Sad. Long story inside...

[Ro2]

I met a guy on an online forum back in April, and it got to the point that we were talking everyday and stuff. We decided to meet up in July, as he wanted me to go to a wedding with him on Saturday, July 28. So I went.

 

I got there late Monday the 23rd, and all was great up until the evening of the wedding ceremony. He seemed to get distant after that. I asked him the following day, Sunday the 29th, and he said he just felt weird and embarrassed; when I asked him why, he basically told me that it was because I had drank 3 (small) glasses of wine while at the wedding, and the fact that I was socializing which "wasn't the point of the wedding." He said that I didn't act out-of-hand, but that people were still judging him based on my actions...

 

Anyways, we talked for a while on Sunday the 29th, and I thought everything was patched up and worked out. Wrong. He was still acting a bit distant. Come Monday the 30th, I woke up at 10AM, he slept in until 4PM. Mind you, I had no car or anything, nor did I know where anything was in the area, so I just sat there playing games or chatting online until he woke up.

 

When he finally did wake up, he didn't say one word to me - he went straight to his living room to play video games. I left him alone for a while, then walked in there and he said he wasn't feeling well (he ate a lot of food the night before that he wasn't supposed to eat, supposedly because he was feeling sad and wanted to numb the pain out with food). I left him alone again for a bit, then went back in and asked if he wanted to do anything later, maybe just go someplace relaxing. He told me no, he wasn't doing anything. So I told him I was gonna get out and go for a walk so things could cool off, and he said that was a good idea.

 

I went out, and about a mile down I ran into this little bar-and-grill place. I decided to go in and get a drink and food because I hadn't had anything to eat all day, and it was already about 8PM, and I was trying to kill time. I ended up staying there until about 12:30 because I was talking to these girls I met there who were pretty cool. In that 4.5 hours, I had two drinks. I even called him to let him know where I was, told him he could come down and join if he wanted. He told me he 'wouldn't be surrounded by that stuff' or something along those lines.

 

Anyways, I got back to his place sometime between 12:30-1AM, and 5-10 minutes after I got back he told me to pack my stuff, he wanted me on the first flight out in the morning. He told me I could stay the night, but in the morning I'm leaving. He told me not to ask questions, because he didn't owe me any sort of explanation. I thought I deserved an explanation because, well, I just spent $150 flying from Texas to Oregon, and now I was gonna have to buy a day-of plane ticket to travel back home. I didn't get the return flight ticket beforehand because he was going to purchase that one, and we were going to research the cheapest when I got to his place, which turned out to be Friday, August 3. Anyways, I ended up spending $300 on a return flight home.

 

What hurt quite a bit was him saying he didn't owe me anything. He said if I continued to ask him for an explanation, he would call the cops. I asked him once more, and he called the cops to have me escorted off his property. I ended up staying there that night anyways, but he still called...

 

It really hurt me. He was the first person I really opened myself up to in years; I seriously thought I could trust him, and even if we didn't work out, at least I could trust him enough to the point of maintaining a friendship.

 

I haven't heard from him since I left his place early Tuesday the 31st - over a week now. I haven't contacted, but God knows I want to. He deleted me off of Facebook the night everything went down, but I could still see it. Today I went on and he has finally blocked me on there.

 

 

Meh. I just don't understand what went wrong. I miss him. I forgive him for what he did, but it hurts so much. Why does he feel I don't deserve an apology, or some sort of explanation?

 

 

Notes: He is 33, I am 23. We did not have sex over the course of the trip; tried, but he could never maintain, said it was because he needed to feel like he could trust before reaching that point. He has PTSD -- non-military, just stuff from his childhood with his family, supposedly.

 

 

Sorry it's so long. I'm just sad, and trying to understand things...

[MCMLXXXIX]

He is a boring, intolerant and impotent man. Did anything fun happened at all during that week-end? He probably seemed a lot more interesting online. Now you know. In my opinion, he's really not worth your time. At 23, you should go out there and mingle with other young lads also in their 20s or late 20s.

[Ro2]

He is a boring, intolerant and impotent man. Did anything fun happened at all during that week-end? He probably seemed a lot more interesting online. Now you know. In my opinion, he's really not worth your time. At 23, you should go out there and mingle with other young lads also in their 20s or late 20s.

 

I mean, the only places we really went were to the coast/beach and to the gardens in Washington Square - two places that relax him. Other than that, most of the time was spent at grocery stores or eating out, aside from the wedding we went to. He did point me to some of his old jobs and stuff, and we went to a couple of other smaller gardens in the area or whatever. I really did enjoy my time with him, though, up until all of that happened.

 

I'm really not a bar/club person myself, but I do like to get out and mingle with people from time-to-time, and I usually end up in bars as that's what most of my good friends are into.

 

Hm. I just feel like there's something I could have done different. What if I didn't go out that night that everything went down? What if I hadn't walked off, gone to that bar? Would things have ended better...

[MCMLXXXIX]

It might have been good to stay with him and figure things out, yes, but his behavior seem to suggest that this PTSD thing is really affecting him. I don't know if you want to cope with that since you just recently met him (April, that's fairly recent). About the wedding incident I will say that 3 glasses of wine is still somewhat moderate. I don't see why he would get annoyed. Is this man against alcohol consumption and going to bars?

[Ro2]

It might have been good to stay with him and figure things out, yes, but his behavior seem to suggest that this PTSD thing is really affecting him. I don't know if you want to cope with that since you just recently met him (April, that's fairly recent). About the wedding incident I will say that 3 glasses of wine is still somewhat moderate. I don't see why he would get annoyed. Is this man against alcohol consumption and going to bars?

 

I wanted to stay with him and work through things. I mean, when we talked on Sunday, he said he would like me to stay longer because there were still things he wanted to do with me. But Monday, well, you see what happened...

