MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Background here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/341576-complex He just texted: "My baby, I don't want to hassle you, but please talk with me. I'm thinking of you and I love you." This on the weekend his girlfriend moved in. OK it's not the grovelling apology and thirty texts promising undying love that I wanted but it is him reaching out. Do I respond? If I do what do I say?
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 *BUMP* Please offer advice/support. I'm dying to pick up the phone.
SadPanda22 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 His girlfriend just moved in?? If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you, not her. Don't respond. He is just tossing breadcrumbs your way to see if you'll nimble at them. He wants to see how much he can still push your buttons or pull your strings. Don't feed his ego. 1
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I hear you. The problem for me is what if now she's there he's regretting it? What if he wants to open dialogue? How can I know that NC is not pushing him further away?
SadPanda22 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) Do you really think that's the case? If it was, why wouldn't he just come out and say, "I made a mistake and I want to work things out with you?" And even if he did want to work things out, why would you want to be with him after what he's done to you? I know that it is hard, but think with your brain, not with your heart. Your logic, common sense and good judgment are being skewed by your feelings. You're going to do what you want, and if you want to break NC, you will. I think you should stick with it, as I stand by my original post. He is throwing you scraps. Are you going to take them? I really hope not, because you are worth so much more than that. Edited August 19, 2012 by SadPanda22
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Urg! He contacted me again. Virtually saying the same thing. This is the second day of NC and, my God, it's hard. I so wish he would send the "big mistake - forgive me" email but it's not coming is it?
Tally123 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 It's not always that black and white is it? Maybe he's wanting to see how you feel before he says something? As far as he is concerned you're not talking to him - male pride?? I dont know, I agree to some extent he would just come out and say it, but some men (and women obviously ha) can be weird creatures!?
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 This is truly horrible. Do I contact him one last time to say what I want "Only get in touch if you want this to work"? Do I leave it NC altogether. I don't think he'd ever just come forward and say "this was a mistake let's make it work". He's not certain that that is what I want. AHHHHHH
ThatJustHappened Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I would tell him to stop contacting you unless he has dumped this other woman and wants to get back together, and that if he continues, you will block his number..and you need to mean it. What he's doing right now is completely inappropriate and it's also cruel..he's hurting you by saying these things to you.
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 MyHeart....I'm sorry to say, He's missing you, because he chose to not be with you. Also, what everyone else above has said is true. The guy is being selfish. No he's not regretting her moving in...he's just throwing you crumbs to see if you'll bite. I actually feel sorry for the girl that just moved in with him. He's already trying to cheat on her with you...and then he'll cheat on you with her. It's a blessing in disguise for you, and you just can't see that right now. This man is no prize. The heartache this girl has coming to her down the road...and by that time, you'll have moved on to something far better. This reminds me of the movie "The Holiday". The story with Kate Winslet and the guy who kept playing with her head.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Hey youngfellahmelad.... it's sh.1t, isn't it? the moment you respond, you validate his 'Prime Chef Directive' - "I'm so good, of course he wants me!" Don't think him - think attention-seeking Gordon Ramsay. And actually, let's put it on a reasonable level. If you consider this girl to have psychological issues and to be extreme in how she demonstrates her affections (rolling over, tummy up...?) He knows that too - and he's taking advantage. a woman who will comply with all and any desires of her brand-new lover, and submit to what he wants - is so rare as to be unheard of. Normally, in a relationship, the discoveries are tentative, the agreements balanced and mutual, and the conditions respectful. None of his actions - and her apparent capitulation, point to any of that. so he's really walking all over her fragile self, don't you think? Him: "I want this, and I want this, and I want this, too...!" Her: "Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!" You: "You're kidding.... right? I said no, before, I meant no, before and I still mean no, now!" And he doesn't like it. He wants a resounding 'yessss!" from you - because then he'd be a jolly good fat old cake eater!! (I'm not really saying he's old and fat.... It's from a kid's programme.....)
