Mike_d Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 so when did you get your life back? when is your "Life Back Day"? most of us didn't want it, but we got it regardless. It can be hard to see most times that this is really a blessing. The ability to go on with our lives without the negative impacts of others on us, or our own illnesses causing self sabotage in our lives. Most all of us here, self included, carry some level of significant co-dependence, we rely on others for our own happiness instead of learning how to stand as our own person with the person we love next to us. I feel like I used to be the poster child for self esteem, but somewhere along the way I got lost. I wish I could figure out exactly when and exactly how that happened, but all I know is that it did, and losing my self esteem and my ability to rely on myself for my happiness was the worst possible thing for me. I became someone that I really don't like, and others around me lost respect for me. I need some time to get this back, but I *will* get there, it's just not an option not to. My LBD came on March 22 2011, but I messed it up afterwards but didn't backstep all the way so I'm hanging on to that day. I was a 100% total mess for many weeks after that. I didn't know it at the time but looking back at it now I was really mourning the loss of my unicorn, the thing that didn't really exist. I mourned the loss of my vision of the relationship that I wanted but wasn't available to me, not that it wasn't possible, but that it wasn't allowed any longer within the interaction between us. My unicorn. So in my ill mind I only focused on the good things, created a movie/vision of all those good things and totally forgot/ignored all the toxic activities. I still lose track of the total scope of the relationship with someone who was *so* important to me, and feel sad over the false vision that I have that really doesn't encompass 100% of the truth of those final years. That is what i feel sad over. I put way too much of myself into those 16 years together and got lost along the way, caved in, accepted the unacceptable, and as a result the end was inevitable as I chose to ignore the fact that without 2 people working it it wasn't going to work. But I have my life back. Right now this is a small comfort, but I hope it grows more and more each day so that soon enough. I'm responsible for it, no one else. I'll work hard on keeping my life and myself, and staying out of that co-dependent mindset as I learn new tools and skills to help me along the way
Author Mike_d Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 some links: Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Signs of a Codependent Relationship take the test here, how do you score?: Co-Dependency Issues - Learning How to "Let Go" : Melanie Tonia Evans
Author Mike_d Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 (edited) resources for relearning how to love yourself, and how to fill that crater currently in your from within vs finding another relationship and repeating this exact same behavior with your next love: Amazon.com: Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth (9780932194398): Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse: Books http://www.positivelypresent.com/2011/02/learn-to-love-yourself-unconditionally.html http://www.pluginid.com/learning-to-love-yourself/ Edited August 17, 2012 by Mike_d
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