Leigh 87 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 He told her that he would never marry anybody. He is just opposed to it no matter who it is. I guess the thing rubbing the salt in the wound is that he really doesn't seem to broken up about the breakup. He has a life goes on attitude about it. He said he just wants to get her out of the apartment and into her own place as soon as possible. That is terrible:( I would question the authenticity of the love in the first place, if my partner was not extremely devastated if I broke upw ith him...!!!! My partner is a " life goes" on type, who believes in just moving on..... VERY happy go lucky guy... and He thinks it is crazy to not be totally heartbroken over a person you truly love? Maybe some people can just switch of feelings. Hopefully no guy I ever come across romantically is like that! Again, if I were her: I would NOT believe he truly loved me, if he was not the least bit upset about losing me!
GLDheart Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 ^WTF how old was this chick GLD? We were both around 25 at the time. She was a good looking woman, smart too, but she truthfully scared me away with her behavior. it just sounds like she was delluded;. It's relevant to the Original Topic simply as an example of two people seeing the same relationship in WILDLY different ways. 1
kaylan Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 We were both around 25 at the time. She was a good looking woman, smart too, but she truthfully scared me away with her behavior. It's relevant to the Original Topic simply as an example of two people seeing the same relationship in WILDLY different ways. Jesus christ. What 25 year old woman gets clingy that fast and blows a one week "relationship" out of proportion like that? I was hoping youd say she was under 22. But at your mid 20s you gotta grow up. O wells.
FitChick Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Almost all divorced people say they will never remarry but plenty do -- men more than women. Her mistake was living with him or at the very least, not moving out sooner when their relationship was better because he might have missed her and reconsidered.
threebyfate Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 And it sort of makes my blood boil, how guys can stay with a girl they are not truly into, knowing full well she is crazy about him and would even like marriage at some point.... If they are decent guys and are able to find women, why not just go find a women who " does it" for them, or simply find someone who also only wants a casual arrangement?How dumb do you think most women are? Regarding marriage... Some guys change their mind.How dumb do you believe most men are?
quankanne Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I would question the authenticity of the love in the first place, if my partner was not extremely devastated if I broke up with him...!!!! wha???? You can't force someone to love you a certain way, because then it's not love, but a demand. I'd want someone to miss me, but not be extremely devastated, because that's just not healthy, IMO Woggle, whether your friend's ex can "claim victim status" isn't the question, but rather, "how fast is she going to claim it" ... because it sounds to me like she went into the relationship expecting certain things to play out even though he was honest about not wanting to be married. He should have set the record straight the minute she started seeing wedding gowns in her eyes, and she should have told him that her feelings of marriage had changed so that they could decide how to proceed. at this point, let's just hope she didn't get knocked up to force him into marriage :sick: 1
GLDheart Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 ...at this point, let's just hope she didn't get knocked up to force him into marriage :sick: Now a days that just forces you into a weekly payment.
threebyfate Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I don't see how everyone's putting any blame on him. He said he didn't want marriage, and she didn't care for it either until she changed. He didn't change with her. He was open about it at the beginning, and she was fine with it. She can't force him to change with her.I really think people should read and understand more, thus projecting less. He was clear. She was either stupid, manipulative or both. This is what happens when people don't listen.
Leigh 87 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I would question the authenticity of the love in the first place, if my partner was not extremely devastated if I broke up with him...!!!! wha???? You can't force someone to love you a certain way, because then it's not love, but a demand. I'd want someone to miss me, but not be extremely devastated, because that's just not healthy, IMO Woggle, whether your friend's ex can "claim victim status" isn't the question, but rather, "how fast is she going to claim it" ... because it sounds to me like she went into the relationship expecting certain things to play out even though he was honest about not wanting to be married. He should have set the record straight the minute she started seeing wedding gowns in her eyes, and she should have told him that her feelings of marriage had changed so that they could decide how to proceed. at this point, let's just hope she didn't get knocked up to force him into marriage :sick: No. I mean that I believe if it is true love, both parties would be devastated if they could not be together. I cannot understand how this guy in the OP is not really upset, if it was indeed true, deep love. My partner is not a big crier, but cried just being away from me for less than 2 weeks.... I think if your seriously atatched, you cannot just go your separate ways and be so uncaring about each other...and not desperately miss what you once had. Although I can understand people moving on fact and with seamingly minimal damage; IF the person who is not phased, was simply not that into them to begin with! I do not think it to be natural, to fall really in love with a person, yet not care if you separate...
