How do men percieve a change in weight on a woman?

[Stillgrowing]

I have a friend who was relatively thin (normal: 5'8" about 140-150), gained 25lbs and bloat due to a sudden dairy issue and after she figured it out she lost 20 and the bloat is gone but that was over a two year period. She is concerned because she was interested in a guy who seemed interested in her for a couple years but stopped going where she would see him while she didn't feel her best, although she ran into him a few times here and there. She feels that his perception of her permanently changed that now he just sees her as, "that fat chick". I think his perception of her may have changed because she was acting weird and evasive. Now she wants to actively pursue seeing him but is wondering how guys percieve this. I think she should have been more proactive 4 years ago and this is really dragging out, but hey, that's just me. I said I would ask on this forum and get some opinions. I don't want her on here bc I post personal things.

 

sg

[pteromom]

she was interested in a guy who seemed interested in her for a couple years

 

A COUPLE YEARS?

 

And she still hasn't done anything about it?

 

The bad news for her is that HE hasn't done anything about it. If he really was interested in her, he would have likely made some kind of move in a couple YEARS' time.

 

My take is that he was never that interested in the first place and her weight fluctuation has nothing to do with it.

[LucasB]

It's a big turn off, especially if it happens in a short time frame. Let's say a girl is 110 pounds and she gains 10 pounds in one year, sure those 10 pounds aren't much of a problem. Until you realize it translates to 100 pounds in a decade.

[ls32ssibm]

I'll give you a one size fits all (no pun intended) answer as a guy.

 

 

It's a shame that so many otherwise beautiful girls are "kept down" in the dating world by being overweight.

 

I've dated someone who was quite a bit overweight (she weighed more than I at the time) when I was 17 or 18 and I wouldn't do it again. She was a great person, but the sexual attraction wasn't there.

 

About weight GAIN during a relationship, it depends. All people gain weight after getting married, but as long as you keep up a healthy lifestyle it shouldn't matter. Weight gain due to an accident shouldn't be permanent anyway...

[soccerrprp]

We have our requirements, preferences. I am very active and athletic, so want the same for my mate. So, I try to seek out ladies who are committed to active, healthy life-styles. I am also a vegetarian, but don't let that get in the way.

 

Anyway, weight gain can be a problem. I hear SO many women complain about how men in their 40s are typically unattractive physically and want someone who is, but then let themselves go. I'm not shallow at all...all i'm saying is that if you know that physical appearance is important then demonstrate it and try to do your best to keep fit.

 

Just my thoughts.

[colombiana28]

Well, I weighed 200 pounds at 5'5 three years ago. Now I'm at 125. I was always one of the guys, but suddenly my male friends treated me different...i was suddenly dateable (even to the guys who saw me much heavier). Some people might be bitter, but i'm not, at all. I know how attraction works. I don't like fat men, and didnt want to keep dating them...so I changed my appearance for the better.

 

You can't help who/what you're attracted to. You CAN change who you attract.

[soccerrprp]

 

You can't help who/what you're attracted to. You CAN change who you attract.

 

Well said, colombiana28...nothing wrong with that.

[Stillgrowing]

@pteromom: Yes, a couple years...with any other guy I would have said, 'just walk away, there is no interest', but with this guy there might be. They are both just quirky enough (think Sheldon and Amy on The Big Bang Theory) that it might be pursuable after this long.

 

@columbiana28: WTG on the weight loss! Very impressive!

 

sg

[FitChick]

I hear SO many women complain about how men in their 40s are typically unattractive physically and want someone who is, but then let themselves go.

 

So many unattractive middle-aged men who demand gorgeous, sexy women don't seem to own mirrors. They always describe themselves as 'athletic' so I guess drinking beer is a sport now. Then they become bitter because attractive women aren't interested.

 

I take care of my body and expect my man to as well.

[pteromom]

@pteromom: Yes, a couple years...with any other guy I would have said, 'just walk away, there is no interest', but with this guy there might be. They are both just quirky enough (think Sheldon and Amy on The Big Bang Theory) that it might be pursuable after this long.

