Alia_alia Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Hey everyone, First post here and a long one, but I have to let it out to someone So there's this cool guy (A) who I've met through mutual friends. We were introduced last year, but never really talked. He is also pretty aloof / not very talkative. Fast forward to this summer. He came back from his trip to Europe and I met him at a predrink. He did not feel like going to the actual party and neither did I, so we spent a good few hours talking, and it seemed that we had a lot in common (good friend, I thought). Then 2 girls we both knew came and sat on our same couch. They started passing out on his shoulders as I was squished against him. He started running his fingers through my upper back, arms, neck, head in a magical way and it just felt sooooooo good. He took care of our 2 other friends (girls) and got them to his room, where they were going to sleep (I don't think they had sex). I didn't wanna ask him to stay so I just gave him a scratchy hug and drove home half drunk. Next time I saw him we talked just a little bit (again in a social gathering). We talked and he was trying to convey that he does not believe in 1-1 relationships and has other views on loving people. He went and took a walk with one of the girls who slept over at his place, so I left home. The girl is my close friend and she tells me they're just really good friends. Fast forward we went to a cottage with a group of friends. Him always quiet as he is, he was not giving me much attention. We finally got close one day and made a lot of conversation, in which he mentioned he was missing a lot these 2 girls he was really friends with (not sure if just friends). At night we took a walk at the beach, he put this really crazy good song on his phone and we literally spent 2 hours just looking at the waves together, we layed down a bit, cuddled, but again he did not try to kiss me. Next day, we went to the beach. Pretty good conversation, but he again did not ask for my number. Next time I saw him he seemed again distant. Did not want to come party with me and common friends. When I got back I tried to give him a hug but he just went to sleep. A few days ago I got really really drunk and blacked out. He was there, but I did not want him to see me in that state, so I just tried to hold on some other guy friends, who took care of me. In the morning we went together and did groceries. I let him drive my car and we have scheduled a camping adventure for next week. Thanks for reading, I had to let it out. Now for the questions: I do not know if he likes me, if I like him (I kind of do), but he seems to have different ideas for relationships and what they are like. I am very confused. Duuuh. Help me
pteromom Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 No, he doesn't seem to like you. Seems much of the time you are together, he runs off with other girls. I don't see where he texts or calls you all the time, or makes an effort to ask you out or see you. I don't see anything here. I do think he will take an opportunity to have sex with you though, if that is all you want. Seriously - he already told you he doesn't believe in 1-1 relationships, so where do you think this is going? You think you will change his mind? 1
The Way I Am Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) Meeting 1: He left you to go with 2 other girls. It could be that he's just noble and wanted to take care of them, so you can't judge by this instance alone. Meeting 2: He told you he doesn't believe in monogamous relationships. Then he walked away with another girl. Doesn't mean he's into that girl, but if he were into you, he would have been inclined to spend more time with you. You should take his statement about how he views relationships at face value. He might just be saying it because he wants to let you down easier or he might mean it. Either way, he just told you he doesn't want a relationship with you. That's pretty definite evidence he's not interested, and his later behavior supports it as well. Meeting 3: He didn't give you much attention initially. Then he had 2 whole hours where the two of you were alone. He could have made a move, asked you out, or asked for your number. He didn't. Meeting 4: He didn't want to go out with you and your friends. In my experience, when a guy is into a girl, he'll be interested in going anywhere to do pretty much anything if she's going. Meeting 5: You spent more time alone, and he still didn't make a move or express any interest in you. If you pursue him enough, he'll probably have sex with you, but he's not interested in a relationship with you. Edit: Also, please don't drink and drive. Edited August 21, 2012 by The Way I Am
Author Alia_alia Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) But the way he was touching me that first night and the way we cuddled for what felt like hours, felt very intimate / personal. meeting 1: we actually chilled til 4am -then he suggested we go crash. I mean we spent almost the whole night together. meeting 2: For the monogamous thing, he was stating it to everyone (aka not telling me he does not want me). He was just implying that he thinks developing connections with people is a process that just happens and "you should not be afraid or close yourself to such opportunities". I actually thought that was pretty pure. He is just really open minded. meeting 3: That night was just magical. I understood the beauty of his silence and his "not talkative" personality so well. We spent 2 hours not talking at all, but again he was caressing me, holding my hand, holding me. It really felt way better than if he had just asked my number. meeting 4: For the going out thing, he just generally is not into partying too much, says he did enough of it back in the day, alcohol is a ****ty drug and now just wants to chill and relax. meeting 5: I got so wasted that I blacked out. I don't really know if we actually spent time or if he made a move. But the next day he helped me out with groceries : )) To end it off - he also talks very nicely to me. Will compliment my looks or point of view sometimes, which he does not really do to other girls. Also between meeting 4 and 5, we went to a bar with a few friends, We had some drinks together, but nothing happened. Sometimes he seems just shy/introverted. Like most of the time when we re on the beach he will just read a book, or play some volleyball. Does not really socialize too much. He also might not know that I (might) like him. I mean I have a lot of guy friends and I have not verbally told him anything. Kind of waiting for him to make a move, but he just seems so introverted. Edited August 21, 2012 by Alia_alia
pteromom Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 But the way he was touching me that first night and the way we cuddled for what felt like hours, felt very intimate / personal. meeting 3: That night was just magical. I understood the beauty of his silence and his "not talkative" personality so well. We spent 2 hours not talking at all, but again he was caressing me, holding my hand, holding me. It really felt way better than if he had just asked my number. To YOU. Just because you were feeling a certain way does not mean he was feeling exactly the same way. What you described as "magical" may have been no big deal to him, and could be something he does with lots of girls. The bottom line: If he liked you, he'd be making an effort to see you. He isn't.
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