Ro2 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I really just feel the lowest I have ever felt. This has messed me up so much, mentally and emotionally. For those who haven't read it already, here is the story on what happened. I would like to say that, for the most part, I am handling this better than I have handled others in the past; at least I am getting out and still attempting to socialize, work, etc., but otherwise I am a complete mess. I was so upset last night, I ended up doing things I never imagined myself doing just to ease the pain a little bit. Honestly, I just don't understand how I put so much care into somebody, only to have them screw me over so badly. Was this his plan all along? Is he sitting around laughing right now because he knows how much pain he caused me? Why does he feel nothing? Why does he feel I deserve no explanation? I hate that I spent so much time, all these months, talking on the phone with him for hours trying to help him through problems; even when I went to see him, I tried my best to do what I could, but nothing seemed to be good enough or appreciated. I got back on Facebook today, only to find he actually unblocked me after blocking me a week or so prior. The pain is still too fresh for me, so I put him on my block list, then deactivated my account. A friend who has some communication with him told me earlier tonight that he is apparently "moving on." Well good for him. Seemed he had already moved on before the event even happened. It was probably his plan all along to put me through the pain. How can you "move on" so quickly from somebody you supposedly cared about and treated like crap? I do wish I could rewind time just to see if things could/would have played out any differently. I miss him, and I want so badly to hate him right now, but I can't. I'm not supposed to be this weak and vulnerable; I don't know what has made this time so different from other times.
Hornachero Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hi there! Things will get better! The pain you are experiencing right now is absolutely normal but you will make it! This guy did not deserve you, he's been mean and disrespectful to you and I am absolutely convinced that you will meet someone again in the future that will make you realize what a loss of time this story was. For the time being, just focus on yourself! Try to go out a little bit more or hang out with you friends! Do whatever you can to ease the pain (but please, please, please do not be self-destructive). The best advice I have ever heard is to "always go out somewhere nice and busy when you feel depressed" somehow, just looking at other people will make you feel better. If you can lean on good people and positive people (family, good friends...) do that too! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Just keep moving forward - it'll be so much worth it later on
broken77 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hey Ro. I feel pain most evey waking moment as you do. It sucks, I know. I really think as time goes by you'll heal quicker than you think. Its psychology, you feel like you miss him but its actually misplaced feelings, as you miss the way you felt when you were chatting with him, etc. Look how much of an ass he turned out to be in real life.. Look at it from the outside in, he freaked out over nothing, called the cops on you, kicked you out... It'll be an easy one to get away from once you snap out of it. Give it another couple weeks. And by the way, when are you coming to NY?!
Author Ro2 Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Thanks. I'm sure things will get better, they always do. It's just really hard to believe it, or see that light, at this point. The thing is, before I met this guy, working on myself was a top priority - and it still is. I know I can't be happy in a relationship at the moment because I am still trying to figure out certain things about myself; I can't be happy in a relationship if the rest of my life isn't steady. But still - I thought that this guy would at least be there as a friend, at the least I never imagined him going to such great lengths to see me in pain. Not to sound all sappy and emotional, but I really don't think I'm the 'type' to find somebody to be happy with. I'm not even saying this because I'm going through heartache right now - I have actually felt it for quite some time. Why I try, I don't know; I guess a part of me wants to believe that my gut instincts are wrong, but I don't think they are. I don't know. I don't even care about a relationship, I just care (or thought I did...) about this guy, but he has messed me up something terrible. I'm not even sure I will be capable of having sincere feelings for somebody after this; I mean, it took me over three years from my last relationship take this step. New York: I don't think that will happen anytime soon. I just spent $300 on an unexpected first-flight back to Texas from Oregon.
broken77 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Aw, you wouldn't have to pay for anything, flight or otherwise, might be good to get away and have something different and fun.. Also to share some time with someone equally dismayed, misery loves company. I'm like 10 blocks from union square.
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