Decoding Date-Speak

[writergal]

This applies to both men and women. Based on my dating experiences with men I've come across some lines that seem like a script men use when they mean the opposite.

 

My question is, what's so wrong with just being honest?!

 

So here's some examples of what I mean about date-speak and feel free to add your own.

 

1. "I don't want/not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now."

 

What it means: This 'disclaimer' is really the bait used to hook your date into a casual sex fling or FWB. It's enough to make the person come across to you as a challenge. And who doesn't like a challenge? Men/Women use this when they aren't that interested in their date, but interested enough to have some nice commitment-free sex with someone they like but don't want to commit to in the long term.

 

2. "But it didn't mean anything to me!"

 

What it means: Uh, yes it did or he/she wouldn't have done it. Well, the person they "did it with" meant nothing to them, but the sex was great so that meant something, or they wouldn't have done it/cheated on you in the first place.

 

3. "This is moving too fast/You're smothering me/We need to slow things down."

 

What it means: This is usually said when he/she realizes that they want "out" of their romantic situation but don't have the guts to respect their date enough to be honest about their desire to end things. So they try to back out slowly, and camouflage their true intentions behind mixed messages that are meant to confuse their date. Mixed messages include promises to commit, sweet nothing text messages, regular dates and phone calls, regular sex. Then they breakup with you.

 

4. "We need to talk.

 

What it means: Uh-oh. You're about to be dumped.

 

5. "I love you."

 

What it means: It can have multiple meanings. A horny response before/during/after sex. The actual Webster dictionary definition: a feeling of warm, personal attachment towards a person. Could mean the real thing. But then it doesn't necessarily mean the person actually does love you.

Edited August 22, 2012 by writergal

[TheFinalWord]

My question is, what's so wrong with just being honest?!

 

Nothing I hope you find someone that will be honest with you.

 

You deserve the best

[writergal]

Oh ha ha. I started the thread not to comment on my own dating life, but I can see how it may come across that way.

 

Wasn't meant as a rant thread. Just curious if anyone else has had experience with these examples of date-speak that I've listed.

[TheFinalWord]

Oh ha ha. I started the thread not to comment on my own dating life, but I can see how it may come across that way.

 

Wasn't meant as a rant thread. Just curious if anyone else has had experience with these examples of date-speak that I've listed.

 

Oh my bad

 

Yes, I've heard most of those lines.

 

"I love you."

 

I've only told one girl I loved her. I really did at the time. It's b/c I loved her that I had to let her go. It wasn't meant to be. Very hard decision. But I really did love her when we were in a relationship.

 

"I don't want/not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now."

 

One month later, she was in a relationship

 

It's okay though. I just figure it wasn't meant to be.

 

One thing I've learned is trying to get someone to like you or press someone for affection is counterproductive. If it is meant to be, things will just flow naturally. All my exes there was never any communication games. We talked straight up to each other. It definitely hurts when things end. But I firmly believe not all loves are meant forever; just for a season. I have approached all my exes with that mindset. Makes it easier to forgive and carry on. "What did I learn about myself, women in general, and more importantly what do I want in future relationships". Main thing I've learned is I have a lot more to learn

Edited August 22, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[vanek26]

The most important thing is just to ignore what people say. Most people have a similar image of what it means to be a good person and they will try to project that in what they say to you. I've found that you need to ignore what people say, and focus on what they do. It seems simple, but it really isn't.

 

People will stretch the truth and sometimes outright lie in order to protect their integrity. "we need to slow down" is a death sentence. It is just a nicer way of dealing with things.

[Leigh 87]

The " not ready to be in a relationship with ANY one " line...

 

 

In some cases it could be the truth; they really are not in a place for a relationshipm, and they are actiely avoiding one.

 

 

That said - if a person falls for you and they were strongly against a relationship, they would have to either:

 

- stop seeing you, as real love would be too hard to ignore

- committ.

 

So, when that line is used on a girl that a guy continues to sleep with, it may or may not be true, but your certainly not the right girl for him, because he would not be able to continue seeing you without committing, and would therfore have to ignore them altogether!

[Titanwolf]

1. "I don't want/not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now."

 

What it means: I don't want to be in a relationship right now and sex isn't an option either.

 

3. "This is moving too fast/You're smothering me/We need to slow things down."

 

What it means: Please stop talking about marriage, kids, introducing me to your parents. Let's just take each day as it comes.

 

4. "We need to talk.

 

What it means: We need to talk about something I don't agree with, or a behaviour you've been exhibiting.

 

5. "I love you."

 

What it means: If a woman is ever lucky enough to hear me say this, it'll mean exactly what I think it means, my definition of love.

Edited August 22, 2012 by Titanwolf

[madjac74]

"No! Put your money away! This is my treat. I just enjoyed spending time with you"

 

What it means: "While I drive you home, your mouth should be on my penis."

[EasyHeart]

This applies to both men and women. Based on my dating experiences with men I've come across some lines that seem like a script men use when they mean the opposite.

 

My question is, what's so wrong with just being honest?!

 

So here's some examples of what I mean about date-speak and feel free to add your own.

 

1. "I don't want/not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now."

 

What it means: This 'disclaimer' is really the bait used to hook your date into a casual sex fling or FWB. It's enough to make the person come across to you as a challenge. And who doesn't like a challenge? Men/Women use this when they aren't that interested in their date, but interested enough to have some nice commitment-free sex with someone they like but don't want to commit to in the long term.

 

2. "But it didn't mean anything to me!"

 

What it means: Uh, yes it did or he/she wouldn't have done it. Well, the person they "did it with" meant nothing to them, but the sex was great so that meant something, or they wouldn't have done it/cheated on you in the first place.

 

3. "This is moving too fast/You're smothering me/We need to slow things down."

 

What it means: This is usually said when he/she realizes that they want "out" of their romantic situation but don't have the guts to respect their date enough to be honest about their desire to end things. So they try to back out slowly, and camouflage their true intentions behind mixed messages that are meant to confuse their date. Mixed messages include promises to commit, sweet nothing text messages, regular dates and phone calls, regular sex. Then they breakup with you.

 

4. "We need to talk.

 

What it means: Uh-oh. You're about to be dumped.

 

5. "I love you."

 

What it means: It can have multiple meanings. A horny response before/during/after sex. The actual Webster dictionary definition: a feeling of warm, personal attachment towards a person. Could mean the real thing. But then it doesn't necessarily mean the person actually does love you.

I think your problem is thinking that any of those statements need to be "decoded". They don't; they mean exactly what they say.

[El Brujo]

Anyone who thinks date-speak needs to be decoded, probably has no business being in a relationship anyway. If you think the other person is playing a codeword game, take the hint and leave.