Complete break up survival facts and tips...must read if ur hurting

[Brokendude]

Ive gone thru two very painful and life changing breakups. The first one, a seven year (engaged) and lived together for 2. This recent one a two year relationship and ive been nc for the whole duration of the break up,which is a little over a month now. This post is not about me so thats all im gonna say about myself. These breakups have been so awful to take that i felt that i was gonna crumble, but as much pain and devastation, there was always that one glimmer of hope that got me thru and is still getting me thru, and that is SELF IMPROVEMENT. Thru pain staking research and dedication i wanna share with u guys things i do and ive done in the past that has gotten me thru the whole breakup or just gets me thru the day. Ive dedicated my life to improving every aspect of my life to get over this awful event. I always see people on here especially younger ones that struggle harder than older guys like me, so i hope this helps u guys, its gonna be long but i wanna leave it all on the table, and hopefully this gives u the guidance, and motivation to keep moving forward.

 

1. why self improvement? when we break up, especially if u got dumped, ur ex took everything away from you, this is why u feel no control and severely helpless. all that power is now gone. how do u get that back? simple, work on urself. i know its hard to connect these two concept. how does self improvement help u? everyday that u improve urself, u r slowly telling urself that u love u. when u start investing again in urself, u subconsciously get some power back, it may not be significant right away but its a start. The hardest part about it is, THE DECISION!! It seems hard at first but this is the first step, u decide and never look back. start working out, and start working out ur mind. theres 2 components to this and u cant neglect one, they are BODY AND MIND!!!

--"the stronger the winds, the stronger the tree"

 

2. U need to stop hoping for a reconciliation!!! statistics r stacked up against u, believe me, both my exes came back and its just not the same. once someone has doubted u, its sometimes beyond repair, that lives in the back of ur mind forever. u can keep hoping but this is a crucial time for you, this time should be spent again on improving urself, because even if u had a shot for reconciliation, ur ex would never take u back if ur a wreck. second, u need to stop all contacts and kill all hope, simply because u need to keep ur dignity and more importantly, ur self respect. ur family, ur friends, and people in ur life look up to you, and love you, so u need to be strong. let them fill the void of love ur ex took.

--"true character is when you keep it together when everyone else would understand if u fell apart"

 

3. Ways i fight everyday, from missing her to thinkin about her with another person and all that negative stuff. here we go, with every ounce of my body i force myself to get up in the morning most of the time i wanna just wallow and pity myself but i refuse, i go to the gym, followed by work, then straight to school. u dont hafta be this busy but u get the point, just keep pushin forward, its hard at first but again it comes back to the first step, U HAFTA STICK WITH THIS DECISION AND TAKE DAMN CONTROL!!!!!. everytime i had some free time that i dreaded, i would go buy or borrow self help books. that way the gym is for strengthening my body, and the books for strengthening my mind. i constantly am on youtube with headphones on listening to self help audios, hoping positive lessons would be engraved in my head, and they do stick. the key is never to let ur mind wander, and whenever u distract urself it has to be towards healing, i cant stress this enough. set some time for grieving but dont make it too long. ive learned through psychology books that we control our minds, and we can turn off depressing feelings on cue. HOW?? physiology!!! u can turn off depressing thoughts by improving ur body language and posture and fighting em off not just with ur brain but ur whole entire body. if u let ur body droop and ue head down, these thoughts will own u, stick out ur chest, keep ur head up and say with certainty, I GOT THIS!!! I GOT THIS!!!....u need ur self to be strong mentally but also physically. change ur diet. eat healthy food. if ur in the gym, eat lots of protein. its a simple rule of thumb when ur weak, u just need to strengthen everything.

-- "ur chances of success can always be measured by ur belief in urself"

 

4. u dont get depressed, u DO depression!!! i dont expect u to snap out of it in a week. but u need to start helping urself, ive given enough concepts to keep ur mind busy and fill the void that ur ex left you. sadness is ok but guys dont LIVE in it. u dont have to. ur not gonna die from this, think 10 years from now, u have so much to live for. have u ever said to ur friends, " well look back at this and laugh.." why wait, if u start working on urself and improving, this is attained faster. the longer u stay in this lonely and desolate state, the longer the suffering. i do have my weak moments, were all humans, but i refuse to stay in that mode, ill give it a tear or two and on to the next activity or the next book that will comfort me and help me understand y this is all happening. a body in motion stays in motion. believe it or not guys once u get a pattern going, u will be unstoppable and well on ur way to recovery.

--"our greatest glory is not in falling, but in rising up everytime we fail."

