This is my glimmer of hope...

August 15, 2012

You are probably on this forum for the pure reason of finding the magic words to get over your ex. Well, let's face it, it's not here. There are words of wisdom to make our hearts feel slightly healed, but then it disapates and we are back to square one.

We are going through withdrawal. And there is no way around it. The routine we had for X amount of time is no longer there. It's empty. And now we are alone and trying to fill the void with anything we can.

And then I thought of something. Most of us have been here before. We've been heartbroken before this heartbreak, probably a few times. I know I have, terribly. Before this boyfriend, I dated a serial cheater who broke my heart and I thought I'd never recover.

But guess what...

I DID. And I met my current ex. And I was happy again. Very happy. I no longer think of my other ex-bf's, or if I do, it's not because I miss them or want them back.

We will continue to go through this cycle until we finally meet the one we are meant to be with. Then it will be over. Each breakup is a lesson. It's a test. It's to see what we really want in a person.

Aren't you excited to finally find the one? It's scary because you don't really know when that will be. But if you've done it before, if you got over all of your other ex's, you can do it again.

I want feedback!

August 15, 2012

Acceptance then withdrawal. I feel that half of me is gone and I am excited to rediscover myself. Over a month of NC and I am probably at my lowest point. I don't think of her as much, but now I think of me. Where do I go from here? What do I want to do next with my life? Travel? Find another Job? Move? Do nothing?

That is exciting, but also very scary.

I am excited about the idea of finding the 'one'. Right now (still in the sorrow period of a breakup) my eyes aren't even open for that person if they smacked me in the face. I am still looking around the corner to bump into her! It sucks. Hopefully that wont last longer!

August 15, 2012

Acceptance then withdrawal. I feel that half of me is gone and I am excited to rediscover myself. Over a month of NC and I am probably at my lowest point. I don't think of her as much, but now I think of me. Where do I go from here? What do I want to do next with my life? Travel? Find another Job? Move? Do nothing?

That is exciting, but also very scary.

I am excited about the idea of finding the 'one'. Right now (still in the sorrow period of a breakup) my eyes aren't even open for that person if they smacked me in the face. I am still looking around the corner to bump into her! It sucks. Hopefully that wont last longer!

I know what you mean. That feeling probably won't go away for awhile until one morning you wake up and you're like "hey, I haven't thought of so-and-so in awhile" It's the realization that is so subtle because you dont' care anymore.

It's scary trying to move on without this person when you had so many plans to grow with them. But eventually you will get used to the idea of them being gone.

August 15, 2012

I agree. it is very exciting to move on and date again. But I am not ready like a lot of people. My boyfriend and I broke up and i know that happens to everyone. But he was different. I have never struggled so much and loved a guy as much as i love him. He is the one and we talked about it. However, we are going to be a part for four years and could see each other maybe twice a year. That is the sole reason we broke up. It wouldn't be healthy to only see each other twice. It's hard and we have decided not to talk for a couple of months and see where we are, but if my feelings are still there, is there still hope? We broke up once before because of distance and got back together. (we got back together because we saw each other every day for several months but now we are definitely going to be a part for four years) Our feelings aren't fading even though we say they have. It's complicated and I know life is but its so hard. I am devastated that we broke up but happy that i can go out and not wait all day for his phone call and vis versa. We are so busy now and don't have enough time for a relationship. If our paths cross again I hope we make it last. I want to let him know I love him and thats why I am okay with letting him go. The break up was mutual but a little more him. I wanted to break up but then I took it back, but he is sticking to it. It isnt that he doesnt love me but the distance and timing. How can i let him know I love him without being clingy?

