Wife's sexual history before marriage...ouch!

[Later82012]

This is disingenuous.

 

"My number is no one's business" is equivalent to saying "I think my number is so big that 1) I am ashamed to tell my partner about it or 2) I am not ashamed to tell him, but I don't think he will be able to handle it, and I will lose him over it. Therefore, I will deny him the knowledge and therefore the ability to make an informed choice on HIS criteria, not on mine."

 

If your number were zero or low, you wouldn't be so ashamed to tell.

I agree with you 100%. If they ask you should tell them even if you think they will run away or can't handle it.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

I've read all your posts, repeatedly, and thought about this again and again.

 

My reactions are below. I will post an update once I've had more talks with my wife: she seems to be making an effort to be honest so I'm not going to go in there guns blazing. Wish me luck.

 

1.Some of you have questioned the idea of wanting to know about sexual history at all (hawaii50, 2sure, somovinon), or even the right to know (sally4sara), or indeed whether it carries any meaning (sauron)

 

Bullsh*t. Think of it like this: I have a model of my spouse in my head to anticipate her thoughts / needs / reactions. The simulation has been short on some pretty major detail and, doh, has not been much use. If your history is just like that of your spouse, then your mental model of your spouse may not need "special programming". That is *so* not the case case here. Perhaps if your marriage is based on formality, rules and civility you can do without the mental model: again, that's not been my marriage, read my other thread to see what I mean.

 

Also, the number of sexual partners feeds directly into sexual identity, romantic identity, and self-esteem. I'm raising two girls - they are going to receive advice from us as parents, implicit or otherwise - so I am going to want and need to know, where their mother's head could be coming from.

 

Thank you to 2sunny,later82012,abe etc for seeing why I want to know.

 

2.Some of you instinctively want to warn and protect me from a coming marriage breakdown. My warm thanks to you, abelincoln. That said, right now I am now minded to pursue the "Truth, trust and forgiveness" path rather than "Prepare for divorce". But I won't be able to say you didn't warn me.

 

3. Some of you think my wife is not being honest even now, in "damage limitation/minimisation mode" (Hawaii50, abelincoln) and that 50 is code for a bigger number that would be too embarassing to admit (kungfujoe, alice2012, abe again).

 

You're probably ..... right. I won't say my wife is hiding a specific other number here, but I think she deliberately stopped counting. I'll pin her down to a min & max. I'm flinching already.

 

4. Some of you remarked on the fact of Vanilla Sex in our marriage vs what right now looks like sexual olympics before. (abelincoln, goodonpaper, karnak, 2sunny). Indeed. Am not happy about that. Has she been playing a "Good wife" role? Not sure. Will get back to you on that.

 

5. Some of you think she's trickle truthing me and has been playing around in our marriage (karnak, abelincoln) . Now I'd really like to be able to take the line that no, she has been honest now, so I will go with trusting her. But the DNA test idea does nag at me :very reluctantly I have to admit that although my first kid resembles me a lot, the second ....does not at all. Different build, complexion, temperament. I have always put this down to genetic tombola, and still think that's the most likely thing. This is now worrying away at me - but is it justified doubt, or paranoia?

 

6. Those of you who are saying, I am doing the right thing by gently but insistently pursuing truth, and then working on the marriage (carhill, 2sunny kinda) thank you. I'm painfully aware that if I'm still operating on a half picture, this approach is entirely doomed.

 

Direct responses to posters:

 

Abelincoln: "Sorry buddy. I'm sure you're a really good guy, in fact, that's why she married you." This made me think, yes it's not that I'm a sap, it's just that I'm a good husband/provider type. I really really appreciate that.

 

sally4sara: Re "Lying to someone is to recognize they have a power over you and you fear it." Fear can leads to lies, of course, but lies are also a tool to maintain power and control, to have your cake and eat it. You got beaten up by other posters for taking a "wife may only be bitchy/lying due to fear of trusting you, you leaping-to-judgement oversensitive husband you" - line (abe, you evidently got my back but let's leave it there, OK?). I thank you and will read and reread any posts you make. But please, read my other thread first.

