What would you do, would you want to know why?

[lil hoodlum]

I would like to hear some opinions.

 

My ex and I are co-workers. She broke up with me at the end of May of this year. All she really told me was that she wasn't sure how she felt about me anymore and that she was confused.

 

We were together for 4.5 years and the relationship was a good one, not perfect, no argueing (bad sign I know), no name calling, no physical/emotional abuse. I believe the relationship was worth fighting for and could be so much better for the two of us.

 

She started to go out with/spending more time with her married sister, so she says. She was becoming distant and was emotionally stepping out of the relationship. I asked numerous times what was going on. She allways indicated that it was allways something else and not me. Not sure I believe her about that. I believe she was seeing someone but is no longer anymore.

 

Ok so we are begining to talk/act friendly and playfully flirt with each other. Yesterday during a talk she tells me another female co-worker has been asking her why we broke up. To tell you the truth I don't know truthfully why the ex broke up with me. At the moment, I wanted to ask, "Why did you break up with me?" I didn't partly because I am kinda afraid to find out why. I do believe there was someone else involved but do not know for sure but that is what my gut is telling me. I was going to ask her yesterday after work why but she was leaving just before me and was giving a male co-worker a ride?

 

I want to reconcile with her and think that maybe this is an opportunity to get her to start talking possibly opening the door for reconilliation. I will mention and this may be important that we were talking about marriage before the break up.

 

Should I ask her why she broke it off with me?

 

Do you think that talking about the why could open the door for reconcilliation?

Edited August 16, 2012 by lil hoodlum
fogot a few words

[Dutchguy1971]

You sound to easy.. COme on your a man. Dont let yourself be played with. If you want to be with her just say so. DOnt make yourself dependend on the situation. Send her an email if you cant say it in her face. Say you care for her. You miss her and after such a long timeyou have the need to know her better than before. Propose to have dinner with her at a fiancy place. Dont ask just say you made reservations at some time and date... Because you want to deiscover if you and her can evolve into something more serious than before. THat you long for knowing her better..

 

Go for it.. You can only get a no as worst case. If so you know and move on to something else... DOnt hang into something that might not be there for you.. You want to know that right?

[AlexfromBoston]

Lil hoodlum, as a rule of thumb, it is never a good idea to bring up your relationship when attempting to reconcile. Essentially, you want to avoid conitating your first encounter with negative emotions. It will draw up negative emotions and perhaps seal the lid on any attempts to kick-start another relationship. Instead, why don't you ask if she would like to grab lunch or a coffee during your break. In that time(which convienantly is constrained), try to talk about positive moments. Keep the conversation to a topic that she may be familiar with and subsequently get excited over. If she brings up the relationship, guide her conversation into a more positive direction. DO NOT ask her at this point why she broke it off. After all, do you really want to remind her?

[lil hoodlum]

Lil hoodlum, as a rule of thumb, it is never a good idea to bring up your relationship when attempting to reconcile. Essentially, you want to avoid conitating your first encounter with negative emotions. It will draw up negative emotions and perhaps seal the lid on any attempts to kick-start another relationship. Instead, why don't you ask if she would like to grab lunch or a coffee during your break. In that time(which convienantly is constrained), try to talk about positive moments. Keep the conversation to a topic that she may be familiar with and subsequently get excited over. If she brings up the relationship, guide her conversation into a more positive direction. DO NOT ask her at this point why she broke it off. After all, do you really want to remind her?

 

 

Thank you for responding. I had been in NIC for awhile with her. She would continuely look for me and would look at me and smile and I would look at her and smile. She has not been her usual self and everyone at work has noticed it. One day she looked unusually down and dejected and something in me just broke, I love her too much to be playing these silly games with her. I approached her and asked how she was and what was bothering her. She perked up and we conversed for a few minutes and she seemed to be a little better. The next day I sought her out and we spoke for about 30 minutes just talking about what has been going on in each others lives. Talk of the relationship did not come up. At the end of the conversation, I again extended an invitation to have coffee sometime if she would like to. She responded she would let me know.

