frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 im 25. she is 19. been together two years. wanted everything with her. it was rocky the past year. she goes on holiday for 6 weeks after inviting me out, i couldn't go, exams. she comes back, wants to move on. prob experienced single life out there. i try everything, but nothing. she doesn't want me to contact her. wants me to move on. thinks i can't change as a person. i'm not a bad guy. i suggest doing activities with her, she does them with others. she wanted sex last week,but no relationship. i offer her a holiday, sex but no relationship, she thinks i will be there for her when she is sick whilst at uni...? if i leave her alone, will she ever get in contact?
oracle Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Its done. Anything more will just make you wanna shoot yourself in the head. Thats the price you pay for dating teens (which i am guilty of too.) There was a brilliant passage in a book I read by David Gilmour. There are two guys in their early 30s, they are on an island in the Caribbean. One is just recently divorced and he has his new 19yo companion with him. He tells his buddy that he thinks he is falling for her. His friend turns to him and says. "You know that will just cost you two years of your life." And that really sums it up. The probability of going the distance with someone of a young age is extremely rare. Not impossible, but in todays day and age pretty damn close.
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 this may be true, but i have a feeling she will want to get in contact again. im not going to chase her. and i need to focus on me now. i do have hope. but i shouldn't. when she is at uni this year (as am i) and she is on her own studying, bored, not getting attention etc etc, we will have to see. Leaving her to it.
oracle Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Oh ya.. they always reach back.. when it suits them.. Question is, are you going to be the dog always waiting for the scraps?
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 no i won't be that person. by that point, i will have been dating, and when she sees that she probably won't like it.
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 *repeated ad nauseam* read my Caliguy no contact link, in my signature..... 1
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 ive sent the last of the emails. all 10 of them this morning. yeah its a 6 year gap, not 26. going to train hard,back in gym, keep busy and make it hurt big time so i get in shape.
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 she is going to want to be single for a long time now.....i can keep no contact, and hold it, but i don't know if she will ever contact me. she knows that if she contacts me, i will still want a relationship. she isnt strong enough now, but by not being in contact with me, she is building the strength to move on, and every one is obv keeping her protected, or whatever.
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 so i can give it a month, then try it in a month....or should i maintain no contact throughout? she is 19, still maturing etc.
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I'm sorry, you're not getting this.... MOVE ON. Permanently. She's 19, maturing - which means, unfortunately, that she's moving right away from you. She exists on a different plane to you. she has all of life to savour, and being with you means she won't grab her slice of the cake and taste it. Whatever that entails. Forget a month - forget - ever. Let her go, move on, and go your way. She's sure intent on going hers..... 4
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 yeah i've let her go. just spoke on phone with her for half an hour. Unfortunately, she is under the illusion I am still there, a plan B. I won't be a Plan B.
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 i rang her, to apologise for some of my errors.
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 and I won't be contacting again now. Decision made. i dont think she is really sure that to move on is what she wants...she just wants to get into study and do well...will be interesting to see what happens... of course, i will still want to be with her. but yeah, thats the way it is.
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. what part of No Contact - at all - do you not understand?? You didn't ring her to 'apologise for some of your errors'...PLEASE!! she dumped you remember?? The only reason you rang her was to establish some way to hear her voice again, and keep her in your life!! Delete her number - never ring her again, do not resond or react to any attempts on her part - !! you HAVE TO DO THIS - !!! She has to be an ex in every way imaginable!!
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) ok, if she is an ex, in every way imaginable, and she contact me, ever how on earth do i play it? on the phone, she sounded as if she was struggling to accept it. "living in the present". she doesn't want this. i know it. she even said "ive told everyone we cannot get back together now" Edited August 19, 2012 by frederickkk
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 she isnt very good at handling relationships, ultimately. wouldn't leave her room waiting for me to come home, not getting on with her life. etc
Author frederickkk Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 i dont know why we are doing this? we are both going seperate ways, and i deep down dont think she wants to...
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 ok, if she is an ex, in every way imaginable, and she contact me, ever how on earth do i play it? you really haven't read the No Contact Guide at all, have you? You don't 'play it'. you ignore it. Pretend it doesn't exist. Finished. Not of any consequence, No contact means exactly that. You - never - engage - with - her - again! there is no need for you to 'play' anything... you simply don't do anything at all. Like it's a wrong number. on the phone, she sounded as if she was struggling to accept it. "living in the present". she doesn't want this. i know it. she even said "ive told everyone we cannot get back together now" well then that's well and truly put the kybosh on it, hasn't it? Looks like she's decided it's - over - !! she isnt very good at handling relationships, ultimately. wouldn't leave her room waiting for me to come home, not getting on with her life. Well, that's her problem now, isn't it, not yours. she's made her decision, and there's nothing you need to concern ourself with. Any. More! i dont know why we are doing this? we are both going seperate ways, and i deep down dont think she wants to... Well, until she comes back, and definitely tells you that, unequivocally, definitely, absolutely clearly - then you simply have to consider this over, whatever you may believe. deep down only she knows what she wants, and it's not for you to try to figure that out for her, on her behalf or second-guess her. Go No contact. And this time - stay there!
oracle Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 You need to read my thread at the top of this section.. You are stuck in the posession / desire loop
Author frederickkk Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 she blatantly got with somebody else on holiday, now wants to be single and have fun.
Author frederickkk Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 and the chemistry between us, the sex, was ****ing awesome
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 So what? Don't think with your trouser-pal, ok?
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