Edited August 15, 2012 by confusedx10

August 15, 2012

I agree. it is very exciting to move on and date again. But I am not ready like a lot of people. My boyfriend and I broke up and i know that happens to everyone. But he was different. I have never struggled so much and loved a guy as much as i love him. He is the one and we talked about it. However, we are going to be a part for four years and could see each other maybe twice a year. That is the sole reason we broke up. It wouldn't be healthy to only see each other twice. It's hard and we have decided not to talk for a couple of months and see where we are, but if my feelings are still there, is there still hope? We broke up once before because of distance and got back together. (we got back together because we saw each other every day for several months but now we are definitely going to be a part for four years) Our feelings aren't fading even though we say they have. It's complicated and I know life is but its so hard. I am devastated that we broke up but happy that i can go out and not wait all day for his phone call and vis versa. We are so busy now and don't have enough time for a relationship. If our paths cross again I hope we make it last. I want to let him know I love him and thats why I am okay with letting him go. The break up was mutual but a little more him. I wanted to break up but then I took it back, but he is sticking to it. It isnt that he doesnt love me but the distance and timing. How can i let him know I love him without being clingy?

There‘s times we feel something strong and we call it love. Not because it truly is, or because we‘re lying but because, we haven‘t felt anything stronger yet. So at the moment, it‘s the closest to love we‘ve ever been, so we call it that. Kind of like, someone who has never seen the ocean, or a lake, or a river, might call a great lake the ocean cause they’ve never seen anything bigger and you won’t be able to convince them otherwise. Until they saw the ocean. Maybe you can explain it. You can try to make them visualize it but they can’t see pass the size of that lake. Just like you can try to explain love to someone deep in something close to it, or that feels close to it. That lake, is the ocean until they see the sea. That lust is love, until they fall.

August 15, 2012

So you dont think i actually love him and vis versa? I am 18 and he is 19 so we are young. He brought up marriage in the future but we both agreed we are too young. Recently this distance has scared both of us and finally we decided to try some time a part. It's really long distance. He lives in Illinois and is going to school in europe/california and i live in connecticut and am going to school in Maine. Last summer we had some time a part and it was too miserable for both of us so we got back together. We went to a prep school so thats how we met. During the school year we were together every day. Now college is different. I know we are young and maybe dont know, but we've been a part and been with others but we keep finding our way back. He has fallen and he is in the same position as me. We have made a pack not to respond if someone texts for the next couple of months. it is too hard. I am not trying to convince him he loves me, its just so complicated. What if time doesnt heal this wound and we are meant to be? I want a plan that makes sense in my head. Maybe I'll text him over thanksgiving and just say hey how are you doing. And then once school is out, if i still love him, ill really talk to him. I am not saying this will definitely happen but is that reasonable? We didnt break up because of not loving or wanting each other. I will continue to try and live my life and hook up with other guys. Maybe ill find someone better, if i do then great. But if i don't, then what? We had this same conversation last year when we werent seeing each other for three months. We thought we could do it but we couldnt. Now its four years and the timing sucks. Love will wait, right? What do i do?

August 15, 2012

So you dont think i actually love him and vis versa? I am 18 and he is 19 so we are young. He brought up marriage in the future but we both agreed we are too young. Recently this distance has scared both of us and finally we decided to try some time a part. It's really long distance. He lives in Illinois and is going to school in europe/california and i live in connecticut and am going to school in Maine. Last summer we had some time a part and it was too miserable for both of us so we got back together. We went to a prep school so thats how we met. During the school year we were together every day. Now college is different. I know we are young and maybe dont know, but we've been a part and been with others but we keep finding our way back. He has fallen and he is in the same position as me. We have made a pack not to respond if someone texts for the next couple of months. it is too hard. I am not trying to convince him he loves me, its just so complicated. What if time doesnt heal this wound and we are meant to be? I want a plan that makes sense in my head. Maybe I'll text him over thanksgiving and just say hey how are you doing. And then once school is out, if i still love him, ill really talk to him. I am not saying this will definitely happen but is that reasonable? We didnt break up because of not loving or wanting each other. I will continue to try and live my life and hook up with other guys. Maybe ill find someone better, if i do then great. But if i don't, then what? We had this same conversation last year when we werent seeing each other for three months. We thought we could do it but we couldnt. Now its four years and the timing sucks. Love will wait, right? What do i do?

