My boyfriend and porn

[littlelover]

So, this is my first time to this sight, and I’m hoping to find some help and advice in regards to my boyfriend and his porn habits.

 

First and foremost, is it normal for a guy to watch porn and take care of himself on almost a daily basis? Especially when his girlfriend,who lives with him, is right there and almost always ready and willing to have sex with him? I’m not a big fan of porn to begin with, but I feel that this is in excess. When I first found out about it, I was so hurt. I feel unwanted and like I’m not good enough, especially because he always used to tell me that he’s just “not that in to sex.” This is clearly a lie if he masturbating on almost a daily basis. I love sex, and I love having it with him; I would every day if he would let me. So to me, it’s a problem. I mean, I could understand if I weren’t always around or like when it was my girl time, but even then I can still help out. Might he have an addiction?

 

Now we get to the type of porn he is viewing. A lot of boobs, what guy doesn’t like boobs? So clearly, this I have no problem with. He has also made known to me that he has a thing for pregnant women, which I find a little off-kilter, but not alarming. This brings us to the site he uses most often. I have explored the site to see what it’s about and noticed that although all things are go, it mainly consists of girls probably between the ages of around 12 and 17ish. Most of the things he watches or looks at involve this group. This kind of worries me, especially because although I am 22, people often think I am about 15 or 16. Is he a pedophile, or does he have pedophile tendencies?

 

The other thing I have seen, very minimally, involves like trans-gender. I kind of blew this off, thinking maybe he was just curious to learn how they get that way…. Until today. Today, I discovered a full on search where many pictures and videos were viewed. Red flag numero uno. On top of that, I found that he has a profile on a tans-gender dating website. I also discovered that this is not a new thing (there were messages dating all the way back to 2008). Red flag numero dos. There were also recent messages (within the last month) where he says things like, “We should get together,” or “Let me take you out.” Red flag numero tres. In the very first messges he stated that he was taking yasmin to grow boobs and was asking for advice on how much to take and what he should expect. Red flag numero quattro. Well then it occurred to me that a couple weeks ago, I discovered a few pictures saved in his e-mail of what I thought were girls and freaked out on him. I blew it off because he explained it as a couple of people who had hit on him while he was at work, and he explained to them that he’s straight, but that they could be friends and he had intended on showing the pictures to me. Well then I noticed one of the pictures of who he had been messaging matched one of the pictures I found.

 

I am now officially beyond freaking out, like I’m shaking as I write this. I have no idea what to do. I’m on the verge of running, full speed ahead towards the hills, and never looking back. This just isn’t right, and I can’t deal with this.

 

However, on the other side, I am seriously consideringc reating a profile on the site so I can message him and casually ask him to talk to me about it. I love him, and he claims he wants to marry me. I would love to marry him, but this is too much for me. I really need some insight and opinions, please.

 

Is this really something I should be worrying about as much as I am? Or should I try to let go of it? Please help me out.

Edited August 16, 2012 by littlelover
funky formatting issues

[Blueflames]

So, this is my first time to this sight, and I’m hoping to find some help and advice in regards to my boyfriend and his porn habits.

 

First and foremost, is it normal for a guy to watch porn and take care of himself on almost a daily basis? Especially when his girlfriend,who lives with him, is right there and almost always ready and willing to have sex with him?

Yes, unless you're there as his personal sex slave there's no reason why he can't rub one out if he feels like it.

I’m not a big fan of porn to begin with, but I feel that this is in excess. When I first found out about it, I was so hurt. I feel unwanted and like I’m not good enough, especially because he always used to tell me that he’s just “not that in to sex.” This is clearly a lie if he masturbating on almost a daily basis.

He never said he disliked having an orgasm, he said he wasn't all that into sex.

Now we get to the type of porn he is viewing. A lot of boobs, what guy doesn’t like boobs? So clearly, this I have no problem with. He has also made known to me that he has a thing for pregnant women, which I find a little off-kilter, but not alarming. This brings us to the site he uses most often. I have explored the site to see what it’s about and noticed that although all things are go, it mainly consists of girls probably between the ages of around 12 and 17ish. Most of the things he watches or looks at involve this group. This kind of worries me, especially because although I am 22, people often think I am about 15 or 16. Is he a pedophile, or does he have pedophile tendencies?

Pedophiles don't like boobs.

 

The other thing I have seen, very minimally, involves like trans-gender. I kind of blew this off, thinking maybe he was just curious to learn how they get that way…. Until today. Today, I discovered a full on search where many pictures and videos were viewed. Red flag numero uno. On top of that, I found that he has a profile on a tans-gender dating website. I also discovered that this is not a new thing (there were messages dating all the way back to 2008). Red flag numero dos. There were also recent messages (within the last month) where he says things like, “We should get together,” or “Let me take you out.” Red flag numero tres. In the very first messges he stated that he was taking yasmin to grow boobs and was asking for advice on how much to take and what he should expect. Red flag numero quattro. Well then it occurred to me that a couple weeks ago, I discovered a few pictures saved in his e-mail of what I thought were girls and freaked out on him. I blew it off because he explained it as a couple of people who had hit on him while he was at work, and he explained to them that he’s straight, but that they could be friends and he had intended on showing the pictures to me. Well then I noticed one of the pictures of who he had been messaging matched one of the pictures I found.

