vanek26 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hey guys. So, I've been doing the online dating thing for a few years now and I've met a lot of women from the site, but never entered into a relationship or anything that serious. To be completely honest, most of the people I met turned into random hook ups or one-date-wonders. I started talking to a girl a few weeks ago who, by all accounts, is way out of my league. Tall, thin, great face, amazing hair, the whole deal. I didn't even really expect her to agree to meet me but I convinced her to go out for coffee early last week. And... wow! We had such an amazing conversation. The same sense of humor, the same sharp with. It was awesome. I literally had to sit in the parking lot afterwards and gather myself because I had such a good time. Still, the back of my mind told me that she was a little too good for me. After all, I repeatedly get rejected by girls who can't even hold a candle to her on the looks scale. A couple days later, she actually texted me saying that she had a good time and that she wanted to see me again. I was bewildered. No girl has ever seemed that eager and yet here she was. We went out to dinner over the weekend and had another great time, which I sealed with a nice kiss at the end. Our third date was on Tuesday and we went out to a bar to play some darts and have a few drinks. We had a few intense makeout sessions in my car afterwards and she began saying things like 'i really do like you'. Now, we have plans to walk my dogs later today and then watch a movie. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, I can't help but fight the insecurities I have about her. Everything is flowing so well and going so easy... but at the same time, I don't want to be crushed when she loses interest and goes for a better looking / more muscular guy. I would never let her realize that I feel this way because I know it's totally lame and unattractive.. but I really can't help it. Furthermore, I'm wondering how I should escalate things. This is someone I really want to form a relationship with. So my goal isn't to get a hookup out of it... but I also know that I need to be assertive. Your thoughts?
soccerrprp Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Well, I can't help but fight the insecurities I have about her. Everything is flowing so well and going so easy... but at the same time, I don't want to be crushed when she loses interest and goes for a better looking / more muscular guy. I would never let her realize that I feel this way because I know it's totally lame and unattractive.. but I really can't help it. Furthermore, I'm wondering how I should escalate things. This is someone I really want to form a relationship with. So my goal isn't to get a hookup out of it... but I also know that I need to be assertive. Your thoughts? Don't show your eagerness and try to keep it cool. When you have these make-outs, does she allow you to "touch" her in other places? It sounds like being yourself is working, so don't stop. Enjoy the time and keep things in perspective and not let your heart and "lower" head get the better of you. Be confident, but not to the extent that it makes you into someone you are not...I don't know how old you are, but many women are less interested in looks than they are kindness, sense of humor, etc. Good luck!
KathyM Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Put a lot of effort and thought into making each date something special--something new/romantic/fun/exciting to build momentum. After a month or so, start the "I think I'm falling for you" talk. And you need to start thinking of her as your equal. Don't act like you don't deserve to be with her. She obviously finds something in you that appeals to her. And stop worrying that she might find somebody else someday. That's true of all relationships. Just enjoy the moment, and build momentum, and stop worrying about what might or might not happen in the future.
soccerrprp Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Insecure attractive women sometimes go for ugly men. Play your cards right and she'll be yours. They also like to feel like a trophy and this is impossible with someone in the same league. Hmmm...don't think in these terms. You have something more defining to offer, so don't minimize what you have to offer by thinking like the first point. I get what Pierre is saying, though. As the matter of the second point, please be careful when you do this. I don't know if this girl is "intelligent" or a professional-type, but such action could lead to suspicion. Be polite, assertive, confident, respectful and attentive, but be careful about placing someone on a pedestal so early in a relationship, especially.
Charlie Harper Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Go for it, very cute atractive women are in fact quite easy because they always get aproached by dolts too eager to get them to bed, try to impress them and playing the ME ME ME game. in your case it started pretty well you listened, connected to her emotionally and have fun almost all women want that, a nice guy taht listens, its funny and connects with them emotionally. <Most mistakes guys do are related to insecurities, rushing things, being superficial-egocentric. Dont overthink or analize everything, be yourself HAVE A GOOD TIME and enjoy, one word of advice, let her know that you are in for the realtionship WHEN THE THEME COMES UP, that you really are interested in her as a person and she will be your. Congrats and don't be nervous great looking girls are not that difficult as some portray them to be.
