Rehab for the broken hearted

[youngnlove89]

Addiction: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

 

I am addicted to my ex boyfriend. I am addicted to him always being there. I am addicted to what I think he has to offer me. I am addicted to who I think he is. I am addicted to him using me. I am addicted to the feelings he gives me.

 

I watched a new TV series called "Addicted" last night and it was about this alcoholic who was trying to quit and how hard it was for her emotionally and physically. It actually made me wonder why we don't have a rehab for the broken hearted.

 

We have withdrawals, slip-ups, and emotional outbursts. We become depressed and we crave what is not good for us. We abuse ourselves with this pain that stems from us. We can't let go of the very thing that hurts us in the end.

 

Imagine if we lived in a rehab center that kept us away from the internet, our cell phones and our ex's. We would be forced to move on. We would do mind exercises and group sessions, therapy and confinement. We would practice life without them.

 

I've had the "intervention," so to speak, with LS, friends and family to whom have all said that I need to let go of Mr. Unavailable. Now I just need to make the step. Now I just need to go through the withdrawals. I'm scared of that. I'm scared of my own feelings. I'm scared of heartbreak.

 

Nobody wants to let go of what they are comfortable with. But what we are comfortable with is not good for us. Why are we so afraid to let go of something that hurts us?

 

How do you go through your withdrawals? How do you handle ignoring an ex when they come back into your life? How do you say no to an offer to hangout?

 

How do you recover from heartbreak?

[Mike_d]

found this somewhere, seemed approp to repost:

 

 

To be clear, addiction can be defined in a general way as a compulsive (repeated action without choice) and chronic (ongoing over time) pattern of using a substance or behavior for soothing, comforting and/or arousal as a means of medicating uncomfortable feelings. Addicts typically continue use of their "drug of choice" despite negative consequences.

 

If you are addicted to love, love becomes more of a struggle than something great and joyful.

 

Love addiction can rule your life in a destructive way. As someone addicted to love, you ignore your own boundaries and needs, and your attempts to loving someone are seldom returned. Love addiction can lead to obsessive thinking, anxiety, despair and loneliness.

 

"Someone is camping in your brain: you must throw the scoundrel out."

 

1) Remove all evidence of the beloved. Don’t try and be friends for at least a couple of years. Throw out all cards and letters, or stuff them in a box and put them out of reach. Don’t call or write under any circumstances. Depart immediately if you see your former lover in the street. Even the smallest contact can fire up your brain with romantic desire.

 

2) Develop positive affirmations about yourself and your future. Frame up something that boosts your self esteem and projects your mind past the failed relationship and towards successful love.

 

3) Visualise a better time. Picture yourself walking arm in arm with someone who adores you and you cherish – the perfect partner. Make it up and make it good. When you can’t stop thinking about ‘him’ or ‘her,’ dwell on their negative traits. Write down their faults and carry the list in your purse or pocket.

 

4) Stay busy. Distract yourself. Call friends. Visit neighbours. Go somewhere to worship. Play games. Memorize poetry. Dance. Sing. Learn to draw. Get a dog or a cat or a bird. Take that vacation you have always thought about. Write out your plans for the future. Do anything that forces you to concentrate your attention, particularly on things you do well

 

5) Exercise. Jogging, biking, and other forms of strenuous physical activity will drive up the levels of dopamine, and elevate serotonin and endorphins, the calming brain neurochemicals. It also increases BDNF (brain-derived neurotropic factor) in the hippocampus, the memory centre, which protects and makes new nerve cells.

 

6) Get out in the sun. It stimulates the pineal gland, which regulates bodily rhythms in ways that elevate mood. Pick a daily activity you can do in sunlight, preferably out of doors.

 

7) Avoid sweets or drugs that you know will stress your mind and body.

 

8) Take one day at a time – a 12 Step program principle. Just as the alcoholic decides not to have a drink “today” the rejected lover can decide not to contact their beloved “today.”

 

9) If you don’t want to slip, don’t go to slippery places. For the love addict that means don’t go to places you know you former lover is likely to be – the favourite bar, places that were special to you as a couple. Go somewhere new to shop or to get your exercise. Don’t play songs you used to share. Avoid “people, places and things” that trigger a desire for your ex.

 

10) Give it time. Often it takes more than two years of separation to free you from the chains of past love. Even with all your good new habits, removal of stimuli, new interests and new people, it will take time to heal.

 

11) Consider anti depressants if you are seriously depressed. The most common antidepressants are serotonin boosters – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs. They even help repair damage in the brain’s memory centre from prolonged stress, but they do have some negative side effects – weight gain, reduced libido, delayed sexual arousal, and inability to achieve erection, ejaculation or orgasm. You might consider a dopamine enhancer instead. They are not as reliable in lifting suicidal depressions, but they work for many people and they do not produce weight gain or reduced sex drive – rather the opposite.