no, I believe you are in love because this is all you know right now. But I do believe you will meet someone else whom you will love more. And you will look back on this and be like, "that guy was the lake, this new guy is the ocean"

Right now live in the moment. Who knows what will happen in the future!? But you can handle that when it gets closer. Don't wait around for this guy, he gave up, it was too hard for him..when you find love, it's never too hard to make it work.

just don't cling to the hope if him coming back, because then you will never be able to let go and you will find yourself in this same predicament 2 years later wondering if he might come back. let go.

August 15, 2012

Getting over this breakup is hard for me because this is the only time ive ever been a dumpee. Ive only ever had two relationships though- the first resulting in me being a dumper.

I have to say, things arent much easier even after longer than a month NC... I got over my first ex, and we are even good friends, but I dont see that happening with my most recent ex.

August 15, 2012

can i send him a closure text saying i am trying to get over him and we can be friends in time but right now not talking is good and that ill always love him and support him... too clingy? im scared, like everyone else because we dont know whats going to happen. its just that he was so nice to me, always faithful and would be there at anytime of day and always compliment and spoil me. for two years he gave it his everything and i didnt always appreciate it. you dont know what you got til its gone. thats what i am feeling. i talk to other people about their relationship and ive talked to some married couples and he has been great. maybe there is someone else but comparing him and his actions to couples that have lasted, they are on the same path. I regret not giving it my all and thats why i think i owe it to him to tell him in a couple of months if i still have these feelings? it could change, yes but i just dont know. i will always love him and he will always love me. maybe not the same way but we care about each other. id rather have him as a friend than nothing at all too

August 15, 2012

Getting over this breakup is hard for me because this is the only time ive ever been a dumpee. Ive only ever had two relationships though- the first resulting in me being a dumper.

I have to say, things arent much easier even after longer than a month NC... I got over my first ex, and we are even good friends, but I dont see that happening with my most recent ex.

You can't picture it happening right now because you are in that moment. I can't picture it either with my current ex.

NC is very hard. It makes things worse it seems. I keep looking at my phone to see if he's called. But everytime I look, I'm let down. The fact is, he isn't going to call. I know the truth, but yet I don't believe it.

We can't wallow in our own self pity forever. We have to peak our heads from this dark whole we're in. Life goes on, so do our ex's. Your destiny isn't tied to anyone who walked away.

August 15, 2012

can i send him a closure text saying i am trying to get over him and we can be friends in time but right now not talking is good and that ill always love him and support him... too clingy? im scared, like everyone else because we dont know whats going to happen. its just that he was so nice to me, always faithful and would be there at anytime of day and always compliment and spoil me. for two years he gave it his everything and i didnt always appreciate it. you dont know what you got til its gone. thats what i am feeling. i talk to other people about their relationship and ive talked to some married couples and he has been great. maybe there is someone else but comparing him and his actions to couples that have lasted, they are on the same path. I regret not giving it my all and thats why i think i owe it to him to tell him in a couple of months if i still have these feelings? it could change, yes but i just dont know. i will always love him and he will always love me. maybe not the same way but we care about each other. id rather have him as a friend than nothing at all too

NO NO NO! Send it to me instead. What do you think that will do? He will just tell you what you don't want to hear and then you'll be regretting your idea of sending a letter.

Right now, there is nothing I can say to change your mind. You will do what you want. You are in denial right now. You think he is going to come back and everything will be perfect. Get your head out of the clouds.

If sending the letter helps you then do it. i don't think it's a good idea, but go ahead. You need to go through this. And if him telling you OVER AND OVER that it's not going to work will do it for you, then so be it.

