mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I went over to my boyfriend's house last night. We had not seen each other in many weeks because he just got a job working second shift and doesn't get home until midnight or so most nights. Most of our contact had been through Facebook chats. Last weekend (St. Patrick's Day weekend) we were having a Facebook chat a few days before and said that even though it's St. Patrick's Day I would come out and see him, he said no he was too tired after work. I did ask him then when we would see each other again, since it had been a few weeks and I wanted to see him. He said he was free on Thursday night. I get to his house and walk in, he goes outside and sits on the porch swing. I followed and he said that a car had caught on fire just across the street from him today and told me about it. Then he said "Oh by the way, it's over." I asked "What is?", he said "We are." I was stunned. I asked why, isn't he happy? He said "I have been dumped by every woman I've ever been with, and I will not act badly so that she will leave me again." All I could say was "Oh ..." I said "I am not going to pretend that I understand your logic behind this, but if this is what you want and how you feel, that's how you feel." He said otherwise he would've told me this over the phone or a Facebook chat, which he didn't want to do, then he said he hoped we could be friends but that was my call. Then I said "I'm going to leave now, bye." And then I got in the car and drove away. Is that cold and unfeeling or what? Six months, he'd been unemployed for the time I had been with him, his health went downhill and he was housebound for weeks, but I stood by him. He should've been happy to be with me, but I was too good for him.
Hetzer Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 My harshest dump ever came after eating a whole White Castle crave case by myself. And that's how Kaylan was born.
jobaba Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I went over to my boyfriend's house last night. We had not seen each other in many weeks because he just got a job working second shift and doesn't get home until midnight or so most nights. Most of our contact had been through Facebook chats. Last weekend (St. Patrick's Day weekend) we were having a Facebook chat a few days before and said that even though it's St. Patrick's Day I would come out and see him, he said no he was too tired after work. I did ask him then when we would see each other again, since it had been a few weeks and I wanted to see him. He said he was free on Thursday night. I get to his house and walk in, he goes outside and sits on the porch swing. I followed and he said that a car had caught on fire just across the street from him today and told me about it. Then he said "Oh by the way, it's over." I asked "What is?", he said "We are." I was stunned. I asked why, isn't he happy? He said "I have been dumped by every woman I've ever been with, and I will not act badly so that she will leave me again." All I could say was "Oh ..." I said "I am not going to pretend that I understand your logic behind this, but if this is what you want and how you feel, that's how you feel." He said otherwise he would've told me this over the phone or a Facebook chat, which he didn't want to do, then he said he hoped we could be friends but that was my call. Then I said "I'm going to leave now, bye." And then I got in the car and drove away. Is that cold and unfeeling or what? Six months, he'd been unemployed for the time I had been with him, his health went downhill and he was housebound for weeks, but I stood by him. He should've been happy to be with me, but I was too good for him. That's it. It didn't hurt you at all? God, I envy people like you.
oaks Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Yeah, that's pretty harsh. I got "let go" a few weeks ago after a 6 month relationship. I was less than impressed that she dumped me by text message... at least you had it in person. Not that I'm saying mine was any harsher - it's not a contest I really want to win.
zanesfan Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I will have thrown up the deuce sign and hit the road... just as you did!
Anela Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 That's it. It didn't hurt you at all? God, I envy people like you. I don't see anything about her not being hurt. (?) She said it was over that quickly, and called it harsh.
