Girlfriend randomly leaves me out of the blue after meeting a new guy

[jthiff]

Iv never posted on these before but alot of people seem to help. So I'm going to try to keep my story short and brief. Iv been with this girl for about 15 months. One of my good buddies died last year, they had not been together very long sadly but they were expecting a baby. I made a promise to my Jake that I would keep an eye on his child. I hadn't met her yet at the time but I did add her to Facebook to let her know that I was sorry for her loss and that if she needed anyone to talk to I was there for support, approximately 3 weeks go by and I seen her online, asked her how she was doing and how she was feeling with the loss.

 

 

She was doing better so I suggested we could meet up and go for a coffee, to get her out of the house abit. I ended up picking her up and we went to the beach since it was a beautiful day out. She was stunning, such a beautiful and nice girl. She was at doing makeup course at a very high end makeup artist school in downtown Vancouver. After a couple hours at the beach i said he would you like to go watch the race cars tonight. She said yes and we went there together. We clicked so well together, she leaned her head on my shoulder near the end of the night and I felt great but at the same time I felt it was wrong because of my friend. After the races I dropped her back off at home and I received a text from her saying she really enjoyed her night out and that she liked me.

 

 

Im not going to lie I fell for her at first sight. I called some close family friends and told them what was happening, I felt like I was betraying my recently deceased friend but at the same time I said to myself I can't hurt him he is dead? My main concern was his parents. We kept it a secret from them for till when he was almost born because at that point we had too. Having them walk in and seeing me in the labour room would have been a shock and probably the most awkward moment of my life. I knew they would be torn if they found out. I didn't know how to tell them. So we ended up seeing each other the next day. She ended up spending her nights at my house. We were madly in love with each other and I was ready to accept this baby as mine, she was approx 5 months pregnant at the time. I introduced her to my family, my entire family loved her, she had goals in life and everything. She talked with such confidence in herself. Amazing head on her shoulders it blew everyone away.

 

 

I was working while she was at home doing what ever pregnant girls do, my mother came and visited at the house often to see her and take her out since she does not have a license. Also good to have around since she is a nurse. September comes and the baby was due on the 28th. On the 14th her water broke and it was a quick layout, approx 4-5 hours after it broke he was out. Healthy handsome little boy, it was the best day of my life, such a life changer. She was 18 at the time I was 23. Young parents. I started noticing a few weeks later after the birth that she was starting to become a different person, more moody, b*itchy over little things, but nothing serious. It was not easy for either of us we had to wake up exactly every 3 hours on the clock because he would want his milk, she had to breast pump so I would sit up in bed and cuddle him while she pumped and I would help feed him. I would generally wake up at 6am and get ready to leave for work.

 

 

We got a new 3 bedroom ocean view condo in october, couldn't ask for anything more perfect. We had our little boy and life was as good as I you can imagine. Not perfect but I was the happiest man alive. Her father is a contractor, I'm a carpenter. We started working together him and I, couldn't ask for a better boss, nicest guy out there and my work pleases him, family business if anything. I do have my dreams in life and that is to buy, flip and resell homes for profit. Its what I enjoy doing. So always January comes around the corner and I was busy working out of town and was gone from home mabe 3 days a week. Work is work, I have to support her and baby.

Its slow season so i was doing a private contract, took what ever i could get even if it wasn't the ideal job or location. So i got a gut feeling one night something was wrong. Always follow your gut. I drove her to an appointment she had which was only going to take 15 minutes or so, and she happened to leave her cellphone on the seat in the truck. I trusted her with everything, but that gut feeling of mine was telling me I have to just snoop through her texts so I can relax and find out that nothing is up. Sure as hell there was text from another guy, calling her babe, that he loved her etc etc. I went through the sent messages as well and it said stuff like love you too baby, we will be together soon. I was heartbroken instantly.

