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Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

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R3d Established Member

R3d

Posted
Posted
I've dated short guys and guys who weren't classically good looking. It is men's resentment and attitude over being short and feeling insecure about their looks that turns me off, not the actual looks or height. Most of them needed constant handholding and ego boosting and actually questioned why I was with them all the time. Well, I liked you until you started acting like an insecure needy guy.

 

I have not been in a relationship or dated but I speculate that I would not do that if I actually had a date or was in a relarionship. Sure, I may still feel insecure on the inside, but I would not openly bring it up. But they say that women can subconsciously pick up on it even if you are not expressing it.

 

It is the initial attraction phase I am having a lot of trouble with and even then, I don't actually mention my height myself. Basically I have no intentions of talking about my height with girls at all. In that case, it is the subconscious detection of insecurity that is ****ing me over.

EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

Posted
Posted

The main problem with dating a short guy is that he won't be able to go with you on the rides at Six Flags. :(

sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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I was hoping to start from the first page of the thread and realised it's over a 100 page long..

 

Just want to say that as a petite Asian girl, short guys get terribly annoyed if I say no thanks. I mean it's nothing to do with the height, if there's no spark there, there's nothing we can work on. But then, for some reason for other, they'll assumed it's their height which is just ridiculous when I'm even shorter than them. One just can't win.

  • Like 5
Pyro Established Member

Pyro

Posted
Posted
I was hoping to start from the first page of the thread and realised it's over a 100 page long..

 

Just want to say that as a petite Asian girl, short guys get terribly annoyed if I say no thanks. I mean it's nothing to do with the height, if there's no spark there, there's nothing we can work on. But then, for some reason for other, they'll assumed it's their height which is just ridiculous when I'm even shorter than them. One just can't win.

 

 

It's because they have such awesome personalities that the lack of chemistry can't be the reason for the rejection.

  • Like 2
Anela Established Member

Anela

Posted
Posted
That's actually a really good point.

 

A woman who is dating a short guys shows that she doesn't really care about the appearance of guy and instead focuses on who he really is and how he makes her feel.

 

Just like a man dating a plain and/or overweight woman, would show the same. People tend to go out with people they want to go out with, rather than to prove anything to the world at large. A girl who does the above, might be too concerned with how she is seen by others.

 

(You made it sound like the girl has something to prove. My mother married my father, because she loved him. There are short men all over the world, who are happily married to women who actually love them, and didn't settle.)

  • Like 5
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted

My cousin married a guy who is 5'7 this past weekend.

  • Like 4
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
My cousin married a guy who is 5'7 this past weekend.

 

Good for the both of them.

 

And I see that you didn't die on your flight.

 

Congrats!

  • Like 1
Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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Posted
My cousin married a guy who is 5'7 this past weekend.

 

No way. That cannot be. I hope you brought your yardstick.

  • Like 1
Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

Posted
Posted
My cousin married a guy who is 5'7 this past weekend.

 

Ha ha, i'm best man at my mates wedding at the end of September and he is 5'6.

And i think she is an inch taller, can't be certain of that though :cool:

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

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No way. That cannot be. I hope you brought your yardstick.

 

Hahaha, didn't have to..he's very clearly 2 inches shorter than me.

Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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Ha ha, i'm best man at my mates wedding at the end of September and he is 5'6.

And i think she is an inch taller, can't be certain of that though :cool:

 

Absolutely NO. NO way. Whatsoever.

  • Like 2
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
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Absolutely NO. NO way. Whatsoever.

 

He has an awful lot of money. Mystery solved.

  • Like 4
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Posted
Hahaha, didn't have to..he's very clearly 2 inches shorter than me.

 

Ah, so you're pretty tall then.

 

Keeping in the spirit of the thread; would you ever date a guy shorter than you?

Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

Posted
Posted
He has an awful lot of money. Mystery solved.

 

Not an awful lot but he isn't short of a few quid, lets just say that.

 

The girl he was engaged to about 10 years ago was quite a bit taller than him too but he ****ed that up :sick:

R3d Established Member

R3d

Posted
Posted (edited)

This is also what I worry about:

(I just came across this video when I was on YouTube searching up something about short guys getting girls).

 

From the girl's point of view, in addition to the lack of physical attraction, she will have to deal with all this ****. So then I feel like, what girl will want to not only go through the lack of physical attraction (which is vital in a romantic relationship), but also, all the chastisement she will receive from friends and even family, to date me? No one has really addressed this fear of mine - about how girls really care about what their friends think. Didn't someone say on the last page of this thread how many girls will go to their girlfriends for approval of the guy their dating and in another thread about how they will analyze it from so many different angles? And this is assuming I get a date...which is already ridiculously hard...