 

I am now officially beyond freaking out, like I’m shaking as I write this. I have no idea what to do. I’m on the verge of running, full speed ahead towards the hills, and never looking back. This just isn’t right, and I can’t deal with this.

 

However, on the other side, I am seriously consideringc reating a profile on the site so I can message him and casually ask him to talk to me about it. I love him, and he claims he wants to marry me. I would love to marry him, but this is too much for me. I really need some insight and opinions, please.

 

Is this really something I should be worrying about as much as I am? Or should I try to let go of it? Please help me out.

I think your main concern should be the fact that he's trying to grow breasts rather than him jerking it once a day.

[dreamingoftigers]

Whoa,

 

Hello!

 

1) girls 12-17, did I read that right!? Hello! That's child porn!

2) he's cheating by trying to hook up with other people on a tranny site!

3) he's full of SH*t lying to you.

 

 

GET OUT and if I did read that right about the 12-17 age range, REPORT HIM.

 

I get that you are in shock here but there is no "I love him" "we wanna get married." the guy is SICK, very very SICK. Should not be marrying ANYONE.

Run run run run runrun run run run run run

 

Don't even "discuss" it. Do not engage. Dump and go NC like, yesterday!

[freestyle]

He's likely using you as a 'beard'.

 

Anyone capable of that much deception, & showing no regard for how it affects you??

 

Well...............Do you want to waste your time & emotional energy on someone who won't be honest with you?

[dreamingoftigers]

He's likely using you as a 'beard'.

 

Anyone capable of that much deception, & showing no regard for how it affects you??

 

Well...............Do you want to waste your time & emotional energy on someone who won't be honest with you?

 

There aren't FOUR red flags here, it's like the Chinese and Soviet armies are having a banquet at his place.

[Radu]

So, this is my first time to this sight, and I’m hoping to find some help and advice in regards to my boyfriend and his porn habits.

 

First and foremost, is it normal for a guy to watch porn and take care of himself on almost a daily basis? Especially when his girlfriend,who lives with him, is right there and almost always ready and willing to have sex with him?

Only if his sex drive is significantly higher than his gf's and won't impede his performance.

 

I’m not a big fan of porn to begin with, but I feel that this is in excess. When I first found out about it, I was so hurt. I feel unwanted and like I’m not good enough, especially because he always used to tell me that he’s just “not that in to sex.” This is clearly a lie if he masturbating on almost a daily basis. I love sex, and I love having it with him; I would every day if he would let me. So to me, it’s a problem. I mean, I could understand if I weren’t always around or like when it was my girl time, but even then I can still help out. Might he have an addiction?

Yes, maybe.

Either way, it is taking away sex from you, so even if it's not an addiction, it's a problem.

 

Now we get to the type of porn he is viewing. A lot of boobs, what guy doesn’t like boobs? So clearly, this I have no problem with. He has also made known to me that he has a thing for pregnant women, which I find a little off-kilter, but not alarming.

Pregnant women are seen by males to be surely capable of reproduction. It actually does something to our minds, most guys will tell you a woman who got pregnant became hotter.

 

This brings us to the site he uses most often. I have explored the site to see what it’s about and noticed that although all things are go, it mainly consists of girls probably between the ages of around 12 and 17ish. Most of the things he watches or looks at involve this group. This kind of worries me, especially because although I am 22, people often think I am about 15 or 16. Is he a pedophile, or does he have pedophile tendencies?

If they are in that age group, than that's kiddie porn, which is an infraction pretty much anywhere in the world.

I suspect that those are girls just turned 18 who are petite, like you.

Unless those girls are pre-pubescent girls, or this desire causes him intense distress, or he did something with some girl who is pre-pubescent, i don't think he is a pedophile.

I have a friend who is into petite girls, and only likes those. He said it makes him feel 'bigger', in reference to body size which he enjoys, and he also can do things with them that he couldn't do with bigger girls [easier to lift off the ground for instance].

I don't think he's a pedo, considering that he has other fetishes as well, like the one below.

 

The other thing I have seen, very minimally, involves like trans-gender. I kind of blew this off, thinking maybe he was just curious to learn how they get that way…. Until today. Today, I discovered a full on search where many pictures and videos were viewed. Red flag numero uno. On top of that, I found that he has a profile on a tans-gender dating website. I also discovered that this is not a new thing (there were messages dating all the way back to 2008). Red flag numero dos. There were also recent messages (within the last month) where he says things like, “We should get together,” or “Let me take you out.” Red flag numero tres. In the very first messges he stated that he was taking yasmin to grow boobs and was asking for advice on how much to take and what he should expect. Red flag numero quattro. Well then it occurred to me that a couple weeks ago, I discovered a few pictures saved in his e-mail of what I thought were girls and freaked out on him. I blew it off because he explained it as a couple of people who had hit on him while he was at work, and he explained to them that he’s straight, but that they could be friends and he had intended on showing the pictures to me. Well then I noticed one of the pictures of who he had been messaging matched one of the pictures I found.