 

 

 

She came back and I started driving, keeping everything bottled inside. She said whats wrong babe? i said nothing, but my eyes started tearing up. She knew what i was about to say. I said how long have you been effing in my back for? and she started bawling her eyes out saying I wasn't there enough for her and that I'm always busy with work. She said she regretted it and she loved me. I told her right on the spot your making a decision now, its me or him, and if its him I'm gone forever, she picked me, she said she had broken it off with him days before i found out because it didn't feel right. He had been living there when i was away at work. I was a very foolish man to not dump her ass on the spot. I love her so much that I couldn't think of living a day without her. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. I gave her a second chance. I told her if i find out you have any contact with him, Facebook, texts, anything I'm leaving you. So she cut everything off with him, he came knocking on the door that night don't know how he got into the condo building... someone must have opened the door or something for him. But she didn't want to answer the door and she held me back because i was ready to open that door and thrown him over the railing 4 stories down into a parking lot. That was the end of that.

 

 

We became much more closer together than ever. Life moves on, I get a job renovation exterior and interior of a very high end resort, I have to take a 75 minute water taxi to get there it is on a private island just off vancouver island. I generally work 7 days in 7 days out. Here comes the problem now. So last monday august 6th I leave to work, she asks me just before i left if i could leave her 100$ (no clue what for) and I said yeah no problem. Went and got it for her kissed her and my son goodbye told them I would see them next monday, Love them both vice versa and off to work I go, regular routine iv been doing since may. Well on the 7th of august I text her when i get up at like 6am to work I say good morning babe, love you lots. I generally get a text at 9-10ish when she wakes up.

 

 

Well i didn't get a single text by noon so I thought oh thats odd. I call her and the phone was off, so i figure it must be dead and she can't find it because she's constantly misplacing things, don't know how you can misplace your cellphone on a daily basis but she manages to do that. So i log onto my Facebook on the iPhone, message her saying her is everything ok? your phone is off. and she reply's that she cannot find it and its dead. So i say well i talked to you last night as i went to bed so must be where you last talked to me? Cant remember where she said she placed it but somewhere pretty random, she called me at 3 saying shed found it and it was acting up and not holding its charge. I said oh weird. (its one of the piece of crap flip phones) so i figured what ever its a piece they usually don't last more than a year or two. So she said she would go out with her grandma that night when she would get off work. I finally get a call from her at like 10pm and i said where have you been I havnt heard from you ALL day i was worried sick about you. She said she had just woken up she was feeling sick and she thinks the baby is getting sick too, it was about a 30 second convo and she hung up. and BACK off goes the phone, well on the 8th her phone was magically back up and running. (does she think I'm stupid?) I knew something was up again, she was barley texting me, would call me for under a minute when it was only convenient for her, i could call all day and she wouldnt pick up. But shed call me late late at night while I'm sitting stranded on an island at work stressing out wondering what the hell is going on because she wouldn't answer my questions.

 

 

I get home monday she left friday with her mom and grandma to go visit her great grandma out of town and I made it back before she did monday. I had to snoop again because i needed answers. I didn't find any proof of foul play but I knew something was up. She came home my son was so happy to see me he had the biggest and happiest smile on his face and snuggled me for a while and then I put him down to bed. I was just about to jump in the shower and she said not now (in a whiney voice) so i said okkk.....? and she said i think you should leave go to your moms or something. I said I just spent 7 days straight worrying sick and working 12 hours a day, i just worked today too and I'm tired i just want to sleep in my own bed. So i started cleaning up the place since she had a mountain of laundry that piled up in the corner of the room. She says ''fine I will tell you something then that will make you want to leave.'' I dropped everything i was doing and said '' you didn't ****ing cheat on me again did you?'' and she kinda laughed and said no no no. I said what is it then? She says '' I met someone'' I went out with friends and i relized how they are so much happier and he is really nice. I tried to sit down and talk to her but nope she was too busy getting ready to go out!! She said doesn't matter where I'm going.

 

 

My stomach was twisting and turning, is this really happening? She brushed me off her shoulder like i was a piece of dust. I went to pick up all my stuff last night and she dropped it all off downstairs because ****face was up in my home. What did I ever do to deserve this? I slave away so I can provide the best life I can for them, so we can live comfortably. We are never tight on money so financial strain is not a problem. She thinks this guy will provide and accept this baby as much if not more than me. Thats complete bull, Im not trying to make myself sound good but I am a guy who does not smoke, drink do drugs or nothing. I have very good job. I go out of my way anytime to do whatever she needs.

