LonelyShadow Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hey everyone, I want to share my story, it's something that I can't help but feel bothered. I'll try to keep it short, there may be a lot to read, but I have a lot going through my head and I honestly need to vent it out and hope that you can help me with any advice, please be honest. There is a girl who happens to be my friend's sister (20 years old) who started to talk to me through facebook close to 3 months ago, she started by saying it was good to see me at her brother's birthday party the week before. I was surprised that she sent me a friend request and started to speak to me, I confirmed that she is now single from a 4 year relationship that I knew of since I actually met her with her ex and daughter who is 2, last year, she has been single for the past 3 months during that time this past May. We started with small conversations through facebook, getting to know eachother, then it turned to long chats after. She would contact me every single day asking how my day was and we would have some long conversations on what we like, our past relationships, if I have a girlfriend, played the question game where she really asked me some intimate questions, I felt that she liked me and I started to feel the same way, she even came through to see me and we went out and had some bbq out here in the city and enjoyed our company. Our convos would go from facebook to the phone, so she would text me (she loves texting) and have convos, I would try to minimize the texting by calling her and talk instead, we clicked really well and I started to get more interested in her. I am 26 and I have been single for a bit past a year after a bad experience with my ex who I caught cheating on me which ended very bitter. She told me her experience with her ex and she got cheated on twice and she was absolutely done with him because the relationship was going downhill after the first time he cheated on her, but she accepted him back because of her daughter. I didn't want to focus on looking for any girl, so I chose to do my own thing and hopefully someone would appear. I have not been this interested in any woman since then, until now, I guess it may be a bit too fast, but I'm just being honest. One night I playfully asked her on the phone if she liked anyone at this moment, she kinda stuttered trying to give me an answer, but wasn't very clear, I then confessed to her (obviously it was no surprise after talking so much) that I liked her, and she also said that she liked me too. I felt at this point that we could have something very nice, let me just note to you all that we did have our convo about what is it that we want, I completely understood that she wanted to be single and do her own thing (especially that her mom doesn't really want her to get into a relationship now since its still a bit fresh), it was no problem for me, since I told her I would like to take things slow and go with the flow, of course we agreed. Fast fowarding it a bit into july, I noticed that she was not contacting me as much, but still we spoke every other day. One day I decided to ask her out for dinner for the weekend, she accepted and we arranged it to be around her neighborhood at some fondue restaurant which ended up being a great place to go and we both had a great time, it was a pretty intimate spot that she chose for us to go to, so I knew I had to make a move during our date, we got to know about each other more, flirted a bit and then I started asking her about us, she was pretty shy to answer, but (of course) she wanted to take things slow and that she really likes me, at that point I got closer to her and kissed her for a few seconds, I stopped to look at her, she gazed into my eyes and again I started making out with her, right after that we continued with our dinner and started talking about other stuff again. We made out outside the restaurant and when the date was over, she didn't reject me at all, her smile and her eyes and body language looked like they wanted me, so I thought that slowly, but surely I'm in. Fast forwarding to another couple weeks later, at this point she was talking less to me, one time I texted her after not hearing her for a few days and she said sorry she was feeling pretty annoyed with everything going around with her and didnt hit me up to not take it out on me, I said I hope that I haven't been bothering you if that was the case, she said it wasn't me at all, that it was her ex and his mother for trying persistently trying to have them get back together which she refuses to. She finally got a great new job as a nurse and she would be working 7 days a week, keep herself busy and avoiding having to see her ex when he picks up her daughter, she would have someone else do that for her, I guess her brother or her ex's brother. Even though I wouldn't see her much, I was happy for her new job, so I asked her to go with me again on the weekend to celebrate, she accepts, but this time she told me about a friend of hers (another girl) who was currently living at her house who doesn't know too much about her neighborhood and she didn't want to leave her alone so she would tag along with us... I felt like that was a red flag, but I didn't want to think too much about it so I said sure that's fine, I never gone out with a girl and have a friend of hers to tag along, but I did feel that it was no good, but I did it