mtnbiker Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I was single for a long time. There were women I went on multiple dates with over the years, but no real relationships. Many FWB's though. I decided that I wanted to try to meet someone interested in a real relationship, so I joined Match and after a couple poor matches this women contacted me. We met at a local music festival and hit it off. We went on a few more dates. She then, after just a month, invited me to a family get together for one of her brother's sons BDay's. They all seemingly liked me and her two cousins, about her age, texted her that they all approved. She forwarded this text to me. At this point I was thinking, "Great, she is into me just like I am into her". A couple weeks later we went on a three day beach vacation. This was about seven weeks into the relationship. One night, after we had both had been drinking, I said I love you to her and she replied that she was "almost there". A week later we hung out on Friday and Saturday night at her place, which is ~50 minutes away, and went to a movie and to a lookout point one night and just a dinner and pub the next. Then the following week she became distant and cancelled a plan to go hiking. I sensed that for whatever reason she was preparing to end things. Then the next Friday she texted me that she "really missed me and wished I was there and that I wish I didn't have these plans already made for the weekend as I want to be with you." That Sunday she said she'd come to my place on her way home from the trip. When she didn't I texted and said that we seemed to be having a little difficulty in communicating. This led to a phone call where she said she no longer wanted to be together and felt we should not talk anymore at all either. She said that she felt bad that she was not as into me as I was to her and that it was not fair to me. We had been intimate since our third date, which was before the beach vacation. I do not believe there is a nother man, but obviously I could be wrong. So I have given her space and not tried talking to her since, which was nine days ago. While I am no longer crushed I do still think about her and think about maybe reconnecting. She was the first women I truly liked as a person first and physical attraction came afterwards, so I thought it was distinctly different. what do I do now?
flitzanu Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 just sounds like she decided her feelings weren't in it, so she backed off. doesn't mean she hates you, just that she didn't see a future most likely.
Author mtnbiker Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 You may be absloutely correct. It just seemed like she was so completely into me with her actions more than her words before the last week. She always grabbed my hand and put her arm around me and often initiated the sex. We had many similar interests and got along fantastically. Is there any validity to my thinking that she simply got scared of getting too serious and that she still likes me? I am 32 she is 27.
flitzanu Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 sure, there's validity to your thinking, but her actions NOW are not matching that thinking. don't consider how she was acting toward you in the past, consider how she's acting toward you RIGHT NOW.
Author mtnbiker Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 This is going to be tough to forget, not to move on from, but to forget. I don't doubt that I can find someone and fall in love again, but I rarely find a woman I connect with more than mostly physically.
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 you won't forget, but time will soften the view. Hang in there
LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 sure, there's validity to your thinking, but her actions NOW are not matching that thinking. don't consider how she was acting toward you in the past, consider how she's acting toward you RIGHT NOW. that's the thing... my ex is the same way. The person she was before and now seem different opposites. And the question is does anyone every become the old form again? My ex seemed so full of anger and hate, normally she is very loving towards me. Makes me wonder if NC will help her realize who she is now isn't good and isn't the real her. It's part of her thats built up from being hurt and angry.
Author mtnbiker Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 you won't forget, but time will soften the view. Hang in there Thanks Mike! And thanks Fitz! I need to learn from my mistakes in this relationship as well, so as not to repeat them in the future if they are not wanted. This is the challenge I now face and could use advice on. 1
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 http://www.osirusworld.com/temp/temp/TYG.pdf
Author mtnbiker Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Mike...thank you very much!! I have only read through Chapter #1 and it already seems to be speaking directly to me. I will be reading this and when done will give my money as I'm sure it will help!
