mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 About two years ago, I was on Facebook one Saturday night playing games when some guy sent me an IM. We began to chat and he asked to meet that night. So ... I said ok. We met at a restaurant nearby and had dinner. We chatted, we had a fairly nice night. I let him do the talking, he told me he used to be a cop and he now works in insurance. He told me a few sex related stories, I had a stone face and said nothing about it. I did not offer anything related to my stories pertaining to this. He walked me to my car and then said he thought he was going to have a wonderful time hanging out with me and he would call me soon. I never heard from him again. Not a phone call, email, IM, etc. If someone has not called within 24-48 hours after a get together, they won't. I never initiated contact with him afterward, but he simply "liked" a few comments I made on Facebook here and there. About a year ago, I went out with someone who became my next serious bf. When I changed my status to "in a relationship with (name)", that guy unfriended me. I wonder why he waited until then. Just ships that pass in the night, I realize, but I wonder still. Of course, since Facebook came out we have all reverted to a high school mentality again about comments and friending/unfriending people, but I guess he realized a whole YEAR later that he didn't have a chance.
GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 That's funny! I don't unfriend anyone! Well I haven't yet. I can't even imagine what would prompt me to do it.
TheFinalWord Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 About two years ago, I was on Facebook one Saturday night playing games when some guy sent me an IM. We began to chat and he asked to meet that night. So ... I said ok. We met at a restaurant nearby and had dinner. We chatted, we had a fairly nice night. I let him do the talking, he told me he used to be a cop and he now works in insurance. He told me a few sex related stories, I had a stone face and said nothing about it. I did not offer anything related to my stories pertaining to this. He walked me to my car and then said he thought he was going to have a wonderful time hanging out with me and he would call me soon. I never heard from him again. Not a phone call, email, IM, etc. If someone has not called within 24-48 hours after a get together, they won't. I never initiated contact with him afterward, but he simply "liked" a few comments I made on Facebook here and there. About a year ago, I went out with someone who became my next serious bf. When I changed my status to "in a relationship with (name)", that guy unfriended me. I wonder why he waited until then. Just ships that pass in the night, I realize, but I wonder still. Of course, since Facebook came out we have all reverted to a high school mentality again about comments and friending/unfriending people, but I guess he realized a whole YEAR later that he didn't have a chance. Hello, How recent were the likes? Reason I ask is b/c often on FB you can limit people to "only important" so that only updates FB considers significant will appear in your News Feed...he probably did not have you in his regular news feed, but things like relationship status updates would still pop up. For me, it would not have been anything personal to "unconnect" with you. I personally don't like the term "unfriend"; to me its largely a marketing tactic to ensure brand loyalty. I'd say only 20 of my 700 "friends" on FB are actual friends I keep in touch with on a regular basis. The rest are social connections separated by varying degrees. If there was a woman I went out with once years earlier and saw no progress with, I would just remove her b/c we're no longer a social connection. For me it would be nothing personal For example, one girl I was talking to on FB wrote me with an excuse about this that and the other. I thanked her for a time and removed her on FB. Nothing is happening, why do I want that person to have full access to my life and information? Just me though and probably the way a lot of guys think. PS: If a guy is bringing up sex stories on a first date he's either a social ignoramus or is looking for casual sex. You didn't give off those vibes (good for you IMHO) so he lost interest. No loss on your end. This guy sounds like a creep.
Emilia Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 About two years ago, I was on Facebook one Saturday night playing games when some guy sent me an IM. We began to chat and he asked to meet that night. So ... I said ok. We met at a restaurant nearby and had dinner. We chatted, we had a fairly nice night. I let him do the talking, he told me he used to be a cop and he now works in insurance. He told me a few sex related stories, I had a stone face and said nothing about it. I did not offer anything related to my stories pertaining to this. He walked me to my car and then said he thought he was going to have a wonderful time hanging out with me and he would call me soon. I never heard from him again. Not a phone call, email, IM, etc. If someone has not called within 24-48 hours after a get together, they won't. I never initiated contact with him afterward, but he simply "liked" a few comments I made on Facebook here and there. He was after sex, hence the last minute arrangement and the sex stories. About a year ago, I went out with someone who became my next serious bf. When I changed my status to "in a relationship with (name)", that guy unfriended me. I wonder why he waited until then. Just ships that pass in the night, I realize, but I wonder still. Of course, since Facebook came out we have all reverted to a high school mentality again about comments and friending/unfriending people, but I guess he realized a whole YEAR later that he didn't have a chance. Perhaps or maybe he just forgot about you and only remembered when he saw the 'in a relationship' update. I don't even know how you noticed that he unfriended you. He isn't a friend, who cares?
