back you'll have to decide how you feel then. At least you can move forward now knowing you tried. Hopefully that will give you the peace of mind to do what you have to do now.
Balzac Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 from a girl's perpective...it doesn't necessarily read as a no. I sounds to me more like a "why should I? I have before to no avail." A prove it to me tactic. Maybe a probably not, but not a definite no. "There was more than one chance for you to have that but you didn't want it." Judging by her second response, I don't get her communication strategy. Why send message one only to put a bullet to your brain in message two? Not a caring girl or girl who harbors anger which is a high value reaction. You can blame yourself dude but her words indicate to me that she likely gave you a ruthless war game. Only you know the facts.
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Back off. Big time. Go NC, stay NC and wait. Time will tell whether you get the Pulitzer, or were just a Putz. (unfortunately, I suspect the latter... and experience on this forum shows that sadly, I'm probably right.)
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Judging by her second response, I don't get her communication strategy. Why send message one only to put a bullet to your brain in message two? The first message was pretty clear, but most of you interpreted it differently. Worth a shot, I guess. I felt it was just a more gentle way of saying "no" (she said he had enough chances, which means "no more"), and when that wasn't understood, she had to be more blunt about it. She seems to be rather sick of him at this point.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 So, NC from here? Not even a text just rounding it up saying "I hope you have a good day?"
geegirl Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Her: "I understand that but you need to quit pushing because you are pushing me away. You know I can't give you that chance right now." Well, what now, guys? I really want this girl back. Now, you step away and leave her alone. You can want this girl but it doesn't matter if she's telling you no, point blank. I read your threads. Are you sure you're not chasing because it's your ego eating at you rather than you truly wanting this woman. You've treated her shabbiliy several times and failed to see her worth and I wonder if because she's with someone else, you're now wanting her for all the wrong reasons.
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 So, NC from here? Not even a text just rounding it up saying "I hope you have a good day?" I have to echo geegirl... And - forgive my being blunt, but - what part of "Back off. Big time. Go NC, stay NC"... do you not understand? Leave. her. Alone.
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 So, NC from here? Not even a text just rounding it up saying "I hope you have a good day?" At this point, there is probably nothing you can say to her that will not make her think, "Ugh, him again. Why can't he leave me alone?". If that is what you want, keep texting her. I know this is hard and my first week of NC was living hell (it still is, but it's less intense) and I thought of so many things I wanted to say or do. Treat it like an addiction, because that's what it is. Your addicted brain will offer you very many delicious and logical sounding reasons why you should not stay NC, why you should say this or that, try once more. You'll fear and worry that by doing nothing you'll lose her, that she'll forget about you, that she won't know how you really feel, that she moves on because you are not around, and so on. And you'll project your feelings and be certain that she feels just like you do, that she misses you, and that she so badly wants to hear from you. It's all nonsense, but you'll believe it and it'll be very hard to not give in. I broke after only 3 days of NC and I paid for it with more pain. I've stayed NC since and I feel better for it. She knows how you feel. She knows what you want. She knows that your wants will not change soon. She knows that you wait. She knows that you love her. She knows that you would try to make it all better. You have done all you can do, and now you need to let her go. She may come back one day, but not now, and probably not soon -- and possibly not before you have really moved on. You need to start thinking of yourself now and try to accept that she is no longer part of your life. Very hard, I know. It takes time, and actively working on moving on. Don't fall in the trap of obsession. Any action that involves talking to her, sending her stuff, trying to get her attention ... is likely to make it worse.