 

Sincereonlineguy : it's like you didn't read my post. "Continue with the communication" - we can agree on that though.

[sally4sara]

Once effin again, I never told you you had no right to know as much as you could get out of your wife. I see the distinction between someone you've just met and someone seeking to be a partner. I asked if 16 years had gone by, does this info change all that time of knowing her? It is just hard to get that across with some asshat acting like a dog and this thread is his new soup bone. It is Abe who flipped out and mistook me for someone else and then went on a tirade of how many partners I have had which is none of HIS business.

 

I also asked if you understood the motivations to lie and what it implies? We lie to those we see as authority over us. It makes sense when it is the cops or an employer, but when it is someone who is suppose to be your peer and partner it should make you wonder why your wife is treating you like an authority figure in your relationship with her and in doing so, with holding information from you. She shares with a therapist likely because if the therapist recoils and rejects, she can find another therapist and move on. You however have a larger ability to shake up her world so she is treating you like a threat rather than her partner and someone she can turn to with anything. She isn't acting like you are the person who can most help her the way one partner can in a healthy relationship. Something in her head has you in the role of dad or cop. And I suggested that her placing you in that position in her mind might be what is behind the years of resentment fueled insults and criticisms as well as what is behind her inability to open up to you. I asked if you had any insight as to why she would do this?

[Michael Johnson]

5. Some of you think she's trickle truthing me and has been playing around in our marriage (karnak, abelincoln) . Now I'd really like to be able to take the line that no, she has been honest now, so I will go with trusting her. But the DNA test idea does nag at me :very reluctantly I have to admit that although my first kid resembles me a lot, the second ....does not at all. Different build, complexion, temperament. I have always put this down to genetic tombola, and still think that's the most likely thing. This is now worrying away at me - but is it justified doubt, or paranoia?

 

Maybe you should get a paternity test to settle SOME of your doubts. And I say "some" because there's obvious a lot of history between this guy and her that she's not telling you about. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Until then, I'd watch her every move, because she if she's smart, she may know you're onto her and might take steps to cover her tracks more discreetly.

 

Sleep with one eye open, sir.

[Michael Johnson]

Once effin again, I never told you you had no right to know as much as you could get out of your wife. I see the distinction between someone you've just met and someone seeking to be a partner. I asked if 16 years had gone by, does this info change all that time of knowing her? It is just hard to get that across with some asshat acting like a dog and this thread is his new soup bone. It is Abe who flipped out and mistook me for someone else and then went on a tirade of how many partners I have had which is none of HIS business.

 

You didn't ask him, you outright assumed that he was wrong to exercise his right to know about his wife's past, and implied he was bitter for doing it. Only one with something to hide themselves would be in a defensive stance about it and it has been clear to many others including OP, that his marital issues resonate with you on some personal level.

 

Here is your harsh judgement of OP, which is humorously ironic considering you said HE was the one judging:

 

I think its sad that there was a lie in the mix but, after 16 years of a marriage you seem content in, it is odd that the long dead past would have you reevaluating the character of your wife. And in one way, she was right to reserve some of her history. Here it is 16 years later and NOW it occurred to you to want to know all? And what do you do with this new knowledge? You jump right in to judgments. So maybe back then you were very vocal about judging people and it added to her fears? She got over it at some point or you would have never learned otherwise. Is she not the same person you've been knowing all this time? Does this long ago omittion erase all she is and has been for you? I think it does because look - you've practically rewritten the entire character of the guy who introduced the two of you from one you'd share a vacation with to one you'd avoid being around. On some level, your reaction to him is fueled by the impulse to do the same to your wife - someone you cannot so easily avoid or write off. Part of you wants to so he gets the full brunt of that. You cannot now act pious and say all that you experienced was a complete manifestation of your control. You were not in the same situations she was to know what choices you would have made or how they would have differed from hers. Unless you were always swarmed with women falling at your feet and calling for you to climb into bed with them (and on occasion with another woman in tow) and you chose differently, its pretty convenient to judge others for their choices so many years after the fact.