gaius Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Some guys will hang in there for decades if they think there's a chance. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Hello, How recent were the likes? Reason I ask is b/c often on FB you can limit people to "only important" so that only updates FB considers significant will appear in your News Feed...he probably did not have you in his regular news feed, but things like relationship status updates would still pop up. For me, it would not have been anything personal to "unconnect" with you. I personally don't like the term "unfriend"; to me its largely a marketing tactic to ensure brand loyalty. I'd say only 20 of my 700 "friends" on FB are actual friends I keep in touch with on a regular basis. The rest are social connections separated by varying degrees. If there was a woman I went out with once years earlier and saw no progress with, I would just remove her b/c we're no longer a social connection. For me it would be nothing personal For example, one girl I was talking to on FB wrote me with an excuse about this that and the other. I thanked her for a time and removed her on FB. Nothing is happening, why do I want that person to have full access to my life and information? Just me though and probably the way a lot of guys think. PS: If a guy is bringing up sex stories on a first date he's either a social ignoramus or is looking for casual sex. You didn't give off those vibes (good for you IMHO) so he lost interest. No loss on your end. This guy sounds like a creep. Are you saying that you don't consider ME a close friend? :mad: 1
xxoo Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Maybe it was a coincidence that you changed your status, and he was generally "pruning" his fb list that day.
TheFinalWord Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Are you saying that you don't consider ME a close friend? :mad: You're one of the 20 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 You're one of the 20 I like the way you think
sbglobal2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Unfriending some people on Facebook is often an essential part of the process of moving on to the next stage of our life.
Taramere Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 God. I don't get this "pruning people on Facebook" thing. I've deleted people on very rare occasions that I actively fell out with them, or they fell out with me, and it was serious enough (or the friendship was superficial enough) that I felt 100% sure that it was the end of the friendship. Otherwise, I don't really see the need. When you realise somebody has deleted you, it feels like a mildly hostile act. I might not be overly perturbed by that hostile act, and I wouldn't react in a hostile way...but unfriend me in some Darwinian "pruning" measure, childish huff over nothing or whatever other reason makes people defriend those they haven't actually fallen out with, and you'd better mean for the "defriending" to be a permanent measure. 3
Emilia Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I prune. I suppose it depends on how you see facebook. I friend people for various reasons (we often share a hobby and for a larger group it's an easy way to communicate) but I also like light contact because I want connection with people on my friend list. My friend list never goes above 120. It's not meant to be hostile it's just weird to me to have people on my list with whom I have very little or only one-sided contact. It does mean that I don't envisage much contact with that person in the future though. Even if we share a hobby we perhaps don't end up sharing experiences in the future after all so for them to be on my list is meaningless (to me).
Taramere Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I prune. I suppose it depends on how you see facebook. I friend people for various reasons (we often share a hobby and for a larger group it's an easy way to communicate) but I also like light contact because I want connection with people on my friend list. My friend list never goes above 120. It's not meant to be hostile it's just weird to me to have people on my list with whom I have very little or only one-sided contact. It does mean that I don't envisage much contact with that person in the future though. Even if we share a hobby we perhaps don't end up sharing experiences in the future after all so for them to be on my list is meaningless (to me). I suppose. To me, Facebook is a sort of address book so I would see a deletion as an "I'm burning my bridges with this person" statement. That said, Art was talking recently about deleting people whose political updates were annoying him...and I can sort of understand that. I might be tempted to delete somebody who was forever bombarding Facebook with status updates..but if it's a person who pretty much keeps themselves to themselves on Facebook, and who I hadn't fallen out with, it wouldn't occur to me to delete them. 1
Emilia Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I suppose. To me, Facebook is a sort of address book so I would see a deletion as an "I'm burning my bridges with this person" statement. That said, Art was talking recently about deleting people whose political updates were annoying him...and I can sort of understand that. I might be tempted to delete somebody who was forever bombarding Facebook with status updates..but if it's a person who pretty much keeps themselves to themselves on Facebook, and who I hadn't fallen out with, it wouldn't occur to me to delete them. I suppose I never thought that people I had little contact with would care whether I deleted them or not.