Or you could keep your feet on the ground, accept it, and focus on fixing yourself. If he wants to come back, TRUST ME, he will come back. no guy is going to let the woman they love go after some other man.

August 15, 2012

this is what i was going to send him:

Hey. You said you leave Monday so I wanted to say good luck. Be yourself and you’ll do great. I really want to stay friends if we can. You’re my best friend and the only person I fully trust. Thanks for everything and I am truly sorry for not treating you better. If we are meant to be then I won’t take advantage of you next time and if we find other people then we weren’t meant to be and this was just another relationship. Everything will work out, that’s getting me through this. It’s hard to let go but you’re right it doesn’t make sense to stay together even though I wish we could. We need to live life and seeing each other only twice a year would limit both of us. I’m glad we ended on pretty good terms and I know you’ll always love me and I’ll always love you. It might not be as strong or the same but it’s there. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk. It’ll be interesting to see where we end up. I can’t wait to hear about everything and I’m so happy we are going to be friends and I’m not losing you completely. That’s sincere, I am not trying to “be your friend” and get back with you. And you’re right, we do need some time where we don’t talk at all because emotions are high and if I said I was completely over you and okay with this, I’d definitely be lying. So let’s talk in a couple of months and hear about each other’s life. I’m actually really happy, there are two outcomes: we get over each other and can be friends or we get back together, I know neither are happening anytime soon but just in the long run. I’m trying to find the positive and continue to work hard, I learned that from you. I want to move on with my life and be happy again. Where I am right now though, I can hook up with hundreds of guys but they’ll never be you. I will date and move on but you’ll always be in the back of my mind and eventually we’ll get back together when we are ready to commit. Maybe I’ll move on and find someone better for me and you’ll do the same, I don’t know what’s going to happen. That scares me but that’s life. I talked to my brother and he said it’s hard. He’s 23, almost 24 and he met his ex junior year in high school too. They broke up before college and they’ve been on and off because of similar reasons. I am not saying we are going to turn out like them and get back together, I am just saying I don’t know. I hope we both end up happy wherever we are. Life’s complicated and everything isn’t always perfect. Good luck and we’ll talk in time.

I won't send it for now and I will make sure if i do send it then i am not just sending it because i am emotional. i will send it when i am level headed. you might not think so but right now i am okay. i am just trying to figure out if this was true love that will have a future or if it is just another relationship. i know lovers who think theyre going to get married break up all the time, i just am trying to grasp it. sometimes relationships need space and then someone has to fight. i dont know if thats what mine is right now or if it is a dead relationship. i guess i will have to decide that in a few months? or should i wait longer.. his friends have told me he is really struggling too so i know i am not the only one but this is better for both of us for now.

thanks for all this advice

August 15, 2012

this is what i was going to send him:

Hey. You said you leave Monday so I wanted to say good luck. Be yourself and you’ll do great. I really want to stay friends if we can. You’re my best friend and the only person I fully trust. Thanks for everything and I am truly sorry for not treating you better. If we are meant to be then I won’t take advantage of you next time and if we find other people then we weren’t meant to be and this was just another relationship. Everything will work out, that’s getting me through this. It’s hard to let go but you’re right it doesn’t make sense to stay together even though I wish we could. We need to live life and seeing each other only twice a year would limit both of us. I’m glad we ended on pretty good terms and I know you’ll always love me and I’ll always love you. It might not be as strong or the same but it’s there. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk. It’ll be interesting to see where we end up. I can’t wait to hear about everything and I’m so happy we are going to be friends and I’m not losing you completely. That’s sincere, I am not trying to “be your friend” and get back with you. And you’re right, we do need some time where we don’t talk at all because emotions are high and if I said I was completely over you and okay with this, I’d definitely be lying. So let’s talk in a couple of months and hear about each other’s life. I’m actually really happy, there are two outcomes: we get over each other and can be friends or we get back together, I know neither are happening anytime soon but just in the long run. I’m trying to find the positive and continue to work hard, I learned that from you. I want to move on with my life and be happy again. Where I am right now though, I can hook up with hundreds of guys but they’ll never be you. I will date and move on but you’ll always be in the back of my mind and eventually we’ll get back together when we are ready to commit. Maybe I’ll move on and find someone better for me and you’ll do the same, I don’t know what’s going to happen. That scares me but that’s life. I talked to my brother and he said it’s hard. He’s 23, almost 24 and he met his ex junior year in high school too. They broke up before college and they’ve been on and off because of similar reasons. I am not saying we are going to turn out like them and get back together, I am just saying I don’t know. I hope we both end up happy wherever we are. Life’s complicated and everything isn’t always perfect. Good luck and we’ll talk in time.