I honestly can't tell you what it means if transgender girls turn him on.

I suspect it's a curiosity or 'weird' thing that turns him on.

He might be into pegging, no ideea.

 

I am now officially beyond freaking out, like I’m shaking as I write this. I have no idea what to do. I’m on the verge of running, full speed ahead towards the hills, and never looking back. This just isn’t right, and I can’t deal with this.

Tbh, i would be too.

 

However, on the other side, I am seriously consideringc reating a profile on the site so I can message him and casually ask him to talk to me about it. I love him, and he claims he wants to marry me. I would love to marry him, but this is too much for me. I really need some insight and opinions, please.

 

Is this really something I should be worrying about as much as I am? Or should I try to let go of it? Please help me out.

The fact that he has fetishes, no.

You start to look into those kind of fetishes when you have been looking into porn for a long time.

You get desensitized over time, to the same stuff ... girl who is perfectly shaves takes off clothes and they f*ck ... as exciting as watching a fly drown.

I suspect it's either some deep desire, or the above ... strongly to the above for me.

 

What is wrong is his disrespect to you :

- he should not choose porn over his gf, regardless of porn addiction or not, this is wrong

- he should not be setting up dates behind your back, this is borderline cheating, if not full blown cheating

- you did not mention for how long you have been together, but the above is ... enough

 

Do not stay in this relationship.

 

PS: I want you to understand that just because you are petite it does not mean that every guy out there who is attracted to you is a pedowannabe.

So don't beat yourself over this.

And the fact that he is looking at transgender girls it does not make you less of a woman.

Both of the above just mean he has ... issues with boundaries, immaturity, self-control and honesty.

Which are big big BIG problems.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Radu

[littlelover]

For clarification, when I said that some of the first messages on the dating site mentioned him taking yasmin and asking for advice, those are all older messages, more than a year old.

 

- you did not mention for how long you have been together, but the above is ...

enough

We have been together for almost 2 years now.

 

I first started noticing the porn thing about 9 months into our relationship, and when I put the pieces together, I realized it was something he had been doing for a while. I confronted him about it and he blew up. I told him that I am right here and that he doesn't need that, and I asked him to stop. I stated to him that I understand when I'm not around or during that time of the month, but his response was that it's perfectly normal. I asked him to calm it down and to NOT do it when I am around, that only worked for a couple of weeks, because then he started staying up until I fell asleep, or at least he thought I was asleep. And not only that but he does it at the most inconveinent times, like when we have someplace to be or he's actually supposed to be doing something. THIS is why I think he has a problem.

 

I have tried asking him to share his porn with me, after he suggested that I masturbate myself (I don't, because I'd rather have the real thing) The one time he attemepted, he told me to look up and find something on the spot. I haven't even the slightest clue where to look or what I might even like (That's why I asked HIM to share with me.) He hasn't tried since, even though I've mentioned it.

 

If they are in that age group, than that's kiddie porn, which is an infraction

pretty much anywhere in the world.

I suspect that those are girls just turned

18 who are petite, like you.

Unless those girls are pre-pubescent girls, or

this desire causes him intense distress, or he did something with some girl who

is pre-pubescent, i don't think he is a pedophile.

I have a friend who is into petite girls, and only likes those. He said it makes him feel 'bigger', in reference to body size which he enjoys, and he also can do things with them that he couldn't do with bigger girls [easier to lift off the ground for instance].

I don't think he's a pedo, considering that he has other fetishes as well, like the one below..

This makes me feel a little better, thank you.

[Shadow21999]

Well, lets start from the top, shall we?

 

Porn. I utterly despise it, but I can't live without it. Porn is also extremely addicting, and it takes a very strong mind to break free from it's lusty grasp. Yes, it is normal for a guy to watch porn everyday and, you must finish what you started, so the other part fits naturally. Now, if he has a girlfriend that he lives with, I don't know why he should be using porn at all, especially since you seem so willing to help him. Honestly, if I lived with my girlfriend, I wouldn't care about porn at all. The fact that he still watches it with you there, and says he's not into sex is very strange.

 

Now porn is legal in most states as long as the viewer is over 18, and the "actors" are either over 18 or 21. Anything under that is illegal, and disgusting. Legally, anyone who has these tendencies would be considered a possible threat to children, although it just may be a fetish, as you state he has a thing for pregnant women.

 

Now here is where things get weird. He has an account on a trans gender dating site and tried to grow a pair of boobs. I have honestly never heard of anything like this. One theory may be that he likes boobs so much he decided to grow a pair? Anyways, all things considered, he seems to be homosexual, and using you as a cover. Society can be a cold, unforgiving place, and I'm all with the homo-phobics. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.