 

The above quoted is riddled with unsubstantiated and pretty much rude assumptions about OP and his marriage, and why is that? Because he simply asked what to do in regards to his wife's sexual history? Or is it because you feel men in general should not know about their woman's past, period? And the really humiliating part is that OP was the first catch onto your projecting, along with you failing to just be a polite poster and answer his question.

[denise_xo]

I was just re-reading your previous thread as well as this one. What strikes me is that there seems to be so many things you don't know about her. You didn't know about her sexual past, for so many years she never discussed the issues that mattered to her with you, and for so many years you allowed her tantrums towards you in front of other people, without really knowing what caused them. By saying 'you allowed', I'm not saying at all that you are solely responsible for the situation, but that you took a choice, over a relatively long period of time, to 'live with' this kind of 'ignorance' in one way or another.

 

Against that background, it seems to me that the primary issue here is an enduring break down of communication. And based on that, if she is now starting to open up after a period of ten to sixteen years, then I would expect that you are in for more surprises that this one of fifty partners - simply because there must be so much information buried under the ground there. I say this not with explicit reference to infidelity (based on what I've read so far, she could have been cheating on you but she could also just be an emotional basked case - so while I understand why you might want to question this I wouldn't go into it with a preconceived conclusion), but more generally in terms of how your wife relates issues that are just part and parcel of being in relationship or just the stuff of everyday life. I guess what I'm saying is, as you take this process forward you will probably have a lot more things revealed to you that will challenge your ideas of what the two of you have had together, and what kind of person she is. It might be a bonding experience, or it might shatter your perceptions in a negative way.

 

If you still want to give your marriage a chance, I think this really has to be at the crux of your conversations with your wife, possibly with the help of a marriage counsellor: how did we get to this stage of communication break down, and how we will make sure it doesn't happen again? Because if the two of you can't get this right at this point in the process, I don't see how your marriage could function constructively again in the long term. Is she scared of you? Is it primarily her emotional baggage? Is it infidelity? What is your own part in the communication break down? etc. Lots of questions here that to me can't be answered by the info you have put out here so far.

[2sunny]

Had it ever occurred to you that your wife had an inappropriate attachment to her therapist? So much so - that it caused distance in this M?

 

And has she had ANY communication with that therapist since she ended her "sessions"?

[sally4sara]

You didn't ask him, you outright assumed that he was wrong to exercise his right to know about his wife's past, and implied he was bitter for doing it. Only one with something to hide themselves would be in a defensive stance about it and it has been clear to many others including OP, that his marital issues resonate with you on some personal level.

 

Here is your harsh judgement of OP, which is humorously ironic considering you said HE was the one judging:

 

 

 

The above quoted is riddled with unsubstantiated and pretty much rude assumptions about OP and his marriage, and why is that? Because he simply asked what to do in regards to his wife's sexual history? Or is it because you feel men in general should not know about their woman's past, period? And the really humiliating part is that OP was the first catch onto your projecting, along with you failing to just be a polite poster and answer his question.

It was one missed question mark amid a sea of other questions. I also said 3 times that I don't keep secrets in my marriage. Why the **** would I advise she should?

[karnak]

As I stated in a previous entrance, I supect this thread began because "Tired" is been having gut feelings. Perhaps even himself cannot find the reason why. But it seems they're there.

 

And he wants to know if his fears are justified or not and, finally, find his inner peace.

