Spreeley713 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I got out of a 6yr relationship back in March and come July I was ready to start dating again. There's this guy who has supposedly liked me for a really, really long time but I've always been unavailable and I didn't know he liked me until after I started telling everyone I had a crush on him. We went on a couple of dates and everything seemed cool. Then all of a sudden he starts blowing me off and pushing me away. We've made out heavy and when I try to initiate sex, he says he isn't ready. When I confronted him about his behavior, he says he still really likes me, but he's being cautious as he's been burned really bad in the past. Who hasn't? Anyway, it got to the point where I would only get to talk to him once a week at the most and it would be very platonic. I know he's not gay so that can't be it. Needless to say, I ended up drinking and went off on him for being flaky and inattentive. He still kept refusing to admit that he's just not into me but I forced him to say it so he could go back to work. It's driving me crazy. I just don't understand why a guy who supposedly has liked me for years, when he finally has a shot, would just blow it like that unless he decided he doesn't like me after all. What's the deal?
Author Spreeley713 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I did ask him if I was too aggressive and he said no. Not sure if/why he would lie about that. I don't play hard to get nor do I do the whole "rebound" thing. I find it illogical and a waste of time. Dating games don't suit my personality. My upfront nature has never been a problem in my dating life and I've dated alpha males and shy nerds alike. Plus, he's like me for years, so he should already know my personality. Then again, what the heck do I know as I'm on a public chat forum utterly confused.
soccerrprp Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 What happened the last time you had a date? Anything out of the ordinary, was he more distant than usual, etc. Are you or do you consider yourself more attractive than he? Do you know anything about his dating past? It could be a lot of things. One thought that came to mind was the whole chasing nonsense, but also perhaps he discovered something about you that blemished his fantasy view of you.
Author Spreeley713 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 He wasn't any less affectionate on our last date. Everything seemed fine. I think he's very handsome and would tell him all the time. He doesn't think he really is and kind of gets embarrassed when I say it. The only thing that really comes to mind is that a few weeks after we started "hanging out" a couple of my friends did tell him that I could do better than him and they don't know why I want to date him. However, I did make them apologize promptly once I found out.
truth_seeker Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 The only thing that really comes to mind is that a few weeks after we started "hanging out" a couple of my friends did tell him that I could do better than him and they don't know why I want to date him. However, I did make them apologize promptly once I found out. Your friends are losers for saying this to him. That's such a nasty thing to say and the only reason for it is jealousy.
Author Spreeley713 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I'm 32 and he's 33. That's the thing about him "not being into me". I had to block him from going to work and force him to say he didn't like me anymore. Yes, that sounds looney and it kind of is, but I was drunk and wanted to say "Aha!, I knew it!" so the whole situation would make sense to me and I would feel better. But it didn't work.
Alia_alia Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 It's sometimes really hard for humans to take a shot at something they really want. i.e - he might be too scared he's gonna **** it up. From my experience when a guy does not wanna have sex with you, but likes you, it means he's really afraid of just messing it up (i.e - having bad sex, or just letting go). In his mind, if he stops playing aloof you'll lose interest.... It's ****ed 1
Author Spreeley713 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 It's sometimes really hard for humans to take a shot at something they really want. i.e - he might be too scared he's gonna **** it up. From my experience when a guy does not wanna have sex with you, but likes you, it means he's really afraid of just messing it up (i.e - having bad sex, or just letting go). In his mind, if he stops playing aloof you'll lose interest.... It's ****ed If that was the case, then what he was afraid of came true and I ended things with him. It seems the two of you may not be a match. BTW, you are dating way too fast after a six year LTR. You need to be alone for a year and grow in a different direction. You are forcing the issue here. I believe "he is not into you." Move on and learn to be alone for a while. True, we're not a match. However, I don't believe there's a time span for when a person is ready to date after the crumbling of an LTR. I am fine being alone. I just wanted to understand what this guy's deal was. I don't actively look for love interests, but if one was to come around, I'm going to try and experience it even if it drives me bananas.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 You sound a little bit like the kind of girl that could be on the crazy/wild side, you're vocal and expressive, likely outgoing so taking that into consideration he probably weighed his options and decided you weren't worth the risk for the potential drama and problems at work. Another possibility is he's more on the conservative side or has to feel in control during the "courting" process...your sense of ease and willingness came off as a turn-off, possibly even making him feel emasculated or even found your eagerness as a sign of promiscuity. Lastly, he may feel his reputation may be in jeopardy with engaging too close of a relationship with you. Maybe it was all about the chase and the fact that you never gave in, and now that you are in and he's thinking about it...it's not a line he really wants to cross...not with a girl who get drunks and puts him on blast especially. I just think you sound like an uneasy and unsafe bet for him, not someone he's probably all that interested in after getting that far with you and having to really take that into consideration...that's why he pulled off and away, change of heart so to speak. Bottom line...you aren't worth the trouble.
Author Spreeley713 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 You sound a little bit like the kind of girl that could be on the crazy/wild side, you're vocal and expressive, likely outgoing so taking that into consideration he probably weighed his options and decided you weren't worth the risk for the potential drama and problems at work. Another possibility is he's more on the conservative side or has to feel in control during the "courting" process...your sense of ease and willingness came off as a turn-off, possibly even making him feel emasculated or even found your eagerness as a sign of promiscuity. Lastly, he may feel his reputation may be in jeopardy with engaging too close of a relationship with you. Maybe it was all about the chase and the fact that you never gave in, and now that you are in and he's thinking about it...it's not a line he really wants to cross...not with a girl who get drunks and puts him on blast especially. I just think you sound like an uneasy and unsafe bet for him, not someone he's probably all that interested in after getting that far with you and having to really take that into consideration...that's why he pulled off and away, change of heart so to speak. Bottom line...you aren't worth the trouble. I gave him the opportunity to be upfront with me instead of playing head games which resulted in me getting drunk and "putting him on blast". He just happens to work where I get my drinks at and I am friends with his coworkers so that was unfortunate...for him. Also, he knew me long enough to have established the kind of person I am prior to engaging into a tryst with me so that shouldn't have been an issue. I probably wasn't worth the trouble, but since I have more self-esteem than that, I'll go with "we weren't a good match".
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