I won't send it for now and I will make sure if i do send it then i am not just sending it because i am emotional. i will send it when i am level headed. you might not think so but right now i am okay. i am just trying to figure out if this was true love that will have a future or if it is just another relationship. i know lovers who think theyre going to get married break up all the time, i just am trying to grasp it. sometimes relationships need space and then someone has to fight. i dont know if thats what mine is right now or if it is a dead relationship. i guess i will have to decide that in a few months? or should i wait longer.. his friends have told me he is really struggling too so i know i am not the only one but this is better for both of us for now.

thanks for all this advice

You’ll always be finding excuses for why you “need” to get in touch, but the truth is, you don’t. They’re not going to hear your voice and realize they’re in love with you, they're not going to read this letter and want to make things work. It’s a huge opportunity to turn into a stronger person every time you don’t call, or text or email letters. And have someone you can call when you get the itch to talk about the mundane moments you’re so used to sharing with your ex. Or post on here. Whatever you can do to avoid talking to your ex.

And about being friends with him? Trying to do it while in pain is just confusing because nine times out of ten you’re fooling yourself and actually thinking, “If we stay friends, he’ll realize how great I am and miss me and we’ll get back together.” Here’s this guy who was your guy and now he gets the best of you but can date other people? And tell you about it?! You’ll wind up wounding yourself. If the friendship is truly meant to be, it’ll find its way on its own.

August 15, 2012

yeah i guess. i am also trying to figure out if i want to move on or keep him a little. he may not text the next couple of months but he might want me back. i know this is what everyone wants and hopes. I am just trying to think of every outcome.

i text him in a couple of months and he ignores is/ says he doesnt want me

i text him in a couple of months and he responds and misses me

he texts me and wants me back

he texts me and just wants to be friends.

i am not saying one is more probable than the other and usually i know they dont come back. i do really want him back but at the same time, given the circumstances of distance and not seeing each other, its probably easier this way.

i know i cannot compare my relationship to others but my brother was in one very very similar. they still talk now and they are on and off. they dated junior and senior year, he was more committed and they broke up before college. now they see each other and usually fall back in love every time but the distance brings them a part. i am not saying this is going to happen to me, but i dont know if it is better to be on and off or just end and lose all ties. its just, he earned my trust and i dont give it away easily like most girls. i talk to him about everything and we have always been open and honest. i just dont know

August 15, 2012

yeah i guess. i am also trying to figure out if i want to move on or keep him a little. he may not text the next couple of months but he might want me back. i know this is what everyone wants and hopes. I am just trying to think of every outcome.

i text him in a couple of months and he ignores is/ says he doesnt want me
i text him in a couple of months and he responds and misses me
he texts me and wants me back
he texts me and just wants to be friends.

i am not saying one is more probable than the other and usually i know they dont come back. i do really want him back but at the same time, given the circumstances of distance and not seeing each other, its probably easier this way.

i know i cannot compare my relationship to others but my brother was in one very very similar. they still talk now and they are on and off. they dated junior and senior year, he was more committed and they broke up before college. now they see each other and usually fall back in love every time but the distance brings them a part. i am not saying this is going to happen to me, but i dont know if it is better to be on and off or just end and lose all ties. its just, he earned my trust and i dont give it away easily like most girls. i talk to him about everything and we have always been open and honest. i just dont know

I can tell you are very confused right now. You are in a contradiction. I want this, but I want that. That's okay, I'm right here with you. sometimes giving advice is easier than following it.