[2sure]

Maybe he wants to know why so many ladies with a self-perceived high number of partners feel they need to lie about it or conceal it. Maybe he wants to know why so many ladies in this situation don't believe their spouse has the right to know. All we get are statement's like 2sure's which baldly state that their past sexual history is off limits--not because it's necessarily irrelevant (clearly in many cases past sexual history IS relevant), but simply because they want to keep their spouse in the dark about their past perceived level of "promiscuity."

 

It's a good legitimate question deserving of a better answer than 2sure provided. "Because I don't feel like it" pretty much can justify any behavior in a relationship. "Because I won't love you if you insist on knowing" is just emotional blackmail. It completely disregards a partner's right to know about a partner's history which may be critical to understanding them emotionally, in the present.

 

Or perhaps it makes no difference at all whether a soon to be spouse is a virgin with zero partners or has had hundreds of partners?

 

After all--zero is a number. Should virgins tell their prospective life partners "I'm not telling you how many people I've had sex with, it's none of your business, it doesn't matter?" According to 2sure's logic--that's exactly what they should do.

 

 

 

 

 

That's fine. Hot women have more opportunities, get lots more partners, potentially. So why are hot women to be given a "pass" about either lying about it (according to 2sure, this is what women lie about a lot), or concealing it--essentially using emotional blackmail to state this relationship will end if you insist on having this information?

 

Why do a lot of women feel the need to use deception to avoid the discussion, or outright lie about, a subject that they claim to be totally irrelevant? Irrelevant things are not worth damaging the relationship by lying to your partner--or using emotional blackmail to ensure he stops pursuing the information--are they?

 

 

 

 

 

It matters in OP's case because she lied about it, and there was also continued contact socially throughout the entire marriage with the "first."

 

Why lie about it if there is nothing to hide?

 

They were even planning a joint vacation with the ex and his wife. Who do you think pushed that idea? The OP's wife of course, even if in a very subtle matter.

 

If you wanted to write a script to reignite an affair I couldn't think of many better ones.

 

 

 

 

 

Except it's not the "distant past." The ex has been in and out of their lives socially for the entire marriage. The wife has expressed disdain for her husband, until recently, for the entire marriage. They were even planning a joint vacation--in the present/futue, not the past.

 

 

 

 

Kind of hard to do when they are planning a vacation together, isn't it?

 

 

 

 

 

No it doesn't. Op's wife has spent pretty much the entire marriage belittling and demeaning him. And perpetuating a lie about a man who has been in there social orbit for the entire marriage. Sounds like a lot more than 50% is on his wife's shoulders.

 

 

 

 

 

"Minimizing" the consequences of their past lies is something cheaters do. Interesting choice of words you made there.

 

 

 

 

This is a really bad analogy under the circumstances. For all OP knows, the ex is his kids' biological father.

 

 

 

 

 

You certainly have the right to say that concerning your number with respect to your partner's, but you don't have the right to tell OP it is or should be irrelevant to him. It was obviously relevant to his wife which is why she lied about it. That's the fallacy in your whole line of thinking.

 

"It doesn't matter but just in case it does I will lie to you about it." Again this is the kind of rationalizing that cheaters tend to do to justify their lies.

 

 

 

 

In hindsight he ponders whether he should have lied, but HE DIDN'T. And she DID. A remarkable rationalization when you are able to equate the person who told the truth with the person who lied.

 

 

 

 

On the contrary, he needs to hold her feet to the fire. Throughout his marriage, she has been the one who has been highly critical of him, not the other way around.

 

You read all of that in a response that took me...3 seconds. You are , without question..a very easy target.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

We talked a lot, practically nonstop for several days. We covered so much that the sexual history part is almost a sideshow. However here are the stats:

 

The min number of her partners is 51. The max is short of 60. All but seven were brief hookups in a two year period that ended about eight years before we met. All safe sex. The others were relationships. The threesomes were MFF. They are included in the above number, in the promiscuous period. She was alone for the six months before meeting me.