 

On the other hand, something that did make me think a little in the other direction is when someone said that often times it's not actually being short that ****s up a guy, but his lack of confidence that girls subconsciously pick up on. Then he thinks that it was his height...

 

But it's the whole, "You have to try much harder as a short guy and are allowed less mistakes," that worries me because as I said before, flirting and talking to girls is already a weak point for me (in comparison to people my age). This stuff doesn't come naturally to me like it does for some people. We all knew it. I am pretty sure my parents know in the back of their heads too that dating will be a department in which I struggle in. Same with my (very few) friends. They also know I am retarded when it comes to these things. I bet they probably face-palmed in their heads and some of the things I said. We ALL know that I suck at the whole dating thing. And then to find out that in addition to that, I am allowed even less mistakes and have to do an even better job. It's like sucking at English in school and barely passing with a D-, and then your parents forcing you to major in English at one of the hardest universities. Sorry, my analogies are sucking today. Anyway, very demoralizing.

Edited by R3d
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

R3d, you are only 16, you really need to stop surfing the internet so much. Especially for the links that support a pessimistic view on your dating prospects. There is a lot of misinformation out there that isn't serving you.

 

These links youre posting. I can tell you, it's just not like that...

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 4
R3d Established Member

R3d

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Posted (edited)

Actually a better analogy. It's like telling Brazil to face Germany without Silva and Neymar. Yeah, look what happened. Actually that one sucked too. Whatever, I give up. You get the point.

 

you are only 16

 

Has this become a staple in every one of your people's responses to me? It wasn't even necessary in this context and wouldn't have changed the meaning of the post had you left this out.

Edited by R3d
Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

Posted
Posted

 

 

 

Has this become a staple in every one of your people's responses to me?

 

Who exactly are "his people"?

 

I will tell you why it is pertinent. You are at an age where you are FAR better off learning about life by living it. There are so many LOSERS on the Internet who feed fears like the ones you have, and you're eating it up with a spoon.

 

We all would do well not to seek out stuff that confirms our negative, erroneous biases, but I feel even more strongly about it for a teenager.

 

You could really waste your life if you buy into this garbage, and that is what you are doing. It's disturbing.

 

Frankly, you are not even supposed to be here; the minimum age is 18.

  • Like 1
hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted
Actually a better analogy. It's like telling Brazil to face Germany without Silva and Neymar. Yeah, look what happened.

 

 

 

Has this become a staple in every one of your people's responses to me? It wasn't even necessary in this context and wouldn't have changed the meaning of the post had you left this out.

 

Its everyone's response because it's true.

 

You are articulate for a 16 year old. By your own account you are smart (high marks), talented (violin and tennis), have a strong family. You have serious potential.

 

Advice on this site isn't for you. Its for you in 10 years if you don't cut loose all your insecurity and put yourself out there.

  • Like 1
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted
Ah, so you're pretty tall then.

 

Keeping in the spirit of the thread; would you ever date a guy shorter than you?

 

If I liked him.

 

Plenty of women would date a guy who was shorter than her. Another of my cousins is married to a guy who's shorter than her.

  • Like 1
EngnimaticResponse Established Member

EngnimaticResponse

Posted
Posted
This is also what I worry about:
(I just came across this video when I was on YouTube searching up something about short guys getting girls).

 

From the girl's point of view, in addition to the lack of physical attraction, she will have to deal with all this ****. So then I feel like, what girl will want to not only go through the lack of physical attraction (which is vital in a romantic relationship), but also, all the chastisement she will receive from friends and even family, to date me? No one has really addressed this fear of mine - about how girls really care about what their friends think. Didn't someone say on the last page of this thread how many girls will go to their girlfriends for approval of the guy their dating and in another thread about how they will analyze it from so many different angles? And this is assuming I get a date...which is already ridiculously hard...

 

On the other hand, something that did make me think a little in the other direction is when someone said that often times it's not actually being short that ****s up a guy, but his lack of confidence that girls subconsciously pick up on. Then he thinks that it was his height...

 

But it's the whole, "You have to try much harder as a short guy and are allowed less mistakes," that worries me because as I said before, flirting and talking to girls is already a weak point for me (in comparison to people my age). This stuff doesn't come naturally to me like it does for some people. We all knew it. I am pretty sure my parents know in the back of their heads too that dating will be a department in which I struggle in. Same with my (very few) friends. They also know I am retarded when it comes to these things. I bet they probably face-palmed in their heads and some of the things I said. We ALL know that I suck at the whole dating thing. And then to find out that in addition to that, I am allowed even less mistakes and have to do an even better job. It's like sucking at English in school and barely passing with a D-, and then your parents forcing you to major in English at one of the hardest universities. Sorry, my analogies are sucking today. Anyway, very demoralizing.

