The Honeymoon Period - How Long Does It Last?

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

My gf and I are coming up for 11 months now. We've been ecstatically happy and have never fought/argued once in that time. It's just been quite blissful, really. We've managed to come through a rough patch or two (my ex had a child and claimed it was mine, we've both been dissatisfied with work and studies etc), but we've never fought about decisions or what we should do. Anyways, a friend of ours said we're still in the honeymoon period and that we'll know how hard it is when we reach the point he's at (nearly 4 years). So now my gf is wondering if we still are in the honeymoon period and if we're maybe being a little premature in our assertions that we're a great couple.

 

Really what I'm asking is, how long does the honeymoon period usually last and when can you tell it's over?

[Ninjainpajamas]

It depends on maturity, genuine behavior, communication and compatibility.

 

In general to answer your question the beginning of the relationship usually starts at about year two, everything before that is easier to overcome because differences or snags in this relationship don't get much attention or take precedence as there's still a settling in period.

 

What you're going to experience is shifts in the relationship, different types of conversations and dynamics of how it affects the relationship. For example the whole ex with child thing goes over much more easily in the beginning of the relationship rather than in the middle, women are much more open and forgiving in that time period as they are still in competition mode trying to lock in the relationship...once she is settled in, expectations may be greater or different altogether once that passes over.

 

This however doesn't mean everything fades away like passion, intensity and true compatibility. Most of my relationships had a lot going for them, I was just young and we were both less self-aware of our own issues...now that I'm in my early 30's it's a different dynamic and people know much more about themselves than they did when they were younger so it starts out on a more genuine/real foot, at least with how I am...I cut out all the BS fat out of the relationship and get to the core.

 

What happens in a relationship is as time goes on more things are tested. Less likely are you able to rely on the things that kept the relationship going from the beginning, now a woman's expectations can grow and change with what she wants exactly in the relationship or how it is balanced. If you are compatible and can communicate well you can work together, especially if you can be honest with how you express yourself to the other person. If you can't express how you really feel it's a ticking time bomb, but also the stakes are higher since these conversations and topics are more serious than before where as you were used to be them being easy and transitional. Basically what I'm saying is women are easy in the beginning but become more complex and demanding as the relationship goes on, they have goals and expectations to be met so don't fool yourself into thinking this is how the relationship will always be. Women change all the time and without explanation, just because how they feel and they want to.

 

Men tend to be the same, they don't really understand this shift or dynamic a lot of the time and have a hard time adjusting to the woman's new set of expectations and demands with the relationship. This also of course heavily depends on the personalities of the couple...two very docile and shy people will more slowly progress down the road than two fiery, open and expressive people. Some of us need that intensity and flare to our relationships where others are satisfied with the quiet and peaceful.

 

Anyways...expect shifts every two years or so, unfortunately I will admit I don't hold a lot of weight with the first year of a relationship and no so much for year two. Once you get past 4 years, up to 6, 8 etc then you know real relationship problems and dynamics IMO, I've never been married or been that far down the road however in one relationship so you may have to ask someone who is wiser in that area...from what I've heard and seen from a mans point of view (without a woman's presence or speaking for him) it doesn't look too good for us men, at least from what I've seen and heard

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

There is not real set time on when it lasts. It differs from couple to couple. I really wouldnt question it. You already have overcome major adversity with your ex claiming the child was yours, what ever happened with that ? Read your post, only you know your a great couple, why question it ? You can tell its over by the way certain things change such as sex, frequency of sex, emotional blunting, distancing between partners, to put it candidly, things werent like they used to be, like you lost that goose bumpy feeling when you first met.

 

AlongCameASpider: I spoke to my ex and she admitted eventually the child wasn't mine. No DNA test or anything but as long as she's happy not to involve me, and the child has a paternal father who is more than likely the real father, I'm happy to stay away from the situation.

 

Anyways, I've never been in a relationship that's lasted a year before. Well, not with this kind of serious commitment anyway, I assume we can rule childish school relationships out. Things are going great but all I hear from friends are bitter defeatist comments about how hard it will get. I don't really want our relationship to change or evolve, neccesarily. I'm really content the way it is now and I don't see why that has to change.

 

 

Ninjainpajamas: I get what you're saying, but my gf is very uncomplicated so far. If there's an issue we talk about it and she's actually very understanding about the things I do: i,e when I go out with my friends or when she understood that if my ex did have my child I would have to take a lot of time to help raise it. Is there no way the relationship could remain as it is? It's the most productive relationship I've ever been in. Though if you knew me, you'd say that's no big surprise!