youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Being the dumper, is not easy. Especially when it isn't what you want. I composed a list of why things won't work. And I had over 15 good reasons. The main being him telling me he doesn't see a future with me. I'm hurt. I'm sad. "It hurts like hell when we have laid our soul bare to someone, and they still reject us. Know that you did not fail. They failed you." I thought I could change his mind about me. Make him want to be the one. But I couldn't. Have you ever had to leave a relationship because that person couldn't give you what you wanted? It breaks my heart that he couldn't be the one. I feel weak. Most of all he doesn't know yet that I have mentally left him. I haven't talked to him and I don't plan on talking to him. I want to stay strong. 1
outofgoodbyes Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 honestly, i think the worst part in a breakup is the rejection, especially if youre hard on yourself... if you are codependent (like me), you crave that approval and when they dont approve of you, you feel like you failed... it def sucks because you know how great of a catch you are and if you think that if could JUST open his mind and see how awesome you are, then things would work out... but they dont. i have to learn that i cannot control anyone's emotions... and i cannot control their desires... and i cannot control how they see me. if its not me they want, there is nothing i can do... i cannot make him love me not even if i was mother teresa herself... im sorry but i am especially proud of you for recognizing that it wouldnt work out and you dumped him... i let mine dump me after telling me that it really, really, reeeeeeeeeally wouldnt work out... so the blow to my ego is harder than if i woulda just done it myself... 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 honestly, i think the worst part in a breakup is the rejection, especially if youre hard on yourself... if you are codependent (like me), you crave that approval and when they dont approve of you, you feel like you failed... it def sucks because you know how great of a catch you are and if you think that if could JUST open his mind and see how awesome you are, then things would work out... but they dont. i have to learn that i cannot control anyone's emotions... and i cannot control their desires... and i cannot control how they see me. if its not me they want, there is nothing i can do... i cannot make him love me not even if i was mother teresa herself... im sorry but i am especially proud of you for recognizing that it wouldnt work out and you dumped him... i let mine dump me after telling me that it really, really, reeeeeeeeeally wouldnt work out... so the blow to my ego is harder than if i woulda just done it myself... Well he has broken up with me before, only to come back each time. But I think that made me have trust issues because I was afraid he would do it again. He just didn't do anything for me anymore. Love is a lot, but it's not enough. I'll be here for you, we can do this. We deserve better.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Well he has broken up with me before, only to come back each time. But I think that made me have trust issues because I was afraid he would do it again. He just didn't do anything for me anymore. Love is a lot, but it's not enough. I'll be here for you, we can do this. We deserve better. Trust seems to be everything. Being a dumper is hard when you are forced to do it. 1
Mike_d Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 side note: Audrey Hepburn *is* still the most beautiful woman in the world. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Trust seems to be everything. Being a dumper is hard when you are forced to do it. That's for sure! I feel weak and strong at the same time. I think he forced me to make this decision. Because of how he treated me, what did he think I would do? I know he will try to win me back. He has everything he wants without commitment. But I'm not going back this time. He had his chance. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 side note: Audrey Hepburn *is* still the most beautiful woman in the world. she is such an inspiration... “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ― Audrey Hepburn 2
dss Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 That's for sure! I feel weak and strong at the same time. I think he forced me to make this decision. Because of how he treated me, what did he think I would do? I know he will try to win me back. He has everything he wants without commitment. But I'm not going back this time. He had his chance. If he showed you different with time that hes changed and stuff would u let him back Im asking because my girl of 10 years broke up with me 5 days ago because she said i wasnt lovable and affectionate enough to her I just dont want to lose her she said she wanted space and time and stuff and shes very hurt that she deserves better and stuff
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 If he showed you different with time that hes changed and stuff would u let him back Im asking because my girl of 10 years broke up with me 5 days ago because she said i wasnt lovable and affectionate enough to her I just dont want to lose her she said she wanted space and time and stuff and shes very hurt that she deserves better and stuff He would really have to show me. And he need a creative mind for that. If you want your ex, you better be committed to change. BUT it might be too late, she might have her mind set.
lovehurts82 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I have to say, I'm not really sure what I would consider myself. In looking at my story, I feel like I gave him the final option and he chose not to try and work things out. He had asked me for a few days to think about things and try to straighten things out in his mind. Either way.. I feel like he was pushing me to be the one to call things off anyhow, and remembered him always saying I'd have to be the one to break up with me because he never would. Story's here if anyone would care to give me their opinion on this as well. In answer to your question though.. I know he couldn't.. and wasn't going to give me what I wanted. Holding on to hope for 7 years, the closer we got to something happening, the more he pulled away and the more we argued. I told him there at the end that I felt like he kept saying and doing things just to irritate me and pick a fight. I wondered for those 5 days whether we were over or not and pretty much put the ball in his court at that point.
Hornachero Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I composed a list of why things won't work. And I had over 15 good reasons. The main being him telling me he doesn't see a future with me. Hi Younglove89, When someone says that they don't see a future with us, or when they say that they don't want anything serious then they are the real dumpers no matter who is the person who acted on it. So no need to feel bad or guilty about. Your ex did not really leave you any other option. You (and him) know that the pain later will be 10,000 times harder than the pain you are experiencing now and you simply want to protect yourself! No one (and especially not you) should blame yourself for being smart a little and doing the right thing to bail out when things are still under control. I am in a very similar situation (I told my ex that I don't want to be with her when she told me that doesn't want something serious) and I consider myself the dumped one because she is the one who came up at me like a ton of bricks. It's really hard for all of us right now, but I can only imagine how hard it would be if we would have stayed with people who don't love us as much as we do! 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Hi Younglove89, When someone says that they don't see a future with us, or when they say that they don't want anything serious then they are the real dumpers no matter who is the person who acted on it. So no need to feel bad or guilty about. Your ex did not really leave you any other option. You (and him) know that the pain later will be 10,000 times harder than the pain you are experiencing now and you simply want to protect yourself! No one (and especially not you) should blame yourself for being smart a little and doing the right thing to bail out when things are still under control. I am in a very similar situation (I told my ex that I don't want to be with her when she told me that doesn't want something serious) and I consider myself the dumped one because she is the one who came up at me like a ton of bricks. It's really hard for all of us right now, but I can only imagine how hard it would be if we would have stayed with people who don't love us as much as we do! You are absolutely correct. They are the ones who lead us to our final act. They were the dumpers. They were jsut so comfortable with the situation because they had everything they wanted, as for us, we didn't. It's very hard. But today I feel really good. Like the stress is over. I feel relieved. I feel like I no longer have to try to change his mind. Now I can go out there and find what I want! Because although he was great and all, the fact remains: he was unable to give ME what I wanted. We gave them what they wanted, they were happy. We weren't.
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