 

 

so to tell you about myself abit. I am not the jealous/controllive/stalking boyfriend. I have let her go out to the bar with her friends and everything, i have never once stopped her because I trusted her. I would drop her off and pick them all back up. I have been faithful all along, never once looked at another girl in that way. A few things I forgot to add up there is a month ago she called me crying because she did a pregnancy test and she was pregnant, I was out at work but came home a couple days later. It was a shock at first a little unexpected but I was happy, another baby. This time biological. She ended up having a miscarriage when I was back at work the following week and blamed it all on me, said it was all my fault and that I killed out baby. I didn't cry over that blame because I know it had nothing to do with me, neither with her, its just something that happens, sometimes the egg is genetically wrong and aborts itself, or mabe she did something she wasn't suppose to do like heavy lifting before she found out she was. Who knows. Anways I have had very little contact since monday I tried talking to her but she's acting like a child. not answering or even bothering to talk to me. I know she's on a new joy ride and everything feels ''fresh'' but its so wrong to do that to me and leave me hanging here, I can't bear the thought of having some other guy holding her and my son.

 

 

I tried to convince her that we should go see a therapist and try and fix this. I don't want to lose her, she is my everything and so is my son. He is 11 months old as of yesterday. Next month is his 1st bday and Its going to hurt so much being there and not being able to share the moment like it was planned She refuses to go to therapy she is a very VERY stubborn girl. Not who I first met, she fooled me with her lies, she fooled my friends and she fooled every single member of my family, her parents don't know nothing yet they are out camping for a few more days which we were all suppose to go with them. I go out to work with my father in law on monday, I don't even know how to tell him. Iv had heartbreaks before but nothing like this, this is a very different situation, there is a child whom I love with all my heart involved and my fiancé which we were also planning our wedding for next summer (forgot to mention that at some point up top) She was totally into it, we had the venue picked, beautiful place called Hatley Castle in Victoria BC, her dress was picked out. I did all I could and I get betrayed. I realize this is a very long post and Im sorry but I had to explain into detail so you guys can get to learn a little bit of how we met how life was etc etc.

 

 

Thank you all so much for spending at least 10 minutes reading this. I hope to have some good replies. Im also going to try no contact for a couple weeks mabe she will snap back to herself and realize what she had. How many men would do what I did for that child, for her. She's tiny and gorgeous. I know for a fact that the ''new'' guy only wants to fk the **** out of her. He's going to play his nice boy cards for the first while. Im feeling very down. Thank you all for reading

[jthiff]

I broke this down into paragraphs this time, hopefully more people are able to read it now.

[BrokenAnna]

I cried reading this!! You are so much better off without her but I can't help but think that you were her emotional tampon...however I think she will regret her decision and come running back, but are you willing to take her back?

[changchewsoon]

After reading your post, I can't help but having a lot of respect for you.

 

You makes us men proud. You have a big heart, and you love unconditionally. All guys should learn to be more like you.

 

She is young and naive, and I agree that she will definitely regret this one day either way. It is just a matter of time.

 

You on the other hand really deserve better my friend, you really do.

[Tree_Salmon]

I really feel sorry for you. We all get f**ked at some point but you royally got screwed.

 

To be honest though you really should have dropped this girl from day one. Pregnant at 18 and you're 23, you had your whole life ahead of you but you chose to have a family that early? Cmon man you need to figure yourself out.

 

This all happened because this girl is a baby herself. She is completely immature and needed a baby/man to fill her void. You are lucky you didn't give her a biological child.

 

You are NOT going to change her. She will never appreciate you. She will do what she wants to do. She wont learn until shes 40+ if she even learns then.

This is nothing but a life ruiner for you.

 

The hard part is the kid. You have to make a choice- either go now before the kid grows up and gets REALLY attached to you, or continue to be in his life. Problem with choice number 2 is she wont let you at some point. She WILL find another guy to be with and he will take the place of you.

 

You are definitely in one hell of a situation but I would cut my losses and dump this girl for good. She is bad news. You are partially to blame for being as naive as you were. I know you were in love but you allowed her to play you. I'm sure there were red flags there.

 

I know this is harsh but I'm not going to throw sunshine up your ass. I've made mistakes like yours so I know i was a big part of my own pain.

You have actually dodged a bullet by not getting her pregnant. You are too good a guy to ever be happy with this woman. She will always cheat on you.