Author vanek26 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 I've got an update for you guys. So, on Thursday we walked my dog together and then I suggested that we put the movie off until next time because it was so nice out. We went for ice cream instead and had a great conversation. I was ready to take her home afterwards, as it was about 9 pm or so. Much to my shock, she said 'let's do something else... I don't want to go home yet! Let's go for a walk by the river.' So, we did, and eventually sat on a bench and held hands and talked for a few more hours. We got back to my car and I took her home. We had a good makeout session in which I did cop a feel on her boobs for a bit and she did not resist me at all. Later that night I got a "I wish you were here with me" text and something along the lines of "I'm really happy and I haven't felt this way in a long time, if ever." Against all odds, things seem to be going incredibly well. Tonight we're getting together again to watch a movie. For once, I'm not even concerned with 'getting it in.' I just want to see her and have a good time again. I find myself tempted to take down my profile on PoF and start to focus exclusively on her. But then again, we've only known each other for a few weeks and have only had 4 dates. Plus there is still that lingering fear that she will wake up and say, "this guy isn't that hot. I'd rather date a jersey shore look-alike"
VodkaShots Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Are you sure you're not underrating your own looks? A lot of people do that, especially when they're not that confident. You're your own worst critic as they say. You might actually be a decent looking guy. Plus men outnumber women by the dozen on dating websites like POF, so if she's attractive, it's pretty much a certainty she gets tens if not hundreds of messages a day from men of varying qualities (attractive to fat middle-aged mongs). Plus the thing with these websites is you only have a photo and a profile to judge from so attractive women (and men) can cherry pick who to even message, let alone meet. I am guessing she is indeed attracted to you and feels there's great chemistry between you two. Stop worrying, go with the flow and enjoy it. She obviously enjoys it.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) let me tell u a little sonething abt women, we will always let men slide on the looks scale beccause not every men can be an Adonis. Looks will always be second fiddle if u make it fun to be around you and you give her a sense of security. I think its a good sign she told you she hadn't wanted to go home early. Tru not to make this an issue of outer appearances. eventually she will adk u y you like her and then you're forced to come up with better adjectives than just beautiful. Go with the flow and enjoy her company. Edited August 18, 2012 by xpaperxcutx
FindBetterLove Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Have you considered that maybe she is into qualities you have beyond your looks? Whether you meet someone in person or on an online dating website, finding the right person should never be superficial. More than you may realize, personality is important. As the old saying goes, looks will fade over time. However, personality does not. The girl you're dating may have figured this out already.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Put a lot of effort and thought into making each date something special--something new/romantic/fun/exciting to build momentum. This is actually pretty terrible advice. Trying too hard is never a good strategy, especially with a girl who's probably used to guys jumping out of their skin to impress her. To the OP: you need to have sex with her ASAP. Really, you need to make your move while she's at your place watching a movie. If you don't, there is a good chance she will lose interest. Most girls these days expect guys to be sexually forward. Plus, it'll take much of the pressure off you. Even if things don't work out, at least you got to bang a hot chick...nothing wrong with that.
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 To the OP: you need to have sex with her ASAP. Really, you need to make your move while she's at your place watching a movie. If you don't, there is a good chance she will lose interest. OP.... I dumped the last three guys who tried this... If she's as attractive as you say she is, there is no shortage of guys trying to hump her leg. She's probably sick of it. If you come off as just another loser dude trying to get it in, you are done with.
todreaminblue Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Hey guys. So, I've been doing the online dating thing for a few years now and I've met a lot of women from the site, but never entered into a relationship or anything that serious. To be completely honest, most of the people I met turned into random hook ups or one-date-wonders. I started talking to a girl a few weeks ago who, by all accounts, is way out of my league. Tall, thin, great face, amazing hair, the whole deal. I didn't even really expect her to agree to meet me but I convinced her to go out for coffee early last week. And... wow! We had such an amazing conversation. The same sense of humor, the same sharp with. It was awesome. I literally had to sit in the parking lot afterwards and gather myself because I had such a good time. Still, the back of my mind told me that she was a little too good for me. After all, I repeatedly get rejected by girls who can't even hold a candle to her on the looks scale. A couple days later, she actually texted me saying that she had a good time and that she wanted to see me again. I was bewildered. No girl has ever seemed that eager and yet here she was. We went out to dinner over the weekend and had another great time, which I sealed with a nice kiss at the end. Our third date was on Tuesday and we went out to a bar to play some darts and have a few drinks. We had a few intense makeout sessions in my car afterwards and she began saying things like 'i really do like you'. Now, we have plans to walk my dogs later today and then watch a movie. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, I can't help but fight the insecurities I have about her. Everything is flowing so well and going so easy... but at the same time, I don't want to be crushed when she loses interest and goes for a better looking / more muscular guy. I would never let her realize that I feel this way because I know it's totally lame and unattractive.. but I really can't help it. Furthermore, I'm wondering how I should escalate things. This is someone I really want to form a relationship with. So my goal isn't to get a hookup out of it... but I also know that I need to be assertive. Your thoughts? She likes you not some muscle boun dguy looks dotn seal the deal at the end of the day i know the feeling of never feeling good enough in fact i know it well, so i offer advice form experience.For some reason guys dont feel good enough for me sometimes i have gotten that you are too good thing..and i hav eused it as a goodbye lien to good guys i should have taken a chance in believing i was good enough for them..... DROP IT you are good enough three simple words why.....she likes you.... dont feel not good enough....muscles arent a match for brains or passion or ultimately ....true love...so go get her tiger.......good luck in life and love....deb
KathyM Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 This is actually pretty terrible advice. Trying too hard is never a good strategy, especially with a girl who's probably used to guys jumping out of their skin to impress her. To the OP: you need to have sex with her ASAP. Really, you need to make your move while she's at your place watching a movie. If you don't, there is a good chance she will lose interest. Most girls these days expect guys to be sexually forward. Plus, it'll take much of the pressure off you. Even if things don't work out, at least you got to bang a hot chick...nothing wrong with that. Humph. Women appreciate men who put some effort into dating, and if you want to keep her interested, you're going to have to make the effort and make yourself stand out from the rest of the crowd. That means you don't go for the boring stuff. You don't be the typical guy that invites her over for a movie and tries to seduce her. How lame is that when you're trying to make a good impression on a woman? The men I know in real life who have women swooning over them make the effort to do the fun and unique things that will make them stand out from the crowd. I'm not talking about buying a woman's affections, or giving her gifts, or going overboard with attention, but just making sure each date is memorable and special, that shows you to be an interesting and fun guy who has a lot of interests and zest for life. 1
SteveC80 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 let me tell u a little sonething abt women, we will always let men slide on the looks scale beccause not every men can be an Adonis. Neither are most women out there model like so we have ot let it slide
Feelsgoodman Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 OP.... I dumped the last three guys who tried this... Yeah, well, that's you. Notice I said most women, not all women. From my experience, being sexually aggressive makes you about 10 times more likely to succeed with most women as compared to being sexually reserved. If you come off as just another loser dude trying to get it in, you are done with. Disagreeing with someone's opinion is fine. But calling me "just another loser dude" simply because you didn't like what I said shows that you are a low quality, rude, trashy woman. It's no wonder guys only see you as a piece of meat and not as relationship material.
mortensorchid Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I was just thinking about some things like this today. This girl is out of your league? Don't think that. I have encountered a lot of guys in my lifetime (and continue to) who think that they are not good enough for a lot of women out there, myself included. Why don't you think you are good enough? Is it your level of education? Money? Past? Job that you do? Your looks/body? What is it specifically? Once you identify it, whatever it is, don't feel that it will hold you back from something. I've seen it quite a bit, and there are guys out there who will settle for a trashy woman rather than a truly good one. Or they will throw away what they have and opt for something less. Easier said than done, but people are insecure. We all have insecurities, the key is getting through them and doing something proactive with them. Don't throw this woman away (or treat her badly) because you don't feel right about something that is specifically inside of you. Try and succeed, or try and fail. Don't give up and fail.
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 (edited) Yeah, well, that's you. Notice I said most women, not all women. From my experience, being sexually aggressive makes you about 10 times more likely to succeed with most women as compared to being sexually reserved. Disagreeing with someone's opinion is fine. But calling me "just another loser dude" simply because you didn't like what I said shows that you are a low quality, rude, trashy woman. It's no wonder guys only see you as a piece of meat and not as relationship material. Wow... you take offense really easily. Don't see how I was calling you in particular a 'loser dude'.... but you need to know... if you are pulling the moves you describe... you will come off as a loser dude to alot of women... in particular, the women you might want MOST to attract. Anyway, there are tons more ways to show interest in a woman and avoid the 'friendzone' than trying to get into bed ASAP. You're just not applying yourself, or you just aren't that creative. Last statement is not true at all, BTW. Not like I'm giving them a chance to find out though either... LOL. (FYI... Mr. Sexy Talk came to my house last night uninvited after I refused to answer his calls. Seems like alot of work for a guy just looking for a piece of *ss... but oh well). My take on it is that alot of these guys are just running the course they've been 'trained' into by culture or habit... or stupid PUA stuff. Some bad habits there. My advice to you is to get some new ones if you want to be viewed as 'relationship material' by women. Edited August 25, 2012 by RedRobin 1
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