 

12) Find a new lover to drive out the old. By far the most effective cure for a bad romance is to find a new lover. As you fall in love again, you elevate levels of dopamine and other feel-good chemicals in the brain.

 

 

hope it helps

 

sorry to see you backslide, we'll be here when you are ready to move forward again, (hug)

[Mike_d]

afternoon check in, how's it going?

[weallfalldown]

i'm gona set up my own re hab purely for the broken hearted.....

 

with in house therapists....and confidence building groups......

 

£2500 for a week.....anyone interested?......

[Mike_d]

send me a prospectus, I have some seed money at the ready

[youngnlove89]

It's going well, I suppose.

 

Last night I told him I miss him and I said he didn't have to say it back, that I was just saying how I felt.

 

He then said, "I like having you around, after I went home Monday from your house, it sucked coming home by myself."

 

We are friends as of now. Well, a little more I guess.

 

I went out with a friend the other night who is a guy and he got very jealous. He was hurt by it because my guy friend is really good looking.

 

It's like he doesn't want anyone else to have me.

 

We still tell eachother that we love eachother.

[KatZee]

It's going well, I suppose.

 

Last night I told him I miss him and I said he didn't have to say it back, that I was just saying how I felt.

 

He then said, "I like having you around, after I went home Monday from your house, it sucked coming home by myself."

 

We are friends as of now. Well, a little more I guess.

 

I went out with a friend the other night who is a guy and he got very jealous. He was hurt by it because my guy friend is really good looking.

 

It's like he doesn't want anyone else to have me.

 

We still tell eachother that we love eachother.

 

No one here can help you. Until you start to help yourself.

 

"I miss you" his response "I like having you around." Nice.

 

You're not friends. And moving on is going no where. You're not moving at all. You're stuck in your own perpetual hell. Why don't you just get back together with him?

[Mike_d]

thanks for the update. glad you are still posting about things

[youngnlove89]

Another LS user who is in the same situation as me (well, more of the same situation as how my ex-bf feels) that the reason he couldn't commit was because he wasn't fully attracted to his ex-gf. She wasn't good looking enough. She was everything else, but just not pretty enough for him.

 

Makes me sad now. Makes me feel like I'm not pretty enough. It really lowered my self-esteem and now I wonder if that is why my ex-bf can't be with me. Bc he tells me he loves me, he tells I'm "cute", he tells me he cares for me so much (more than anyone he has every cared for) he cuddles, kisses, etc.

 

But maybe I'm just not beautiful enough for him.

 

[Mike_d]

maybe the problem is not with you, but is in your reaction to the possibility of rejection? you're trying to think your way out of an illogical solution.

 

if you read back through your long post(s) you've been pretty clear that this guy doesn't do it for you, but that you do it for him. not "it" in the sexual sense, but that there are huge gaps of things that you want from a partner that he doesn't provide - not a bad person thing, just people are people, some have certain traits, this one is missing a few that are important to you

 

here, let me bump your ego a bit - you are gorgeous (notice I didnt use the childish "cute") as hell, you seem to be getting a sense of style down, you've got a banging little rocket body, you seem smart, almost too smart for your own good perhaps, you've got just enough crazy and wild in you to make a guys head swim, you're bedroom skills seem to keep the guys coming back... you can write your own ticket here you know right???

 

if you really want this guy to want you, then play "the game" better cause at the game you really suck lol. you have everything that says that this guy should be crawling to your feet. leverage the **** out of this boy, play the game for keeps if this is what you really want.

 

1 - you can always come back to the situation that you have right now. you do all the work, he gets all the upside. this is an easy one. so you have nothing to risk by doing something different

 

2 - do something different. play hard to get. indicate that you are there waiting for his efforts but his efforts are sh.t. carrot and stick, stick, stick. be manipulative, get what you want if this is what you want. stop sitting in the middle trying to be both in and out at the same time, it's not working.

 

3 - be willing to let go of the outcome. by caring soooooo much about what happens you totally rob yourself of the power, and you give 100%+ of the power to him. take back what is yours. when you stop caring about what happens it is remarkable what can change. this came from someone else here, but I have saved it into a text file that I read everyday to help me keep my head on straight -> the very act of chasing makes the thing you chase become more and more valuable to you as you become ever more invested in it. let go of the value, stop chasing

[Calico]

But maybe I'm just not beautiful enough for him.

 

Nonsense! Why do you want a man who only wants you for physical attributes anyway? That'd be a relationship like a time bomb -- with every year, the odds of him cheating on you with a younger woman would increase, and you'd drive yourself crazy over growing older. You want a man who appreciates YOU, not just your body.

