Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I know most will say god no don't do it!....... But how about I give him a call and say..... Hey I know you were the one who wanted to be friends, but please don't soft soap things with me. If you're trying ease me out gently of the friend zone just say? Yes? No?
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/346184-i-broke-nc-asked-him-coffee What about the thread above does not compute with you? He humiliated you to such degrees, you acknowledge that this is not right for you and you create another thread minutes later trying to get validation from him. The man pissed in your mouth. If two people are into that, they talk about it, get consents from each other and piss away. He didn't even ask you. He just pissed in it. What sort of creep is that? One who has no respect for you. He even declined your FWB request. Friends? Are you serious? This is your definition of friends? Someone who treats you this way? What is wrong with you? LET HIM GO. Find your self-respect and dignity and please stop this self-destruction. Edited September 11, 2012 by geegirl 3
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 And please, seek therapy. Your self-esteem is so shot that you will compromise all of yourself just to get the approval and validation of a man. If you sleep with your friends, all you get are ex-lovers and no friends. Stop using "friends" as a way to have a foot in the door because you still insist on wanting to be this man's toy. If anything Squidoo, step back and ask yourself, if ever in your entire life you dreamt of having a loving relationship, what would it entail. If this guy checks all your boxes, then grovel if you must. If not, dig deep and ask yourself where these fears are coming from and start working on yourself. No one deserves to be humiliated. But it's even more painful to see a woman do this to herself over and over again because she just can't see her worth, if it isn't coming from a man. 1
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 I have no idea where my lack of self worth and low self esteem come from. I have only ever had two sexual partners, this may sound strange but I go cold at the thought of somebody wanting to have a relationship I literally do run, it's almost a clastaphobic feeling. My 2 partners only became so because it happened over a long period of time that I didn't sense them turning into such a thing. I know that I'm attractive, but if anyone tries to pay me attention and says I look hot or pretty etc etc I just think they're taking the p**s or think to myself what are they after. I just can't take a compliment! Where does it come? I have no idea! Do I need help? Yes I guess I do, but I suppose deep down the only one who can help myself is me...I just don't know how!
KatZee Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I know most will say god no don't do it!....... But how about I give him a call and say..... Hey I know you were the one who wanted to be friends, but please don't soft soap things with me. If you're trying ease me out gently of the friend zone just say? Yes? No? Oh God please don't do it. As an outsider reading this, it comes off so desperate, so needy, so pathetic. He dumped you correct? And "wanted to be friends" ?? Believe me. He doesn't want to be your friend. He was just easing the blow of the dumping... hence why you haven't heard from him. If you haven't heard a thing, take the hint. It's because he doesn't want to communicate with you. There's no need for you to then "follow up" or find out what the deal is. It's perfectly clear what's going on. He's going to wind up feeling sorry for you. DON'T DO IT!!!
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 No I dumped him, he sometimes contacts me but of late it's been more me.
veggirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 oh my god. first of all, I don't see where he has expressed any genuine desire to be friends. second of all, you want to be friends with a guy who PISSES IN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU GO TO GIVE HIM HEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick: (times one million) GOD. DO NOT CALL HIM. PLEASE.