 

Yes, this is my opinion and a guess, but its a very very educated guess. I am older than you and I've already been there. You are way too young to have a family with the WRONG woman. You shouldn't even be in serious relationships before 25 if you ask me. And trust me I've been in plenty.

 

Go enjoy your life and forget this situation.

It'll hurt like crazy but i think this is what I would do.

You have to think about yourself man. 20 years down the line you could be a wreck over this.

 

In the end you do what YOU feel is right, but my opinion is that you should cut and run. It was a great time but you never had any stability.

 

Make your own choice but don't think with your heart. Sometimes you have to think with your brain.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Tree_Salmon

[jthiff]

I cried reading this!! You are so much better off without her but I can't help but think that you were her emotional tampon...however I think she will regret her decision and come running back, but are you willing to take her back?

 

Sorry if i made you teary eyed anna, I really don't know if I will, it all depends on the time frame. She called me this morning, she was alot more talkative. She says she's going to think about things today and call me tonight. There is no best case scenerio. What I do want is to try and make things better, she needs to tell me as to why she feels like this, I found out who the guy was, it was some person she's known for i don't know how long but I remember few months ago he had came and visited to meet the baby so I'm assuming he was one of jakes friends. He was breaking up with his girlfriend and was texting her for support. I never ever thought anything of it. It all clued in today.

 

Salmon, I know Im naive. I did see the red flags but I chose to ignore them thinking It would all go back to normal. I should have left but I didn't. I can see outside the box, its not hard, what is hard though is taking action. I know I'm young, but age is just a number, I know I am ready for a family. I believe its all mentality, and no she is not ready for a baby, she may think she is but she isn't, Im not going to tell her that because theres nothing we can do now, what is done is done. She is an excellent mother though and loves him and takes such good care of him. He is always laughing and smiling everyday all day. Thanks for your input i really appreciate it

[Tree_Salmon]

Sorry if i made you teary eyed anna, I really don't know if I will, it all depends on the time frame. She called me this morning, she was alot more talkative. She says she's going to think about things today and call me tonight. There is no best case scenerio. What I do want is to try and make things better, she needs to tell me as to why she feels like this, I found out who the guy was, it was some person she's known for i don't know how long but I remember few months ago he had came and visited to meet the baby so I'm assuming he was one of jakes friends. He was breaking up with his girlfriend and was texting her for support. I never ever thought anything of it. It all clued in today.

 

Salmon, I know Im naive. I did see the red flags but I chose to ignore them thinking It would all go back to normal. I should have left but I didn't. I can see outside the box, its not hard, what is hard though is taking action. I know I'm young, but age is just a number, I know I am ready for a family. I believe its all mentality, and no she is not ready for a baby, she may think she is but she isn't, Im not going to tell her that because theres nothing we can do now, what is done is done. She is an excellent mother though and loves him and takes such good care of him. He is always laughing and smiling everyday all day. Thanks for your input i really appreciate it

 

Man even if this were true "ready for a family" you still cant have one with her.

You'd be forcing this.

 

So now she has to decide if you're worth keeping around?

are you f**king kidding me?

 

wake up man.

 

You want to be her whipping boy the rest of your life?

What kind of family is that?

 

I know what you're thinking "you don't understand...our love was like no other, bla bla" cmon man. She's cheated god knows how many times. She has no integrity. She's a pile.

 

You can't have the type of "family" you think you want with her. She's not capable of it.

 

I really hope you don't f**k up your life for this. 23 years old man.

"its just a number" is what people who dont know better say.

 

I said it too. When i was 22. That idiot got his ass handed to him too.

 

Do what you want to do, but you WILL be back here years from now telling other dudes not to do the same.

[Floored]

That story just sucked to read. You are way too good of a person to be around her, and the fact that she is living off you and screwing around behind your back on multiple occasions is so morally corrupt I want to just smash something. She will not change with you in her life. She probably won't change at all. She will screw up something and come back to you, but she will never be devoted to you in the same way you've been devoted to both her and her son.

 

We're here because we've laid it all on the table for someone else, only for them to take all that we had and run on to the next person. Chasing rainbows, trying to stay in a honeymoon phase even if it's with a different person every year, cheating on us when we've given everything- we've dealt with these kinds of people, so we feel for you. I also know the feeling of wanting to be settled with a family, working hard to provide for that and just being happy. I'm 24. It isn't just a number, and unfortunately relationships just don't hold at our age, not when we're so young.