Taramere Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I suppose I never thought that people I had little contact with would care whether I deleted them or not. I suppose it depends. I've got a few who are people I met on a stupid Facebook game ages ago, and a few who were in a group I started. In those situations that are internet based I wouldn't care, assuming I noticed the deletion...but otherwise, well I'd definitely feel odd about bumping into somebody at a social thing, knowing they had deleted me off their Facebook list. It's got that "I've crossed you off my Xmas cards list" vibe about it.
Anela Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I suppose. To me, Facebook is a sort of address book so I would see a deletion as an "I'm burning my bridges with this person" statement. That said, Art was talking recently about deleting people whose political updates were annoying him...and I can sort of understand that. I might be tempted to delete somebody who was forever bombarding Facebook with status updates..but if it's a person who pretty much keeps themselves to themselves on Facebook, and who I hadn't fallen out with, it wouldn't occur to me to delete them. Neither would I. I've deleted a few family members, over serious arguments and rudeness, but with those I've been unsure about, I hid their updates. Last year, I started to block anyone who deleted me with no warning. It doesn't happen often, but it's annoying. 1
Art_Critic Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I suppose. To me, Facebook is a sort of address book so I would see a deletion as an "I'm burning my bridges with this person" statement. That said, Art was talking recently about deleting people whose political updates were annoying him...and I can sort of understand that. I might be tempted to delete somebody who was forever bombarding Facebook with status updates..but if it's a person who pretty much keeps themselves to themselves on Facebook, and who I hadn't fallen out with, it wouldn't occur to me to delete them. What my little pruning helped teach me is that I should only put people on my FB that I feel are real friends. The people I waxed off my list because they were using FB for their own political platform I could have just ignored or stopped their updates but I felt like if I had to do that then they really aren't my friends.. so why have them on my FB account anyhow.. and just so you know.. it wasn't about what they were posting politically.. it was just the fact that they were trying to sway people to their opinion with their repeated postings, as if they were working for a political office trying to help get someone elected... I hate that.. of course I also hate most bumper stickers for the same reason.. they aren't on a car for the benefit of the car owner.. they are there to force their views on the person sitting in traffic behind them.. Advertising...hahaha I make my money by it but also hate how it works sometimes. 2
Taramere Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Neither would I. I've deleted a few family members, over serious arguments and rudeness, but with those I've been unsure about, I hid their updates. Last year, I started to block anyone who deleted me with no warning. It doesn't happen often, but it's annoying. Sometimes I've thought a person deleted me, and then they've reappeared later (ie because they disabled their account temporarily). Times I've fallen out a bit with somebody, but felt it would likely be resolved, I did what you did and hid their updates on seeing that they were being passive aggressive. I think often people say things they later regret on Facebook, and the "block updates" facility is useful in terms of not being provoked by passive aggressive stuff. We've got this local political issue that keeps rearing its head, and it has caused an astounding number of fall-outs between long term friends. I've seen a few "I have now been deleted by X, folks!" style updates from people in their 30s, 40s and 50s. Facebook can be a great resource for helping us to make fools of ourselves! That's partly why I disabled my wall. As an address book, great...but socialising a lot on Facebook (ie conversations anybody on my friends list can see, as opposed to private chats) is something I try to steer clear of due to the potential for drama. 1
veggirl Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I delete people I don't talk to, who cares? If someone was offended by that...well tough I guess. I'm not sure why I'd need people from high school for example all over my FB if I am not actually friends with them, or people from old jobs I no longer speak to...or whatever the case may be. FB is for people who are a part of my life. I am not sure why anyone would give a crap, to be offended by that seems really petty/insecure esp if we are nothing more than acquaintances. I have about 85 FB friends.