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) I have no idea where my lack of self worth and low self esteem come from. I have only ever had two sexual partners, this may sound strange but I go cold at the thought of somebody wanting to have a relationship I literally do run, it's almost a clastaphobic feeling. My 2 partners only became so because it happened over a long period of time that I didn't sense them turning into such a thing. I know that I'm attractive, but if anyone tries to pay me attention and says I look hot or pretty etc etc I just think they're taking the p**s or think to myself what are they after. I just can't take a compliment! Where does it come? I have no idea! Do I need help? Yes I guess I do, but I suppose deep down the only one who can help myself is me...I just don't know how! Seek a therapist, let that be your start since you can't find your own way. Sometimes you need someone else to help you reorganize your feelings and thoughts and help you find your way through your issues. It's at least a start rather than you repeating destructive patterns and killing your self-confidence either by engaging with pigs or putting yourself down. You can't take a compliment because you can't see your own worth. It's alien to hear something nice about yourself from the mouth of others because you don't believe it. Nah, that's a lie because I'm nothing. That is what you believe. Your wiring is all skewed. And when you engage with pig men, they tear you down and reduce you to nothing. Then when a nice man comes along and is genuinely nice, you see him as a pig because all you've ever known to do is wrestle with pigs. Being in **** situations is what you are accustomed to so a real relationship seems uncomfortable for you because you don't know how to be in one. You identify you have issues. Do something about it. Pick up a self-help book about confidence. Write some positive affirmations about yourself and read them aloud and believe them. Seek a therapist and you may have to go through a few before you find one that fits you. Start doing positive things for yourself. Edited September 11, 2012 by geegirl
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Well for the first time ever geegirl, somebody else's response has lead me to tears. But I thank you for that
KatZee Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 oh my god. first of all, I don't see where he has expressed any genuine desire to be friends. second of all, you want to be friends with a guy who PISSES IN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU GO TO GIVE HIM HEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick: (times one million) GOD. DO NOT CALL HIM. PLEASE. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!! What the hell! I need to read the original thread. That is so beyond horrifying.
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 I do have to say though that in our time together he was never ever a pig, he treated me with the upmost respect and showered me with gifts. It's only since we split that it has become like this and it's shocked me, it's messed with my head trying to work out why!
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Well for the first time ever geegirl, somebody else's response has lead me to tears. But I thank you for that I don't mean to hurt you or make you cry but I don't like seeing you do this to yourself. I hope you start to see how destructive and degrading this is Squidoo, and it certainly breaks at your self-esteem even more as you continue to focus on him.
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I do have to say though that in our time together he was never ever a pig, he treated me with the upmost respect and showered me with gifts. It's only since we split that it has become like this and it's shocked me, it's messed with my head trying to work out why! Who he is after you split is who he actually is. They don't show you their true colors when they are roping you in. When he smacked you, pissed on you and in your mouth, that is his core nature. My ex was the same. Sweet as pie. When we broke up, I found out the nasty about him. 1
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 You've not hurt me geegirl, just tearful because I know it's the truth
Crila16 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Squidoo...what are you hoping to get out of this? Are you hoping this man will change his mind and miraculously fall madly in love with you? This, unfortunately is not what's going to happen. His mind is made up, so NC or no NC isn't going to change his way of thinking. It will, however, help you. Why do you see the fire burning and yet you can't help yourself but run straight into it. Read Geegirl's advice. It's true. It's about self esteem. You are lacking 100 fold in it and cannot see your self worth. Instead of saying this man should be chasing you, because you are worthy...you're thinking, what can you do to be worthy of him and make him love you. HELLO!!! He pee'd in your mouth. That is not a man who is worthy of you. He's a selfish pig and he will only rip what's left of your self esteem apart. You wouldn't allow a female friend to do 1/2 of what this guy has done to you...but yet, this man can do not wrong in your eye. Therapy will definitely help you. If you don't figure out why you're drawn to this type of person now, it will ruin you for a healthy relationship in the future. This man is not healthy for you.
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 No I know he won't fall for me, that's not my aim. Just the fact Im struggling with the fact we were in each others lives for 4 years and he never acted like this until I dumped him. Thank you everyone for your advice, I feel at the moment a long walk of a short plank would be a good option for me now.
Chi townD Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 The man pissed in your mouth. If two people are into that, they talk about it, get consents from each other and piss away. He didn't even ask you. He just pissed in it. What sort of creep is that? One who has no respect for you. He even declined your FWB request. Friends? Are you serious? This is your definition of friends? Someone who treats you this way? Okay.....gross. What he did was wrong, demeaning, humilating and totally not cool. Real MEN (not little boys, like your douche rocket Ex) cherish every intimate encounter with the women they love. Real men know that the woman have put their trust in them to care and love them in this intimate setting when a woman is most vulerable. She should be made to feel loved, respected, safe and secure. Not treated like a urinal. There's nothing wrong with being adventureous in the bedroom. But, if you want to get a little freaky, then any fantasy should be discussed beforehand and boundries agreed upon. And sometimes, a woman likes a man to "take charge" in the bedroom and do things to her. However, if he is about to do something that she is not comfortable with, she will tell him "no" and he should respect her established boundries. He never even asked what your boundries were. He just did what he wanted to without any considerations to your feelings on the matter. He knew you had low self esteem, he knew he still had power over you AND he knew you were vulerable and in a little pain over what has happen. HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!! There are 7 billion people in this world and you are hung up on a guy that would treat you with such disregard. You deserve so much better. You deserve a guy I described above. Believe me, they're out there. This guy isn't it. 1
veggirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 hey Squid, it's normal that you are struggling. no one faults you for that, and we have all been there. you have to make the conscious decision and effort to maintain NC though. You really have to, this guy is gross and disrespectful and you deserve better. post here if you want to contact him -- don't call and offer friendship, you have given this jerk enough of yourself. It doesn't matter how he acted 'before', it matters how he is acting now and it's despicable and unforgivable.
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Crazy how the tables turned I guess, but i thought this was capable of being friends and it was his request. If there's anymore contact on his behalf then I feel strong enough to say that it's obvious he's not capable of such a thing and its time our paths went there separate ways.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I'm sorry for all the crap this lowlife did to you Squid, how awful and atrocious to hear .. I swear if a man ever did that **** to me I would go to the ends of the earth to make him pay and ensure he never did it to another woman. In all honesty, there is a ton of good advice in this thread that many women and some men could use. Self-esteem is a priority for you now. Don't feel ashamed that he "humiliated" you, truthfully he humiliated himself and assassinated his own character with his disgusting behaviour. You know the truth about him now and hopefully you will be better able to see through these low-lives sooner rather than later. Women do not need validation from a man to feel self-worth. That is a misogynistic societal myth that needs to be eradicated from our culture. Take care and all the best... I will be watching for your future posts to see how much healthier you will become when you make this guy disappear
Chi townD Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Women do not need validation from a man to feel self-worth. That is a misogynistic societal myth that needs to be eradicated from our culture. Oh come on! You like us guys! Where strong and hairy and do stuff that makes you question our intelligence! Like, were convinced we can fix a stove with a sheet of rock shingle, a glue gun and duct tape...good as new!!! Come on! We're cute....admit it....
Author Squidoo Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Well funnily enough he just text me, wanting something of his back. So I will give him the said item and then I can say face to face that he's obviously not capable of being friends....friends don't treat each other this way. I know he probably won't care but it will make me feel better!
sweetheart5381 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Oh come on! You like us guys! Where strong and hairy and do stuff that makes you question our intelligence! Like, were convinced we can fix a stove with a sheet of rock shingle, a glue gun and duct tape...good as new!!! Come on! We're cute....admit it.... Lol, haha!... OK I agree, I like men I like real men, mature men A man that respects and at least attempts to understand women will get much further in life considering women are approximately half of the population and all, lol. And he might even get laid too
sweetheart5381 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Well funnily enough he just text me, wanting something of his back. So I will give him the said item and then I can say face to face that he's obviously not capable of being friends....friends don't treat each other this way. I know he probably won't care but it will make me feel better! Mail it to him - do not give this douche another minute of your time. Seriously. He DISRESPECTED you in the most utterly grotesque way... he is not worth your breath and is a waste of skin. Even animals know enough to pee on the ground, in a litter box, on trees rather than on their own species etc. Seriously, do not ever have any contact with this abomination of a (gulp), man again. 1
veggirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 squid, what is the item he wants back so badly? why do you have to see him in person to give it to him?
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