 

Since then we have been communicating more and more. Signs of her old self started to show up to me when I could see her smiling and laughing when we talked. We progressed to light playful flirting and touching. She has even helped me out some. Her attitude towards me has changed for the better. Previously I had portrayed to her that my life is progressing with out her. It is true though, I have sought counseling to work on my issues and have gotten back into school and will finish my bachelors in spring 2013.

 

Yesterdays conversation she was the one to bring up the topic of the break up. It came out of the blue and I have know idea why she brought it up. I expect that she is on some kind of fishing expedition. Fortunetly, I did not bite.

 

I had again told her that soon I will not be working there anymore and that my life is progressing to getting what I want out of life. I purposely brought it up to make her feel uncomfortable to see how she will react. I think she has been on the fence too long and I am attempting to knock her off of it. I will not wait around for ever. I will soon start dating other women as I have been talking to a few women that seem interested in me. I have regained much of my confidence and old charm.

 

Truely at this point, my life is at a crossroads. I will continue to move forward and obtain my goals with or without her. My heart belongs to her and I geniunely want to have her back. But I believe that she is the only one who can make that decision for herself.

Edited August 17, 2012 by lil hoodlum
spelling

[AlexfromBoston]

Lil Hoodlum, I feel for you bro, I truly do. If I recall, in past postings you have said your girlfriend was of Latina origin? If this is the case, I say you actually have a leg up over other posters....so don't let failed stories of reconciliation get you down. Latin women are typically overly-emotional and can easily be comforted with the right approach. Naturally, you know your ex better than anyone else so if what I says doesn't apply, ignore what I say. Most of my ex's were of Latin origin; therefore, I have a pretty solid understanding as to how they operate. For the most part, Latina's have an overly dramatic idea as to how romantic relationships should operate(thanks to novelas). You are really going to need to approach her with confidence and show her the more masculine verison of yourself. You have to be slightly aggressive and if she gives you the cold shoulder, just laugh it off like it's no big deal. Don't discuss your prior relationship and really try to convey the idea that you are doing just fine on your own. Now here is the catch, if she asks you directly as to how you are doing, let her know that you are trying to move on but are missing her everyday. Latin women love to be the center of attention and they essentially loved to be loved. But as each day passes you need to become more and more confident and make it appear as if you are slowly moving on. Eventually you are going to want to slow down on your LC and make it appear as if you are losing that "spark" with her. If she feels as though you are progressing for the better, she more or less will attempt to alleviate this dulling flame. Latin women love confidence and if you appear weak, well they will lose their attraction. If she utters I miss you or love you, make sure you simply reply, "you too hun" and give her a small grin. Attempt to terminate contact after that and wish her a good day. Don't get caught up in relaying your emotions...make yourself seem distant.

[lil hoodlum]

Thanks AlexfromBoston for responding. Yes she is 100% born and raised Mexican. She truely is a wonderful woman who has a heart of gold. I truely could not ask for a better woman. I just don't really know what the hell went wrong. I have ideas and theories of course but lack the factual truth. All I know is that all I care about is her and her daughter.

 

I have remained strong and am moving forward with my life. However she doesn't know it that I did not get back into school to move away from her but to move closer to her. All of my actions after the break up are to give us the best chance at succeeding. I have not told her any of this and it should appear to her that I am happily moving on with out her. However, nothing could be further from the truth. She is truely God's gift to me. I may have made a few mistakes but I have honestly done my best to learn from these mistakes. The relationship was for a long time an amazing, wonderful, and special to both of us. I know that I was truely happy and I know she felt the same way.... What the hell happened?? I assumed we were on the same page about marriage and was going to ask her to marry me in December. I wanted to romance and surprise her. She said I should have told her what I was doing and that it wouldn't have ruined the surprise.

 

I don't know. I have regained much of my old charm and confidence. I believe it shows. She really did a number on me with the break up, it really truely broke my heart. This by far has been one of the worse experiences of my life, break up. If this had been any other girl, I would have just walked away with out a second thought. As it is though, she is the first and only person who I have wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I know I still have a few things to learn about love and probably will never know all there is to know, but I would love to have a chance to learn all that I can with her by my side and with me by her side.

 

I feel that something is going to happen soon. I hope that doesn't sound like I am bragging because I am not. I do not know how she feels or can predict the future. I just hope and pray that this won't end up being the biggest regret of my life losing her.