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I'm not going to break no contact, not even to say stop contacting me unless X or Y. This is the only option he's left me with if I want anykind of emotional stability. Also, even if he is trying to open up lines of communication with the aim of getting back together (in the cold light of day - I very much doubt that he is) it would be foolish to go with that. This is a man who's essentially left me for someone else, who's moved her into our home and told intimate things about me to. Even if I forgive and can move on with him (which would be way more than he deserved and that's probably enough reason not to do it), the underlying issues are far too big and raw to be dealt with properly for a while yet. I know him well enough to know that he won't end with her. He's feeling scared that he's getting old and will end up on his own. Three days after he started a relationship with her (eight days after we ended) his web history shows him looking up "quick marriage" and related stuff. That's not love, that's fear. That he's telling me of his love the weekend she moves in (that he's got the time to!) doesn't bode well of anything deep. I think for her (she's two years younger than me by the way) there's a definite element of novelty; she was in a unhappy engagement and along comes a charismatic, older, bi man (bisexuality is an apparent turn on) who seems exciting. When she realises what living with him means (the drinking, the constant having to clean, the dishonesty, etc.), then I think she'll walk away and that will be sooner than later. If I'm wrong and she's genuinely of the disposition that she can be OK with him as he currently is then I wouldn't recognize that relationship as being based on anything that I would call love anyway. One of the things that does trouble me though is that he's going to turn this around and say to his/our friends that he chose to cut contact and then throw a few slanderous things in. The injustice of that drives me mad. I'm not really saying he's old and fat.... Hey mum! If you were saying that it wouldn't actually be UNtrue. Sadly we'd have to add disgracfully good looking and diabolically intelligent to the list as well. Odd that you mention Ramsey, it's one of the few programs that we used to watch that together and I very strongly suspect that I'll get an email or text tomorrow evening asking if I'll "be watching with him".
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Let him say whatever he wants about you. Those that know you and are your real friends will be there for you. This guy sounds like a piece of work...along with his new gf. If he wanted to get married so badly, why didn't he marry you? I don't understand this man. Let him have this girl. It's not going to work. He's already cheating on her with you...or trying rather. Keep up the NC. This will drive him crazy eventually...and it will put him in a bad mood that he'll probably take out on the new girlfriend.
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Piece of work is the phrase! The problem is that he was my piece of work. We were planning on a civil partnership and I'd already started planning for that. This is the thing I find impossible about him. How he could go from that to falling in love with this girl in a matter of days? I know for a fact that he wasn't cheating at the time of the break up (this girl was in France for months before we broke up) and the break up hadn't been pre-planned; just a particularly bad argument. You know, call me an idiot but I would forgive him and take him back if he came to me and said everything I need to hear from him. I have to really let it sink in though that he's not going to do that. He's gone and maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's not but it's what I have to work with so I might as well look at it in a positive light. They're probably well suited to each other.
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 More texts. I think I'm going to scream. Please someone tell me I'm doing the right thing. Am I right to put him through this knowing what it will do to him?
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Could I suggest you do the following: Text him this: "Your text could not be delivered as the recipient has blocked this number." Then? Then - block him. IMMEDIATELY. please do it, or you'll go truly nutz..... PLEASE. For your Mum..... 2
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 More texts. I think I'm going to scream. Please someone tell me I'm doing the right thing. Am I right to put him through this knowing what it will do to him? Aren't you right to do this, knowing what he's putting you through? He's in cush-land... where does that leave you?
ThatJustHappened Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 could i suggest you do the following: text him this: "your text could not be delivered as the recipient has blocked this number." then? Then - block him. ^^^^^^^^^^this!
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) Aren't you right to do this, knowing what he's putting you through? He's in cush-land... where does that leave you? I can't break. This is the only option I've been left with. His actions have made it virtually impossible for me to take him back (if he does try that on), his love simply can't be equal to mine and that means he's taken away my option of staying around. I can't do anything else but cut him out and move on. I know he's feeling very low. I know he's feeling very guilty. I know it will be devastating when he realises that I'm not coming back. I hate watching someone I love feel that way. But he has done it. He's put/putting me through hell. God, I'm so frustrated that he's done this. What a ****wit. I've not broken NC today and I won't until either I am over him or he does a U turn and even then... Edited August 21, 2012 by MyHeartTakesOver
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