 

I had feared that she had been through the entire sexual bucket list. But, without going into detail here, she seems to have left plenty for our marriage and while I know that some of you guys are going to find that really really hard to believe, I do believe her - and I don't mean force myself to believe, I actually do believe her.

 

We talked through everything we could think of, up to & including my recent doubt about paternity of my kids, and about the previous BF. Again without details, I believe the kids are mine. The fundamental issue is trust. We have a baseline for that trust now, and an explicit commitment by her to candid honesty. She does understand that the onus is on her, and that her displacement behaviors in place of communication have cost us a lot of time, brought us to the brink of divorce, and damaged our children. I am convinced by her various reactions.

 

As to whether she settled for me - likely true at some level. She certainly found a nurturing guy, whereas a lot of the hookups were just sexual hookups. Likely that contributed to the lack of respect showed me.

 

But what are my options? Break up and thereby hold her to account, at the cost of undoing the benefit of all my recent work fix the marriage? Or process all the new information and accept it? I choose the latter path.

 

Don't feel sorry for me - I seem to have swapped my angry silent spouse for a more open affectionate and respectful one, who gives me a lot of hot sex and is much happier than ever before.

 

My sincere thanks to all the posters on this thread, particularly denise_xo and abelincoln but including all of you. You have really helped me process this. Wish me luck - I sincerely hope I won't be posting much more about this stuff.

 

I will however sleep with one eye open.

[standtall]

Expecting one's life partner to be honest and open about their sexual history (assuming the willingness is reciprocal)--as part of being open and honest about all kinds of things both important and unimportant-- doesn't make one a "hater of women."

 

It makes one a lover of truth.

 

 

Nice downplay, too bad that isn't all that you wrote..you attacked virtually every woman here and their sexual history. You know what you do..to bad all the sheeple can't see it.

 

Tired dude..I think she is giving you the trickle truth, but in the end it is what it is. After thinking about it some more, and trying to put myself in your shoes, I would ask myself what my objective is by this line of questioning her about her past. If it is only to satisfy your curiosity, I would let it go. Many, many people have gone to their grave with bigger secrets than this, and have lived productive lives and were happily married. Don't let the angry haters here talk you into torching your marriage just because they saw their's fail. Some people just want to watch the world burn just for the sake of it.

[g450]

TFG I have stuggled with this myself but unlike you I got this out from her before we married. She is my second wife and I instilled in her how important honesty was. Wow I was NOT ready for what she told me. Still bothers me to this day but she was honest with me and that was good. Lets just say her history is similar to your wifes. There is not a thing she hasnt done and it seems any and every time she was friends with a guy she would have sex with him. Even total strangers as well because she worked in a hotel as a maid. As somebody else has said, the threesome part bothers me the most. The world slut comes to mind.

 

But she is such a caring giving women though I cant even see her doing something like that but her opinion about sex is like food or water, if its there she enjoys it. And part of my attraction to her is her high sex drive. XW had almost no sex drive so it was refreshing. But when I think about her past it is like taking a cold shower at times. Not a good thing.

 

Not to say she was perfectly honest all the time either. She did cheat on me with her XH at least once while we were dating. That was a tough time.

 

But I realized that part of my issues were with trust thanks to my XW. I unfortunately was the type that absolutely trusted my wife completely. That is still the case but I do not trust blindly, if that makes any sense. Ex FBs and Ex husbands are off the table with me. I let her know that contact with them after we got married would be grounds for divorce AFAIAC. She was OK with that.

 

In a small town we do occasionally come accross one of her lovers etc. I dont like it but I am an adult about it. I do draw the line at them coming over to us to talk to us though. I let them know I dont approve of them talking to my wife. It's inappropriate and this point has been argued about here on this forum over and over again. I will not budge on the subject. They are exes for a reason and a woman cant be friends with a man who wants to ehfff you. That is simply a fact.