threebyfate Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 No. I mean that I believe if it is true love, both parties would be devastated if they could not be together. I cannot understand how this guy in the OP is not really upset, if it was indeed true, deep love. My partner is not a big crier, but cried just being away from me for less than 2 weeks.... I think if your seriously atatched, you cannot just go your separate ways and be so uncaring about each other...and not desperately miss what you once had. Although I can understand people moving on fact and with seamingly minimal damage; IF the person who is not phased, was simply not that into them to begin with! I do not think it to be natural, to fall really in love with a person, yet not care if you separate...I'd ditch someone for pulling this faster than you can blink. That's a fact. My husband tried to pull something like this when we were engaged. Prior to our accidental pregnancy, he got anxious about our agreed upon timeline for children. Had he not backed down, I would have ditched him, even though I loved him like crazy. Some of us actually have some willpower. 2
Leigh 87 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I'd ditch someone for pulling this faster than you can blink. That's a fact. My husband tried to pull something like this when we were engaged. Prior to our accidental pregnancy, he got anxious about our agreed upon timeline for children. Had he not backed down, I would have ditched him, even though I loved him like crazy. Some of us actually have some willpower.[/QU Oh. Well if my partner does not go ahead with a marriage proposal within the next year, I would not wait around for long.... But I would be HEART broken, I could not merely " get over " a person I loved. I do not have great will power, but I know what I want out of my close, romantic relationships: in my case, I believe within a 2 year period, you should KNOW if your " the one" for each other, and at least propose or be proposed to.... I would definately walk away if my own partner had second thoughts about something he was previously passionate about, regarding marriage and children. Come to think of it I do not want children, despite my love of them ( for financial reasons mostly!) and if he turns 35 and wants biological kids, obviously he would have to pick me or his desire for kids. .....It is a tough one though! Not every one wants to just leave their long term partner....
Leigh 87 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 How dumb do you think most women are? How dumb do you believe most men are? And what do you mean, by those statements? SO many guys ( more so than us girls..) wills continue to see a girl, who they KNOW is really into them, when they themselves do NOT echo the feeling..... They could go and find a girl who WANTED a casual arrangement, or find a girl who " does it" for them, and who they are truly into... yet they continue to see some poor girl who's self esteem they crush, when she very CLEARLY loves him, while he simply does not feel the same way. Personally, I think it is a sh*tty thing to do, for a guy to continue with a girl who is clearly into them and wanting something long term, when the guy KNOWS she is not the one for him. Hence my posts; having the forsight to predict such outcomes, and only date people on the same wavelength as you! PLENTY of men do not bother doing this, because they are too lazy to find a new women to see, so they drag out relationships with girls they " like enough to hang out with and shag, yet not enough for a serious relationship)
threebyfate Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Oh. Well if my partner does not go ahead with a marriage proposal within the next year, I would not wait around for long.... But I would be HEART broken, I could not merely " get over " a person I loved. I do not have great will power, but I know what I want out of my close, romantic relationships: in my case, I believe within a 2 year period, you should KNOW if your " the one" for each other, and at least propose or be proposed to.... I would definately walk away if my own partner had second thoughts about something he was previously passionate about, regarding marriage and children. Come to think of it I do not want children, despite my love of them ( for financial reasons mostly!) and if he turns 35 and wants biological kids, obviously he would have to pick me or his desire for kids. .....It is a tough one though! Not every one wants to just leave their long term partner.... And what do you mean, by those statements? SO many guys ( more so than us girls..) wills continue to see a girl, who they KNOW is really into them, when they themselves do NOT echo the feeling..... They could go and find a girl who WANTED a casual arrangement, or find a girl who " does it" for them, and who they are truly into... yet they continue to see some poor girl who's self esteem they crush, when she very CLEARLY loves him, while he simply does not feel the same way. Personally, I think it is a sh*tty thing to do, for a guy to continue with a girl who is clearly into them and wanting something long term, when the guy KNOWS she is not the one for him. Hence my posts; having the forsight to predict such outcomes, and only date people on the same wavelength as you! PLENTY of men do not bother doing this, because they are too lazy to find a new women to see, so they drag out relationships with girls they " like enough to hang out with and shag, yet not enough for a serious relationship)Neither of these posts are relevant since the guy told her upfront that he didn't want to get married....ever. If someone tells you this and you tell them same, then change your mind, all you can do is ask for the change instead of demanding it. To up and leave in a huff about it, would be unbelievably irrational and inequitable to your partner. To leave because your needs have changed but in an adult manner, would be fine. Do you understand the distinction when it comes to ethical fair play, instead OMG I want this NOW, even though he doesn't and if he won't do what I tell him to do, he's a big jagoff?