 

5. Be compassionate and help others!!! this serves two purpose, one ur helping people and second, ur putting value on urself. i started volunteering on the weekends, helping abused moms and children. helping an organization set up picnics for them, fund drives etc. not only do u get to meet and help lots of people, it raises ur self worth. u start to feel good inside, it truly takes off that heavy feeling, and u realize that everyone has problems, believe it or not their [roblems are far worse than our breakups.

--" nothing baffles people so much as the CALM COMPOSURE of great souls.."

 

6. Stop binging!!! alcohol or drugs r temporary reliefs, theyre not there the next morning when they hit u hard with depression, coz these substances r depressants. drugs make u lose weight, and alcohol makes u gain. would u want to walk by the next love of ur life, or even ur ex looking like that? drink in moderation and socially for now, the partying is saved for later, when ur fully healed and ahead of the game.

-- "stop searching the world for treasure, the treasure is in urself.."

 

7. shift ur focus to the future. picture that perfect person thats gonna sweep u off ur feet, or the career ur gonna have, or the body ur gonna chisel so well. be proud of ur accomplishments. like i said its NOT GONNA BE EASY. it takes RESILIENCY, DETERMINATION, FORTITUDE, AND RIDICULOUS BELIEF IN URSELF. this is the perfect time to see what ur made of. push urself to the limit, not to be better but to be the BEST and the baddest single mofo out there . its in you, just hafta find this inner strength. these words i capped above were used for my journal (another effective coping mechanism) i simply would look up these words in the dictionary, write down the definitions and look for quotes that is related to them and write em down. on my weakest moments i simply open this journal and, WHAM!! i feel better on cue.

--" it may be stormy now, but it cant rain forever"

 

8. ACCEPT!!! not gonna give u boring cliches, but just simply accept this (FOR NOW). all things come to an end, this will end too. forgive ur ex as bad as it hurts. if u cant do it yet, put it to the side but keep in mind that eventually this is the ONLY key to healing. i did that with my first ex, the 7 yr relationship. simply accept it and start looking at urself as the bigger person. i truly truly believe that WE ARE the energy we attract. we are what we do on a consistent basis, and that our actions r simply indicators of what were made of inside. so dudes and dudettes, if u wanna live or head to a better life, live positively, be compassionate, forgiving, loving, accepting, and most of all please keep that wounded heart open and be ready to love someday. i know its so awful right now, but im living proof u can get thru this, i survived my first breakup, i was ready to give up then believe it or not, its just truly that refusal to quit on myself that got me going, that fortitude, that self respect took over, and most of all i learned to love myself. im no better than u guys, i struggle everyday too but i truly feel that if we all just get our mind and body equipped, we will be someones bf or gf again, and best believe that its gonna be much better because of what were going thru now. im not a know it all, i dont know all the answers to breaking up, the only thing i know for certain is that IM BIGGER THAN THIS MOMENT, and that mentality brings me one step closer to three things; HEALING, HAPPINESS, and more importantly in the not so distant future , LOVE! thank u for reading and i truly hope that i helped u with ur state in anyway.

sincerely,

ur pal who roots for you, brokendude

[lovehurts82]

Wonderful wonderful post, BrokenDude! Everything you have said in here is spot on and many of the things that I've gained from doing just as you have done through my own breakup after 7 years. I think I've forgiven the breakup.. maybe even forgiven the fact that a week later he's "engaged". I just can't help but wonder why.. feel like I wasn't apparently good enough.. cause that's what I had wanted from him so bad for so long. And a week later he's giving it to someone else? I'm trying to use that as a motivator to improve myself.. not telling myself I wasn't good enough.. but that I know I can be even better. And I have to say.. it will give me great satisfaction to tell him if he should ever come back around.. "If you couldn't accept me at my worst.. you don't deserve me at my best." Thanks again!

[SoulSearcher22]

Break ups are the best for self help. It's terrible that it takes that sometimes. My ex left me about a month ago for her ex. I'm doing everything now with more enthusiasm. The gym is one place I'm excelling now. And that's a big deal now. A lot of people, since they've already won their crush, stop caring about physical health. I was one of them. Well now I'm back and feel great and think clearer. Hopefully next time that does not happen again.

 

Great post!

[Vikki_26]

Great post!

[smint]

I like it!Thanks!!!

[Hornachero]

Thank you so much Brokendude, this made my morning - and man, I needed it

[blue_jay_bird]

As many people say, the morning is the toughest. But i woke up, went on love shack and feel amazing. I think i'm going to read this every morning, and post something positive every morning.

[Brokendude]

Ty guys for reading this, i hope it gave u a sense of direction and encouragement. Great days are ahead, keep ur head up guys, we will get thru this, promise