 

My retroactive jealousy did cause problems for us early on. We would go out and some guy she knew would come up and want to talk to her for example. He would completely ignore me so I would ask her straight up, was that one of your old ****buddies? This cause problems with us so I stopped doing that. Luckily I think all in our social circle know I will not put up with that and she is no MY wife. Call me controling if you will but that's my boundry.

 

Only advice I will give you is put boundries in place with your W and stick to them. And try not to let the mind movies get to you if you get them.

Only you know how you feel and I have been there. It's not a good place to be. But as long as she is faithful then it's our problem to deal with. Do not let it hurt your marriage.

 

When I talked to my current wife about her past she chalked it up to being young and she did most of this when her fist husband started cheating on her. Her answer was simply that it was only sex and she got all that out of her system. And honestly when I was young I did the same thing. Got it out of my system a long time ago. With that said we have more than just vanilla sex so our situation is different. I do in fact benefit from her wild side.

 

Some of the posts here are a bit scarry to read but I am not above checking in with my current wife to make sure she is being faithful. Not saying I spy on her but I have learned very fast how to read the warning signs and keep an eye out for them in my current marriage. You might consider that yourself.

 

Best of luck to you.

[todreaminblue]

I think its sad that there was a lie in the mix but, after 16 years of a marriage you seem content in, it is odd that the long dead past would have you reevaluating the character of your wife. She is obviously someone you saw fit to spend at least 16 years together with and it sounds like you have a healthy sex life. I believe when people find someone they really value its pretty common for them to fear losing that person enough to hide things. People should be brave in the face of judgement but I get it as to why it can take longer for someone to find it in them to be brave.

 

Honesty is as much about trusting others as it is about wanting to be trustworthy. It sounds like when the two of you got together, she had yet to find the level of trust in you to feel comfortable in being honest about everything. My husband and I both come from households where we had to learn to lie to avoid beatings. I came to honesty faster than he did while he, when we began, still had fear in him and hid a few things from me. He had to grow to trust I wouldn't reject him before he got over that fear. Maybe this is similar to your wife's circumstances?

 

And in one way, she was right to reserve some of her history. Here it is 16 years later and NOW it occurred to you to want to know all? And what do you do with this new knowledge? You jump right in to judgments. So maybe back then you were very vocal about judging people and it added to her fears? She got over it at some point or you would have never learned otherwise.

Is she not the same person you've been knowing all this time? Does this long ago omittion erase all she is and has been for you? I think it does because look - you've practically rewritten the entire character of the guy who introduced the two of you from one you'd share a vacation with to one you'd avoid being around. On some level, your reaction to him is fueled by the impulse to do the same to your wife - someone you cannot so easily avoid or write off. Part of you wants to so he gets the full brunt of that.

 

Look, your past is made up of two parts - what you chose and what life's circumstances offered you. As an example: the choices of someone born into a tumultuous and impoverished land will not be comparable to those of someone born into a family with monetary ease in a free land; get it? You cannot now act pious and say all that you experienced was a complete manifestation of your control. You were not in the same situations she was to know what choices you would have made or how they would have differed from hers. Unless you were always swarmed with women falling at your feet and calling for you to climb into bed with them (and on occasion with another woman in tow) and you chose differently, its pretty convenient to judge others for their choices so many years after the fact.

 

 

 

"And in one way, she was right to reserve some of her history."

 

\I think reservation should be left to recipient of knowing said past it is his right to get complete answers.........hsi righ tto decide what he wants to know or her right which ever way it is....

 

 

I would say before disclosure.

 

 

This isn't going to eb anything you are going to like and something that will make me uncomfortable to tell you.Before this goes any further I want you to ask me anything you want to know and I will tell you.

 

 

 

I would answer any question asked about my past if i trusted that person.If i didn't trust him.I wouldn't be involved in the first place.I don't believe a torrid past says anything a future.It says people make mistakes........Having extensive history does not mean that you didnt always want exclusivity.it means you didnt get it if you did want it...No excuses though a past is part of who you are however uncomfortable it make syou and mistakes were meant for personal growth, if anything you learn from your past not to repeat in the future.......deb

[2sunny]

So wait - now she quits seeing the counselor and suddenly YOUR getting hot sex?