 

Well - you know the situation better than I do. If you really think he might be interested, then she should absolutely pursue it. But that doesn't mean hanging out where she'll run into him. He's obviously not gonna make a move. She needs to step it up and ask him out.

 

If he says no, it really doesn't matter why. If it's because she was heavy for a time, she can do better than that anyway.

[VodkaShots]

I recently heard a story (friend of a friend of a friend kind of thing) of a girl who was once obese (>200lbs) who got herself down to a slim/healthy weight and she was happily dating a man for a couple of months, but one evening her dad took out some family album which obviously had some pics of her when she was obese and the man split up with her, he told her that it "wasn't working out" but he later told someone else that he split up with her because he was so disgusted at how she used to be and was put off.

 

So yes previously being (badly) overweight can alter peoples perception of you. Not everyones, but some people. I think some men would probably presume a previously obese woman either has stretchmarks/loose skin/cellulite problems, emotional baggage or might end up being obese again even though none of those three problems are necessary true. Some ex-fatties who have slimmed down have smashing bodies (resistance training helps) and are probably more committed to living healthier lifestyles than people who have always been thin / slim since they know what the physical / emotional pains of being fat are like, i.e. getting out of breath easily, sore joints, being considered completely unattractive to the opposite sex, bullying, and so on.

Edited August 17, 2012 by VodkaShots

[soccerrprp]

So many unattractive middle-aged men who demand gorgeous, sexy women don't seem to own mirrors. They always describe themselves as 'athletic' so I guess drinking beer is a sport now. Then they become bitter because attractive women aren't interested.

 

I take care of my body and expect my man to as well.

 

I understand completely and agree! I am what I claim and actually was dumped once because the lady friend was worried that she would not be able to keep up with my energy level and dedication to fitness. I would love to find a fit, beautiful woman, but at my age (soon 44), they do seem to be difficult to find. Wait, what am I saying I'm dating one now! But even my current gf, who does keep fit, wonders if she will be able to keep up.

 

Anyway, i'm not a fitness "junkie", but just do it for health reasons and to, hopefully, attract like-minded ladies when/if I'm available.

Edited August 17, 2012 by soccerrprp

[RiverRunning]

I'll say this: pursuing thinner people increases the likelihood that they eat better and exercise, just as much as pursuing heavier people increases the likelihood that they do not engage in those behaviors. But to use that as your excuse - which I don't buy when it comes from anybody - is a very blanket, generalized statement.

 

There is nothing wrong with just saying, "I'm not attracted to fat women." I just roll my eyes when it's, "Oh, it's for health reasons...I want someone who can keep up with me athletically..." For a SMALL percentage of the folks I hear claiming this, I believe it. But in general? It's hogwash. I see it as the PR speak you get when you're not hired for a job you want. There's nothing nice about being let down gently: I think most folks know when they're treated with kid gloves. You don't have to be brutal about it, but in the same vein, don't just outright lie, either.

 

In any case, men see it negatively. There are studies coming out now demonstrating that for women who were formerly obese, there's still a penalty there. People tend to rate those they have known to always be thin as more attractive thin a thin woman who was formerly obese (even when both women are the same height, same weight, etc.).

 

There's such a powerful weight bias that the stigma will likely never go away. The fundamental attribution error is alive and well in weight bias: people assume that because they can keep their weight under control, or that they can find the time and energy to exercise regularly, that others can and should also. They assume that because they have the money to buy higher-quality foods, that other families do as well. To do otherwise is a sign of laziness, personal failure, a lack of willpower, selfishness, and so on.

[soccerrprp]

I'll say this: pursuing thinner people increases the likelihood that they eat better and exercise, just as much as pursuing heavier people increases the likelihood that they do not engage in those behaviors. But to use that as your excuse - which I don't buy when it comes from anybody - is a very blanket, generalized statement.