Mike_d Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 pushing her = neediness not a good thing at all. when you can figure out a way to be happy without her, that's prob the time that she'll be interested in being back. Let go of the outcome, wanting something too badly always results in things being f*cked up
Chi townD Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) Ok, I decided to try this whole NC thing, and after the last message I sent my ex-girlfriend yesterday, I decided to let that be it. Well, I just got a reply from that message this morning, a few minutes ago. What do I do?? Thanks, guys! The message I sent was about how things would be different this time, and her reply was, "There was more than one chance for you to have that but you didn't want it." UGH!!!! Late to the party and a little too late to point something out that you didn't see. Her text was nothing more than blameshifting!!! She wasn't offering you another chance! Key phrase, "But you didn't want it." She putting the demise of the relationship on your shoulders and to ease her own guilt. She can walk away thinking that SHE gave you every opportunity but YOU gave it up. So, now she can say to herself that all of this is your fault and she not the guilty party in this at all. She eased her own guilt and you verified it with that sappy response. And what happened? She said, "I can't give you that chance RIGHT NOW." So, the only thing you've accomplished was giving her an ego stroke, letting her know she still has power over you AND she's able to keep you on the hook with the RIGHT NOW statement. Trying to fill you up with false hope. Time to move on dude. And if she response again. POST HERE FIRST and don't jump the gun. You're full of emotions and reading what you WANT to read, and not what is actually being said. Edited October 2, 2012 by Chi townD 1
Balzac Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Exactly! She turned the table, delivered the one, two jab and the dude is bleeding, down for the count.
DavidG Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 10/2/2012 is your first day of NC. Nothing else will work. Same boat again man. I had a permanent fall out (in person) today and she made it clear that she does not want me be back. All we can do from this point on is heal ourselves. A good point was brought up that maybe it is an ego thing and now that our es's are both with someone else, it kills us. I don't think there is any way to tell at this point since it all seams to hurt the same but its a thought because there is a reason we pushed them away. Day 1 man. Your not alone.
LostOne1 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 wanting something too badly always results in things being f*cked up I agree... At this point, there is probably nothing you can say to her that will not make her think, "Ugh, him again. Why can't he leave me alone?". If that is what you want, keep texting her. I know this is hard and my first week of NC was living hell (it still is, but it's less intense) and I thought of so many things I wanted to say or do. Treat it like an addiction, because that's what it is. Your addicted brain will offer you very many delicious and logical sounding reasons why you should not stay NC, why you should say this or that, try once more. You'll fear and worry that by doing nothing you'll lose her, that she'll forget about you, that she won't know how you really feel, that she moves on because you are not around, and so on. And you'll project your feelings and be certain that she feels just like you do, that she misses you, and that she so badly wants to hear from you. It's all nonsense, but you'll believe it and it'll be very hard to not give in. I broke after only 3 days of NC and I paid for it with more pain. I've stayed NC since and I feel better for it. She knows how you feel. She knows what you want. She knows that your wants will not change soon. She knows that you wait. She knows that you love her. She knows that you would try to make it all better. You have done all you can do, and now you need to let her go. She may come back one day, but not now, and probably not soon -- and possibly not before you have really moved on. You need to start thinking of yourself now and try to accept that she is no longer part of your life. Very hard, I know. It takes time, and actively working on moving on. Don't fall in the trap of obsession. Any action that involves talking to her, sending her stuff, trying to get her attention ... is likely to make it worse. Wow you worded it exactly as I felt.. I felt i HAD to do something, because she would forget me or move on. And really it pushed her away more.. it really did make things worse. I've sent her a long email a week ago.. no reply. Then I wanted to text her this week.. but reading this and just knowing its my obession... I need to let it all go now. It's over and me texting won't do much, but piss her off as to me not leaving her alone. Normally in the past in fights she ALWAYS contacted me. This is the first time she didn't... And the worse part was that our breakup was BAD. If I had came to this website before instead of lashing out at her like she was at me. I woulda just calmy agreed with her and moved on with my pride. It's tough to think she will forget me, but I don't think she can forget me easily. And I agree she has made me out to be this evil person so she can live without guilt and believe she made a good decision. She made up things that weren't true, and I get why now. It's easier for her to move on thinking bad thoughts about me, kinda how I've done it too. Just thought of all the negative things about her and am trying to push on now.
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Exactly! She turned the table, delivered the one, two jab and the dude is bleeding, down for the count. I'll say - the story is continued, here:
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