People With Wildly Unrealistic Standards

[StillReigning]

I no longer complain, I just accept. Like I said, I wouldn't want to be "settled for" anyway. I would rather be alone than with someone who was only dating me because they couldn't get what they wanted, and thus lowered their standards.

 

So let average guys chase models, and let "hideous" women want a high status guy. Let people go for what they want.

 

 

If you don't care then don't post in the thread

[verhrzn]

If you don't care then don't post in the thread

 

Except I posted originally to ask why YOU cared. What is the big deal if some people have unrealistic expectations? Why is it necessary for you to dissect it?

[threebyfate]

Don't care what people want, as long as they don't whine about it and are patient.

 

My patience was rewarded with a man who exceeded my 4' list of requirements. Being picky can pay off.

[veggirl]

But would it be better for her to lower her standards, and then complain that she isn't attracted to her boyfriend/husband? Of course it'd be great if she could reach into her brain and flip a switch that said "I am going to be attracted to X instead of Y" but short of doing that, what can she do? Look in the mirror and say "I don't deserve what I want, I deserve something lower"? Could you do that to yourself.... "I am not smart enough for grad school." "I am not pretty enough for love."

 

I do that, and people on this board call it low self-esteem, not self-reflection.

 

Yes I do think she should lower her standards.

 

The thing is, if she gave REGULAR guys a chance, she may develop attraction towards them. I mean I don't think she needs to date someone she thinks is hideous but yes I think she should try out someone that is "cute" rather than gorgeous.

 

There is a HUGE middle ground between trollish ugly and addonis gorgeous. Yeah people can be attracted to what they want but honestly ONLY being attracted to ridiculously hot people is not normal and is not a case of "my mind just won't let me like others lols!" It's delusion.

 

I don't care what people are attracted to, I just think it's weird when a very bleh person requires someone be really hot. It doesn't upset me or anything, and i don't think noticing it means someone is angry about it. I feel sorry for those people, if anything.

[verhrzn]

Yes I do think she should lower her standards.

 

The thing is, if she gave REGULAR guys a chance, she may develop attraction towards them. I mean I don't think she needs to date someone she thinks is hideous but yes I think she should try out someone that is "cute" rather than gorgeous.

 

There is a HUGE middle ground between trollish ugly and addonis gorgeous. Yeah people can be attracted to what they want but honestly ONLY being attracted to ridiculously hot people is not normal and is not a case of "my mind just won't let me like others lols!" It's delusion.

 

I don't care what people are attracted to, I just think it's weird when a very bleh person requires someone be really hot. It doesn't upset me or anything, and i don't think noticing it means someone is angry about it. I feel sorry for those people, if anything.

 

May, but not guaranteed.

 

More importantly, lowering her standards may not get her a relationship, either. I had extremely low standards for a long time, and it got me absolutely nothing. Hell, the guy didn't even need to be attracted to me for me to pursue him, that's how low my standards were. And it still wasn't successful.

 

So, she might lower her standards to something less than what she wants, and still not get what she lowered her standards for (a relationship.)

 

Here's the thing... if there is a high percentage of risk of rejection/failure with even other "average" people, then why NOT just go for the gold? If you're going to fail no matter who you try to date, why not try to date the absolute top? The chances are relatively the same, and if you succeed, you succeed BIG.

 

More importantly, if you fail, it doesn't hurt as much.... It makes sense for the Adonis, 6-figure-salary guy to reject you. But when the chubby, lives-with-his-parents guy rejects you? Ouch.

 

Psychologically, it makes complete sense to reach for a high standard.

[EasyHeart]

Yes I do think she should lower her standards.

 

The thing is, if she gave REGULAR guys a chance, she may develop attraction towards them. I mean I don't think she needs to date someone she thinks is hideous but yes I think she should try out someone that is "cute" rather than gorgeous.

