GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 (edited) So I really wanted someone to commiserate with. So I am going to share a story. I'll try to keep it brief. Around 2 weeks ago I did something out of my routine, and I went to a cafe I only visit on the weekend during the week on a day off. It was like a whole new world of leisurely people catching up with friends and relaxing. I planned to use my ereader, but ended up getting sucked into conversations with my fellow patrons. I had been there for a good amount of time, and the couple I was talking to left, so I started to read my book. A guy comes in and chats with the workers and the other people. He talks to the server, and I ended up jumping into their conversation. We are all chatting, and the guy introduces himself to me. We end up talking amongst ourselves and the servers for over an hour. When I was about to leave, he proposed being facebook friends. We friend each other. I make a little more small talk and leave. I was like, what a let down! He didn't ask for my number. Anyway over the next week, I see his posts on facebook. We comment back and forth on posts here and there. I decided to make a move. And asked him to meet me the next week for coffee. It is really strange being friends on facebook first. I ended up feeling privy to info that I wouldn't have found out in early stage dating. And the more I found out. The more I liked him. So I go to the cafe, and beat him there. It was midweek again. I end up chatting with the other people while I am waiting for him. As it turns out, one of them was one of his closest friends. (As I found out when he arrived) We ended up talking, mostly amongst the three of us. We share some tea. We end up sitting there for around 3 hours! We decided to go to dinner too. Conversation was really easy with both of them, and I ended up learning a lot about him. Of course I was smitten. When it was all said and done, we spent around 5 hours together! I was amazed he survived such a long evening, he was sleep deprived when we started. So our meeting wasn't really a date. We parted with a long hug. There was good eye contact the whole outing. So even though it wasn't a real date, it felt "successful." They kept talking up all of the ways we could hang out in the future.... I ended up dropping him a note a few days later, with my number and an invitation to do something else someday. A day or two, I invited him out to something next weekend -- something I am pretty sure he'd be into. And now I am playing the waiting game..... Too aggressive? I don't know, but I figured it was worth a shot. Edited August 20, 2012 by GirlontheLam
bobsmith76 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Not aggressive at all, but I'm come from the school that women would save themselves a lot more grief and anguish if they would go after what they want more often than not. In my opinion guys like it when a woman makes a move. By the way, given that you were drinking tea, are you English? Also, I want to advise you to really remain steadfast to this guy unless of course you find out something you don't like. I'm 35 and it's just so rare that you get into 5 hour conversations with the opposite sex.
O'farrell Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 What does this man look like and how old is he?
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 What does this man look like and how old is he? I am not english (neither is he...) We both just happen to be into tea! (And apparently all of his friends are. Over the 2 experiences with him, I have met quite a few of his friends/social circle already) He is a cute. A geeky, arty guy. Does wood working, write music, likes fast cars, and he's a computer nerd! He's 29. (I am 34) I have to refrain from commenting on his facebook statuses! If we were "friends" I'd be commenting all over the place. It is like he is in my head. It is so strange! But I feel like I have dropped so many hints. My brain is thinking...make a move! You already know what I like! And I know he was paying attention, since he referenced stuff from earlier conversations as we talked later. So tricky! But it is really rare I feel that comfortable with someone so fast.
O'farrell Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I am not english (neither is he...) We both just happen to be into tea! (And apparently all of his friends are. Over the 2 experiences with him, I have met quite a few of his friends/social circle already) He is a cute. A geeky, arty guy. Does wood working, write music, likes fast cars, and he's a computer nerd! He's 29. (I am 34) I have to refrain from commenting on his facebook statuses! If we were "friends" I'd be commenting all over the place. It is like he is in my head. It is so strange! But I feel like I have dropped so many hints. My brain is thinking...make a move! You already know what I like! And I know he was paying attention, since he referenced stuff from earlier conversations as we talked later. So tricky! But it is really rare I feel that comfortable with someone so fast. How tall is he and how tall are you?
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I tend to just jump into innocuous conversations all the time. This was one of those situations. He then introduced himself. Such a good move! What I'd reccommend, coffee shop conversations are pretty easy. Here are two ice breakers: In line: What's your favorite drink here? Or what's your usual way to get your caffeine fix? At a table: Can I borrow your newspaper? It is really crowded, can I share your table? Are you using that plug?
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 How tall is he and how tall are you? I am around 5'4" and he is maybe 5'10" or so?
bamp78 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Sounds like a friend thing but whatev go with it and see what happens! You have nothing to lose and really what does differing hight have to do with it?!
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Sounds like a friend thing but whatev go with it and see what happens! You have nothing to lose and really what does differing hight have to do with it?! As someone who can be touchy feely, but not always. I don't really know how to read his body language. Who could be a touchy feely guy. Or he could reserve it for people he is interested in. So I can't even use the fact that we hugged a few times as evidence or denial on what he is looking for! I tried to send over positive body language signals....but it might as well be morse code!
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I am not a coffee drinker but i sure as chit and gonna become one now. Great way to meet new people. Seriously. I don't always make friends at the coffee shop, but I could if I wanted. There is always someone interesting to chat with. It usually doesn't feel too contrived either. And when you get rejected, you can just go back to reading your book or whatever, and not sulk away.