 

You're beautiful, and a shallow jerk who can't think past the length of his wrong-side tail doesn't determine your beauty! Don't give anyone that power. It's bad enough that he causes you this tremendous pain. Don't let him also damage your self image. No man (or woman) is worth that sacrifice.

[Floored]

Another LS user who is in the same situation as me (well, more of the same situation as how my ex-bf feels) that the reason he couldn't commit was because he wasn't fully attracted to his ex-gf. She wasn't good looking enough. She was everything else, but just not pretty enough for him.

 

Makes me sad now. Makes me feel like I'm not pretty enough. It really lowered my self-esteem and now I wonder if that is why my ex-bf can't be with me. Bc he tells me he loves me, he tells I'm "cute", he tells me he cares for me so much (more than anyone he has every cared for) he cuddles, kisses, etc.

 

But maybe I'm just not beautiful enough for him.

 

 

You see how he's got your self-esteem wrapped around his finger? He knows to just say enough to keep you begging for more, he knows how to play you like a puppet, and you seem to enjoy being played for one. There's a lot going on in between the lines that you aren't addressing or realizing, you are being manipulated for sex and seem to think the sex is what keeps you together. What the hell was this exchange?

 

You: I miss you, you don't have to say it back.

You (translation): I miss you, please please please please please say it back to me.

 

Him: I like having you around.

Him (translation): I am an arrogant ass and my only interest is putting it in you. Please don't talk to me outside of us mashing puzzle pieces.

 

I can't honestly believe he said he likes having you around and you found that to be an uplifting response. THIS is what he means by that, and you are having a huge problem realizing that all he wants- and what you're giving him- is sex without him investing any emotional commitment. He tells you he loves you just enough to keep you hoping and putting out for him.

 

Honestly, they're just three little words, what do they mean for you? I feel like if he really did, he'd be doing what he needs to to make you happy, not to keep putting you in the can. He certainly loves having you AROUND, but does he love YOU? The emphasis is in the wrong places for this to be any good for you. If he had any sense of love at all, he'd stop using and confusing you until he can figure out if he really wants you. I know this isn't the case because you keep posting here.

 

I in no way can know every detail about your situation, but it's very obvious this is a toxic relationship for you. What do you honestly want from this forum? Do you just want us to be part of this drama and keep us updated with the slow downward spiral of how you are letting him destroy your self-esteem, self-image, and self-worth? Or do you really want to listen to advice from people who have been there, people who can see what is happening to you? We're real people, we have been through difficult situations as well, we've seen loved ones throw away everything in pursuit of something maliciously unattainable. You do not have a future with him, and you honestly don't deserve that kind of emotional prison, yet you think this guy is the holy grail of relationships.

 

Listen up: he's bad for you, YOU are destroying your own self-esteem by sticking around, and it needs to stop before you dig yourself deeper.

 

And before we continue with this thread, I do call dibs on "Maliciously Unattainable" for my garage band, as soon as I get a garage and a band to put in it.

[KatZee]

 

I in no way can know every detail about your situation, but it's very obvious this is a toxic relationship for you. What do you honestly want from this forum? Do you just want us to be part of this drama and keep us updated with the slow downward spiral of how you are letting him destroy your self-esteem, self-image, and self-worth? Or do you really want to listen to advice from people who have been there, people who can see what is happening to you? We're real people, we have been through difficult situations as well, we've seen loved ones throw away everything in pursuit of something maliciously unattainable. You do not have a future with him, and you honestly don't deserve that kind of emotional prison, yet you think this guy is the holy grail of relationships.

 

Listen up: he's bad for you, YOU are destroying your own self-esteem by sticking around, and it needs to stop before you dig yourself deeper.

 

And before we continue with this thread, I do call dibs on "Maliciously Unattainable" for my garage band, as soon as I get a garage and a band to put in it.

 

I wish I could LIKE your post a million times over. We've all been here reading her posts, day in, day out, week after week. First she's "strong" and then she runs back to continue having sex like it means something.

 

I stated it above, we've all given her the best advice we could. We've given her advice based on her OWN wellbeing. Not that of this idiot. She refuses to stick to it. She refuses to listen to it. She refuses to believe she's anything more than a warm body at night. Quite frankly, I believe she's in the state she's in only because of herself now. At first he was jerking her around and it was like OK ENOUGH, and now she's just dragging herself through the mud.

 

OP until you wake up I'm not sure what you want from us anymore. The advice will never change. The guy will never change. Your situation will never change. Only YOU can be the change you want to see... and I really don't think you get it.

[Mike_d]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/343858-moment-clarity