 

Keep working for yourself and kick her out. I feel for her prior situation, and raising a kid is tough, but she is too immature to realize what a fantastic situation and loving man she has- the fact that she already cheated and you continued to support her is more than a lot of guys would do- and she is taking you for an absolute ride.

 

I'm sorry to say that harder to lose her will be losing contact with whom you see as your son since you really have no legal right to him, even with common law precedence. Financially, this goes with your favor. Emotionally, I can see this as actually being harder. But take comfort in knowing you at least had a taste of what that life is like, and there is a girl (millions I'm willing to bet) that would just love to be with a guy that's as supportive and hard-working as you are, and most of them having the sense to actually want to contribute towards being in that fantastic relationship too.

 

You're a great guy jthiff, don't waste anymore of your young life on this cheater.

[jthiff]

Man even if this were true "ready for a family" you still cant have one with her.

You'd be forcing this.

 

So now she has to decide if you're worth keeping around?

are you f**king kidding me?

 

wake up man.

 

You want to be her whipping boy the rest of your life?

What kind of family is that?

 

I know what you're thinking "you don't understand...our love was like no other, bla bla" cmon man. She's cheated god knows how many times. She has no integrity. She's a pile.

 

You can't have the type of "family" you think you want with her. She's not capable of it.

 

I really hope you don't f**k up your life for this. 23 years old man.

"its just a number" is what people who dont know better say.

 

I said it too. When i was 22. That idiot got his ass handed to him too.

 

Do what you want to do, but you WILL be back here years from now telling other dudes not to do the same.

 

 

I know what your saying. I can totally see outside the box and I know, easier said than done, Im not mentally capable. Im 24 btw, i was 23 at the time the baby was born. I did find out more though today. I found out who the little skidish loser is. He used to text her months ago seeking support because he had broken up with his girlfriend. I thought nothing of it. Its moral support doesn't bother me. Well I put all the puzzle pieces together today and searched him up on Facebook, of course IM BLOCKED!!! so I seen that my cousin is a mutual friend and one of my good female friends too.

 

So I called my cousin and asked him who this guy was. He was shocked, this guy is nothing but a little scum bag criminal, he has no education, makes pennies, no license. Couch surfer. He said to me she just traded a dollar for a penny. He is also a little theif. Likes to sleep around lots too. Great!! What a great catch! How much lower can you be and how can someone stoop down to someone thats soooo low? I will be smashing his face in. He damn well knows what he has done. Its just as much his fault as hers.

[Tree_Salmon]

I know what your saying. I can totally see outside the box and I know, easier said than done, Im not mentally capable. Im 24 btw, i was 23 at the time the baby was born. I did find out more though today. I found out who the little skidish loser is. He used to text her months ago seeking support because he had broken up with his girlfriend. I thought nothing of it. Its moral support doesn't bother me. Well I put all the puzzle pieces together today and searched him up on Facebook, of course IM BLOCKED!!! so I seen that my cousin is a mutual friend and one of my good female friends too.

 

So I called my cousin and asked him who this guy was. He was shocked, this guy is nothing but a little scum bag criminal, he has no education, makes pennies, no license. Couch surfer. He said to me she just traded a dollar for a penny. He is also a little theif. Likes to sleep around lots too. Great!! What a great catch! How much lower can you be and how can someone stoop down to someone thats soooo low? I will be smashing his face in. He damn well knows what he has done. Its just as much his fault as hers.

 

Ok, so what does this prove?

 

Your cheating ex girlfriend who has one kid at 19 is f**king a criminal scumbag. Why do you want this person?

 

This isn't his fault. She loves criminals and scumbags apparently. More than you and her kid.

 

Find a real woman to marry. She's probably older than 32.

[Mike_d]

Your girl is garbage, upgrade, and pronto, else you'll get what you asked for

[not-a-drive-by]

jthiff - thanks for popping by my thread .

 

But honestly, please listen to these guys who have replied to your thread here. They are all being sincere and trying to help you see who she really is. You deserve so much better than this girl, and you have so much ahead of you, than being tied down to a cheater and a kid who is not yours. Don't be blinded by her looks (girls age and before you know it, it's all gone!).