 

He says he is against alcohol because his dad was an alcoholic or something. Though, he went on a camping trip about 3 weeks back and got drunk. He had a bottle of vodka in his apartment that he was willing to let me have some. And, one of the times when he went out, he kept telling me to get a drink if I wanted it (I expressed interest in having a long island, but said I would avoid it since he wasn't going to be drinking - but he insisted, so I finally got one.)

[Art_Critic]

A guy you just met calls the cops and has you escorted off the property after he spent the evening or morning being a complete arshole to you and you are sad and want him back...

 

You need to look at your people picker because that guy is a total LOSER for you.

If this was his good behavior think about what he will be like to be around in a few months.

[MCMLXXXIX]

I would respect his decision to be against alcohol consumption if only he could respect and stick to this decision himself. Sobriety can be noble. His indecisiveness however is problematic and leads me to believe he still has issues that need to be dealt with. You're actually lucky he decided to block you off. I would not try to get back in touch. I hope you find someone more suitable and closer to where you live.

[Ro2]

Yeah, no, I know what he did was wrong, and I deserve better. I just wonder, what if there's something I could have done to make things work. A mutual "friend" from the forum we met on told me there's nothing I could have done, that he was probably looking for a way out from the beginning.

 

I just hate that he knew this stuff before I went there. He knew I liked to get out and socialize, and he knew I liked the occasional drink. He never expressed any concern about that until after the wedding. I mean, I even remember one time we were on cam together and he was drinking with me. I know he's not completely against the drinking, which is why it bothers me that he would say that my drinking bothered him. I didn't even get drunk and act a fool... so what did I do wrong?

 

He tried one time before to tell me he couldn't go through with whatever we had going out because I gave him "disproportionate reaffirms" and I told him he was right, that we probably should just let things go for now because we both had issues that needed to be dealt with individually. He called me two days later, apologized, and wanted to "work on things" - and from there, things were great.

 

I thought his problem had to do with his lack of trust, and I thought maybe it could be built up over time. I mean, I tried being there for him through whatever these past few months. But it's like, he never really wanted to give me a real opportunity, I guess. Why did he even have me go there to see him, if he knew all along he didn't want anything?

[CopingGal]

I think 3 months is a very short time to travel halfway around the country alone to meet somone you don't know and stay with that person. Anything could have happened to you. He sounds very strange, judgmental and insensitive..."don't ask for an explanation...I don't owe you one...keep asking for one and I'll call the cops?" He is a very strange, arrogant, judgmental, insensitive clod.

 

You shouldn't have gone to a wedding on your first date...that is something for people who really get to know each other to do. Slow down, try dating men that aren't that far away, take more time, and stay away from morons like this one. Good luck.

[Ro2]

Thanks. 3-4 months may have been a short time frame, sure, but as much as we talked on the phone, video chat, etc., it sure felt like a lot longer. I knew he wasn't going to physically harm me when I went there - not to mention, I gave several friends his info ahead of time. I felt safe going there, that wasn't an issue at all. The issue was the unexpected that happened after I got there, for unknown reasons. It's actually better that I went there sooner rather than later, probably. Imagine, had I gone a year down the road, when I was already even more attached and something like this happened.

 

I feel alright. I'm hanging out with friends, doing what I have to do in my life - but I still lay in bed at night wondering, "what the heck happened?" There is nothing I can do to change anything, but it hurts that: 1) he broke his promise to help me; 2) he handled the situation how he handled it; 3) he recorded everything I said that night for "evidence, just in case" and hid all of his knives. I mean, really? He distrusted me that much? 4) he actually called the cops on me for telling him I deserved an answer.

 

Bleh. I do miss him. I miss the 3+ hour long phone convos we would have at night, and the video chat sessions. It hurts he treated me the way he did. I could have handled it if he told me that we wouldn't work out as a couple. Fine. But the fact that somebody I thought I could trust just cut me off and treated me like garbage for no reason that I'm aware of, no apology or anything...

 

The funny thing is, about two days before the incident even happened, I was talking to a friend and I told this friend something along the lines of, "As much as I'm enjoying my time with him, I can't help but feel that whenever I leave here and go back home, I will lose contact with him. I have a feeling he is going to cut me off." Pfft. I didn't even make it home before that happened, though.

[reimeivn]

He has a change of heart. He now realizes that he doesn't want a relationship after actually meeting you in real life. The intimacy is maybe overwhelming for him. He was not being honest right there, and also not brave enough to go through with the process. You do not want a guy like that, you want somebody who would travel the world for you.

 

Don't worry about him cutting contact with you, worry about how you are going to cut contact with him.

 

Next time, the guy is going to have to go see you first.

[broken77]

He's an impotent irrational ******* and you seem a cool tolerant chick. Come visit me in NYC, drinking is cool with me and everything works fine. Ill buy the tickets

[Ro2]

Haha, broken77, tickets first and then we will talk about that. I can't just be flying to unknown places halfway across the country for anybody. Actually, I've been to NYC before; was there in Summer 2010 doing an internship. I dormed in the Union Square area. Definitely loved that place.

 

 

But yeah, my contact is already cut with him. That was cut the day I left Oregon, and I will not strike up convo with him even if he unblocks me. I still have his number in my phone, haven't called. That's not a problem. Like I said, it's how everything happened - that's what hurts the most. The fact that he doesn't even think I deserve an apology, and all I did was have a few glasses of wine and leave his place for a few hours to give some space.

 

There won't be a next time though. I don't want to give my heart out again; it ends the same way every time.

[broken77]

Tickets first, sure. I just meant we're both so miserable and emotionally tortured why not hang out in the city for a few days.. Txt 917 589 7 zero 77.

[broken77]

Boooooooooo