 

There is nothing wrong with just saying, "I'm not attracted to fat women." I just roll my eyes when it's, "Oh, it's for health reasons...I want someone who can keep up with me athletically..." For a SMALL percentage of the folks I hear claiming this, I believe it. But in general? It's hogwash. I see it as the PR speak you get when you're not hired for a job you want. There's nothing nice about being let down gently: I think most folks know when they're treated with kid gloves. You don't have to be brutal about it, but in the same vein, don't just outright lie, either.

 

In any case, men see it negatively. There are studies coming out now demonstrating that for women who were formerly obese, there's still a penalty there. People tend to rate those they have known to always be thin as more attractive thin a thin woman who was formerly obese (even when both women are the same height, same weight, etc.).

 

There's such a powerful weight bias that the stigma will likely never go away. The fundamental attribution error is alive and well in weight bias: people assume that because they can keep their weight under control, or that they can find the time and energy to exercise regularly, that others can and should also. They assume that because they have the money to buy higher-quality foods, that other families do as well. To do otherwise is a sign of laziness, personal failure, a lack of willpower, selfishness, and so on.

 

I hear you! I am attracted to fit, athletic women, but I am committed to my health and staying fit. I'm also a vegetarian, so the health aspect is vital for me.

 

I know about the study and do not assume anything about anyone.

[Radu]

I have a friend who was relatively thin (normal: 5'8" about 140-150), gained 25lbs and bloat due to a sudden dairy issue and after she figured it out she lost 20 and the bloat is gone but that was over a two year period. She is concerned because she was interested in a guy who seemed interested in her for a couple years but stopped going where she would see him while she didn't feel her best, although she ran into him a few times here and there. She feels that his perception of her permanently changed that now he just sees her as, "that fat chick". I think his perception of her may have changed because she was acting weird and evasive. Now she wants to actively pursue seeing him but is wondering how guys percieve this. I think she should have been more proactive 4 years ago and this is really dragging out, but hey, that's just me. I said I would ask on this forum and get some opinions. I don't want her on here bc I post personal things.

 

sg

 

In this case i wouldn't be phased.

I would not find her less attractive for having gone through that.

If i knew this backstory of her, i may find her more attractive and feel that she has more long term potential because she had a problem that many woman would put down to 'those assholish men', and she actually did something about it.

 

What i would find unattractive is the impact that some weight gain that is not huge had on her selfconfidence, made her a shut-in.

And this comes from another shut-in, who also removed himself from friends when i started gaining serious weight.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I understand completely and agree! I am what I claim and actually was dumped once because the lady friend was worried that she would not be able to keep up with my energy level and dedication to fitness. I would love to find a fit, beautiful woman, but at my age (soon 44), they do seem to be difficult to find. Wait, what am I saying I'm dating one now! But even my current gf, who does keep fit, wonders if she will be able to keep up.

 

Anyway, i'm not a fitness "junkie", but just do it for health reasons and to, hopefully, attract like-minded ladies when/if I'm available.

 

Why should she keep up with you as long as she stays active? Men and women have different bodies. I was actually just reading something about this. Here are some of the differences that were talked about:

 

Women have shorter vocal cords which explains women's higher pitched voices.

 

Men have heavier blood with about 20% more corpuscles than women. Which means men bet more oxygen and thus generally have more engery than women.

 

Men breath more deeply then women while women breath more often.

 

More obviously, men have larger bones and clearly have a different bone structure than women.

 

Men have a higher ratio of muscle to fat than women. Which means men loose weight more easily then women. If the world was fair, there would be more burden on men to be slim since it's techniqually easier for men to loose fat. Unfortunetly, not only is it harder for women to loose weight, women are more perscuted for it more often.

 

And because men have all that muscle, they have more start-up energy.

 

Women have an extra layer of fat under their skin that keeps them warmer in winter and cooler in the summer. Since women have this layer of fat, it gives women more energy reserves which means that women have more endurance.

 

Anyway, that was some of the natural biological differences the thing I was reading talked about.

