Is this normal?

[Blackened]

I met this guy a little more than a month ago. I met him at an event at a private club... He found me online afterwords immediately and we started talking. He went to some pretty good lengths to find me online too, which impressed me.

 

That first week we talked online and texted pretty much none stop. The conversation never went stale.

 

He spent the following weekend at my house. Things went great...

 

He lives 45 minutes away from me. So we can't see each other every day. He has a home business and sets his own hours. He pretty much stayed up all night and slept during th day. I get up at 4am for work. He would always start texting me right after I got up, we would text until it was time for me to clock in for work... Then, at some point that evening we would start talking again and talk until I went to bed.

 

Following weekend, he stayed at my house.

 

Next week was pretty much the same. Talking in the morning then again in the evening.

 

Then another weekend at my house. The following week, he pretty much changed his sleep schedule and started sleeping at night. So, the texting in the morning stopped but continued in the evenings, not as much as before though

 

Another weekend at my house.

 

And now this week he's hardly talking to me at all. I texted him like an hour ago to tell him some good news, and he still hasn't replied.

 

Now, I should say, when we are together face to face, we NEVER have any trouble holding a conversation. We always have things to talk about. We make each other laugh. We challenge each other intellectually. We share several interests. Etc...

 

I am also not used to dating someone without a lot of issues. I am more used to dating guys who never contact me unless they want something and it's always me contacting them. It was him who first approached me and initiated the contact between us. Now I guess I'm just worried he's getting bored with me already.

 

I know it's normal for the constant texting and stuff to fizzle out a little as a relationship progresses, but does it normally happen this soon? I hope I'm not doing something wrong.

 

So what do you guys think? Is it normal? Should I be worried. And if this is a problem, what should I do?

 

I did talk to him about it a little last week. I told him that since he changed his sleep schedule I never know when to text him. He said pretty much any time is fine and if he doesn't answer he's probably asleep. He said he feels bad for the times I text when he's working and it takes him a long time to respond. That doesn't really bother me so much. What worries me is that he doesn't seem to be initiating contact anymore.

 

So, what's everyone's advice?

[miss_jaclynrae]

He hasn't texted you in a WHOLE hour!?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is totally over you.

[Blackened]

He hasn't texted you in a WHOLE hour!?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is totally over you.

 

Well, this is something I've been stressing about and talked to him a lot... I figured since I texted him some good news I might get a reply.

 

I should have known I was going to get made fun of posting this...

[miss_jaclynrae]

Well, this is something I've been stressing about and talked to him a lot... I figured since I texted him some good news I might get a reply.

 

I should have known I was going to get made fun of posting this...

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has been an hour.

That isn't very long deary.

[proseandpassion]

You can't read his mind unless you ask him directly the kind of questions you want answered. You also can't predict the future. Sounds like things are going great and you just need to chill out a bit. Focus on your own life for a bit (also, think about your behavior when you're busy or there's a change--are you checking your phone every second? Probably not).

[Blackened]

It has been an hour.

That isn't very long deary.

 

I don't think you understand... There is more mentioned in my thread then him just not responding for an hour.

 

What upsets me is more or less that he went from initiated the contact with me a lot, and now he never does. It's always me contacting him and when I do I don't always even get a response. I just worry that he's already getting bored with me.

 

But hey, cleatly you are more interested in making fun then giving actual advice so why am I even explaining myself to you?

[Blackened]

You can't read his mind unless you ask him directly the kind of questions you want answered. You also can't predict the future. Sounds like things are going great and you just need to chill out a bit. Focus on your own life for a bit (also, think about your behavior when you're busy or there's a change--are you checking your phone every second? Probably not).

 

Good point. I get busy too and I don't always check my phone either.

 

He has met some of my friends and wants me to meet his friends. That just hasn't happened yet because of schedule conflicts. He told me last week that all the "people who matter" in his life know about me. So it's obvious he has some feelings for me and wants this to continue. At least it seems that way.

[venusianx13]

Aw, don't worry so much about it. It seems like you've been talking/seeing each other for a few weeks now, and I think this is on a normal course... My boyfriend and I talked for hours each night when we first met, and it was always so stimulating and exciting. Then we'd chat on gchat during the day (still do, though not as much), or via text. The constant chat fizzled out over time. We still obviously talk every day, but the constant chatting becomes mundane, you run out of things to talk about, etc. It really is normal. Give him a chance to miss you, and save good things to talk about for the weekends when you actually SEE each other.

[spiderowl]

Wait and see how it goes, let him contact you for a change.