Right now, just stay NO contact. Let HIM contact you and take it from there. Do what feels right at the moment. Okay?

Don't over think right now. It's jsut going to get your more twisted. Don't focuse on the future, but just what is happening right now. And right now, he isn't talking to you.

August 15, 2012

how are you doing?

i know i am contradicting myself completely. and i over think everything... i just want to be prepared if he does contact me, i dont want to do something without being sure, either way. and i dont want to contact him if ill regret it. i am keeping the no contact. i just want to know if he is the one or not. and if not then i want to be friends again because we have earned each others trust. haha ugh i know this is a lot to want and itll take time...

August 15, 2012

What if you've seen the ocean? I mean what if you did find the one? And for unavoidable circumstances you lost the one?

I don't believe there is the one. You can make a great lasting relationship with more than one person. But I choose this one person.

I'm probably not making much sense, but basically what I'm trying to say is that it's up to the two people involved to make it last.

We live in a society now that discards broken things. There was a time when people wanted to fix things rather than throw them away.

I agree tho. Until you find a person who you are compatible with, the cycle goes on.

August 15, 2012

I WANT HIM BACK

it was a mutual break up but more him. how long do i have to wait. he's on facebook right now and i want to chat him or text him, i know i cant, but how long??

August 15, 2012

I WANT HIM BACK

it was a mutual break up but more him. how long do i have to wait. he's on facebook right now and i want to chat him or text him, i know i cant, but how long??

Delete him from FB, you don't need to know what he is doing!

If you don't want to move on then contact him right now but don't expect to hear "oh baby I miss you" go ahead, send him that letter, chat with him and do what you want. Let me know how that goes.

I think maybe you need to do these things to get them off your chest, because you clearly aren't going to do what I say.

August 15, 2012

how are you doing?

i know i am contradicting myself completely. and i over think everything... i just want to be prepared if he does contact me, i dont want to do something without being sure, either way. and i dont want to contact him if ill regret it. i am keeping the no contact. i just want to know if he is the one or not. and if not then i want to be friends again because we have earned each others trust. haha ugh i know this is a lot to want and itll take time...

You can't prepare yourself for something like that. you will know what to do when it happen. Do you think you could really be friends? I know it feels that way, but you can't, it will make you miss them even more.

and if you do decide to get back with him one day remember this:

He is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

August 15, 2012

i know he's hurt me. and last summer we took a break and he hurt me then. we were friends but we both had feelings and got back together.

i guess our relationship is complicated. in person we cant fight and we are so good. if we are mad at each other then seeing the other makes it all go away.

this is our full relationship, i have told you most but if you want i typed it out:

we met fall 2010 and he liked me. i thought it was something to do and we hooked up for a while. by spring i felt it too and he knew that. i couldnt fully admit it but we both knew. he said i love you and it took me a little longer. We went to the same high school and thats how we met. Right before summer break he said he wanted to stay together, i was ify but we decided to try. At my school a kid had recently committed suicide, his best friends mom died, and his dad has cancer that could come back at any moment. he visited his friend whose mom died and everything hit him. during the year he helped me cope and didnt listen to his own emotions. we ended badly over text. He lives in illinois and i live in connecticut. That was junior year. Senior year we got back to school and there was tension between us. i dont even know how but we got back together. we took things very slowly and we were better than we had ever been. this summer we decided to stay together despite the distance. i visited him and it was the best days of my life and he agrees. it just felt so right. Now the summer is coming to an end and he is going to switzerland for a semester and then california. i am going to maine. Because of school, our families and our schedules, we would only be able to see each other maybe two times a year, we woudlnt know. We have talked about ending but neither of us really wanted that. Then he said he needed space to think. He thought about it and we dont have time for a relationship no matter how much we want it. We are going to be busy and won't see each other. it wont be a healthy relationship. i agree but its so hard to let go. he said he still loves me and i could tell in his voice he wasnt lying.