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 there is lots more like this out there, feel free to ping me for more resources.
flitzanu Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 that's the thing... my ex is the same way. The person she was before and now seem different opposites. And the question is does anyone every become the old form again? My ex seemed so full of anger and hate, normally she is very loving towards me. Makes me wonder if NC will help her realize who she is now isn't good and isn't the real her. It's part of her thats built up from being hurt and angry. your ex isn't a different person. your perception of who your ex is, is what changed. THAT is her, if you're an annoying stranger trying to get into her pants that she doesn't want behaving that way. savvy? your ex WAS nice when with you because she wanted to be. she's mean now because she has no choice in dealing with a scorned dumpee, other than to be a complete bitch (or prick for dudes) to make you believe she hates you.
Author mtnbiker Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 hows the read coming along? I read it through once already! I didn't retain everything, but I did learn a bunch. I will be re-reading it a few more times until I actually know it inside and out. I realized how weak I've been previously with letting myself get disrespected and things like rewarding for no reason instead of good behavior. I have so much more to learn. I would greatly appreciate any other reccomendations from you!
Mike_d Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 (edited) For me there is a lot of value in the confidence, attitude, and social interaction topics on PUA sites - but I'm not after hitting on/banging every single girl that walks by so I just ignore that stuff while in search of the next tidbit that I feel helps me. I have issues to fix. In the past I've been a 'do-er' in that I do too much, I lose my ability to portray value, I've not been willing to walk away when I should have, I lost my boundaries. Here at LS search for posts by Gibson and Breck, I'm more of a Gibson guy but I get Breck. If you peruse the above links first you'll understand Gibson and Breck right away. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/members/181528-gibson/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/members/198913-breck/ and this is a good thread started by Breck in response to all the weak ass, mopey, insecure, codependent, pathetic, and generally yukky and very unattractive guy postings here -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/340855-place-feels-like-graveyard In the end, it's all about finding your spine, reinstalling a stronger and upgraded version of your spine, letting go of the outcome, and learning to be yourself while not giving two sh.ts what anybody thinks. All that equates to strong self confidence and having our heads on squarely again, we've gotten a bit lost along the way, but we can get it back if that is what we want Edited September 29, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted commercial links
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 For me there is a lot of value in the confidence, attitude, and social interaction topics on PUA sites - but I'm not after hitting on/banging every single girl that walks by so I just ignore that stuff while in search of the next tidbit that I feel helps me. I have issues to fix. In the past I've been a 'do-er' in that I do too much, I lose my ability to portray value, I've not been willing to walk away when I should have, I lost my boundaries. Here at LS search for posts by Gibson and Breck, I'm more of a Gibson guy but I get Breck. If you peruse the above links first you'll understand Gibson and Breck right away. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/members/181528-gibson/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/members/198913-breck/ and this is a good thread started by Breck in response to all the weak ass, mopey, insecure, codependent, pathetic, and generally yukky and very unattractive guy postings here -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/340855-place-feels-like-graveyard In the end, it's all about finding your spine, reinstalling a stronger and upgraded version of your spine, letting go of the outcome, and learning to be yourself while not giving two sh.ts what anybody thinks. All that equates to strong self confidence and having our heads on squarely again, we've gotten a bit lost along the way, but we can get it back if that is what we want I have yet to read the links, but I will. Your last two sentences are something I have already realized, thought about and want to take action on. I previously had all the self confidence in the world. Mostly doing what I wanted, when I wanted and a genuine to hell with anybody else's opinion naturally inside. Somehow, along the way through my twenties I have lost this. I have become weak. I have become someone who the younger me used to despise.
Mike_d Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 actually my initial paragraph, since my post contained a lot of links it was moderated prior to being posted - but what I said was something akin to: begrudgingly I post these links, take what works for you leave the rest. I'm not into the "bang every girl" attitude that comes within the PUA community, but I seek out snippets that help me with my confidence to just be me, and to be comfortable with me and comfortable interacting with the women in front of me. there were some links to pua sites edited out - check out "real social dynamics", "simple pickup", and search for "pua forums". within RSD I said that I can only take so much of Tyler, and that within simple pickup I thought the guys did a great job staying on topic and actually kept it simple and on target. not sure why all that was edited out, nothing harmful or edgy... (shrug) just trying to help the fellas get some swagger back. 1
JayL Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, in fact, that is exactly what I went through, except my break up is on its 3rd 1/2 week now. See how similar our stories are... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/348835-still-trying-find-my-closure-any-idea Sigh... hang in there dude.... I'm almost there and I'm sure you'll get over it too.