 

I don't get the anger and contempt men have for women that fail to be his perfect ideal. Okay, you like slim young with with big giant breasts...Well that is no reason to make nasty comments about other women that don't fit into your Playboy ideal. It also never ceases to amaze me how harsh we are on women for weight even though women are naturally suppose to be more fatty. It's like we are punished for our natural bodies because men don't like our natural bodies.

[FitChick]

I am what I claim and actually was dumped once because the lady friend was worried that she would not be able to keep up with my energy level and dedication to fitness.

 

Did you tell her you wanted her to keep up? If not, she was just insecure.

 

It wouldn't bother me to be with a man who was more dedicated to fitness than I am because it would keep me from being lazy. However, we don't have to do the same things. My ex played tennis and I'm not nor ever will be a tennis player. He swam and I don't swim. Our only concerns were health and appearance. We were happy with each others health and appearance.

 

I had an obese friend who always dieted before she started dating again, snagged the guy, then regained the weight, generally about fifty pounds. If a man had a history of obesity, if he were like that, I would be cautious. If he had kept the weight off for five years, I'd be less worried. Five years seems to be the marker for any addiction.

Edited August 18, 2012 by FitChick

[VodkaShots]

I'll say this: pursuing thinner people increases the likelihood that they eat better and exercise, just as much as pursuing heavier people increases the likelihood that they do not engage in those behaviors. But to use that as your excuse - which I don't buy when it comes from anybody - is a very blanket, generalized statement.

 

There is nothing wrong with just saying, "I'm not attracted to fat women." I just roll my eyes when it's, "Oh, it's for health reasons...I want someone who can keep up with me athletically..." For a SMALL percentage of the folks I hear claiming this, I believe it. But in general? It's hogwash. I see it as the PR speak you get when you're not hired for a job you want. There's nothing nice about being let down gently: I think most folks know when they're treated with kid gloves. You don't have to be brutal about it, but in the same vein, don't just outright lie, either.

 

It's rarely really about health. There's a lot of men who have no qualms about dating women who are underweight or even borderline anorexic (low BMI, boney). Anorexia and too low body fat isn't healthy either but does anyone ever really see or hear about anorexic girls generally struggling to attract men? Being thin or slim doesn't necessarily mean athletic either.

 

It would just be easier for men to say "I'm not into overweight or obese girls". Blunt, but not nasty or sugar coated.

 

(BTW, in case someone takes offence, I'm not slating people who suffer from anorexia, I know it's a horrible illness)

 

In any case, men see it negatively. There are studies coming out now demonstrating that for women who were formerly obese, there's still a penalty there. People tend to rate those they have known to always be thin as more attractive thin a thin woman who was formerly obese (even when both women are the same height, same weight, etc.).

 

There's such a powerful weight bias that the stigma will likely never go away. The fundamental attribution error is alive and well in weight bias: people assume that because they can keep their weight under control, or that they can find the time and energy to exercise regularly, that others can and should also. They assume that because they have the money to buy higher-quality foods, that other families do as well. To do otherwise is a sign of laziness, personal failure, a lack of willpower, selfishness, and so on.

 

In which case it's probably one of those things you wouldn't shout from the rooftops about when meeting new men "I used to be obese!". There's no real need to. Kind of like how you wouldn't anounce off hand that you bedded half your old high school / college / town / whatever >3 years ago. People have prejudices, it's part of life I guess.

 

I find it very unattractive for numerous reasons, firstly I don't find fat/chubby/thick/fat/obese whatever you want to call it people aesthetically pleasing. Secondly I believe weight gain is a sign of lacking character/confidence, a healthy mind should want to live in a healthy body. Thirdly I wouldn't want to expose potential offspring to an unhealthy lifestyle.

 

People will say gaining 10 pounds isn't a big deal and that someone is still attractive, sure thing. Until you realize it's likely to get progressively worse, 10 pounds this year might not seem like much, wait another decade and see what happens.