 

Try to move on now, or you'll be put in a whole lot more pain in the future. I know it's difficult. But take everyone's word into consideration. Put your pillow up and think about it. Time!

[Fitnerd]

Honestly, after reading your story, I felt so bad for you man.

 

You treated her kid like your own son, something that most men would NEVER do, and still got dumped like yesterday's trash.

 

You don't owe her anything, I know it's hard at the moment, but you should just move on and forget her, she doesn't deserve you, she deserves that scumbag she traded you in for.

[Radu]

You're not going to like this.

 

I think you are a rebound.

It's all just too good.

She is 18, gets pregnant, guy dies, needs support so you turn up.

So she does everything she can [weather she is conscious about it or not] to get you to commit to her and her child.

Child is born, she has a home, support system in her parents who can take care of the baby, her school is either over or close to over, she doesn't need you anymore.

She rationalizes it all as in 'you are always away'.

She even looks at her baby as an asset ... 'oh, new guy can be father figure to the baby as well'.

 

You need to crush her fog, but i don't think you will get her to commit.

You said nothing but 'nice' about her parents. I know how women like these are raised, princesses.

I don't think her parents will go with you on this one, they will side with her.

 

Here's what you need to do, to protect both you and the baby :

- go to a lawyer, see if you are on the hook for the baby

- if you are, it goes both ways as in you also have rights

- look for another job outside of her dad, daddy will side with his little princess [wanna bet ?]

- save all the texts that you can save, keep them and if she sends angry voicemails to you, save them, they can be proof even in places where you can't record freely

- see if recordings can help you in court, you live in Canada a place where a woman can call the police and have her guy thrown in jail without any proof and this girl has NO MORALS. Having that on your record is bad, so you need proof she is lying, as it will help a little.

Doing this she can also use it in custody battles, if you adopted the boy.

 

I know what your saying. I can totally see outside the box and I know, easier said than done, Im not mentally capable. Im 24 btw, i was 23 at the time the baby was born. I did find out more though today. I found out who the little skidish loser is. He used to text her months ago seeking support because he had broken up with his girlfriend. I thought nothing of it. Its moral support doesn't bother me. Well I put all the puzzle pieces together today and searched him up on Facebook, of course IM BLOCKED!!! so I seen that my cousin is a mutual friend and one of my good female friends too.

 

So I called my cousin and asked him who this guy was. He was shocked, this guy is nothing but a little scum bag criminal, he has no education, makes pennies, no license. Couch surfer. He said to me she just traded a dollar for a penny. He is also a little theif. Likes to sleep around lots too. Great!! What a great catch! How much lower can you be and how can someone stoop down to someone thats soooo low? I will be smashing his face in. He damn well knows what he has done. Its just as much his fault as hers.

 

Do not under any circumstance even touch this guy.

Go and talk to a lawyer.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I guarantee you that she will contact you again. As soon as she starts to realize WHAT he is. As soon as reality of trying to make it in the real world with a guy with no job, no goals, criminal record and is a couch potato; she's going to realize what she threw away. Mister fun guy won't be so fun anymore. She's going to start look for you again.

 

You work with her father, what did he say about everything?

[jthiff]

Dude, I guarantee you that she will contact you again. As soon as she starts to realize WHAT he is. As soon as reality of trying to make it in the real world with a guy with no job, no goals, criminal record and is a couch potato; she's going to realize what she threw away. Mister fun guy won't be so fun anymore. She's going to start look for you again.

 

You work with her father, what did he say about everything?

 

I know she will but her only chance is now, not later. Im not going to be able to take her back after she's done with another person. Im not a dog. Her father knows nothing yet. I head back out to camp with him on monday. Im not going to hide anything, she says her mother is shocked about me and her splitting up but I guarantee she didn't tell her the truth. She probably made me sound like a cheap piece of crap so that she doesn't look like the bad person. But sure as hell il be straight up with him and say this is what happened and harsh to say but I'm not going to back her story up. I hope it doesn't destroy my relationship with him. He is a very good man I think he will understand. Its his daughter, he knows about her past and what she is like. He always says like mother like daughter (they are very similar). As he would also say ''The apple does not fall far down from the tree''