mortensorchid Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Back in March, I was dumped by my boyfriend of six months. See this thread on how he did it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/318948-harshest-dump-ever Just to recap events, I was with him for six months. He was going through a very difficult time then: unemployed, living with his mom, and had some health issues. Then he got a job working second shift. After he got this job, we did not see each other for about two weekends, he said he was readjusting to his new schedule and whatnot. I started to get antsy, I said in some Facebook chats that I wanted to see him, he said he was either too tired or busy or something. Then, the weekend after St. Patrick's Day weekend I drove over to his house, and he dumped me. He said that every woman he's ever been with has dumped him for his bad behavior and he wasn't going to let that happen again. I was stunned, that's all I could say, just stunned. So then I got in the car and drove home. For the next few months we had continued to see each other once every few weeks. I came over once to return some of his things that he left at my place. And, I admit, there was sex a few times. Then, a few weeks ago, he sent me a text saying we had to talk. I called him, he said he now has a new gf and didn't want me to find out by reading the Facebook feed. I handled it alright, I said "It doesn't matter if I react with tears and screaming and whatnot, you're going to do what you want no matter what I do or say, right?". He said yes. He said he knew it was/is hurtful to hear that but wanted to tell me. I said "Godspeed" and that was that. I realize it's childish, but I went to his Facebook page and I see all these photos of him with his new gf. We never took any of me and him together. What makes me angry about it is the fact that they seem to be having a wonderful time at an amusement park nearby, and he claimed he was/is so broke he was not able to afford said things when I was with him. I never demanded that he take me out or do things, only the affordable stuff. And I also know, he's an Alpha Male (aka Bad Boy). He's more fun than a barrel of monkeys, he's a tornado in the sack, but it's going to get old when he's getting into fist fights, throwing chairs through windows, getting drunk and calling for bail money. Like the Bobby Browns of the world, too bad Whitney didn't get out until it was too late for her. I just feel jealous. I know intellectually he's a loser, he doesn't deserve me. But I hate the fact that I will have to go out and look again. Angry and jealous, but I can't show it. That's why I use this forum to get things off my chest.
TLY22 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I felt the same when my ex broke up with me. He cheated on me, then broke up with me, then told me he never wanted me back (so I moved on) and he's spent the last year trying to get me back. I've never wanted him back, but I got angry at seeing him treat other girls like queens, and knowing he treated me like dog sh*t. But I got over it pretty quickly, and you should too. There's no point dwelling on an idiot. I've moved on, forgot about that dick and how much he hurt me and found someone beautiful.
SmileFace Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 OP has low self esteem and doesn't think he can do any better than some loser stuck in a dead end life Did I miss anything else? Yes, the fact that op is a female. 2
USMCHokie Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 You should consider finding someone who is this: He's more fun than a barrel of monkeys, he's a tornado in the sack... Without this: ...he's getting into fist fights, throwing chairs through windows, getting drunk and calling for bail money. 3
runner Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 You should consider finding someone who is this: Without this: and they do exist. i'm certain of it, so keep your chin up.
yongyong Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It's ok you are going to meet the exact same one. (you will choose, nobody will force you) how was the sex btw?
Greznog Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Are you all reading along, nice guys? Maybe he can now afford these things because he's getting paid more, alternatively maybe he has found himself a girl who will pay for both of them, god knows I was with many a homely girl during my college years so she could pay for ****. 1
simpsonic Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 My last relationship ended in March as well. I have no idea if he is seeing anyone new, but I'm prepared for possibly hearing about it as we have many of the same friends and we have run into each other in the same spots on occasion. On Facebook I have blocked his posts in the news feed so I won't see any of his new posts. If you haven't done this already, I highly recommend it. It has helped tremendously with my healing. I have also blocked posts by certain mutual friends who hang out with him a lot and frequently tag him. i know how sucky it feels to find out your ex has a new gf. It has happened to me several times. But just think to yourself that he's her problem now! And you are free to find someone who will be much better than your ex! I know getting back out in the dating world is tough. I'm currently doing OLD to see what's out there. Wish me luck, ha ha. Wishing you the best as well.
strongnrelaxed Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I felt the same when my ex broke up with me.... But I got over it pretty quickly, and you should too. There's no point dwelling on an idiot. I've moved on, forgot about that dick and how much he hurt me and found someone beautiful. So let me get this straight TLY: YOU dated an "idiot dick"? He dumped you as soon as he realized he couldn't be faithful? You moved on and got over it quickly? You chose this guy? WTF!? Would you have preferred that he stay with you and continue cheating? Or were you hoping that this "idiot dick" who YOU selected, would change for you and become marriage material?