 

There is a HUGE middle ground between trollish ugly and addonis gorgeous. Yeah people can be attracted to what they want but honestly ONLY being attracted to ridiculously hot people is not normal and is not a case of "my mind just won't let me like others lols!" It's delusion.

 

I don't care what people are attracted to, I just think it's weird when a very bleh person requires someone be really hot. It doesn't upset me or anything, and i don't think noticing it means someone is angry about it. I feel sorry for those people, if anything.

I suspect there are self-esteem issues with people who have really long and/or ridiculous lists of requirements. They're seeking validation by dating someone who is exceptionally attractive and/or desirable.

 

I just look for someone who's nice to me. And who smells good. . . .

[StillReigning]

Don't care what people want, as long as they don't whine about it and are patient.

 

My patience was rewarded with a man who exceeded my 4' list of requirements. Being picky can pay off.

 

 

 

Oh come on do you really think these 35 year old women who are single who want a top 10% guy are "patient" and "don't whine"?

 

 

You know they're the first ones to complain about how they're single all the time and how they can't find a nice guy

[snug.bunny]

Anyways, have you guys ever met people with just insane standards in their mate?

 

In real life, no. I've been called shallow a few times. I find men like Ryan Reynolds an "ideal", but, I've been in LTR with men and dated men who while they didn't LOOK like Ryan Reynolds, I was still highly attracted to and found physically attractive.

 

I was hanging out yesterday with some people and this acquaintance of mine (a 34 year old single woman) has the most ridiculous standards I've ever seen. I would honestly consider her a 2/10 - she has a legitimately ugly face and is basically fat. Her mannerisms are disgusting too, she acts too much like a man often times. Anyways, the only kind of guys she is attracted to are good looking/athletic/very confident/often times high income guys.

 

She can be attracted to anyone she chooses to... Is it realistic? On the surface, probably not. But as of right now, she views it as highly realistic. And, you can't force someone to not be physically attracted to someone. Sure, you can suggest that maybe they are setting the bar too high, it doesn't mean they will listen to you though.

 

What the hell is this about? Do people like this not have mirrors in their house?

 

I don't think there is a rule that says, in order to be attracted to someone, you have to be attractive yourself or that you have to be attracted to a particular person. People like what they like...I'm sure enough of us have cringed to ourselves when hearing someone say they will only date a man like David Beckham or a woman like Megan Fox, and we think to ourselves, whaaaat is that person smoking@!

 

Is it because of societal brainwashing that makes certain people believe they can look like a nobody and date a superstar? I don't think I even have to say this because you guys probably suspected it at this point but she's never had a real long term boyfriend. She mainly sleeps around with guys far out of her league and then cries when none of them want to be seen in public with her.

 

Who knows. It may very well have nothing to do with looks, on the surface, but other things that she is not consciously aware of. People who demonstrate unattainable standards, could have what is referred to as a "perfectionist" personality. Maybe she demonstrates that by sleeping with numerous men, that are in her view, "perfect". She has a high expectation physically, and while not returning that same level of expectation to herself, she does it by controlling which men she associates herself with...

 

Yesterday when we were all drinking, she goes "I don't care what anybody says, I'm going to find my prince charming". I cringed so hard at that point - do people like that not realize that prince charming is looking for a princess who is about as physically flawless as he is?

 

She can set her standards, it doesn't mean she is going to meet the person that fits it. Then again, it doesn't mean that she won't.

[StillReigning]

In real life, no. I've been called shallow a few times. I find men like Ryan Reynolds an "ideal", but, I've been in LTR with men and dated men who while they didn't LOOK like Ryan Reynolds, I was still highly attracted to and found physically attractive.

 

 

Nothing wrong with looking for a Ryan Reynolds as long as you look like Scarlet Johannsen yourself

 

 

 

She can set her standards, it doesn't mean she is going to meet the person that fits it. Then again, it doesn't mean that she won't.

 

 

She is 34 years old and very unattractive. You think she's ever going to have a chance at a handsome and charming 35 year old man who can choose pretty much anybody he wants - including dating a really hot girl in her 20s? I suppose it's possible, but about as likely as winning the lottery

[snug.bunny]

Nothing wrong with looking for a Ryan Reynolds as long as you look like Scarlet Johannsen yourself

 

Ha! Says you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

She is 34 years old and very unattractive. You think she's ever going to have a chance at a handsome and charming 35 year old man who can choose pretty much anybody he wants - including dating a really hot girl in her 20s? I suppose it's possible, but about as likely as winning the lottery

 

Well, they say it only takes one dollar to dream.

[somedude81]

But would it be better for her to lower her standards, and then complain that she isn't attracted to her boyfriend/husband? Of course it'd be great if she could reach into her brain and flip a switch that said "I am going to be attracted to X instead of Y" but short of doing that, what can she do?

From about 16 to 22, I was only into thin, really pretty white girls with long blonde hair. After getting contstantly shut down by them, I realized that it just wasn't going to work with girls like that. I also realized that I could also be attracted to and want to date girls that were just cute instead of hot, that hair color didn't matter and that girls of other races were also attractive. Having a bit of fat on them wasn't a terrible thing either.

 

My standards just naturally lowered, and now I'm happy to say that I'm....

 

(LoL, if only I could include a happy ending)

[StillReigning]

Ha! Says you?

 

 

So says the market place, why would Ryan Reynolds pick you over a woman who is as attractive as he is? (I'm just using that as an example, not saying you're ugly)

[StillReigning]

From about 16 to 22, I was only into thin, really pretty white girls with long blonde hair. After getting contstantly shut down by them, I realized that it just wasn't going to work with girls like that. I also realized that I could also be attracted to and want to date girls that were just cute instead of hot, that hair color didn't matter and that girls of other races were also attractive. Having a bit of fat on them wasn't a terrible thing either.

 

My standards just naturally lowered, and now I'm happy to say that I'm....

 

(LoL, if only I could include a happy ending)

 

 

 

I'm kind of in the same boat. I always wanted a super hot girl growing up, now I just want one who is moderately attractive with a good personality.

[Lonely Ronin]

there's a difference between high standards, and ridiculously high standards. IMO high standards are usually held by people who know their worth. It has nothing to do with their ranking in society, and everything to do with the fact that they know their rank. They won't accept someone outside a certain deviation from their rank. I have yet to meet someone in my 30+ years with ridiculously high standards, that didn't have them, because of a personal issue.

 

Egotism, & Vanity are two terms that come to mind to describe people like this.

[snug.bunny]

So says the market place, why would Ryan Reynolds pick you over a woman who is as attractive as he is? (I'm just using that as an example, not saying you're ugly)

 

Well, he wouldn't. He is a superstar, and I'm not.

[verhrzn]

From about 16 to 22, I was only into thin, really pretty white girls with long blonde hair. After getting contstantly shut down by them, I realized that it just wasn't going to work with girls like that. I also realized that I could also be attracted to and want to date girls that were just cute instead of hot, that hair color didn't matter and that girls of other races were also attractive. Having a bit of fat on them wasn't a terrible thing either.

 

My standards just naturally lowered, and now I'm happy to say that I'm....

 

(LoL, if only I could include a happy ending)

 

So, lowering your standards didn't work. Thus, what was the point of lowering your standards, except letting the girls know that you were into them, despite them not matching your list of criteria?

 

Here's the thing; if a guy gave me the impression he really preferred blonde, thin girls but could never get them, and thus was choosing me, I'd be extremely offended. In fact, this HAS happened to me... Guys choosing me because they "settled" for me. They were unhappy, I was unhappy.

 

It would have been far better for them to continue trying to date what they were actually into, and leave me to be single. Being told I've been "settled" for took a huge chunk out of my self-esteem.

 

So keep your expectations, high, low, or in-between. Go for what you want, because it's better than dragging someone into your misery.

[StillReigning]

there's a difference between high standards, and ridiculously high standards. IMO high standards are usually held by people who know their worth. It has nothing to do with their ranking in society, and everything to do with the fact that they know their rank. They won't accept someone outside a certain deviation from their rank. I have yet to meet someone in my 30+ years with ridiculously high standards, that didn't have them, because of a personal issue.

 

Egotism, & Vanity are two terms that come to mind to describe people like this.

 

 

If you're a good looking woman who earns 100K a year and works out 5 days a week and you're only interested in a beefcake who is similarly successful, I can't imagine how anybody could have a problem with that

[AD1980]

Im 32 and never been in a relationship yet id rather die alone then be with somebody who i dont even have a slight attraction to physically just because it might be my "league" in some peoples minds..

 

Doesnt man i go after anywhere near model types nor do i have a strict type with looks and while your friend does seem to have amazingly strict physical requirements i can understand people who wont settle for someone they are in no way attracted to just to be with somebody..

[somedude81]

So, lowering your standards didn't work.

Nope, it didn't

Thus, what was the point of lowering your standards,

To try and increase my odds.

 

Unfortunately for me, the average girls had just as high standards as the really pretty girls.

 

But if a girl who was having lots of trouble, lowered her standards, there is a chance she might get a catch. Doesn't that sound like a risk worth taking?

 

except letting the girls know that you were into them, despite them not matching your list of criteria?

Only an idiot would do something like that.

 

Here's the thing; if a guy gave me the impression he really preferred blonde, thin girls but could never get them, and thus was choosing me, I'd be extremely offended. In fact, this HAS happened to me... Guys choosing me because they "settled" for me. They were unhappy, I was unhappy.

 

It would have been far better for them to continue trying to date what they were actually into, and leave me to be single. Being told I've been "settled" for took a huge chunk out of my self-esteem.

Let me tell you this, if we ever dated, I would never in a million years tell you that I settled for you or want something better.

 

A guy would have to be absolutely retarded to do something like that, and every girl in a 10 mile radius should be informed of what an ass he is.

[Lonely Ronin]

I didn't post what I did to prop up your f-ed up view of attraction...

 

If you're a good looking woman who earns 100K a year and works out 5 days a week and you're only interested in a beefcake who is similarly successful, I can't imagine how anybody could have a problem with that

[StillReigning]

I didn't post what I did to prop up your f-ed up view of attraction...

 

 

Why do I have a messed up view of attraction?

[Lonely Ronin]

Im 32 and never been in a relationship yet id rather die alone then be with somebody who i dont even have a slight attraction to physically just because it might be my "league" in some peoples minds..

 

What is it with You and V, You're both taking this crap to extreme.... Besides, lowing your standards isn't just about physical attraction, it applies to 10 million other things as well.

[Lonely Ronin]

Why do I have a messed up view of attraction?

 

because it's only based on net worth and physical appearance.

[StillReigning]

because it's only based on net worth and physical appearance.

 

 

Not at all. Obviously confidence/personality is a huge part of it

[verhrzn]

Only an idiot would do something like that.

 

Let me tell you this, if we ever dated, I would never in a million years tell you that I settled for you or want something better.

 

A guy would have to be absolutely retarded to do something like that, and every girl in a 10 mile radius should be informed of what an ass he is.

 

I've already told you, women are WAY too good at reading body language, non-verbals, and subtle psychology to NOT know. My exes never needed to tell me I was below their physical standard... I knew from the way they acted that's what they thought, and they later confirmed it.

 

Girls KNOW. This is just something you will need to accept; if something is strong in your brain, there's a very good chance a girl has already guessed it.

 

What is it with You and V, You're both taking this crap to extreme.... Besides, lowing your standards isn't just about physical attraction, it applies to 10 million other things as well.

 

What extreme am I taking it to??