Did I overreact here

[OCCDAVE]

Ok I've been talking to this girl as of late and things have been well.today we had plans go see a movie for its 2:30 showing .she text me make sure we were still on I said yep all seemed well.i then text her and here's what happen

 

Me. Hey can we maybe see the later showing I had few things to do

Her.yes that sounds good

 

 

Withen 5 mins I get a call

I know I said yes but I gotta few things I need to get done for work around 7 so I can't She said how bout next week I said eh ok

 

She text me this

 

I know your not gonna reply but I really am disappointed about not hanging out today

Me.well maybe we can grab some ice cream so today's not a wash

 

Her.i found someone to go see the movie I'll text u after

Me.have fun and don't bother texting me

 

 

Watcha think ?

[The Way I Am]

I think this girl is insecure and has been listening to some of the same sh*tty advice I see on here that when somebody cancels or reschedules, it means they're blowing you off and it couldn't possibly be because people have other things going on in their lives.

 

Given that, I think you're right not to get involved with her, because she hasn't figured out yet how to have a relationship without playing games.

 

But I don't think you quite have either. "have fun and don't bother texting me" is a not a mature response.

[OCCDAVE]

Well after cooling off cause I was mad that's why I sent that text .we talk a lot hell last night we stayed on the ph till like 2 am .I guess in her defense she did ask if are plans were still good to go and I said yes till I had something come up.guess what kinda ticked me off was lets watch it next week then all of a sudden oh found someone to see it with ?sigh I dunno

[The Way I Am]

Well, you did cancel. What did you expect her to do? Sit at home and hope you change your mind. I don't see anything wrong with rescheduling with you for next week and finding someone to see an earlier movie showing since you couldn't make it then and she would be busy in the evening.

 

She was wrong to say "yes that sounds good". If she was disappointed and upset, she could have said so in the first place, and the conversation could have gone much differently. But I know people get insecure about that any worry about coming off as needy.

 

It's not something for you to get angry over.

 

What about you? You can't make it to the movie then all of a sudden oh you can make it for some ice cream?

[zanesfan]

Dave, I understand how you feel. People like that tend to keep the games rolling. I agree with your response. Been there, done that!

[OCCDAVE]

Well, you did cancel. What did you expect her to do? Sit at home and hope you change your mind. I don't see anything wrong with rescheduling with you for next week and finding someone to see an earlier movie showing since you couldn't make it then and she would be busy in the evening.

 

She was wrong to say "yes that sounds good". If she was disappointed and upset, she could have said so in the first place, and the conversation could have gone much differently. But I know people get insecure about that any worry about coming off as needy.

 

It's not something for you to get angry over.

 

What about you? You can't make it to the movie then all of a sudden oh you can make it for some ice cream?

Cuz I couldn't make the 2:30 showing but I figured we could have hung out about 4 or somtin just wanted to hang out but didn't wanna seem needy.Like you said I did cancel first so I can't expect her to wait all day at home for me guess I can chalk this up to a misunderstanding .Ill wait till she text me cause after that text I'm kinda embarrassed meh .

[OCCDAVE]

Guess I shouldn't be shocked she hasn't text me do I call her admit I overreacted or give it till Tomo see if she contacts me

[The Way I Am]

Do not call her. She rubbed it in your face she went to go see the movie with someone else.

 

If by rubbed it in his face, you mean mentioned it..

 

This chick ditched you.

 

Technically, he ditched her.

 

She could have kept the comment that she found someone else to herself. Instead, she made it a point.

I don't understand why anyone is making such a big deal out of her saying she went to the movies with another person. That thinking is either super-controlling or paranoid. She didn't say "I'm going out with another guy."

 

Most likely, she found a girl friend to go with her.

 

If she was trying to make it a point or rub any noses, she would have said she was going with another guy.

 

If she legitimately already made plans with a girl friend, what was she supposed to say? Just "no" without any explanation. Somehow I don't think that would have been any better.

 

Maybe she did say it hoping for a little jealousy. Or maybe she didn't even have plans to go with somebody else. If so, she probably did it for the same reason Dave didn't mention in the first place that he was available at 4 -- afraid of looking needy.

 

If she did get a date with another guy on that short of notice, then she's quite a player.

 

I think if you were to respond, you could have said, "I don't appreciate being treated like this. Please don't do it again."

Something she could have said when he canceled on her. And if she had, he would be right in being taken aback by that hostility. It goes the same both ways.

 

Besides, only weak people need to make such a formal showing of "strength"

 

And if she doesn't, then she's not that into you, and you've saved yourself a bunch of time to go find some other girl who will care about you.

If she doesn't, she's probably a sane, healthy woman. Only a needy girl with low self-esteem would contact a guy after being told not to bother.

 

Maybe she said you weren't going to reply, because she understood that a rational person would see that she's blowing them off, and they wouldn't even bother wasting any more time on her even to the degree of taking the time to reply to her.

Dave, this is some of that stupid advice that I mentioned earlier about assuming a person is blowing you off because they have to reschedule. Imagine someone giving her all the advice above after you canceled and how following it would negatively affect the situation.

 

That's what game playing is all about. Two people not being honest because they're afraid of looking weak as a result of all the terrible advice out there.

 

Guess I shouldn't be shocked she hasn't text me do I call her admit I overreacted or give it till Tomo see if she contacts me

 

No, you shouldn't be surprised. You told her not to text you. Unless she's got low self-esteem, she's not going to contact you.

 

I think she was really into you or she wouldn't have told you that she was disappointed not to see you. Saying that, she put herself out there more than you did.

 

In this case, I think you both screwed up because you were afraid of looking needy.

 

Whether or not to call her depends on how much you like her. I would advise you not to and to just move on from this little disaster, because with this start, it's going to be hard for hurt feelings or mistrust on both sides not to get in the way.

 

If you really like her and want to try to make it work anyway, there's a chance that you could use the situation to form better communication between the two of you. You could call her tomorrow, apologize for your reaction, and tell her after a night's sleep, you realized this was probably a huge misunderstanding. Then try to work out the misunderstanding. That's a little too much work so early on for my taste though.