we broke up over text last summer and over the phone this time. the distance hasnt allowed us to break up in person. i think i need to see him for closure and say it to my face that he wants to end maybe? but we cant see each other and i am not going to fly to switzerland to say bye, thats not realistic. So we are stuck. thats why i kinda want to be friends. we can talk and it might hurt but i know it cannot work within the next four years. after that if we build up a friendship we will see each other and see where that goes. talking to you has made me realize i am optimistic, maybe too optimistic, about getting back together when we can see each other again. itll hit me when he says it to my face i guess? and in the meantime ill live my life... not what im doing now..

August 15, 2012

i know he's hurt me. and last summer we took a break and he hurt me then. we were friends but we both had feelings and got back together.

i guess our relationship is complicated. in person we cant fight and we are so good. if we are mad at each other then seeing the other makes it all go away.

this is our full relationship, i have told you most but if you want i typed it out:

we met fall 2010 and he liked me. i thought it was something to do and we hooked up for a while. by spring i felt it too and he knew that. i couldnt fully admit it but we both knew. he said i love you and it took me a little longer. We went to the same high school and thats how we met. Right before summer break he said he wanted to stay together, i was ify but we decided to try. At my school a kid had recently committed suicide, his best friends mom died, and his dad has cancer that could come back at any moment. he visited his friend whose mom died and everything hit him. during the year he helped me cope and didnt listen to his own emotions. we ended badly over text. He lives in illinois and i live in connecticut. That was junior year. Senior year we got back to school and there was tension between us. i dont even know how but we got back together. we took things very slowly and we were better than we had ever been. this summer we decided to stay together despite the distance. i visited him and it was the best days of my life and he agrees. it just felt so right. Now the summer is coming to an end and he is going to switzerland for a semester and then california. i am going to maine. Because of school, our families and our schedules, we would only be able to see each other maybe two times a year, we woudlnt know. We have talked about ending but neither of us really wanted that. Then he said he needed space to think. He thought about it and we dont have time for a relationship no matter how much we want it. We are going to be busy and won't see each other. it wont be a healthy relationship. i agree but its so hard to let go. he said he still loves me and i could tell in his voice he wasnt lying.

we broke up over text last summer and over the phone this time. the distance hasnt allowed us to break up in person. i think i need to see him for closure and say it to my face that he wants to end maybe? but we cant see each other and i am not going to fly to switzerland to say bye, thats not realistic. So we are stuck. thats why i kinda want to be friends. we can talk and it might hurt but i know it cannot work within the next four years. after that if we build up a friendship we will see each other and see where that goes. talking to you has made me realize i am optimistic, maybe too optimistic, about getting back together when we can see each other again. itll hit me when he says it to my face i guess? and in the meantime ill live my life... not what im doing now..

I seriously wouldn't recommend this to others, but I think it's something you need to do. You are a mess right now and I think any response from him will calm you down. Send him a letter. Tell him your true feelings. Don't leave any room for him to guess what you are trying to tell him. That means tell him you want to make this work. And that's it. Then come back and tell me what he says, and we will go from there.

You ask him does he want to either 1. Go No Contact 2. Try to make it work or 3. Friendship. Then you tell him to not contact you until he makes a wise decision, give him a week or two to choose what he wants. Tell him to really think about it. And then come back to you with a response IN TWO WEEKS. NO LESS.

This gives him time to think about it. It gives him time to miss you. In this 2 week period of him figuring out what he wants remain no contact. give him time to think.

You think you can do that?