anyway to show that I was kool with it and not make a big deal out of it. So we go out on the weekend, I meet her friend (23) and she seemed like a nice chick, we went out bowling and then to the arcade minigames and had a pretty good time, I do notice through that whole time, the girl that I like was not trying to get too close to me and would usually have her friend in between us, I thought that was annoying, but I went with it. Afterwards we went to Friday's have dinner and I experienced one of the most awkward moments ever, when we were going to get our table I though that both girls would sit together whit i would sit across, but i notice that her friend was going to sit next to me, so I smoothly sat next to the girl I like. Her friend in a very weird way started to say that she didn't want to be alone and wanted ME to sit next to her.... In my mind, I was cursing up a storm wondering what is wrong with this chick? externally I played it cool and sort of laughed and said that we are sitting at the same table and I wanted to sit next to the girl i like, she continued to now what seemed like an issue and I looked at the girl i like and even she said go ahead an sit next to her, I really thought this was a weird joke, but then the girl I liked was about to go up and sit next to her friend. It put me in a weird situation where I didn't want to be an a hole and I held her hand and said, no no I'll go sit over there then, afterwards when I switched seats, her friend tries to apologize to me and giving me the excuse that she doesn't like feeling alone with one seat empty... My mind is still blown by this, but I played it cool during the entire dinners tho i was a little uncomfortable because her friend started complimenting about my skin color and looked at me like she wanted me or something, but I was smart and played it off by complimenting about the girl i like in front of her so she can get the picture that I am not interested. Anyhow, I paid for everything and we left. Now before the end of the night, I said bye to her friend and then she kinda left us alone for a brief moment and I tried going in for the kiss to the girl i like and this time she held me back as if she didn't want me to kiss her with her friend nearby. Anyway, I leave and I texted her thanking her for coming out, she thanks me for taking both of them out and I said it was my pleasure, then she asks me why she feels that I am rushing things, she really enjoys hanging out, that its so much fun, but she doesn't want to feel no commitment, she felt that the kissing part would be more appropriate if she is my girlfriend, I responded that I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I apologize that I made her feel that way. She again tells me how she wants to be single, but she still wants to ho out with me and all, at this point I felt that I scared her too much, so I decided to be upfront and ask her if she is still interested in me , I told her to be very honest with me and she said yes she likes me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship, I told her once again I understood and I respect her decision. i'm not sure whether I should of said this, but I told her that I would like to have something with her later on, that she is a nice woman, she thanks hunn, I really appreciate that, I told her I would still like for us to see eachother, she said she would love to, afterwards she had to go and ended the convo there. I thought about what happend that night and decided maybe I should leave her alone for awhile. A couple weeks past, she didnt call nor text me at all. Going now into this month of august, last week, I texted her saying "hey, I just been wondering how you been doing, haven't heard from you in awhile". She replies after a half hour later with "Hey i been good, hbu?" I respond back asking how is she doin at her new job, she doesn't reply back, I texted one more time after a few hours, no reply. a couple days later with no response I decided to call her last friday evening, she picks up, I guess she was surprised to hear from me not too sure, we spoke for about 5 minutes and then she had to let me go because she was with her daughter at chuckEcheese, she told me lets keep in touch, text me ok. and I was like yeah that's fine, hit me up also and ended the phone call at that. The days pass by and she doesn't hit me up at all, I decided to text her yesterday and she didn't reply, I was busy during the day and right after taking a shower in the evening, I called her, no response, first time that she doesn't respond to my phone call, but I don't think its a huge deal cause people miss calls all the time right? of course. I thought maybe she would call back, but nothing at all even to this minute that i'm writing this post. I don't even know if she'll hit me up at all today or maybe even at all. Its confusing me and I hate this silent treatment she suddenly is doing which I find very immature and stupid because I hate playing little childish games. I honestly I really believe that she is ignoring me, but I just do not understand why when everything was alright and I know I didn't do anything wrong and I gave her some breathing space. I would seriously like to have your take on this whole situation I am having, please be honest with me and tell me what you believe I should do in your opinion? Should I confront her and talk about it? Should I just ignore her/ let her go?
