goodguy85 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 The week before I started NC, my ex and I had a heart to heart in person where I opened up to her, told her I love her and told her that the reason I became distant was because I felt under appreciated and she never told me that she loved me (2 year relationship, and I supported her financially). She replied that she still feels that she has mixed feelings now and that the breakup was for the best. I agreed with her and I told her that since she felt that way she should erase my contact until she clears her head and we both heal emotionally. Later on that night this was her text: I am soooo sorry for texting you. I know this is exactly why you wanted me to delete your phone number(which I did) but the number was still in my phone. For the same reason you needed to tell me I need to tell you too. I can’t stop crying since you left. I do love you very much (still) I can’t believe the miscommunication that ruined everything it seems so silly now and I really hope I didn’t make a big mistake. I just really need you to know that I do miss you and love you. Ok that’s it I won’t bother you again. I took that as a sign of possible reconciliation and contacted her that weekend, but she was with her friends (including a guy that is interested in dating her) and she said sorry if I misconstrued the text. She still feels she made the right decision. It feels that on the weekends when shes not working she’s having fun and doesn’t think 2x about me. I immediately started No contact after the last convo and Im on Day 12 NC. So my question is……….From that message, Am I just her “emotional tampon" and i should move on or is she suffering from “Grass is Greener” syndrome and she just needs time to clear her head?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 To carry on the metaphor, you need to cut the string. Don't let her manipulate you any more, which is exactly what she did. 1
moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I don't think you took that text the wrong way at all, you took it JUST as she meant you to take it, and now she's all confused again and hurting you more. I think she needs time to think about stuff, but she shouldn't drag you around. No contact!!
youngnlove89 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 You know, that's how these people work. They dump you, tell you one thing and then when THEY are down, they come back. Then when they got what they wanted (you succumbing to their weak moment in change giving them back their power), they leave again. I'm in the same position. They can't make up their mind, but in a way I think they did make up their mind. They decided to leave us and would we ever leave them? No, because we love them too much. That's the difference. We love them and they don't love us. People who really love someone don't leave them when things get tough. They work it out. She is choosing everyday not to be with you. Remember that. No Contact. Period. End of story. Don't just "cut the string", you need to dispose that dirty toxic filth and flush it down the toilet to where it belongs.
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 You certainly didn't miscontrue that txt msg. She led you on...but at the same time, she did mean to lead you on. I know, because I've been in a similar situation. I dated a guy for 3 years. I never told him I loved him very often, if ever. I didn't know if I did. I knew I liked him, felt comfortable with him, but never really was sure. When we finally broke up, I was devastated, but yet knew it was for the best. He was so in love and wanted to marry, I couldn't do it. I just knew at that point, it was over for me. When he left...I cried and cried and wondered if I made a huge mistake. I probably told him I loved him more after the breakup, than I did when we were together. He tried to distance himself from me to get over it. It hurt a lot at first, but the distance helped. He tried the NC with me, but that didn't make me want him back. I did miss him, but it didn't make me fall in love with him and want to get back together. Either it's there, or it's not. The NC is for you, not for her benefit. She may not have been in love with you, but she does love you. She spent all that time with you. There is a bond, attachment and a friendship that's hard to just throw away. Like I said, she does care for you, she just doesn't sound like she's in love with you. She's not a horrible person, she's just trying to get a grip on her feelings too which is why she may be back and forth a little. I know it's hard to see it now, but you will find someone you belong with, who will be able to give you 100%. My ex is now in a relationship with a new girl and very happy. He calls me once in a while just to see how I'm doing. 1
carhill Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 You become her tampon if you let the dynamic illustrated in the OP continue; specifically the pull-push. IMO, you are not currently her tampon but have a propensity to become one, simply because of the tone of your OP and the fact that you are here discussing it. Up to you where this goes. What worked for me was accepting that relationships are transitory and that her statements and actions terminating the relationship are authentic, acceptable and healthy. Next.
I'm nuts Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 (edited) The good thing about young people is that one day they all grow up and stop these silly things, look forward to that day!! Edited August 20, 2012 by I'm nuts typo
Author goodguy85 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks everyone. I have gone with several girls since the breakup but I obviously still had false hope that she might just needed space and time to dig deep down and see what she wants in her life. If I'm not on her mind anymore and if the majority of you are translating her text as guilt as opposed to genuine love, then I believe that permanent NC will be for the best.
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 It will be. Like I said. The NC is for your benefit, not hers.
flitzanu Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 i'm going with tampon, yes. i do think you misconstrued the text. she was being honest about her feelings, and that does not equate to wanting to reconcile. you came at her and told her you care and love her, blah blah, and she just replied saying the same thing. so, as mentioned, 'cut the string' and stop letting her rope you into her ego drama.
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