Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Main Entry: Gaslight Part of Speech: v Definition: to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity; to subtly drive someone crazy Etymology: 1956 Usage: slang; gaslighting, n This is not something normal people do. Normal, nice, WELL MEANING people do not LIE constantly or want to be in secret relationships. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. You're just on the backburner, my friend, while she goes out and parties and finds other guys. Don't be a patsy. Get out before she ruins your views on women forever. Yup. Leave now before you end up some bitter misogynist because that is what her type does to men. lol the more you post "her side", the WORSE she sounds! What a nutcase. Please leave her. I have to agree with everyone here. My ex-husband gaslighted me for years. It's a form of lying meant to make you crazy. Don't live with this type of abuse, life is way too short. All the best to you.
Author Rhombeus Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Hi guys and girls. Thank you all for the input. I just wanted to update you guys on my situation. Couple days ago, my girl friend told me that she is working till midnight and she is gonna come home real late. Given her history of lies, I figured that she is going to see her ex boyfriend (he is my friend). I kept asking her if she is lying and told her that she is not working. She threatened to break up. I showed up at his house and there she was. I asked her to come out and talk to me. She says that I am a psycho and that shes afraid I would hurt her, and asked if I have a weapon (ofcourse i dont...WTF..). So I asked my friend to come down and talk to me and she started going crazy and told him that I would beat him up. He came down, told me that they are just friends and he did not know we were together. During that time she would not let us talk to each other alone. She kept following us, telling him that he shouldnt talk to me cuz I might hurt him. We talked and then I went home. She kept saying she doesnt want to go home now cuz I would do something... She ended up coming back home. She apologized and asked for forgiveness. I told her I am gonna move out and we are gonna break up. Now shes trying hard to get back together... I have decided to move out of the house soon as the exams are done with and I find a new place. The only problem is she still owes me lotta money because I let her borrow money for buying a new house (we wanted to get married and live together..)........ So yea...thats the update. She keeps on saying she will cut him off completely and never talk to him again if we get back together but I do not trust one word coming out of her anymore.. I just feel sorry for myself for planning my entire life with her, I was willing to take more money from student loans and wanted to buy her everything..... UGH...
Author Rhombeus Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 now i need to cancel the student loan i requested and get the money back from her.
veggirl Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 you were giving her money?! you do realize that the security you could offer her (financially) is likely the only reason she spends any time with you at all. she is a user. you honestly need therapy or something to figure out why you are willing to put up with such nasty behavior from someone who is supposed to love and care for you. don't you think you deserve better? you were gonna marry a girl who won't tell people she is dating you... :rolleyes::rolleyes: okay guy... sorry i feel for you, but at this point you are basically now doing it to yourself. stop going back for more misery!! DON'T ANSWER HER CALLS, DON'T SPEAK TO HER. she is going to take you for everything you have
Author Rhombeus Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 We were living together and we planned to buy a bigger house.. I let her borrow money to put the down payment for the house. I am gonna move out soon as I find a new place. The money she is gonna pay me back every month until she pay me fully.
Author Rhombeus Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I know I trusted her too much. I am going to cut her off completely but I live with her right now.. Thats the problem. And I was planning on marrying her before I realized that she refuse to tell anyone that we were dating. As soon as I move out and she pays my money back, I no longer have a reason to see/talk/msg her any more.
The Way I Am Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I wouldn't count on her paying the money back. You'll probably need to take her to court to get anything if you have a case. Do not be alone with her. She's already tried to paint you as a violent abuser to your friend. Don't give her a chance to make that claim to the cops. Then you'll really be in trouble. Leave your place as soon as possible and stay anywhere else. Don't tell her you're leaving for good. Then come back for your stuff with at least one other person who can witness everything that takes place. Say as little to her as possible until you and your stuff are moved out. After that, you can start trying to collect the money she owes you. Try to have any discussions with her in as public a place as you can, and don't do anything like grabbing her arm that people could mistake as violent. Don't mess around with women who claim you'll beat them up unless you want to risk wrongfully having a record for domestic violence.
Author Rhombeus Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 it was ALOT of money... and its my tuition money. I HAVE to get it back. she told me she wouldnt use it, she just wanted it to get approved for loan by having more money in her bank account. and then she used it. She told me she would pay me back every month but that is going to take 5 months at least. i know she doesnt have the money to pay me back right now. I told her i am gonna move out and she can pay me back monthly until its all paid
venusianx13 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 it was ALOT of money... and its my tuition money. I HAVE to get it back. she told me she wouldnt use it, she just wanted it to get approved for loan by having more money in her bank account. and then she used it. She told me she would pay me back every month but that is going to take 5 months at least. i know she doesnt have the money to pay me back right now. I told her i am gonna move out and she can pay me back monthly until its all paid Make sure she signs a notarized affidavit to that effect... I feel so sorry for you. You seem like a very nice guy.
Author Rhombeus Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I'm not a nice guy..just really stupid and inexperienced in relationship.. and bad luck.. I think I'm gonna have to find a new place soon and silently move out. I do not have notarized form for her borrowing money tho. I have to wait by end of this month to see if she starts paying me back
veggirl Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 yes you are gullible as hell. It's sad. I hope you don't fall for this s.hit again. OF COURSE she spent the money. OMG. So you put the $ in her account so SHE could get approved for a loan? Geez, I thought you were buying the house "together". Have her sign (in front of a NOTARY!!!!) a payment agreement and then MOVE OUT!!!!!!!!
The Way I Am Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Wow. I figured you'd at least have some sort of documentation that she owes you the money. She's proven you can't trust her word. So if you have no proof she owes you the money, you're screwed. That changes my initial advice. Make nice with her for now. Don't give any indication that you're planning to leave. Try to get a contract signed and notarized with how much money she owes you and the plan to pay the money back. Try to play it off like it's not that big of a deal and it's just something that'll make you feel more comfortable with the arrangement. (You want her to think you trust her, but don't trust anything she says. You need documentation as legal ammo when she doesn't pay the money back, but if she thinks that's what you're doing, she'll be less likely to sign.) Edit: Normally, I don't recommend being manipulative, but this woman has manipulated and used you. If you don't manipulate back, you're going to lose all that money. If she absolutely won't get something notarized, at least get something signed. It's not as strong, but it's better than nothing. After you've got that, move out and make sure you have witnesses around while you get your stuff. Edited August 23, 2012 by The Way I Am
StrangeBehaviors Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You've made every inexperienced & low self esteem move possible it seems. You're gonna' have a hard time getting concrete things to show in court to get your money back. Play nice, and try to get a text, or even better, an email with her saying she can pay x amount per month towards the total amount of y. Won't be easy because people like her are usually a few steps ahead of you and always thinking about dishonest ventures like this. If it's enough money, don't be above hidden video and sound recording. In the end, odds are you will have to pursue it in court. That's why you need to play nice and build your case. Good luck. And start to consider what you want and will tolerate in a relationship. If it's not there and the other person won't address it, then end it.
Recommended Posts