Got myself into a mess!!

[miss_heavyweight]

Hello, my name is Ashley. I am new to this board and quite honestly, I have never been one to ask for relationship advice because up to this point, I really haven't come across any difficult people.

 

This is a very unique situation (meaning, this doesn't happen often and I never anticipated getting myself in this mess!) but I am stuck now and as much as I try to turn my feelings off, I just cant - not right now anyways.

 

So about 4 months ago I was just browsing youtube (I love music and was actually watching music videos) when I came across one in particulr. What I did here was not unusual (I don't think!) but there was a very cute guy in the video and I just had to google him. Although I DID find out his name, there was really not much info on him at all. The video he was in was pretty underground so I don't think that he did much after that but he was so damn cute! Long story short - I found him on facebook and added him and that was it - no big deal.

 

I never would have inboxed him but he INBOXED ME!! He wrote "I just have to say I think your quite the cutie." This really caught me off guard I was not expecting this at all. He has about 900 friends and I mean, out of all of those, he messaged me? So weird ...

 

I was so shocked when I saw the message that I kinda just sat there staring at it. I mean, what do I say to that? I really was at a loss for words but it made my night nonetheless.

 

After staring at the message for a good 20 min I decided to write back and give him a bit to go on (so he would reply back lol) but not too much that I sounded like a nutcase. We got to talking and eventually he did give me his cellphone so I could text him.

 

So here's the problem ... He lives in the US and I am currently residing in Canada. Ultimately I want to move to the US because I want to become a Nurse Anesthetist - which we don't have here in Canada. I will be finished school in 2 years and that is when I hope to move to the US.

 

Things were going good between us - talking - I don't expect much because we are so far apart but he did seem interested in me and without a doubt, if I lived closer, things would be a lot different. But I find that he is very "inconsistent," meaning I feel as though most of our convos are hit and miss. Sometimes I will ask him a question about himself and he wont answer it - actually he does this often. He tells me some things but even if I ask him something nonpersonal like "What is your favorite genre of music?" He ends up doging it. It bothers me because he does this more often than not and he really doesn't ask me a whole lot about me. I always thought that if a person was interested in you they would be curious to know what you are about! But I will ask him a question and most people will answer the question and then ask "What about you?" But he doesn't - sometimes he doesn't even reply back!!

 

I understand he probably doesn't take this whole situation serious and I think that is why I can't get upset when he ignores or dodges my questions. I have asked him a few times if he would prefer if I let him be but he says no- that he wants me to continue to message him but he just hates texting and would rather talk either a) on the phone or b) in person.

 

Now I don't chase guys - never been that type of girl! But I am willing to call him if that is what he preferred but it seems as though he always has an excuse! I don't really believe what he says a lot of the time because I can spot bull**** when I see it. He will say his phone is broken and that he can hear the person talk but they cant hear him. He says he is hoping to get a phone soon and was supposed to get one this Friday ... but it will be $200 dollars!! He acted as though that was a crazy amount of money or something. Sorry but in my head I was like "$200 should be a piece of cake!" But if NOT then get a cheaper phone! I basically told him that if he wanted to talk to me bad enough then he would get a phone! I don't play games, be straight up with me, I understand he has a lot going on but so do I, so don't waste my time! (I did not say this though!).

 

He is in summer school for a 6 month program and he seems to keep busy but I mean, I am busy too but I still find a way to put in an effort. I go to school 90 min away and I commute there - everyday! I work part-time, I workout 6-7 days a week (I want to compete in a figure competition), so I would like to think that I lead a pretty busy life too, but if you like someone enough you make an effort - no matter how busy you are!

 

But this guy does have a few issues. I heard some pretty bad things about him (I wont mention them here) but he is far from where he wants to be in life... But I don't judge. I want to be successful and have a nice home, car, etc but I don't expect a guy to provide that for me, so I hope he doesn't think I am one of "those" girls - cos I am not.

 

So what do I do?? I can't stop talking to him because I don't feel as though it's really something I should be upset with him for - the situation is weird, people don't usually meet from other countries, let alone take it seriously. Should I just wait til I finish school and contact him then when I am in his reality?

 

Thank you;)

 

Ashes

[soulm8]

Hey Ashes, welcome to LS!

 

By what you shared, it looks like you should leave him be. He's treating you like a groupie... you're only purpose to him is to feed his ego when he wants attention. Nothing will come of this.

 

It's not so hard to imagine why he'd message you shortly after friending him on FB... so what if he has 900+ friends, you were one of the latest and he was curious.

 

You deserve better... you know it.

[miss_heavyweight]

Thank you both of you:) I appreciate it and you guys are right:) But here's the thing, he isn't in a band or anything lol, he was in one video and for maybe 20 seconds heh. He was really hard to find too cos he hasn't been in any other videos and that video is like 2 years old.

 

But here's what I did yesterday. I messaged him and told him I think it would be best if I leave things be and stop texting because I feel like its a waste of time (I truly think it is!). I told him I still want to be his friend but I am going to refrain from texting and then he gets upset and was like "Why are you going to just stop talking to me? Do you like another guy?" (this caught me off guard btw cos I thought he wouldn't care...) And then I just wrote back "I dunno, I guess? No. It's not cos of another dude(It isn't - it's cos I feel I am wasting my time!). And he texted me back and was like "So really your going to stop talking to me, why?"

 

I felt bad So regardless - I did try to do the right thing but he doesn't want me to stop talking to him & I felt awful for even saying it cos he seemed shocked that I was even considering that ....

 

Any more advice for that?? heh. He is confusing me bigtime ...

[pteromom]

There's nothing too confusing here. He likes you but he doesn't LIKE you. Not enough to put in effort, ask you questions, really get to know you.

 

I would keep talking to him - as friends. Let him be your friend, but don't look for more where there isn't more.

 

He IS shocked that you would quit talking to him. Because it sounds nuts to him. He looks at you as one of many friends he talks to, and you are saying his friendship is a "waste of time". I'd be confused too!

 

You are looking at this whole situation as much more meaningful than it is.

[whichwayisup]

Honestly, that is his ego talking. He has no interest in how your day was, whats on your mind, who your favorite band or author is. All he cares about is getting what is between your legs, I know that sounds rude and harsh, but that is the truth.

 

He wreaks of a Pick Up Artist, his lame attempt to try and guilt you into keep talking to him solidifies my theory. But just looking out for you. I am a guy and I know guys and how they act. The fact that there was no platonic reciprocity speaks volumes. I hope my advice helped.

 

Sadly, I agree with this. This guy isn't who you think he is. He hasn't treated you very well. He doesn't know you at all, he doesn't ask about you.. He doesn't 'care' the way you want him to.

 

Don't move to be with him, even as a friend. A friend (true one) would NEVER do what he's done to you.

 

He's got 900 people on his fb. I bet he doesn't know 100 on a real personal and intimate (friendship) level.

 

Don't let him guilt you either!

 

Ask yourself this..What's the point of trying to befriend someone who isn't truly interested in your well being and your life.

 

Say goodbye, wish him well in life, then delete and block him on facebook. And block him from your cell too.