veggirl Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Don't confront her. There is nothing to confront her about. She has made it perfectly clear that she is not interested. If she was, she would be in touch with you, she would be happy to kiss you, she would want to spend time with you alone. It's all very clear. I'm sorry, you are chasing after something that is not going to exist. She is blowing you off hoping that you will get the hint. You aren't getting the hint though. 1
Author LonelyShadow Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) Veggirl thanks for the reply, theres something I don't understand though. I give her the opportunity to tell me whether she is interested or not, she says she is interested, but then she starts to go all silent on me, why lie when I just gave you a chance to be blunt? I rather someone tell upfront "I don't want to talk to you right now" than just the silly game of ignoring leaving me in the dark wondering what the hell happend... I held myself back so that she would see that I'm not trying to pressure her, she has all the right to do what she wants cause we have nothing. I'm here just trying to be a friend to her and staying in touch. I guess even that is not on her mind... This sucks....... I wanted to at least see if there was something I did that is making her not speak to me, but from what you are saying, I should end it at this and not contact her. Again thank you for the reply. Edited August 16, 2012 by LonelyShadow
ChatroomHero Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Sounds like there is interest but she's not in the mood for a relationship now. I think she's just avoiding dealing with it one way or another so she doesn't have to end it and doesn't have to worry about a relationship. It's these kind of situations where she'll text you out of the blue one day a few months from now and ask what's going on and make you think wtf? In my opinion if someone wants to be with you, they be with you. If they don't, you have a situation like this. I wouldn't take it as a bad thing outside of her being inconsiderate, she is just at a different point in the dating spectrum, as in not wanting to deal with it at all right now.
chphan Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Veggirl thanks for the reply, theres something I don't understand though. I give her the opportunity to tell me whether she is interested or not, she says she is interested, but then she starts to go all silent on me, why lie when I just gave you a chance to be blunt? I rather someone tell upfront "I don't want to talk to you right now" than just the silly game of ignoring leaving me in the dark wondering what the hell happend... Simple enough answer. She doesn't want to be blunt because she feels bad for rejecting you. It's a normal feeling to feel bad to reject someone that isn't a jerk who likes you. She gave you the cold shoulder because it's easier for her that way than feeling bad. I think she does like you as a friend but she also knows deep down you want to be more than a friend that she can't offer. Saying that you only want to be a friend is lying to yourself when you really are willing to settle as a friend as oppose to wanting to only be a friend. Take a hint and let it go and forget about her. Time will past and you will move on and forget about her.
Author LonelyShadow Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Sounds like there is interest but she's not in the mood for a relationship now. I think she's just avoiding dealing with it one way or another so she doesn't have to end it and doesn't have to worry about a relationship. It's these kind of situations where she'll text you out of the blue one day a few months from now and ask what's going on and make you think wtf? In my opinion if someone wants to be with you, they be with you. If they don't, you have a situation like this. I wouldn't take it as a bad thing outside of her being inconsiderate, she is just at a different point in the dating spectrum, as in not wanting to deal with it at all right now. @ChatrromHero, I understand your point of view, As i mentioned earlier on my original post, my last relationship crashed down to the ground when I caught my X cheating on me, at that point in time, I just took time off from meeting/ dating girls because it hit me so bad, I loved the chick. For one year I stayed single and up until now, I meet a girl whom I didnt think I would be interested in, but she is pretty much going through what I been through. I guess she just doesn't want to make contact with me either for now or at all. @chphan, your answer is is pretty straightforward, and yeah that is how it is exactly. Don't get me wrong tho, I think you misread my post a bit wrong, I don't just want to only be friends with her, that be crazy for me to just suddenly friendzone her and it would stay at that, nooo no. lol I just wanted to stay in contact and be there as a friend, taking things slowly, and then see how she would feel in the upcoming months. Unfortunately, that doesn't look like it will happen, so I'll just chill and let her go. Gonna be kinda hard if I visit her house since she does live with brother who is my friend. sigh.... Thanks for your input guys, I'm open for more whoever wants to reply.
Recommended Posts