 

A lot of obese people suffer from depression or some other mental health disorder, so I don't think many are of healthy mind. A common story I see is after the death of a close relative or an abusive relationship previously slim, athletic even, people take comfort in food and within a couple of months or years they're 100lbs overweight. Fair enough you don't want to date someone who you aren't attracted to and feel mental health problems are baggage, but it takes a lot of effort and willpower and probably therapy to go from being a social recluse and drinking/eating large portions of junk food to committing to a healthy diet and exercise regime and doing other things to help themselves, like getting a job or getting back into education, etc. Would you really consider that a weak personality? I think it's admirable.

 

Also im not a big fan of the whole fat acceptance movement, a future of diabetes, heart failure, high blood pressure and failing joints isn't something that should be presented as acceptable to children.

 

I don't think obesity should be considered acceptable or normalised for one second, but what needs to stop is the constant demonising of obese people. Not just by the media and public, but the medical profession as well. Most people accept and have sympathy for those with mental health problems, to a lesser extent, people also acknowledge why some people resort to alcohol/drug abuse, but when it comes to obesity people just don't want to know, but they'll sit back and complain about the obesity problem in Western countries and complain about people being "fat because they're greedy" while offering no helpful solutions or interest. Society reaps what it sows.

[soccerrprp]

Why should she keep up with you as long as she stays active? Men and women have different bodies. I was actually just reading something about this. Here are some of the differences that were talked about:

 

Women have shorter vocal cords which explains women's higher pitched voices.

 

Men have heavier blood with about 20% more corpuscles than women. Which means men bet more oxygen and thus generally have more engery than women.

 

Men breath more deeply then women while women breath more often.

 

More obviously, men have larger bones and clearly have a different bone structure than women.

 

Men have a higher ratio of muscle to fat than women. Which means men loose weight more easily then women. If the world was fair, there would be more burden on men to be slim since it's techniqually easier for men to loose fat. Unfortunetly, not only is it harder for women to loose weight, women are more perscuted for it more often.

 

And because men have all that muscle, they have more start-up energy.

 

Women have an extra layer of fat under their skin that keeps them warmer in winter and cooler in the summer. Since women have this layer of fat, it gives women more energy reserves which means that women have more endurance.

 

Anyway, that was some of the natural biological differences the thing I was reading talked about.

 

I don't get the anger and contempt men have for women that fail to be his perfect ideal. Okay, you like slim young with with big giant breasts...Well that is no reason to make nasty comments about other women that don't fit into your Playboy ideal. It also never ceases to amaze me how harsh we are on women for weight even though women are naturally suppose to be more fatty. It's like we are punished for our natural bodies because men don't like our natural bodies.

 

Whoa! I never ever hinted that she should. And i certainly did not make any nasty comments in regards to her or anyone else's weight.

[soccerrprp]

Did you tell her you wanted her to keep up? ]If

 

not, she was just insecure.

 

 

I did not. When she said it she seemed to have said it in a joking manner. I love health conscious, fit women, but i dont demand or intimate that their dedication should be equal to my own.

[kaylan]

There was a girl who used to like me, that I always thought was cute, but wasnt super attracted to her because she was a thick girl and way too super nice. I prefer my women thin and athletic and a bit more feisty. Plus I knew her and I were looking for different things at that time.

 

Anyways, over the next year she lost a lot of weight and I did become more attracted to her...but I still didnt act on it because she still wasnt my ideal, and plus I have to be honest and say Id worry about the weight coming back. I prefer someone whos naturally inclined toward athleticism or has lived the fitness lifestyle for a long time and knows how to keep off the weight and stay active. Plus, itd be crappy of me to all of a sudden jump her bones when I was rather iffy about her initially...she can do better than that.

 

Also, I do think a lot of guys think about pregnancy too when it comes to weight. A lot of guys will prefer a naturally fit gal because in our minds we think she wont be affected as badly by pregnancy body changes as other women.

Edited August 18, 2012 by kaylan