kaylan Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I went over to my boyfriend's house last night. We had not seen each other in many weeks because he just got a job working second shift and doesn't get home until midnight or so most nights. Most of our contact had been through Facebook chats. Last weekend (St. Patrick's Day weekend) we were having a Facebook chat a few days before and said that even though it's St. Patrick's Day I would come out and see him, he said no he was too tired after work. I did ask him then when we would see each other again, since it had been a few weeks and I wanted to see him. He said he was free on Thursday night. I get to his house and walk in, he goes outside and sits on the porch swing. I followed and he said that a car had caught on fire just across the street from him today and told me about it. Then he said "Oh by the way, it's over." I asked "What is?", he said "We are." I was stunned. I asked why, isn't he happy? He said "I have been dumped by every woman I've ever been with, and I will not act badly so that she will leave me again." All I could say was "Oh ..." I said "I am not going to pretend that I understand your logic behind this, but if this is what you want and how you feel, that's how you feel." He said otherwise he would've told me this over the phone or a Facebook chat, which he didn't want to do, then he said he hoped we could be friends but that was my call. Then I said "I'm going to leave now, bye." And then I got in the car and drove away. Is that cold and unfeeling or what? Six months, he'd been unemployed for the time I had been with him, his health went downhill and he was housebound for weeks, but I stood by him. He should've been happy to be with me, but I was too good for him. Something doesnt add up. I think he was up to something. Look at the things I bolded. I call bs on him being too tired to see you. If a guy is into you, youd sleep over and at least have that time together. Plus the whole thing about him being dumped by every other woman....gimme a break...hes trying to make himself sound like hes letting you go before he disappoints you. I dunno...I think he had a new interest. Either way, you deserve better. From the way he broke up with you, he obviously doesnt care about you. He didnt even try to lead into the talk. He was just cold and matter-of-fact about it. Its all good though. Youll do better. 3
veggirl Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Goodness. I'd have dumped him myself if we'd gone "many weeks" without seeing one another. I mean did dude not have days off during the week? surely he didn't work 7 days a week. Anyway, that's moot now, but in the future you should not settle for someone who is cool with seeing you once a month or whatever. He sounds like a total jerk and I agree with Kaylan, he was prob interested in someone else. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 I don't want to be friends with him. I stood by him while he was going through a difficult time, not many women would do that through his unemployment and sickness. As to the truth of the matter? I have no idea what "the truth" is. He was cold and unfeeling. Hurt? I am hurt, but ... Yet I'm not. I'm just numb. But, I will move on, not too depressed about it. 1
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Aw, honestly there's something to be said about a guy who wants to break up with you in person though. But yeah, don't be friends. It'll be better. My last ex dumped me via Facebook relationship status change! So at least he had some guts. Even if he was cold and unfeeling. You can do better
Leigh 87 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Aw, honestly there's something to be said about a guy who wants to break up with you in person though. But yeah, don't be friends. It'll be better. My last ex dumped me via Facebook relationship status change! So at least he had some guts. Even if he was cold and unfeeling. You can do better LOL. Sorry, but are you serious? SOme people........... 1
LexiB Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Aw, honestly there's something to be said about a guy who wants to break up with you in person though. But yeah, don't be friends. It'll be better. My last ex dumped me via Facebook relationship status change! So at least he had some guts. Even if he was cold and unfeeling. You can do better LOL. Sorry, but are you serious? SOme people........... Really, sweesmmr91, with the way that breakup went, she would've been better off if he had broken up with her via text or a freakin post-it note, a la S&TC. At least he would have saved the poor girl a drive home. 1
Feanor Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Why do people prefer to be dumped in person? Maybe if I'd been dating that person for years then it might be required. But I seriously do not want to meet up for coffee just to get dumped. I'm fine with getting dumped over the phone, I prefer it actually. 4
ascendotum Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Aw, honestly there's something to be said about a guy who wants to break up with you in person though. My last ex dumped me via Facebook relationship status change! ^ I think this is worse, though I see others think its better. I guess it depends how much you have invested in the other person. You don't even get a personal txt message. I heard of a couple of breakups where the other party just totally cut off all contact. (dont answer door or phone), and the other person had to read between the lines, they're not wanted anymore. They were STRs and one was by the guy and the other the girl did it. Then there was the one where the guy got busted with another girl, and he told her then that he had ended the relationship last week but just hadn't got around to telling her yet. lol.
lilyblue Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I heard of a couple of breakups where the other party just totally cut off all contact. (dont answer door or phone), and the other person had to read between the lines, they're not wanted anymore. That was my ex. Just stopped responding, vanished, never to be heard from again. It's awful.
soserious1 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I don't want to be friends with him. I stood by him while he was going through a difficult time, not many women would do that through his unemployment and sickness. As to the truth of the matter? I have no idea what "the truth" is. He was cold and unfeeling. Hurt? I am hurt, but ... Yet I'm not. I'm just numb. But, I will move on, not too depressed about it. How exactly do you "stand by" someone that you haven't actually even laid eyes on in "several weeks" ? How exactly do Facebook postings count as "support" for a person struggling with serious issues? Sorry but this relationship never even got started as far as I can see.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 No offense or anything but it seems like you should have dumped him a long time ago. Noone is too tired to see you (at least not on a consistent basis). Also, at the very least, you should have seen it coming VERY clearly. It doesn't look like this relationship was ever even a relationship.
oaks Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Why do people prefer to be dumped in person? Maybe if I'd been dating that person for years then it might be required. But I seriously do not want to meet up for coffee just to get dumped. I'm fine with getting dumped over the phone, I prefer it actually. I'd prefer the opportunity to discuss it - either to try to change her mind (which I wouldn't always do... depends on the situation) or to at least have the chance to ask why things have to end so that I can understand it. It can be easier to have closure and acceptance if you understand why things are over, and that's hard to do if you get dumped by text or by facebook etc. But, yes, you can do that by talking on the phone almost as well as in person.