 

There are a great many for whom this "does not come naturally." You can't get better at it unless you try. Practice makes perfect.

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

Posted
Posted
This is also what I worry about:
(I just came across this video when I was on YouTube searching up something about short guys getting girls).

 

From the girl's point of view, in addition to the lack of physical attraction, she will have to deal with all this ****. So then I feel like, what girl will want to not only go through the lack of physical attraction (which is vital in a romantic relationship), but also, all the chastisement she will receive from friends and even family, to date me? No one has really addressed this fear of mine - about how girls really care about what their friends think. Didn't someone say on the last page of this thread how many girls will go to their girlfriends for approval of the guy their dating and in another thread about how they will analyze it from so many different angles? And this is assuming I get a date...which is already ridiculously hard...

 

On the other hand, something that did make me think a little in the other direction is when someone said that often times it's not actually being short that ****s up a guy, but his lack of confidence that girls subconsciously pick up on. Then he thinks that it was his height...

 

But it's the whole, "You have to try much harder as a short guy and are allowed less mistakes," that worries me because as I said before, flirting and talking to girls is already a weak point for me (in comparison to people my age). This stuff doesn't come naturally to me like it does for some people. We all knew it. I am pretty sure my parents know in the back of their heads too that dating will be a department in which I struggle in. Same with my (very few) friends. They also know I am retarded when it comes to these things. I bet they probably face-palmed in their heads and some of the things I said. We ALL know that I suck at the whole dating thing. And then to find out that in addition to that, I am allowed even less mistakes and have to do an even better job. It's like sucking at English in school and barely passing with a D-, and then your parents forcing you to major in English at one of the hardest universities. Sorry, my analogies are sucking today. Anyway, very demoralizing.

 

Look, one reason why your age is significant here is that you're talking about the influence that a girl's friends might have over her choices. Frankly, that diminishes greatly with age. (Yes, haters, it does.) Middle school is actually the peak of friend influence (look it up), and it's still a big deal in high school for many, but as you get older and they get older it becomes less and less of a factor.

 

The thing is, I KNOW you hate hearing that "you're only 16" but seriously, it matters for two big reasons: 1) your reference when it comes to boy-girl interactions is basically middle to high school right now; and 2) NOBODY at your age is comfortable in his/her own skin yet. Yes, some people fake it better than others, and yes, some people might have the genetic lottery stacked higher than others in various ways. But trust me when I say that every single person at your high school is, internally, an anxious blubbering mess. They just hide it well.

 

That's why your age matters. People aren't being dismissive when they say that to you. They're trying to help you see that you've got a lot of great years ahead of you. They're trying to show you just how positive things can be, if you look at them right.

  • Like 6
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted
Look, one reason why your age is significant here is that you're talking about the influence that a girl's friends might have over her choices. Frankly, that diminishes greatly with age. (Yes, haters, it does.) Middle school is actually the peak of friend influence (look it up), and it's still a big deal in high school for many, but as you get older and they get older it becomes less and less of a factor.

 

The thing is, I KNOW you hate hearing that "you're only 16" but seriously, it matters for two big reasons: 1) your reference when it comes to boy-girl interactions is basically middle to high school right now; and 2) NOBODY at your age is comfortable in his/her own skin yet. Yes, some people fake it better than others, and yes, some people might have the genetic lottery stacked higher than others in various ways. But trust me when I say that every single person at your high school is, internally, an anxious blubbering mess. They just hide it well.

 

That's why your age matters. People aren't being dismissive when they say that to you. They're trying to help you see that you've got a lot of great years ahead of you. They're trying to show you just how positive things can be, if you look at them right.

 

Great post!

 

R3D, you seem like a smart kid, but you are still a kid and there's a lot to be said for actually experiencing things for yourself rather than just reading about them on the internet. You have to go out there and make your own mistakes sometimes, and you have to get hurt sometimes, and you have to be sad and angry and frustrated and upset sometimes but all of that only makes the good times even better.

 

And if you are going to continue scouring the internet, why not look for ways to be successful instead of looking for other stories of failure? There are plenty of people here who've told you about short men succeeding in love. Take advice from them!

 

FYI to anyone who's sent me a PM..I'm not ignoring you so please don't take it personally, my PM rights have been revoked and I'm not able to answer you. I'm sorry!!

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

Posted
Posted

 

This is pretty disheartening "don't bother working out just be tall"

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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