 

Unfortunately, this sounds horribly like someone I met who turned out not to be what he said he was. I now think the guy had several women on the go and told them all he'd told all his friends about us. I think a lot of what he told me was absolute rubbish. It's worth checking what you actually do know about this guy from having seen his home, met his friends and met his family. If you haven't done any of these things yet and he's always travelled to you, then maybe it's time you did. Check out his story.

[The Way I Am]

People get busy sometimes. It doesn't mean he's losing interest. The worst thing you could do is panic about it and start playing games.

 

I agree with spiderowl. Before you get more deeply involved with the guy though, make sure he is who he says he is. If he lives 45 minutes away, and he always comes to your place, he could be married for all you know. I'm not saying he is, but just know what you're getting into.

[Blackened]

Aw, don't worry so much about it. It seems like you've been talking/seeing each other for a few weeks now, and I think this is on a normal course... My boyfriend and I talked for hours each night when we first met, and it was always so stimulating and exciting. Then we'd chat on gchat during the day (still do, though not as much), or via text. The constant chat fizzled out over time. We still obviously talk every day, but the constant chatting becomes mundane, you run out of things to talk about, etc. It really is normal. Give him a chance to miss you, and save good things to talk about for the weekends when you actually SEE each other.

 

Yea, I do feel now like we are running out of things to talk about some days. And since he works from home I always am afraid of bothering him when he's working...

 

I think today I might just let him contact me and do what you said, give him a chance to miss me.

[Emilia]

He lives 45 minutes away from me. So we can't see each other every day.

 

This line makes me think you are quite needy. Most people wouldn't want to see someone they have just started dating every day. Maybe he can't keep up the effort.

[Blackened]

Wait and see how it goes, let him contact you for a change.

 

Unfortunately, this sounds horribly like someone I met who turned out not to be what he said he was. I now think the guy had several women on the go and told them all he'd told all his friends about us. I think a lot of what he told me was absolute rubbish. It's worth checking what you actually do know about this guy from having seen his home, met his friends and met his family. If you haven't done any of these things yet and he's always travelled to you, then maybe it's time you did. Check out his story.

 

I really would like to see where he lives and meet some of his friends... He has invited his best friend out with us a couple times and she has canceled both times because of work.

 

Him and I went to a festival two weeks ago and I posted some pics of us on facebook. I posted them but didn't tag them. He actually encouraged me to taf him in the pics. I did, and several of his friends liked the pictures. I think based on that, it's pretty safe to assume his friends know about me.

 

I don't have a driver's license. (It's for medical reasons, not because I'm a criminal...) This is why he travels to me...

[William.]

Well can't we just say that it's gone past the initial *get to briefly know each other* stage and that you guys are just more accustomed to each other and i mean if things are meant to be and you guys really have some sort of connection then something more, something serious can come out of this? All that needs to be done is just be truthful to each other and have some heart to heart conversations about things that matter to you and him?

Edited August 14, 2012 by William.

[Blackened]

This line makes me think you are quite needy. Most people wouldn't want to see someone they have just started dating every day. Maybe he can't keep up the effort.

 

In all honesty I only included that detail because I figured it was relevant to this situation and to my question. I thought some people might wonder why we only see each other on weekends and I was half expecting someone to insinuate that he might be married with kids, etc... Something along the lines of "Well why only weekends, why won't he see you more often or through the week? Is he hiding something?"

 

So, I figured I would mention the distance between us and avoid that. But what do you know? I get posts like that AND now I'm needy too. Wow... I love it when people just twist things around into something entirely different from what's intended.

[The Way I Am]

Wow... I love it when people just twist things around into something entirely different from what's intended.

 

People are offering opinions based on what you wrote. If the opinions aren't accurate, because we don't have all the information, you don't need to get bent out of shape about it.

 

I'm the one who wrote a post "like that" and so what? The reason there are posts "like that" is because that kind of thing happens. I'd feel really bad if I told a person not to worry at all, and she found out a year later the reason he could only see her on weekends was because he was married. Is suggesting you make sure you know what you're getting into or that you make sure you're not being too demanding of a person's time really that bad?

 

The majority of your responses, even those that you think "twist things" are positive and say it's just a normal thing you shouldn't worry about. But in your responses, you still don't seem convinced. Am I wrong.

 

Are you satisfied with the answers that this is not bad or are you still worried?

[Blackened]

People are offering opinions based on what you wrote. If the opinions aren't accurate, because we don't have all the information, you don't need to get bent out of shape about it.

 

I'm the one who wrote a post "like that" and so what? The reason there are posts "like that" is because that kind of thing happens. I'd feel really bad if I told a person not to worry at all, and she found out a year later the reason he could only see her on weekends was because he was married. Is suggesting you make sure you know what you're getting into or that you make sure you're not being too demanding of a person's time really that bad?

