Sauron Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Hello all. I posted here a few days ago and my post was moved to the infidelity section, it's over there if you care to read it. I am a MM in a long term affair 6 plus years with my OW (she is single, 2 marriages in her past), we are both over 50, and we both are quite satisfied with things just the way they are, neither one of us desire to change the status of our realtionship. So I have a few questions. Hopefully this post is appropriate for this section and doesn't get moved. Do you expect your MM/OW to ultimately leave his/her current situation for a traditional relationship with you? Especially interested in those of you that do not expect this. Did your affair/relationship start under false pretenses? Approximate duration of your affair? What kind of financial support do you get or expect if any? If you don't get it, do you think you should? How much time do you expect or desire he/she spend with you on a weekly basis? Do you expect your MM or OW to be monogamous to you and keep sex between the 3 of you? Do you practice safe sex consistently? If you are single have you been married previously? Your approximate age, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's. Your education level? No college, Some college, college grad, post grad. Thank you for reading this post and particularly if you reply.
TaraMaiden Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 What is this, a questionnaire for Company research? 5
jwi71 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 OM or MM that are happy and expect no change in status ...are not likely to be posting on anonymous internet support forums.
alexandria35 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 What is this, a questionnaire for Company research? LOL. NO KIDDING! age? marital status? education? Looks just like the goverment census questions I have to reply to every year.
William Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Just when I thought we were making some progress here. Respondents, please see above for a description of what off-topic and uncivil behavior on-forum is described as. Prior respondents, thank you for supplying the example. Now, continue the discussion in this, the appropriate forum for it. Thank you.
Got it Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Hello all. I posted here a few days ago and my post was moved to the infidelity section, it's over there if you care to read it. I am a MM in a long term affair 6 plus years with my OW (she is single, 2 marriages in her past), we are both over 50, and we both are quite satisfied with things just the way they are, neither one of us desire to change the status of our realtionship. So I have a few questions. Hopefully this post is appropriate for this section and doesn't get moved. Do you expect your MM/OW to ultimately leave his/her current situation for a traditional relationship with you? Especially interested in those of you that do not expect this. Yes based on the dynamics and perimeters that were defined in the beginning of our relationship it was based on the idea that were to both leave our marriages. We were both already planning on separate prior to our relationship. Did your affair/relationship start under false pretenses? No Approximate duration of your affair? About a year What kind of financial support do you get or expect if any? If you don't get it, do you think you should? None. We shared trips, used points, etc. Actually I guess I provided monies / loans at different times when emergencies came up. We were making about equal pay but I had less obligations. How much time do you expect or desire he/she spend with you on a weekly basis? I expected about 4 days a week and midway started including at least one overnight. We also did some holidays together and trips/vacations. Do you expect your MM or OW to be monogamous to you and keep sex between the 3 of you? Do you practice safe sex consistently? Part of the perimeters of our agreement were one of monogamy between us and stop having sex with our spouses. Since that was a complaint already, lack of sex in the marriages, it wasn't a major factor or a major red flag. If you are single have you been married previously? Yes Your approximate age, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's. More than 20 less than 50 Your education level? No college, Some college, college grad, post grad. College grad, post grad studies Thank you for reading this post and particularly if you reply. Please see above for my answers.
LFH Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Do you expect your MM/OW to ultimately leave his/her current situation for a traditional relationship with you? Especially interested in those of you that do not expect this. Did your affair/relationship start under false pretenses? Approximate duration of your affair? What kind of financial support do you get or expect if any? If you don't get it, do you think you should? How much time do you expect or desire he/she spend with you on a weekly basis? Do you expect your MM or OW to be monogamous to you and keep sex between the 3 of you? Do you practice safe sex consistently? If you are single have you been married previously? Your approximate age, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's. Your education level? No college, Some college, college grad, post grad. Thank you for reading this post and particularly if you reply. Ok, I fall into this category, I'll answer. No, I absolutely do not expect him to leave, nor would I ask him to. My affair did not start under false pretenses. I was fully aware of it from the beginnning, he was also familiar with all the nuances of my life at the time as well. We have a joint bank account that we use together, including some money from a project we launched together, but there is no financial "support" why would i want his money, I earn and have my own. It's not about his money. We are talking/chatting/messaging/emailing or together probably upwards of 6-8 hours a day. We see each other regularly and vacation together as well. Another woman would be a dealbreaker for me, I agreed to this under the terms we have. I'd not be comfortable with another woman in the scenario. We no longer practice safe sex together, we both still get tested regularly and he uses condoms with his wife. I was previously married. Decline to answer age for privacy purposes. Post grad degree Did I miss anything? I've said it before and I'll say it again, Marriage isn't the only acceptable or desired outcome to a long term committed relationship.
eleanorrigby Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 What's the point to your questions sauron? What are you trying to accomplish for yourself?
jennx Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Hi Sauron, I was wondering about the woman with whom you are having an affair - the OW. Has it ever been an issue for her to be lonely since she is single? The reason I ask is because I have been in a situation of my own in which the OM is pushing me away, claiming it is too painful for him to not be with me full-time. (The story becomes complicated after that, but we are currently apart and I am heartbroken...discussion for another thread.) I just wonder if you have come across that issue, as it seems your relationship is a pretty mutually fulfilling one and has been for quite a while.
LFH Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I did answer your questions and they do apply to me, and I admit to some curiosity myself as to what you are seeking.