Nextlane Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 My situation was somewhat worse, but at least I was the dumper. I dumped her by cancelling her phone contract (which was under my name) and going NC. Found out my ex of 4 years cheated on me for a 5 weeks holidays. I gave her a large sum of money $2kish for her to travel which I believed she used on her boyfriend for air tickets, party, presents (not to mention the iphone that was apparently lost). Weird how her attitude changed from a giving person to her only demanding more money to wire into her account(luckily I didn't). How the **** does a nice, positive and hardworking person who always looked after me and bought me gifts, turn into a greedy and selfish person within 5 weeks? I'm just shell shocked. I dumped her before I could have been stringed along further before becoming a dumpee.
zengirl Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Aw, honestly there's something to be said about a guy who wants to break up with you in person though. I suppose so, but generally an in-person dump comes with some actual conversation and explanation, and that's what makes it considerate. Saying, "We're over," like that pretty much negates in-person points. Also, you should typically drive to the person if you plan to dump them and do it in a place that they're comfortable in, generally their home. Anyway, the weeks without seeing each other DOES sound fishy --- I agree with those who said that and, no, don't be friends, OP, as you said, it wouldn't make sense. Hope things look up soon, OP. This, too, will pass.
Author mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 FOr the record (not that this makes much difference now that it's over) there were times that I said I couldn't come over and see him because I was working on a few projects (as in homework) at home. But the last week or so I had specifically asked when we were going to see each other again because it had been weeks and I really wanted to see him. He just said "It happens". I was taking it in stride, thinking that "Yes, it does happen sometimes but it will resolve itself." So much for that. And as for the other stories shared about text messages, status changes, etc., have you noticed how brave people have gotten since technology has allowed us to do this? Ha ha ha ... Ah well. I'm getting better with each passing hour. I deserve and can do better than him.
blueskyday Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Yes, you do deserve better, WAY better. What a tool! I feel for you. My last ex ignored me for two days, then broke up with me in a text AFTER I initated contact to see what was going on. He texted, "I knew I was going to have to talk to you....blah blah....not ready for a relationship." Hmmm, we've been in one for months, no problem... Anyway, move on. You are probably stunned right now. The anger will kick in, maybe even the desire to talk to him again. Save yourself and don't. Don't be friends with him. Friends don't callously disregard your feelings like he did. Next!
blueskyday Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 (edited) For the record, a good break up consists of 1. Talking in a quiet, private place. 2. Saying something positive about the relationship, or what you have liked about being together. 3. Gently stating that the relationship can't progress further because in your mind _____.....(whatever reason is, be nice, but be firm about no chance moving forward together.) 4. Giving them a compliment to help assuage their ego (as in, you are an amazing kisser, or I always felt safe when you held me, I will never forgot how you were there for me when my dog died...etc.) 5. Give them a chance to ask questions. Hug them good bye. Don't say let's be friends. Maybe in time, but right now, that hurts. Basically, show some respect for someone who has shared their heart and body with you. Some people don't get it. I don't give a sh#t if someone is scared, they should still try to break up in a decent way. It's common respect. Edited March 24, 2012 by blueskyday
Author mortensorchid Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 For the record, a good break up consists of 1. Talking in a quiet, private place. 2. Saying something positive about the relationship, or what you have liked about being together. 3. Gently stating that the relationship can't progress further because in your mind _____.....(whatever reason is, be nice, but be firm about no chance moving forward together.) 4. Giving them a compliment to help assuage their ego (as in, you are an amazing kisser, or I always felt safe when you held me, I will never forgot how you were there for me when my dog died...etc.) 5. Give them a chance to ask questions. Hug them good bye. Don't say let's be friends. Maybe in time, but right now, that hurts. Basically, show some respect for someone who has shared their heart and body with you. Some people don't get it. I don't give a sh#t if someone is scared, they should still try to break up in a decent way. It's common respect. That would happen in an ideal world. Unfortunately people are really rather cowardly and either react with anger, condescention, screaming and fighting, and also resort to doing it via email / chat / text messages, etc. AH well, such is life ... But, it's over with and I'm moving on.
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