mistermr Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 My story is here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/342674-should-i-show-my-ex-gigs#post4213721 I don't know why this is nagging at me now. But we used to talk about having kids and what they would be like and how we would raise them. I know it doesn't really matter any more but I'm posting it here to avoid sending my ex a random and confusing text saying "What about the kids?!" If you read my story, you'll know she just left me without any warning. There were no clues leading up to the event. We were seemingly very happy and as the theme of this post, were talking about the possibilities of having kids. It's like she would randomly turn to me and say, "Our kids are going to be so good looking". We would talk about how we would take the best values from each of our brother's kids and mix them to create a super children lol. I realise it's better that we didn't have kids because the break up would have been a lot messier. But I just can't get my head around someone who, for a long time entertained the future and then one day leaves me for another guy, another relationship that appears to have no future. I understand she was afraid of settling down for the rest of her life, but why would she romanticize it so much to me? I was with her on the opinion that there was no rush, and it would be nice one day when we're ready. Should I avoid kidding myself that maybe one day it still can be true? Not so much hope, but if she really felt that "our" kids would be so great then maybe it's still in her head? It's like I really want to ask her but it's not quite appropriate during NO CONTACT lol. The annoying thing is, is I know we can have a perfectly civil conversation. I know at the moment that she is in a happy dream world with this new guy. So anything I say now won't change her mind or anything. But she's a smart person and it's a conversation that can be had rationally. I really want to give NO CONTACT a try though. And that's the reason I'm posting this here and not to her. If anyone has been in her shoes, please share your experiences.
Canadian731 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Don't do it. Don't you go crawling back to her just because she got the idea of having Kids in your head. If she truly wanted that with you one day, why would she be with this other guy and not you? If you run back to her after the way she has treated you then she gets the beat of both worlds, she gets to be in the honeymoon phase with this guy and she will know that if that falls through she has you waiting on her coat tails. At this point you have to be strong, not just for you but to let her know you won't put up with this **** and you don't need her. Goodluck my friends but I ask you, please don't sit around waiting for her to come back to you, live your life to the fullest now that you have no one holding you back, do everything youve ever wanted to do.
geegirl Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 You know Canadian, people break promises and change their minds everyday in relationships. One moment they want to grow old with you, the next they can't see themselves with you. It's words. Words aren't promises. They're expressed at that moment based on an emotion and it can always change. Couples make matrimonial vows only to divorce. Relationships end because down the line feelings, wants and needs have changed. Nothing is a guarantee. She may have wanted kids, romanticized that life with you but somewhere along the way, it changed. Internally, her wants, needs took a turn. You can ask your questions but her answers will not change the fact that the R is broken. Besides, what could she possibly tell you when you ask her, "What about the kids?" I changed my mind? I feel differently now? I couldn't see my life with you? I'm in love with someone else, sorry? No answer will make you feel better. Try to move on and understand that it happens to everyone that takes that risk of being in a relationship. I've experienced it. You have and so have most posters on here. Words are never promises. They're just verbal expressions made based on a person's emotional stance at that moment. It may or may not change. Please NC. She is with someone new. Let her go and try to heal and move on.
headsashed Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Geegirl is spot on,listen to her she gives great advice. Hope ur doing well geegirl,long time no speak
geegirl Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Geegirl is spot on,listen to her she gives great advice. Hope ur doing well geegirl,long time no speak Doing good H! Been gone for awhile but peeking in here and there. Read your post. You sound so strong and determined and it seems like you're getting to a good place, slowly but surely. Not to be cruel, but I am glad your ex has a bf. This means she will leave you alone and that will help you heal and move on to better. Rooting for you!
geegirl Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 You know Canadian... Ooops..meant to say mistermr!
headsashed Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Doing good H! Been gone for awhile but peeking in here and there. Read your post. You sound so strong and determined and it seems like you're getting to a good place, slowly but surely. Not to be cruel, but I am glad your ex has a bf. This means she will leave you alone and that will help you heal and move on to better. Rooting for you! Thanx gee,im glad shes got a bf too,even though its her ex before me,thing is,she hasnt left me alone haha,i just ignore her anyway cos she aint worth it. Im glad ye ok too
geegirl Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 she hasnt left me alone haha,i just ignore her anyway cos she aint worth it. Perfect! You're getting there! Happy for you H! mistermr: Sorry for the threadjack!
Author mistermr Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 Thanks for all the replies. I wrote the original post during moment of weakness. It's okay, I didn't give in. I was just feeling sad. I know words are just words. But I felt that a lot of the things I spoke to her about future plans were true, I meant them. I don't think I want to get back with her anyway and I'm quite looking forward to pursuing new relationships eventually. But she still has a piece of my heart and I can't help but imagine one day, when she has sorted her head out that maybe we could try again. This feeling is slowly slipping away from me though, so maybe soon it will be completely gone? There's a part of me that wants her to learn her lesson for cheating and once she has figured it all out. Then why not forgive her? We were once both madly in love with each, it seems a shame to throwaway a life together for that. Yes, I do realise she has done that already but mistakes can be made. I am aware of what I sound like, and I am more leaning towards the idea of never taking her back. It just helps to get these thoughts out sometimes.
ihavebeenfloated Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Same thing happened to me. One day (for about a year) we were talking about buying a house. We'd talk about marriage and kids like it was a forgone conclusion. We were happy. It wasn't perfect, but it didn't need to be. Then the next, she was "scared she was missing out on something better" and "didn't want to be committed at 24." Here's your stuff. Bye. It sucks. A lot. Then it gets worse. I'm at about 2 months now, and it still sucks. I honestly don't think I want her back, but I know I'm stupid enough to still try. Basically you just have to get past everything that was said and shared. You meant it. She may have. But at this point? It's all bull**** anyway. You can't change the fact that right now, it's over. The hopes and dreams and future plans are gone. Like you said, the idea of pursuing new relationships is something to look forward to. Even when I'm at my worst, which is still pretty frequent, I have that to hold on to. Eventually, we'll meet someone that genuinely does want to share the future with us. Because we're us. 1
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