 

Does anyone else see anything suspicious about her timing? That's just so odd.

 

Either way I'm glad you seem to be happy!

[Michael Johnson]

So wait - now she quits seeing the counselor and suddenly YOUR getting hot sex?

 

Does anyone else see anything suspicious about her timing? That's just so odd.

 

Either way I'm glad you seem to be happy!

 

My bs alarm would be through the roof if she changed so suddenly.

[todreaminblue]

Tired Peter Griffin (j/k), I may be bringing my own issues to my response (I am a married guy by the way) but please accept this for what if any it is worth--

 

One, if she told you 50 guys the reality is it was probably significantly more. "50" is probably because she literally just lost count. I'm not trying to be hurtful at all, but the reality is women like your wife who rode the so-called "c8ck carousel" before marriage would have no reason to limit it to just 50. Just as you stated you should have lied and tripled your number, women frequently DO lie and 1/3 their numbers. She is in minimizing/damage limiting mode even though now she is trying to be "truthful."

 

 

How do you know? Do you know how she thinks and feels or are you going on a magazine article you read in FHM?

 

An attractive woman like your wife could basically have sex with a different, new guy every single day. Every single day. I'm not saying she did--but she could have. 50 is nothing, just nothing, for a woman so inclined.

 

Since when is 50 nothing? To anyone with a heart is it nothing to you as a male?

 

Second, perhaps most importantly, the fact that she limited your marital sex life to plain vanilla for so long is SIMPLY OUTRAGEOUS. It is a guarantee that she had every different kind of sex (as you are finding out about threesomes)--anal, oral, bondage, whatever. She did it ALL before marrying you.

 

Yes she may have had it all why do you think it is outrageous she prefers vanilla to chocolate strawberry tutti fruitti? maybe she enjoys vanilla more than you personally know considering you have no knowledge for sexual likes or dislikes of hers and are assuming......i like creme brulee the base for creme brulee( rich decadent luxurious smooth as velvet creme brulee) is actually based on good quality vanilla maybe she is a vanilla custard lover too.....you dont know so how can you claim outrageous i could get graphic right here with vanilla believe me i could...trust that.....you wouldn't be soft serve vanilla ice cream.....and i could outrage you right back.....vanilla doesnt have to be boring......vanilla is addictive actually and doesnt make you pewk after eating too much of it....over and over and over again......no pewking yay

 

the holiday thing you are right uncomfortable and awkward situation......bye now.....deb

[2sunny]

Or maybe she gave hubby the vanilla while she gave her OM all the flavors - until H made her cut contact with her spicy partner = so now - just now - she finally does it spicy with H because she misses the spicey part with her former lover...?

 

It's possible...

[karnak]

 

Tired dude..I think she is giving you the trickle truth, but in the end it is what it is. After thinking about it some more, and trying to put myself in your shoes, I would ask myself what my objective is by this line of questioning her about her past. If it is only to satisfy your curiosity, I would let it go. Many, many people have gone to their grave with bigger secrets than this, and have lived productive lives and were happily married. Don't let the angry haters here talk you into torching your marriage just because they saw their's fail. Some people just want to watch the world burn just for the sake of it.

 

 

Many people have no problem about having hot sex and be cuckolds. That's why some guys like to exhibit some wives. Or why some women like to keep their men, even knowing they're unfaithful by nature.

 

Personally, I prefer the honest truth, no matter how brutal it is. Life has taught me that, sooner or later, a life built on lies will collapse, regardless if the lies are yours or of those who live with us.

[William]

Minor cleanup. Future processing will be at Stage Two. For general consumption, please read the announcements at the top of this forum regarding stages and discussing fellow member's posting history. Thanks.