August 15, 2012

heredfssssssssssssssssssssssss

August 15, 2012

im too emotional right now to contact him, i know i cant. i am trying to figure out how i feel. another woman really helped me and said yeah youre going to have to move on but let it run its course. go out and have fun and see where that brings you. if you still love him and he wants you back then take it from there. dont shut the door now. college relationships are hard to maintain and ive seen people break up before college and get back together after. its the mature thing to do and youre avoiding ending on a bad note. youll find yourself and then decide if he really is the one.

thank you for listening and talking. clearly i dont know what i want and i cant talk to him until i figure it out. it was just nice to hear that it has worked from the other woman. your advice has helped too. i am a mess and i am trying to sort things out. i think i have to give it a couple of weeks and then hook up with someone. see how it feels to be with someone else and then take it from there

Edited August 15, 2012 by confusedx10

August 15, 2012

youll find yourself and then decide if he really is the one.

thank you for listening and talking. clearly i dont know what i want and i cant talk to him until i figure it out.... i am a mess and i am trying to sort things out. i think i have to give it a couple of weeks and then hook up with someone. see how it feels to be with someone else and then take it from there

I have to agree with youngnlove89. You need to let it go. You left things on good terms with agreeing not to talk for a few months, so leave it at that. If you cave every single time you get a craving to talk to him, to tell him something.. or crawl back promising "not to do ____ anymore" you're proving that you're weak and you'll be his puppet on a string. To be brutally honest with you.. he doesn't WANT to be with you or he WOULD be. I've been through the "let's just be friends" thing after being in a relationship and it's MISERABLE! If you think it hurts now, wait until /he/ moves on and finds someone new and you're still hanging around as a friend. To accept being friends after a relationship is accepting to settle for being second best.

If you're fine being in that position, then go ahead and keep waiting around for him. I did this for 7 years in a long distance relationship with my "best friend" who.. I thought could never hurt me.. he was always so loyal and faithful. After years of talking marriage.. babies.. pets.. moving to a new state together and starting a life.. he'd even asked my parents' permission to marry me.. he calls it quits.. he just has too much going on in his life.. and a week later, he's engaged to another woman! Talk about a heartbreaker!

I would encourage you to leave well enough alone. Leave things on the good terms that they are.. and work on healing. I wouldn't encourage you to move on to anyone else just yet. Let yourself heal.. figure out things you like to do with your time. Get involved in your school and meet new people. Just out of high school, you have so many opportunities ahead of you and will meet SO MANY new people. Don't sit around waiting for someone who obviously doesn't care enough about you to be with you. Brutal, yes. But when it comes right down to it, it's the truth. Someone said something similar to me in going through this as well and it really stuck. IF he wanted to be with you, he'd be WITH you.

Also. I wouldn't suggest sending your letter to him.. and a few things in it bother me. You say next time you'll treat him better and you won't take advantage of him. Things like that are topics that should be left to discussion between the two of you, as I'm sure you both had your faults and there's things that you'd both like to see changed in each other. I would also throw out a caution on this, though. My ex pushed me hard in watching "how I treated him". I felt like I had to handle him with child gloves, watching what I said.. how I said it.. watching my tone.. basically walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting him. I'm not saying your relationship is to the point of being unhealthy as mine was, but I also wouldn't add those kinds of promises into any contact you may (however not advised) have with him. It also makes you sound desperate and pleading.

A final point, don't rush into any further relationships until you're ready. They say "Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely." It's not fair to any potentials if your heart isn't in the relationship and it's definitely not fair for them to be hurt because you're still hanging on and pining for your ex.

In summary.. stop waiting for him. He doesn't want to be with you or he would be (the same goes for my ex). You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you. Don't do as I did and wait around for that ship to come in.. because it never may. Then you'll be in my position, having wasted crucial years of your life on something that never happens, even though they promise fairytale weddings, pets, a house.. babies. Good luck to you and hang in there!

Edited August 15, 2012 by lovehurts82

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