 

The majority of your responses, even those that you think "twist things" are positive and say it's just a normal thing you shouldn't worry about. But in your responses, you still don't seem convinced. Am I wrong.

 

Are you satisfied with the answers that this is not bad or are you still worried?

 

I'm annoyed because I included something so people wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's some shady person who's hiding something from me, and somehow that info got turned against me and now I'm being called needy. I NEVER asked him to see me every day, but yet someone is just assuming I did... then factor in the snotty little comments I got at the beginning of this thread from someone and it's pretty easy to see why I am frustrated.

 

Honestly, I am still worried, because it's never him who contacts me anymore, it's always me contacting him, in the beginning it was him who contacted me more. Why do I always have to be the one texting him? Why can't it be 50/50? Because after a while of me always doing the contacting, I start to feel like he doesn't even want to talk to me... I post about it here and get made fun of, and accused of being needy. So that just makes me think moreso that I am the problem.

[The Way I Am]

Well, here's the thing. If what you're worried about is true, and he's sick of you, he's sick of you. Nothing much you can really do to stuff that genie back in the bottle.

 

But if you're wrong, and you continue to worry about it, you'll increase the chances of doing something that ruin things -- like calling too much or getting angry at him for not being the first to call.

 

Just relax and try to take your mind off it for now.

[veggirl]

If you are finding yourself being the only one to initiate contact then you need to stop and see what happens then.

 

It sounds like it's been about a month and a half? I think that's sink or swim time a lot -- either you become exclusively bf/gf or it fades.

[pteromom]

How one uses texting is individual. Some people always respond right away, and some people just pull out their phone, smile at the text, and put their phone away until later.

 

So I wouldn't read too much into that.

 

But there are some other red flags in your posts.

 

He wants you to meet his friends but it hasn't happened due to "schedule conflicts"... Hmmm. Seems on some Saturday night, most people are available. I wonder about the validity of whether he really is trying to get you to meet your friends.

 

You were supposed to meet his best friend but she canceled twice. How do you know? Is that what he said, or do you know for a fact that something was set up and she canceled?

 

Go by his actions, not his words.

 

If he likes you, he will

 

- make an effort to spend time with you

- tell you and show you

- be excited to see you

- be excited to talk to you

 

If he truly is no longer initiating contact with you, you have reason to be concerned. Don't contact him for a while and see what he does. Maybe you already contact him so often, that there is never a need for him to initiate.

[Blackened]

How one uses texting is individual. Some people always respond right away, and some people just pull out their phone, smile at the text, and put their phone away until later.

 

So I wouldn't read too much into that.

 

But there are some other red flags in your posts.

 

He wants you to meet his friends but it hasn't happened due to "schedule conflicts"... Hmmm. Seems on some Saturday night, most people are available. I wonder about the validity of whether he really is trying to get you to meet your friends.

 

You were supposed to meet his best friend but she canceled twice. How do you know? Is that what he said, or do you know for a fact that something was set up and she canceled?

 

Go by his actions, not his words.

 

If he likes you, he will

 

- make an effort to spend time with you

- tell you and show you

- be excited to see you

- be excited to talk to you

 

If he truly is no longer initiating contact with you, you have reason to be concerned. Don't contact him for a while and see what he does. Maybe you already contact him so often, that there is never a need for him to initiate.

 

I have no way of knowing for sure if his friend really canceled. All I can go on is what he told me. She was supposed to go to a festival with us but ended up having to work. And then one other time she was going to meet us at a club but decided not to come. His exact words were that she "chickened out." Considering the type of club this was, I can see why someone who's not into that kind of thing would chicken out. (It's a Goth Club, and from what I understand that isn't really her thing.)

 

Pics of him and I are tagged on his facebook wall, and several of his friends liked the pics, so I know his friends at least know about me. He encouraged me to tag the pics.

 

He drives 45 minutes every weekend to see me. He shows me he likes me in his own way. I say his own way because everyone's way of showing someone they like them is different. He grabbed me and kissed me in broad daylight on a street corner in the pouring rain two weeks ago. He bought me roses at the festival we went to. He compliments me all the time. He always holds my hand... he's very affectionate. He also play fights with me a lot. Usually he comes down on Friday night and when friday night is approaching he usually texts things like "I can't wait to see you." etc...

 

He doesn't compliment me as much as he did when we first started seeing each other. When we first started seeing each other it was all the time. Now he still does, but not constantly. That doesn't really bother me though. I know he finds me attractive without him verbalizing it all the time.

 

Really the only thing that bothers me about this relationship is that he doesn't initiate the contact anymore. I don't know if I should just tell him it bothers me or not...