Dblock10 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 so, i get the whole nc thing, but when they reach out to you, if they do, do you reply? could you see yourself staying in low contact with your ex? not saying chat to them every single day, i mean catch up now and again..? way i see it, i haven't been friends with an ex as much as i am being with this one, i still have feelings for her and think i always will, unless i go totally nc, cut her out as if it never happened etc etc, but surely that cant be healthy either... its almost like lying to yourself and pretending they dont exist.. when they do. life is short. i do on the other hand realise it could be viewed that you are also lying to yourself by staying in contact to believe they wont move on and that they might come back... i believe its called hope. i dont know, i think time has a way of putting the bigger picture into scale and that can really help. its strange though, with other girls ive been with, they havent bothered to stay in touch like this recent ex has. and so its a new experience for me. for now its ok. but i can of course see the obvious potential heart ache further down the line. she is still on my fb, all i have blocked is status updates and photos she gets tagged in. but i wanted to hear peoples opinions on this matter as i know it is a focal point of this particular section on the forum.
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Read "The All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature. It's all explained in there. All of it. Everything. All your questions are answered. How come? Because your question..... so, i get the whole nc thing, but when they reach out to you, if they do, do you reply? .....crops up time and again, and again, and again....
Author Dblock10 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) i know but the problem with producing a guide that explains what to do, and x y and z will happen, cant be realistic. if there was a script for everything like that then wouldnt we live in a rather boring world? i have read it before and i'll give it a read now see what it advocates edit - re read it and it is great. truly a good guide, however what if you have already spoke to your ex, you didn't iniate nc and now your questioning to do it or not. if so the only thing you can do is tell them and why, in my mind that would leave them totally and utterly all the power and they would know it. Edited August 13, 2012 by Dblock10
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 The whole point about the guide is that it has been tried and tested. you go look at the threads from people who either broke NC, or kept in touch with the dumpers they were still obviously in love with. Mainly, desperation - they'd give anything to start again, so they hope and pray that by keeping in touch this will somehow re-awaken a desire in the dumper to return to a relationship status. not going to happen. Dumper stays friends either because they're completely oblivious to the fact that dumpee is still crazy-head-over-heels with them, or it makes them feel better because "Hey, I don't want to go out with you, but look - aren't I kind, generous and compassionate - I'm your 'friend' now!" and then they ruin it all by finding a new flame - while you're still there pining, hoping, praying, wishing..... And your heart gets ripped to shreds a second time. The. Guide. Works. That's why it's still the best guide you'll ever read. x, y or z.
Author Dblock10 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 yeah i'll take in what you said, because i feel like im borderline going to experience the her meeting someone new and then my heart being ripped again just need to think what to actually do and how
outofgoodbyes Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 its very, very hard. i know the feeling and i find myself struggling with nc as well. me and my ex were good friends before this and everytime i start nc, i do well until he guilts me into replying (by saying "i guess u dont wanna talk anymore? i thought we were gonna be friends again blah blah blah") and all of a sudden i get anxious, dont want to look bitter so i reply and next thing u know i am suckered back into an emotional pool of depression and anxiety Mainly, desperation - they'd give anything to start again, so they hope and pray that by keeping in touch this will somehow re-awaken a desire in the dumper to return to a relationship status. not going to happen. Dumper stays friends either because they're completely oblivious to the fact that dumpee is still crazy-head-over-heels with them, or it makes them feel better because "Hey, I don't want to go out with you, but look - aren't I kind, generous and compassionate - I'm your 'friend' now!" and then they ruin it all by finding a new flame - while you're still there pining, hoping, praying, wishing..... this is the actual truth... just wish i was strong enough to try x, y z.... and i just really really need the strength
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