OleBlue Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Hi, I'm new around here and just signed up a few days ago. I'm pretty in touch with my emotional feelings and generally like speaking about dating, love, and relationships in general and I hope to help someone out there and they help me. To my question... I've always thought that women/men with opposite gender friends always had some attraction, want, or something that those friends fill.. I don't get why a woman would want a male friend for any reason other than to use as a FWB, or to fill her need of someone being interested. I typically believe a man/woman should have their SO be their best friend. I assume this is how it use to be years ago when people weren't switching lovers so much. I know this is highly contested usually, is it wrong to expect your S/O to "ditch" their opposite gender friend(s)? How far do you believe your S/O should be able to be alone with their opposite gender friend(s)? TL;DR: What is your opinion on opposite gender friends? S/O be with them alone? How far?
denise_xo Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I don't think there is a fixed answer to this, I just think it is important that people find partners who feel similarly as they do about this issue, and hence can agree on shared boundaries. My H has female friends that he sees without me, and I don't have a problem with that. This was also the case in my previous LTR. However, for others this might be problematic. The key is compatibility.
Author OleBlue Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 denise_xo - That's quite an awesome reply! I suppose I do have to agree it is about compatibility. I never really thought of it in such a way but it's obvious. Awesome person, already!
todreaminblue Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) Hi, I'm new around here and just signed up a few days ago. I'm pretty in touch with my emotional feelings and generally like speaking about dating, love, and relationships in general and I hope to help someone out there and they help me. To my question... I've always thought that women/men with opposite gender friends always had some attraction, want, or something that those friends fill.. I don't get why a woman would want a male friend for any reason other than to use as a FWB, or to fill her need of someone being interested. I typically believe a man/woman should have their SO be their best friend. I assume this is how it use to be years ago when people weren't switching lovers so much. I know this is highly contested usually, is it wrong to expect your S/O to "ditch" their opposite gender friend(s)? How far do you believe your S/O should be able to be alone with their opposite gender friend(s)? TL;DR: What is your opinion on opposite gender friends? S/O be with them alone? How far? I think that it is fair enough fro a person to be honest how they feel about opposite friends if it makes your significant other uneasy then it would be something that should be dealt with..compromise..and yes i believe an s o is the best friend you should have......no person should come between that its part of a loving relationship.i think any time alone as far as going out with a male friend or female friend of opposite sex is trouble.....but there has to be levels of trust as well.....if there isnt trust there is no relationship.....my first concern is my partner whether we are together or apart i behave in the same way i would as if he were standing right there watching me...i survived long distance relationship with this firmly in my mind....unfortunately he did not my so at the time....doesnt change me though..this way the relationship is a stable one....i have a strong imagination and a healthy conscience.....its quite easy to picture someone in a room try it next time you flirt if your partner isnt there....it works....my hint for the day......smilin...if you wouldnt do it in front of them....why be any different if they are not around..the only thing with this is..... the more unavailable you are to the opposite sex.....the more you are a challenge and they attempt to overthrow your s.o.....this is where spending too much time alone with opposite sex friends can be difficult.and confronting.make yourself clear and think of your partner..........deb Edited August 27, 2012 by todreaminblue
Author OleBlue Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Hi! We blue people have to stick together!
Buck Turgidson Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I don't get why a woman would want a male friend for any reason other than to use as a FWB, or to fill her need of someone being interested. Then you must have a pretty low opinion of friendship in general. That's all I can ever glean from statements like this. I suppose you must think that bisexual people can't possibly have any legitimate reason for wanting friendship with anybody, am I right? I typically believe a man/woman should have their SO be their best friend. Does that exclude having other friends as well? I assume this is how it use to be years ago when people weren't switching lovers so much. You're projecting your own values onto a history you don't apparently understand. Years ago when people weren't switching lovers so much it was because people whop did that would be severely chastised by society to the extent that it was better to stay with someone they no longer cared for, or even hated. I know this is highly contested usually, is it wrong to expect your S/O to "ditch" their opposite gender friend(s)? Absolutely. Marriage is not the only relationship that involves the traditional values of loyalty and trust. To expect someone to ditch a friend is to expect someone to be disloyal. Disloyalty, to me anyway, is not only wrong, but an absolute deal breaker. Someone who can be disloyal to their friends is capable of being disloyal to me as well. How far do you believe your S/O should be able to be alone with their opposite gender friend(s)? As much as she pleases, so long as it doesn't begin to impinge on our own quality time together. 1
Buck Turgidson Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Hi! We blue people have to stick together! Except that you are male and todreaminblue is female. You have just given your own counter-example to your argument that sexual desire is the only possible reason males and females might want to "stick together" as friends.
Author OleBlue Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) ---- Thank you for your responses. I appreciate your perspective. I should have probably thought this out further before trying to be judgmental about it. I'm definitely understanding this more, and will remember what you said about history and women being chastised if they left their incompatible S/O. Edit: Touche. Thank you for making me realize I need to think things out more. Think before I speak. Edited August 27, 2012 by OleBlue 1
Buck Turgidson Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I'm being rather harsh on you, largely because I've frequently been the ditched friend in these situations, and that has been very hard at times. It's always important to constantly reassess your values. I try to refine mine constantly. But in the end, as everyone has said so far, the important thing is to seek out someone who is compatible with yours.
Gabstack Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 It's different for everyone. But it is entirely possible for a guy and a girl to be in a platonic relationship without being sexually attracted to each other - atleast for some people. Personally, I have multiple female friends who in turn have multiple male friends. In fact, one of my closest confidante is a female (though we recently had a falling out, but that’s a different topic altogether). I view friendships with the opposite sex the same way I view looking at other people while in a relationship - I can find a female friend attractive but that doesn't equate to I want to throw you on the bed and ravish you. It does require some maturity to have friends of the opposite sex, though. For men, you need to be mature enough to not sexualize every encounter with a woman. For me, I have realized that as important as sex is, connection and love (not necessarily romantic) is much more important to me, than having sex with every attractive woman I meet.
Recommended Posts