Girl has a problem with me being nice. Puts me on a break. How to cope?

[CompleteConfusion]

Can you be broken up with by someone you aren't actually dating? Somehow, this has happened to me.

 

I don't know how to sum up the backstory. I became with friends with this girl. Our friendship progressed pretty fast, and by early this year, we were best friends. It escalated to the point of seeing each other almost every day. Neither of us could imagine being happier around anyone else. It was simply always great. She basically took over my life. I woke up every day and my first thought was about her. I would always do nice things for her, listen, think up fun activities. Anything to make her feel happy, valuable, etc. This was the best time of my life. I literally have never felt happier than when I was making her happy. Cue explosion.

 

She gets a summer job that requires her to leave for a few months. Literally days before she leaves, she confesses to having feelings for me. It's mutual, I feel something past friendship for her. I am dumbfounded that she would do this at the worst time, but, I understand why she felt the need to. We agree to not dwell on this and the best thing to do seems to just pick up when she gets back. This, of course, is impossible. I can't stop thinking about it. She indicated that she wanted to keep in close contact while she was gone. I proceed with this plan and she is very responsive. For about a month being gone, she misses me. She goes out of her way to tell me she wants me, needs me, misses me, etc. I miss her like crazy and am very drawn in by this. After a while she gets a little more distant, though still responsive in general. Me, not wanting to push anything on her, straight forwardly confront her about whether I'm doing too much. She tells me no, straight up. I continue on, wanting to be consistent and keep all my promises. Also assuming that if there was a problem, she would tell me. I've always reacted with understanding to everything she's ever told me. So I can't see why she would be afraid to.

 

Fast forward to her return. It's awkward. She's weird acting around me. I assume that she's having a hard time settling back into life here since she had just gotten used to it there. Understandable. Again, I am always trying to understand this girl. I try to put myself in her shoes and understand why this could be, rather than getting annoyed. Weeks go by, she continues to act distant and in general like she doesn't want to be around me. I finally get sick of this and confront her. She tells me she doesn't enjoy being around me like she used to. I find out that she was annoyed by me communicating with her too much this summer. She tells me that she's annoyed now by me being nice to her and doing little things to make her happy (things she used to love). I ask her what I've done, and she says nothing. She admits that I've never done anything besides be caring, love her, try to make her happy and give her what she wants, etc. She tells me if we are ever going to get back to normal, she thinks we need a break and to stop talking and hanging out.

 

This is upsetting to me, as I've waited months for her to get back and want to be around her. This is not about romantic feelings. At this point, I don't really care about those. I just want my friendship back.

 

I am confused by this whole thing. It's beyond bizarre to me that someone doesn't like me because I was good to them? This person has a problem with me because I was nice to her. I have no clue how to cope with this. I feel more heartbroken than I ever have in my entire life. I am hoping she will come around, though who knows when that will be. She couldn't tell me if it would be weeks, months, years. This whole thing has been hell for me since the day she left. I was sick and miserable all summer and getting back it's just been worse coming to the realization that things are messed up. I'm not taking this well at all.

 

I am not mad. I am going to do my best to respect her wishes and back off until she is ready to talk to me again. I am still trying to understand what she is going through that could possibly cause this. But I have no clue and she has no answers for me. I feel like I need some type of answer. I need to know how someone can turn on me randomly with no reason AT ALL to speak of.

 

I do believe her when she says she is just as confused about what has gone wrong. I realize she sounds crazy, but I don't believe she is. She is very smart, and overall I believe a great person. I trusted her 100%. Which is why I am so heartbroken here.

 

Anyone been through anything similar? Or have some advice? I really want my friendship back.

[suge]

Time, give her space but don't go out of the way to stop allowing her options to contact you, she will find you if she's ready to say hi

[CompleteConfusion]

Time, give her space but don't go out of the way to stop allowing her options to contact you, she will find you if she's ready to say hi

 

Right. I'm going to remain available. I told her I was here whenever for whatever she needed.

 

I just don't see why anyone would want to cut someone out of their life who did nothing but be good to them????

 

It's making me insane.

[Am313]

Ummmm.....This shouldn't sound so bizarre.....It's hard to have respect for someone who is absolutely devoted to you. It's a little weird.

 

I love my friends, I would do anything for them. But that's if they ask or tell me they need it.

 

Also, when it comes to love, any guy will tell you that always being there for your girl and always being nice will kill her attraction and interest in you.

 

At least she's being honest.

 

What I would do? And this is going to sound bizarre to you....

 

Don't talk to her.

 

If she calls, ignore it. If she texts ignore it. If she emails, ignore it. Don't want to be rude? Tell her you're busy.

 

Trust me, she'll miss the **** out of you. She can't miss you if you're always there.

 

Be warned though, if she's going back to school a long distance relationship isn't going to work. She'll have he studies, new friends, parties, and unfortunately other guys, too.

 

Guard your heart, man.

[CompleteConfusion]

Ummmm.....This shouldn't sound so bizarre.....It's hard to have respect for someone who is absolutely devoted to you. It's a little weird.

 

I love my friends, I would do anything for them. But that's if they ask or tell me they need it.

 

Also, when it comes to love, any guy will tell you that always being there for your girl and always being nice will kill her attraction and interest in you.

 

At least she's being honest.

 

What I would do? And this is going to sound bizarre to you....

 

Don't talk to her.

 

If she calls, ignore it. If she texts ignore it. If she emails, ignore it. Don't want to be rude? Tell her you're busy.

 

Trust me, she'll miss the **** out of you. She can't miss you if you're always there.

 

Be warned though, if she's going back to school a long distance relationship isn't going to work. She'll have he studies, new friends, parties, and unfortunately other guys, too.

 

Guard your heart, man.

 

I guess I get what you are saying. I still don't see what's wrong with being devoted to being a good friend? This goes over my head apparently.

 

It's not a long distance relationship, by the way. She was just away for the summer and recently got back. Now it's awkward and weird, but she has no reason why the sudden change.