Emilia Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I've experienced very little hostility, animosity or hectoring on facebook. I've also blocked updates for a while when I didn't want to delete someone but thought their updates inane. For me it really just comes down to indifference in the end when there is no contact anymore. Most of the time I think the feeling is mutual. 1
Emilia Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I delete people I don't talk to, who cares? If someone was offended by that...well tough I guess. I'm not sure why I'd need people from high school for example all over my FB if I am not actually friends with them, or people from old jobs I no longer speak to...or whatever the case may be. FB is for people who are a part of my life. I am not sure why anyone would give a crap, to be offended by that seems really petty/insecure esp if we are nothing more than acquaintances. I have about 85 FB friends. Well yeah, pretty much. People come and go in your life basically. I have 106 people currently for very similar reasons.
veggirl Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 yeah I've never had anyone talk to me about unfriending them. I have had them re-request me and sometimes add them back when they do that.
Anela Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What my little pruning helped teach me is that I should only put people on my FB that I feel are real friends. The people I waxed off my list because they were using FB for their own political platform I could have just ignored or stopped their updates but I felt like if I had to do that then they really aren't my friends.. so why have them on my FB account anyhow.. and just so you know.. it wasn't about what they were posting politically.. it was just the fact that they were trying to sway people to their opinion with their repeated postings, as if they were working for a political office trying to help get someone elected... I hate that.. of course I also hate most bumper stickers for the same reason.. they aren't on a car for the benefit of the car owner.. they are there to force their views on the person sitting in traffic behind them.. Advertising...hahaha I make my money by it but also hate how it works sometimes. My Dad has signs on his van, because he hates Obama. I tend to forget about them, but every so often you see someone checking them out, and laughing - and then there was the one time I found a small stick tucked into the window, with "Long live socialism" written on it. 1
Anela Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Sometimes I've thought a person deleted me, and then they've reappeared later (ie because they disabled their account temporarily). Times I've fallen out a bit with somebody, but felt it would likely be resolved, I did what you did and hid their updates on seeing that they were being passive aggressive. I think they've made it now, so that deactivated accounts still show up (at least on timeline), but I would check first, if I was surprised at the disappearance. I think often people say things they later regret on Facebook, and the "block updates" facility is useful in terms of not being provoked by passive aggressive stuff. We've got this local political issue that keeps rearing its head, and it has caused an astounding number of fall-outs between long term friends. I've seen a few "I have now been deleted by X, folks!" style updates from people in their 30s, 40s and 50s. Facebook can be a great resource for helping us to make fools of ourselves! That's partly why I disabled my wall. As an address book, great...but socialising a lot on Facebook (ie conversations anybody on my friends list can see, as opposed to private chats) is something I try to steer clear of due to the potential for drama. I see updates like that from the woman I mentioned the other day, who seems to always be in a fight. I've also seen a few friends fall out over a miscommunication there - women who considered each other to be sisters. My aunt was angry that I blocked her there; she shouldn't have been rude. I delete people I don't talk to, who cares? If someone was offended by that...well tough I guess. I'm not sure why I'd need people from high school for example all over my FB if I am not actually friends with them, or people from old jobs I no longer speak to...or whatever the case may be. FB is for people who are a part of my life. I am not sure why anyone would give a crap, to be offended by that seems really petty/insecure esp if we are nothing more than acquaintances. I have about 85 FB friends. I had a few people delete me over lies (in 2010). They added me again at some point, when the truth came out. I decided after that, that if someone would just ditch me in any form, without informing me that there was anything wrong (or that I should know about), then that was it. They believed lies, and didn't even ask me about them. With acquaintances, I'm not hurt, I just wonder why they added me in the first place. They add me and proceed to not engage me, but expect me to comment on everything they post. I've gone back to being more careful about who I add now.
It's Just Me Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 A) Nobody makes it to my FB list unless we know each other well and I have given it considerable thought. B) I reserve the right to unfriend anyone who posts irritating status updates every 15 minutes, or constantly sends me game requests and stupid flowers and teddy bears, or who uses FB to create drama or bitch about their lives. If, as a newly-added friend, you fall into any of these categories, consider yourself immediately unfriended. C) If something happens/changes, I do not hesitate to unfriend. You don't get to know what's going on with me if we are no longer friends in real life. This especially applies to ex-boyfriends. As much as I hate FB on so many levels, it also allows me to stay in touch with family I only get to see once or twice a year. And, my friends and I are all into photography, so... FB is a great way to share our pictures with each other and plan our next outings/events. For these reasons, I love FB.
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