Author mtnbiker Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 (edited) N =Thurs eve check in, how's it going MtnBiker? Mr. Mike D.! I've made great strides personally, considering the time I have been seperated and enlightened by you mostly. The psychologist treatment is going spectacularly. I've started to realize that although I idealized her best, she had a few worsts. I am almost, let's say ~80% completely over the recent ex.ery strong in NC, it's been 18 days and there will be NO break of this and will not take her back nor respond if she reaches out. Unfortunately, not sure if you have seen my other posts and or threads, have been dealing with a ONS from last early summer who I am awaiting a DNA paternity test with. I go back and forth nightly on this, but strangely this has helped me overcome the ex. Unfortunately this has led me to drink a little heavily(but wine so not too bad) since being aware of the situation. I decided to "get back on the horse" so to speak and I am preparing a match online profile. I could use help with this. No rush though as I am awaiting the DNA paternity test putcome from the ONS before creating my profile. I will get the results Friday (today) or Monday. How has your progress been? BTW, do you possibly have another link toa legit online dating profile/handling of women link? -M Edited October 5, 2012 by mtnbiker
Mike_d Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 (edited) Great news, with a smattering of life mixed in. Did not see that. Roll with the punches. I've been kind of thrown for a loop today with a few things but it feels like progress so the next result is good. It's been a hairy couple of weeks but I feel like I'm on the cusp of some great breakthroughs. I leave for a month here in 2.5 wks, off to the Caribbean and Latin America for business and pleasure so I'm looking forward to it, lots to do prior to blast off Have another suggestion that I'll PM you about, it's been a total eye opener for me and I'm feeling a bit like I've been hit by a truck... But it's a great thing As far as online, maybe try plenty of fish and my cupid - I won't post the urls for fear of this post being moderated/delayed. I'm kinda meh about the online stuff these days, I'm trying to work on getting out of the house more and into social situations and work some natural game edit: can't PM/inbox you, if you can inbox me send me your email and I'll fwd some links over, try drglover dot com in the meanwhile Edited October 5, 2012 by Mike_d
kalaslsl Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 http://www.osirusworld.com/temp/temp/TYG.pdf Thanks!! I've just started reading it.
Author mtnbiker Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Great news, with a smattering of life mixed in. Did not see that. Roll with the punches. I've been kind of thrown for a loop today with a few things but it feels like progress so the next result is good. It's been a hairy couple of weeks but I feel like I'm on the cusp of some great breakthroughs. I leave for a month here in 2.5 wks, off to the Caribbean and Latin America for business and pleasure so I'm looking forward to it, lots to do prior to blast off Have another suggestion that I'll PM you about, it's been a total eye opener for me and I'm feeling a bit like I've been hit by a truck... But it's a great thing As far as online, maybe try plenty of fish and my cupid - I won't post the urls for fear of this post being moderated/delayed. I'm kinda meh about the online stuff these days, I'm trying to work on getting out of the house more and into social situations and work some natural game edit: can't PM/inbox you, if you can inbox me send me your email and I'll fwd some links over, try drglover dot com in the meanwhile Yea, there is no option for PM for me either. I was going to PM you that question. You're a smart guy, you know you can make it through to the other side. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to try match again as it seems to allure a better overall woman. I just need help/advice on what to put in my profile and how to word it. Any thoughts on how we could contact? Definitely interested in the new suggestion. I'm jealous of your trip, I have to go to the Caribbean and have always desired to go. Have a blast man!
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