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 So a little update on my crush: Haven't confirmed any plans with him yet. I asked him out. He is tentatively booked, but wants to go....... So I am in a little bit of limbo! For the moment, it looks like we are stuck with facebook stalking each other until our schedules match up. (He has a ridiculously random work schedule and some other projects filling up his time. I am a sort of nine to fiver with some self decided OT)
runner Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I am not english (neither is he...) We both just happen to be into tea! (And apparently all of his friends are. Over the 2 experiences with him, I have met quite a few of his friends/social circle already) He is a cute. A geeky, arty guy. Does wood working, write music, likes fast cars, and he's a computer nerd! He's 29. (I am 34) I have to refrain from commenting on his facebook statuses! If we were "friends" I'd be commenting all over the place. It is like he is in my head. It is so strange! But I feel like I have dropped so many hints. My brain is thinking...make a move! You already know what I like! And I know he was paying attention, since he referenced stuff from earlier conversations as we talked later. So tricky! But it is really rare I feel that comfortable with someone so fast. the bolded is interesting. just to clarify- are you saying that you refrain from commenting on his page and posts because of how you feel about him ? i wonder if this is true for others or if it's just me and you
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 the bolded is interesting. just to clarify- are you saying that you refrain from commenting on his page and posts because of how you feel about him ? i wonder if this is true for others or if it's just me and you LOL! I know I would comment on all of them...but it might seem a little ridiculous. But if we were already friends, then he would get a lot more comments. Now I have commented on a few. (He is reading mine too!) The thing is, I am super sarcastic. It doesn't come off well, if you don't already know me. It just sounds mean and snarky........ It is just much better for us to know each other more, so he'll get my sense of humor, instead of it being out of context.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 OP, I don't necessarily think you were being too aggressive...however... You've done enough initiating and "chasing" for the moment. You asked him out on Facebook, then dropped by again and gave him your number (he didn't ask for it on your first "date"? Bizarre.), and proposed another meet up. Leave the ball in his court and let him make the next move. Don't drop him little Facebook messages or texts to remind him you'd like to see him...I think you've made it more than clear that you're interested. Let him do a little work now.
runner Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 LOL! I know I would comment on all of them...but it might seem a little ridiculous. But if we were already friends, then he would get a lot more comments. Now I have commented on a few. (He is reading mine too!) The thing is, I am super sarcastic. It doesn't come off well, if you don't already know me. It just sounds mean and snarky........ It is just much better for us to know each other more, so he'll get my sense of humor, instead of it being out of context. yea sure i get it. which is why i prefer not to friend girls i'm actually interested in possibly dating. but then they do it, and i'm like fine whatever i hate facebook.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 yea sure i get it. which is why i prefer not to friend girls i'm actually interested in possibly dating. but then they do it, and i'm like fine whatever i hate facebook. Agreed. I actually "deactivated" my account after the conclusion of my last relationship...for multiple reasons. Mainly avoidance of drama. When I started dating, I realized how glad I was that I wasn't on Facebook. It was so liberating to just say "Nope, don't have one." I reactivated mine about 6 months into my current relationship, but if I'm ever single again, it's going back into hiding. Facebook takes so much of the fun and mystery out of dating. I'd urge the OP to control her "FB-stalker" tendencies. 1
tigressA Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I agree with Just a Poster--he's not interested romantically. If he were, he would've been more aggressive in pursuing you. This reminds me of a situation I had with a former coworker. I wasn't sure at first; things were ambiguous. I had given him my number, we hung out all the time at work, we got together outside of work a couple of times, etc. I thought he was just kinda shy, but he never saw me as more than a friend. I found out when I asked him out on a date. Quit chasing after this guy and find someone who's actually interested.
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 You are in the FZ. Probably. I passed him the ball......we'll see what happens.
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 I wonder if you were a bit too intense. And to top it off you say you are obsessed. I agree that some men that are players like aggressive women, however, other guys like a more subtle approach. There is still plenty of hope. Just try a different approach. Be flirty and sexy. Be touchy and friendly. Continue the friendship in FB and keep going to the Coffee shop. I personally get turned off by excessive interest and I am sure I am not the only one. So use your female charm. Either I'll run into him or we'll schedule something....and then take it from there...... Or I have a new facebook friend.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 It's not gonna happen. He is just not interested. If he was, you would surely know by now....
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 (edited) ES, you may be right. However, OP stated the guy was a bit of a geek and these men are not like your typical players that want vaginas 24/7. It also seems like he is the type that gets sucked into something and neglects his friends (based on my conversation with him and his good friend). I am thinking there are benefits to meeting someones good friends right away. You end up learning a ton about them right off the bat. But yes, this guy is definitely super geeky: interests are computers, video games, comic books, sci-fi TV shows and metal fabrication. Pretty much the whole list of geekdom besides anime. "Facebook stalking" for me isn't too hardcore. I visit a few times a day, and read the posts at the top. If I see yours, great. If I don't oh well. His seem to be at the top of my feed, so I have seen lots of them. Comment if it is relevant. Like with everyone else I know. I don't use facebook chat, I try not to linger on the FB page too long, in case someone initiates a chat. Then I get annoyed. We got on really well, so I imagine there is room for some sort of relationship. Friendship or otherwise. He seems like a cool guy, so I'd want to get to know him. Edited August 24, 2012 by GirlontheLam
Author GirlontheLam Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Thought I'd post a mini update. We are meeting up tomorrow for a one on one outing!
tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Thought I'd post a mini update. We are meeting up tomorrow for a one on one outing! Good! Have fun!
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 How tall is he and how tall are you? I think the questions you're asking about this are … odd. 1
hestheone66 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Hi.. for what it's worth, my opinion is that if he is the sort of person who is easily distracted by projects/stuff away from people, then maybe he's not mature enough or confident enough to have a r'ship. Given that you're obsessed, has it crossed your mind that the endless hours purusing geekish things may mean he is in fact a lousy lover- afterall it does take practice to be adept in the fine arts of love... and therefore avoiding getting entangled with a woman, aggressive enough to make a move - he may (rightly or wrongly) assume you're very sexually experienced and he would be inadequate to your needs, therefore keeping things ambiguous is safer
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