aanderson088 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I'm 23 and I've used and manipulated girls since I was like 17. I thought it was the kind of guy I wanted to be. I went through a couple of relationships when I was younger and they kind of fractured me to the point that I stopped using compassion and consideration as a relationship tool and used distance, neglect, and cruelty instead. Almost two years ago I met a girl. She was three years younger than me but for some reason, out of all of the other girls I had wanted and had wanted me, she was the one that I stayed with. Since I met this girl, I have been the worst possible person to her. I broke up with her and cheated on her repeatedly. I feel the most immense guilt and I cry, pretty much constantly. Even now I'm starting to cry. I'm not sure why I did what I did. I started seeing a counselor about 3 months ago and it is going slowly, but it's going. I am beginning to realize the reasons why I did what I did. None of those reasons EXCUSE my behaviors but know the "why" helps you figure out "how" to stop what you're doing, I hear. I tried to explain that it was like going through rehab and relapse is almost inevitable, but like any other user, you just get back on track and try to remain that way. I haven't been with anyone else since I started taking counseling... a fact that I find pathetic and ridiculous, but I need to celebrate my small victories or else, what am I doing this for? She is seeing someone else and it's only been about 10 days since we last said "I love you". This kills me every time I think about it but what can I do? I tore this poor girl into a thousand pieces for reasons I don't fully understand. Sure, we had our differences. But there was no reason that she deserved to be treated the way I treated her. I still love her and I hope that she still loves me. Our sex was incredible, and physically she is the most beautiful thing on the Earth to me. I understand the dramatic sound of that sentence but I mean that. When God made women, he meant to have them look this way. I know now, why people make love rather than f*ck. I remember when she would request a more aggressive approach and I would want to slow down. Prior to her, I was completely opposite. It really meant something to me. Today, I thought of sending her flowers. I stopped myself from doing so and I'm writing in here because of a few reasons: 1) No one has responded to my other threads so I'm trying again. 2) To vent so that I will avoid a potentially hazardous situation. 3) I am really burying myself in guilt and I'm putting her on a pedestal and pulling myself lower when I know I shouldn't be doing that. 4) I know I'm the bad guy here, but I truly am so sorry for what I did and would just like help dealing with my guilt. I know that I should forgive myself for what I did to her so I can move on. I know that we probably should have stopped seeing each other a long time ago before it got to this point. I know she needs space and time to move on. I have never felt a love as forgiving and as generous as her's and now that it's gone, I worry that I'll never find it again. I don't feel like I deserve pity parties or sympathy. I just want tips from anyone, ANYONE on how to cope with this guilt.
weallfalldown Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 what goes around.................. KARMA.......................... Treat others how you wish to be treated..... Respect?????....... i've been guilty of all sorts....so i'm no angel, but those are the basics my friend!. 1
BooBoo1982 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Just concentrate on sorting yourself out now, if you can change and prove to her you've changed maybe you can have a chance in the future. 1
hinatticus Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Use the guilt to continue your self betterment. If you use guilt in this way it's healthy. Don't let the guilt get you down to the point where you hate yourself. You know you've done wrong so now is the time to better yourself. You learned a lesson. Treat people from here on out with kindness and compassion. I've learned that lesson as well my man. 1
Crila16 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Yikes. When my ex and I were your age, he did the exact same thing to me for 3 years. I kept putting up with his cheating and lying and treating me like crapola. After 3 years, my heart had had enough. I fell out of love with him and broke up with him. He begged for me to come back and wanted to marry me. It was dead in my heart for forever. I moved on and started dating someone else. Even though it killed him, my sympathy for him wasn't as great as it should have been. Anyway, kharma is a biatch. I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way...but I think your ex has had enough...and after 2 years of abuse from you, she's also learned from you that you won't change. Even if you beg, she's not going to believe you. It's learned behavior. She's also toughened up and will have a wall for the rest of her life. She most likely won't take BS from any other guy ever again. 1
Floored Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 You can cope by letting her go. Maybe a few months from now after she's had some time off from your horrible past, and you've had a few months to wash up and get your act together, maybe you can go all in and ask for another chance after proving you've really changed, show how much she was worth to you, etc. If she moves on and finds happiness in someone who won't cheat on her and actually treats her with some respect, she's earned it and you can respect her by leaving her alone. You know she owes you nothing, not even another wasted thought of consideration. Best you can hope for is to get yourself better and realize that good people actually exist and leave your cheating ways behind. There's not too much sympathy for cheaters around here I feel. Probably why earlier threads rang empty. Also, the best advice for you is to leave her alone- it's hard enough to actually realize what you threw away, it's harder yet to hear that you should let someone else polish her back up to her beautiful shine. You've done the damage. Let her heal. 1
Author aanderson088 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 You can cope by letting her go. Maybe a few months from now after she's had some time off from your horrible past, and you've had a few months to wash up and get your act together, maybe you can go all in and ask for another chance after proving you've really changed, show how much she was worth to you, etc. If she moves on and finds happiness in someone who won't cheat on her and actually treats her with some respect, she's earned it and you can respect her by leaving her alone. You know she owes you nothing, not even another wasted thought of consideration. Best you can hope for is to get yourself better and realize that good people actually exist and leave your cheating ways behind. There's not too much sympathy for cheaters around here I feel. Probably why earlier threads rang empty. Also, the best advice for you is to leave her alone- it's hard enough to actually realize what you threw away, it's harder yet to hear that you should let someone else polish her back up to her beautiful shine. You've done the damage. Let her heal. I understand your point and I appreciate your feedback. I appreciate you humoring the hope of getting her back, even though I know that it's not going to happen. I'm just trying to find out what made me a good person before I did all of this to her. I am grateful for your response. Thank you.
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