Leigh 87 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Okay I understand where your coming from. I was still reeling from a poster who had an ongoing thing with a guy, who TOLD her she was not the one for him, and that his feelings would NEVER change... she alluded to wanting more and wanted more, but never said it clearly enough, albiet she did break up with him many times... I would be nice if, without having to spell it OUT to the dude, he could have figured out the situation for himself; she needed more and loved him, when he did not love her. He should have left if he had integrity. Not that he owed her anything, seeing as he DID tell her she was not the one for him... So there was no clear discussion from the get go I guess, where as in the OP's original post, they were both for it ( no marriage). It just reminded me of my own relationship, when we both thought marriage was a bit of a pointless joke, and now want it for ourselves. He told me he did not want marriage or a serious relationship in the beggining too. I agreed. Yet we still went ahead. I am guessing she meant it at first, but changed her mind. Where as he didn't. ...and wouldn't it totally suck for HER, if he finds another women later down the track, and DOES get married:mad:
Emilia Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Was he in the wrong even though he was 100% honest from the start? No but arguments and upsets are often not about right and wrong are they. She must have loved him and she is devastated because she allowed herself to be caught up in something emotionally that was never going work for her long term. That must suck. 1
EasyHeart Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I have a strange feeling of deja vu. . . .If you are saying I am falling off the wagon again that is not the case. I was telling him before the breakup to maybe reconsider his stance. If I found a marriage worthy woman maybe he can as well but he is not budging and he told her this from the start. If somebody is honest with you and you go ahead anyway that is on you.No, I meant that I have lived through this same story.
stillafool Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Was he in the wrong even though he was 100% honest from the start? No he was absolutely in the right. He made it clear to her from the beginning that he didn't want to marry and she has no one to blame but herself for the way things turned out. I don't understand why some people do this. It's like the women who say they want a FWB relationship with someone and then they obsess over the guy as if he is their boyfriend. Doesn't make sense.
joystickd Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 No but she will. Looking at this situation she at some point was really invested in him emotionally before he said I don't want marriage. It hurts her because she realizes there was nothing she could do to change him. It's not different than the woman that tries to sex her way into a relationship with a guy that wants FWB or a guy that likes a woman that clearly sees him only as a friend. That person with the feelings has to see the roadsigns that it's not working. I bet even if he had stepped away early she still would have pursued him.
Author Woggle Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Now he is wondering if this is a case of want what you can't have syndrome. She has plenty of guys who would be willing to marry her but she is broken up over the man who has said in no uncertain terms that he never will. The same happened with my FWB. We both agreed to that arrangement from the start but she caught feelings and got mad at me for sticking to it. I think it was because I was the first guy not to fall in love with her.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Actually...its both their faults. If he knew how she felt, he shouldn't have dated her. I dont date women who are on different wavelengths than me. Ever see the movie "500 Days of Summer"? Well the girl, Summer, I hated her at the end of the movie. Because she knew that JGL's character always saw her as someone special...as being the one for him. But she dated him anyway, despite knowing he wasnt going to be the right girl for her. So yeah...if two people arent on the same page...despite however honest everyone is, its not smart to date one another. Kaylan THANK YOU for saying this. I also hated Summer from that movie. Great advice. 1
Radu Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Actually...its both their faults. If he knew how she felt, he shouldn't have dated her. I dont date women who are on different wavelengths than me. No it's not, read the thread again. She was ok with the ideea of not marrying up to the last yr of the relationship. If he has any blame is that he stayed too much after he found out that she changed her mind.
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