Author Sauron Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 Hi Sauron, I was wondering about the woman with whom you are having an affair - the OW. Has it ever been an issue for her to be lonely since she is single? The reason I ask is because I have been in a situation of my own in which the OM is pushing me away, claiming it is too painful for him to not be with me full-time. (The story becomes complicated after that, but we are currently apart and I am heartbroken...discussion for another thread.) I just wonder if you have come across that issue, as it seems your relationship is a pretty mutually fulfilling one and has been for quite a while. She does not want a full time partner. We spend a lot of tme together, so she says she is happy with that. She has a very busy life and claims her previous marriages fell aprat because the men wanted more attention than she wanted to give.
worlybear Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Ummm- Is your wife also aware that sex is kept strictly between the three of you? Just asking.
Author Sauron Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Worley, please check the thread in the infidelity forum if you are truly interested. The purpose for this post is my own intellectual curiosity, nothing more. Thanks.
Author Sauron Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I hope that any other women that come across this thread might share abit. Thank you in advance.
Bailey14 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I am a divorced, 61 year old, college educated, financially secure OW. The most recent stage of our relationship is 2 years old but, he was the first man I ever had sex with.....we were 16 years old! I know he will never leave his wife so I don't ask.
Author Sauron Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I am a divorced, 61 year old, college educated, financially secure OW. The most recent stage of our relationship is 2 years old but, he was the first man I ever had sex with.....we were 16 years old! I know he will never leave his wife so I don't ask. Thank you Bailey for sharing that, I really appreciate it.
Bailey14 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Thank you Bailey for sharing that, I really appreciate it. You're welcome, Sauron. Some of your posts make me gasp but, not because they are not on target. I am just surprised by your complete candor.
cocorico Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 She does not want a full time partner. We spend a lot of tme together, so she says she is happy with that. She has a very busy life and claims her previous marriages fell aprat because the men wanted more attention than she wanted to give. Sounds like how I was. Perfectly valid, IMO. Things have changed for me (and us) now but initially that was exactly what I wanted too. Something part-time as and when I wanted it
cocorico Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 .Do you expect your MM/OW to ultimately leave his/her current situation for a traditional relationship with you? Especially interested in those of you that do not expect this. No, I did not. That was not what I wanted back then. Things turned out differently, down the line, when both of our needs and desires changed, but that was not the initial expectation. Did your affair/relationship start under false pretenses? No. Approximate duration of your affair? About 3.5 years. What kind of financial support do you get or expect if any? If you don't get it, do you think you should? No. I was financially independent. He paid for some holidays, I paid for some. How much time do you expect or desire he/she spend with you on a weekly basis? It was largely LDR with protracted periods together, but even when apart we were in constant contact. Do you expect your MM or OW to be monogamous to you and keep sex between the 3 of you? Do you practice safe sex consistently? At the point it got serious, I canned other lovers and we both became sexually exclusive with each other. There was no sex with his then-BW. We practised safe sex initially but once we were exclusive and had tested and were beyond window periods we eased up on that. If you are single have you been married previously? I was single, had previously been M Your approximate age, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's. Old enough to have grown-up kids. Young enough to party with them. Your education level? No college, Some college, college grad, post grad. postgrad
Author Sauron Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Thank you for sharing that cocorico. I am hoping more will chime in here, I know you are out there. I like to party with my kids as well!
Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Old enough to have grown-up kids. Young enough to party with them. Wonderful!!!
Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I hope that any other women that come across this thread might share abit. Thank you in advance. I don't fit the criteria but I'm reading so I thought it might be relevant. I was only satisfied being an OW for approx 3 months. I wanted a 360 degree relationship, and more kids, so there was no way it was going to work out for me as an affair. He eventually did leave his wife and our relationship was fantastic but he accepted a job 10,000 miles away and it ended us.
Boltfan Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hello all. I posted here a few days ago and my post was moved to the infidelity section, it's over there if you care to read it. I am a MM in a long term affair 6 plus years with my OW (she is single, 2 marriages in her past), we are both over 50, and we both are quite satisfied with things just the way they are, neither one of us desire to change the status of our realtionship. So I have a few questions. Hopefully this post is appropriate for this section and doesn't get moved. Do you expect your MM/OW to ultimately leave his/her current situation for a traditional relationship with you? Especially interested in those of you that do not expect this. I'm a married woman having an affair with a recently divorced man. I absolutely have no desire to leave my husband to marry him and he does not expect me to do that. We are both happy with things the way they are. Did your affair/relationship start under false pretenses? No, we both knew exactly what the situations were with both of us. Approximate duration of your affair? 7 months What kind of financial support do you get or expect if any? If you don't get it, do you think you should? Absolutely none and I don't expect any. How much time do you expect or desire he/she spend with you on a weekly basis? I'd love to get to see him on average one evening a week, but that isn't always possible. We see each other whenever my husband is away on business or I am able to get away for the evening without arousing suspicion. Do you expect your MM or OW to be monogamous to you and keep sex between the 3 of you? Do you practice safe sex consistently? I don't expect that from him, and he doesn't expect that I won't sleep with my husband. We do not practice safe sex. If you are single have you been married previously? I'm married, and he is just recently divorced. Your approximate age, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's. 40's Your education level? No college, Some college, college grad, post grad. Some college and 20 years of experience in my field of work. Thank you for reading this post and particularly if you reply. You're most welcome.
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