Author avon20 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 My ex did want me. I just did not want to marry her at the time. I was the one who rejected her and now I am regretting it. I don't want to live with that everyday for the next 50 years. I already ruined my life by rejecting her. And I do not want any kids so that fantasy of having kids and grandkids is a moot point. I have no desire for any of that. My last name is going to die with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 Do non Christians go to Heaven? Yes everybody goes to heaven in my faith. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Most people are not fortunate enough to know when they will die. I myself have a pretty good idea that I will die in about 1 year due to my diagnosis with hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I am in stage 2. Docs say it is very treatable but I made a decision this week to stop the treatments and let the cancer take its course. I have my reasons for doing this. I am 32 years old and I am not married. I do not have kids. If I had those responsibilities then the argument that I am being selfish would have merit to it. But anyone who is single has more freedom to make decisions about their lives without being selfish in the process. I do not owe anyone anything at this point. There is one advantage to knowing when I will die and that is I no longer have to worry about self improvement. I feel liberated knowing that I do not have to floss my teeth anymore. I do not have to go to the dentist. I can stop saving money for retirement and just take a vacation to Alaska right now and enjoy myself. Eat all the high fat and high cholesterol food that I want since I will be dead long before I reap complications from it. The cancer will get me before tooth decay and heart disease will. You are NOT committing suicide, and I'm disgusted that anyone would say that. You did not chose to have cancer, nor is there anything you can do to change that fact. All you can do is make the decisions that are best for you in terms of managing the disease (how you see the best given youre unique situation) and how you chose to manage the rest of your life. I admire your attitude to be able to find positive in what has to be the most difficult news of your life. But you are right. So many of us may die in the next week, we may have no clue it's coming, and we may moap around in bed because we are depressed over something, which may seem insignificant to us if we knew our upcoming fate. We don't live in the moment, we take life for granted as if it will always be there. I admire that you have found the strength to accept your diagnoses and live out your life the way you feel is the best fit for you. If you ever need emotional support, or someone to talk to, I am here. Message me anytime. Sending lots of love to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 He's not dying, see my previous post. Hope you're proud of yourself OP. Just because he posted to the dating page does not mean he's not dying. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I don't know anything about the OP's posting history, and I'm not going to look it up since I'm doing this instead of tackling the mountain of work on my desk. So I'm just going to take things at face value. I had an ethics course in college, during which we were shown a film of a man who was caught in a natural gas explosion. He was severely burned over most if not all of his body, and the film recounted the horror he face every day as dressings were changed and so forth. I'm surprised he had any voice left after screaming so much. He was disfigured, would never walk again, and begged every day for the chance to die. The guy was a posterchild for assisted suicide. Who after watching such horror would disagree with his right to take his own life? The kicker came when we watched a film showing this same young man two years later. He was still disfigured, still in a wheelchair, but was back in school, had plans for his life, and even had a love interest. He said he was very glad he hung on. Lost love is a fleeting pain, in the grand scheme of things. Who's to say what your life may be like in two years, should you likewise hang on and continue your medical treatment? Give yourself the chance to find out. Excellent points. But being disfigured is a totally different thing that having terminal cancer. With the former, it's not a death sentence. With the latter, there's a very slim chance treatments will do anything but add to the suffering and possibly extend life a little bit. The most important thing to keep in mind, that how to cope with a diagnoses is a very personal decision with many intricate details that go into the decision. I'm willing to bet this man is not looking for guidance with his decisions. He has already made his decision and no one else could make a more fitting decision than he himself. I think he needs love, compassion, understanding, connection, just someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 My ex did want me. I just did not want to marry her at the time. I was the one who rejected her and now I am regretting it. I don't want to live with that everyday for the next 50 years. I already ruined my life by rejecting her. And I do not want any kids so that fantasy of having kids and grandkids is a moot point. I have no desire for any of that. My last name is going to die with me. Does your prognoses really give you the possibilty of living wither 50 years? Or are you feeling pressure to explain your decision from all the opposition? Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Some of you make it sound like my ex was just another lady and that there's plenty of other fish in the sea. I know what I know and my ex was a precious gem. This was a woman who obviously wanted to make a life with me because she moved halfway across the country to be with me. During the entire time she lived here she tried so hard to convince me to move in with her and marry her. All she wanted was me. She did not know anyone here. She even had a vision of what our kids would look like. In the end my refusal to commit to her pushed her away and I ruined my life. Marrying anyone else at this point is settling for 2nd best. So like I said this cancer may be my ticket out of this world. We all have to die sometime and I do not believe in extending life just for the sake of extending life. Just because death is not something anyone likes talking about does not mean it is an issue that will go away. Link to post Share on other sites
CptObvious Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Not going to kill your enemies? Sucker. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 If you read some of this other posts then you'll see what we're referring to, but believe what you want to believe, I'm sure he's getting a kick out of it. Just because he posted to the dating page does not mean he's not dying. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Have you spoken to your ex about your diagnosis? My experience, especially with my ex, is if they were the one you would have known it at the time. Something pulled you away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Knowing when I would die would be awesome. Avon, I fully agree with your decision. I think people are just terrified of looking bleakness (like having an incurable diseases that will send you into deep debt with medical bills, just to stay alive even though your death wouldn't effect anyone) in the face. Link to post Share on other sites
Dagorath Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 My condolences. Apathy is hollow and fleeting. You are giving up because it is easier. There is a temporary joy which comes from this - as a pessimist I know all to well. However; in the end, when we realize what we have sacrificed it is so shallow and defeating. You say you don't owe anyone anything; but you owe yourself more. I'm not saying you should live as you did before the cancer - a lot of that was investing in the future that no longer exists. What I am saying is - don't just, stop - you're not dead yet. There's a quote that says, "life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments which take our breath away." Go live! Life is beautiful, and it is made more beautiful by the fact that it is fleeting. We are all going to die, and we don't know when - you have the unique advantage of being able to knowingly choose to cherish what time you have left. Most of us squander our time away, you don't have to. Do something constructive. One thing. Write a book, go on a road trip, reconcile your life - but don't give up; not yet. Make a goal, and get it, so you can die with a smile on your face instead of a frown. Like I said, I am truly sorry to hear about your struggle - as a fellow human being, you have my compassion. Good luck friend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts