k100danny Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Does anything think anything can be gained from meeting an ex, does closure exist? The reason I'm asking is That i have the chance to see my ex this week, we haven't seen each other since a couple of weeks before we split and contact afterwards was very breif so we have only spoke on the phone twice within the first week of break up and then no contact until very recently, now almost 3 months later. I know there will be emotion in seeing my ex and i was shocked when i found out she would be returning for a few days and it made me quite anxious. I have calmed down from that now but im thinking if i don't see her this time when she is home I may never see her again in my lifetime. I know some people say that this is ok and why should you want to see them, I guess i really don't know. I mean she is with someone else and happy and I haven't tried to ask questions about that side of her life, it is not my business. sure i wonder but it's certainly not my place to ask. I just feel that I need to see her again, we didn't get to say goodbye and it all ended very quickly. I'm sure it might bring up some old feelings and im sure my heart will race if i see her but that doesnt mean i still love her does it? surely this is normal when you see an ex for the first time? Can anyone tell me if they think wanting to see her is normal or if maybe im hiding something, i know it can be easier for others to tell you sometimes. I'm thinking if i meet her it might help me move on, of course it could go totally the other way but im thinking of trying to force myself to move on I think. any help much appreciated.
spaniard Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Honenstly, I think you should avoid your ex at all costs. Nothing good comes from a meeting with an ex until you are completely over her.
barese1 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Its a hard one. If you are still crazy in love with her then it will probably do nothing but cause you pain but if you think you are strong enough to manage it then it may help. I went NC for three months and saw my ex at a party. I still loved her and was so fu*king scared the day of the party. But it did help me. I had this idealised image of her in my head. When I saw her I realised she was just a normal girl and it helped me to move on. That said I have seen her since, and that has made me miss her but that first time I saw her helped me no end. Its a difficult decision and I know everyone will say don't do it, but it can help. Good luck mate
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Forgive me for asking, but - didn't you sort things out in your other thread? I'm puzzled as to why you should be asking this now, when so far, even with her just being in the same country, it's torn you to pieces.... From the other thread: I will try and stay out of her way while she is here, I don't know if i will regret never seeing her again because the last time i saw her we were together but i definitely think it could do more harm than good. hopefully she will see that it wasnt easy for me and respect that and stay away from me and not contact me. What are you thinking - ?!
Author k100danny Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 What i'm thinking is like someone posted above, I will maybe see her and realise that she wasn't this great person and all of the things i didn't like I will remember and it will help me to move on. I think most people get contact at the end of a break up, and at least see their ex sometime, If i don't see her now know i will never see her again as she won't be coming back for a long time and not to where I live. I just don't know if i will regret not seeing her and maybe getting the illusive closure or what I need to move on. I'm not planning on discussing our relationship with her but i'm just hoping that seeing her will knock her off that pedestal you know. I don't think im hoping for anything such as reconcilliation or validation from her, I havent asked about her private life or interferred in any way with her new relationship and I dont plan on it.
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 no mate... not a good idea at all... I mean, you were a wreck just TALKING to her, for goodness' sake.... Don't make excuses or justifications to yourself, less still to us. Don't do it. No good will come of it..... 1
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) What i'm thinking is like someone posted above, I will maybe see her and realise that she wasn't this great person and all of the things i didn't like I will remember and it will help me to move on. I think most people get contact at the end of a break up, and at least see their ex sometime, If i don't see her now know i will never see her again as she won't be coming back for a long time and not to where I live. I just don't know if i will regret not seeing her and maybe getting the illusive closure or what I need to move on. I'm not planning on discussing our relationship with her but i'm just hoping that seeing her will knock her off that pedestal you know. I don't think im hoping for anything such as reconcilliation or validation from her, I havent asked about her private life or interferred in any way with her new relationship and I dont plan on it. You knock her off her pedestal based on what you experienced with her during your relationship and after, because that is when you saw her for who she was/is. That's what you work with. You have what you need, you don't need reminders. You gather all that evidence and you use that to propel you forward and remove yourself from idealising and romantizing. You don't remove her by getting one last look to see if you can in some way find something you dislike. You're in denial and grasping at straws. What if she shows up beautiful, engaging, sweet, funny, etc.? Will you be able to knock her off that pedestal or put yourself in another rut? When you are emotional, your motivation to do things are almost always to your detriment. There's no logic nor is there any truth to it. You're reacting on fear and desperation. In any case, you will do what you need to do for yourself. No amount of advice can help you if you're stuck in your own thoughts of "logic" and can't find them in the words of others. You'll just have to learn the hard way. Edited September 10, 2012 by geegirl
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