strongnrelaxed Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 So, here is what we have: Back in March, I was dumped by my boyfriend of six months... He said that every woman he's ever been with has dumped him for his bad behavior and he wasn't going to let that happen again. For the next few months we had continued to see each other once every few weeks. And, I admit, there was sex a few times. Then, a few weeks ago, ...he said he now has a new gf and didn't want me to find out by reading the Facebook feed. ... He said he knew it was/is hurtful to hear that but wanted to tell me. And I also know, he's an Alpha Male (aka Bad Boy). He's more fun than a barrel of monkeys, he's a tornado in the sack, I just feel jealous. I know intellectually he's a loser, he doesn't deserve me. So, this "loser" realizes that he is only going to hurt your feelings. He recognizes that he is bad for you and so he dumps you. Despite this you go back and have sex with him. Then you call him a loser and rant about him online and that he doesn't deserve you and liken him to Bobby Brown. Am I getting that right? If another loser guy were to date you - assuming he didn't abduct and rape you and you willingly chose this guy over all the great guys out there - what would be the proper way to dump you when he realizes that you are a good woman and that his bad boy-ness will just ruin you like BB did to Whitney? I am curious. 1
KathyM Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Block him on FB so you won't have to read about what he's doing and with whom. And then tell yourself you deserve to have someone who will treat you well, and he was not that person, and that now that he is out of your life, you have the chance to find someone who WILL treat you well. Never settle for men who treat you badly. They won't respect or value you if you put up with being treated badly.
ascendotum Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Block him on FB so you won't have to read about what he's doing and with whom. And then tell yourself you deserve to have someone who will treat you well, and he was not that person, and that now that he is out of your life, you have the chance to find someone who WILL treat you well. Never settle for men who treat you badly. They won't respect or value you if you put up with being treated badly. It wasn't the harshest dump ever, otherwise it would have evaporated any thought of you seeing this guy again let alone get on your knees again for him in the months afterwards. His reason for breaking up with you was total bs imo. I would suspect that he thought with the $ coming in now he thought his prospects were better...not that that this is any better from your perspective. Dumping someone who stood by you during the crappy times, is a really ****ty thing. Maybe he feels a bit guilty for using you as a stepping stone, and that is reason why he gave you a heads up that he is now seeing someone new, and doesn't what to make you feel any worse for it. Take Kathy's advice. Also Alpha Male /= Bad Boy.
xxoo Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 but it's going to get old when he's getting into fist fights, throwing chairs through windows, getting drunk and calling for bail money. He dumped you?
mickleb Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 What's going on with you, mortens, that you let this mental weasel back into your life?I remember your attitude in that thread. You were pretty cool about it all. People couldn't believe what a d*ck this guy has been, and I doubt anyone expected you to carry on sleeping with him. Now he has a girlfriend? Now he's her problem. You have a few of your own to work on, mon amie. 1
the ill-made knight Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 You know the cure for jealousy? Happiness. Go out and live your life to the fullest. Trust me, you aren't missing out on anything by not being with this guy. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 You know the cure for jealousy? Happiness. Go out and live your life to the fullest. Trust me, you aren't missing out on anything by not being with this guy. Yes, yes that is the cure. I do not argue with you or anyone else who responded to this. As for going back a few times and seeing him for sex, well, the world's full of lonely people. He (or she) who is without sin may cast the first stone, and it's not me. I think what depresses me the most is the fact that I am going to go out and have to look again (in the OLD world or real life), and no one ever talks about the joy of looking, because looking is frustrating. I can only keep doing what I am doing and hope that somehow, someday it will come around. That's why I am depressed about it. But, life goes on.
lilyblue Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Yes, yes that is the cure. I do not argue with you or anyone else who responded to this. As for going back a few times and seeing him for sex, well, the world's full of lonely people. He (or she) who is without sin may cast the first stone, and it's not me. I think what depresses me the most is the fact that I am going to go out and have to look again (in the OLD world or real life), and no one ever talks about the joy of looking, because looking is frustrating. I can only keep doing what I am doing and hope that somehow, someday it will come around. That's why I am depressed about it. But, life goes on. You're not alone in the jealous and depressed state. My bf dumped me about a year ago by just disappearing - didn't even tell me! Went back with his ex-wife and from what I can tell they seem to be doing well. Looking is SO daunting and awful. I go through brief times when dating sounds interesting. Then I go on a date and realize that it's still awful.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It's not that continuing to sleep with him was a "sin" you're getting judged for, but I hope you will look at how that's played into where you are now. You could be so far past this mess that you would not even know or care if he had a girlfriend or 6 of them by this point. You dated him for 6 months, and you've been "broken up" for about 6 months. If you hadn't been wasting your time and squandering your emotions and sexuality on him for these past 6 months, you'd certainly have been over him and not susceptible to jealousy at all. And I'm sure you would have been dating by now. So next time, I hope you will choose differently. IMO, it would have been healthier to ease your loneliness through casual sex with a stranger rather than extending painful contact with a person who you think is a disgusting loser.
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