LouLou75 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) I'm totally dazed and confused and hurt so much! I can't believe this relationship! I've been in it 3 years now and just feel like ending it, I can;'t trust him! About 1.5 years we had a fall out and I kinda said I'm not happy about how he's keeping his life secret from me, so I finish it. Then we got back together, but cos i was still suspect I went through his phone text messages! I found he was arranging for a female friend to come and stay with him! She was sending him texts like "I love you mate xxxxxx" it made me SICK! He insists that he was just inviting her over for "company" cos of the pain of our breakup, and didn't realise she was flirting with him. He also said she's always like that and is after him but that I should believe him that she's just a good friend and that the reason they are such good friends is because he helped her get through his best friend dying a few years ago! I still don't believe it to this day. Now I have always been suspect of him, I don't like the way he chats to other girls and he seems quite flirty. The worst thing now has just happened and I just feel like giving up, why does this always happen to me? Few days ago I went on Facebook and searched under him (I'm not friends with him on facebook because I can't take it the way he's adding female friends I don't know)... anyway, I saw his EX was commenting on his cover photo! We had an argument about that, and then I went through his computer and found that the other day he said this to ANOTHER Ex girlfriend... 9 June MY BF: that music reminds me of u, i love you isa, you're one beautiful person, i hope you're well and hope i meet you again someday, what u upto? xx A day later; His EX from 5 years ago: Hey you Thank you, love you too Lukebwoi Im working and living hehe Of course we´ll meet again I´ll come to London or something. What r u up to? still working at the Metropolitan? hugs and kisses If that doesn't look like an affair I don't what does. She lives in Norway tho and him in London. His excuse was that "she was a bit down in the dumps over a death in the family and needed some cheering up..." yeh, right! then I also find in his inbox an email from another girl who wanted a date with him round about the time he met me (about 4 years ago). He's never met her tho (apparently a student at the college he was working at before he started working there) but it looks like he was trying to set up a date with her saying "We must meet soon etc." She even emailed him and asked if he wanted to move in with her after our relationship was going through a bad time... so it looks like he was planning to cheat on me. He says he only wanted to meet her due to some college/work interest and she has been wanting to meet up for ages to record a band or something. And that nothing is going on, she knows all about me and him (and that he's unavailable) and he just wanted to be friends with her... He said he'll delete his Facebook page if that helps and not have any contact with any of his Ex's if it helps our relationship? It all doesn't make sense, cos he's constantly defending my accusations of cheating cos of what I found like above, I just don't trust him. He's just like the last BF I was with, who cheated on me for 2 years with another woman! Should I dump this man or believe his excuses? We've been together 3 years and have a wonderful time together and he tells me he loves me, will do anything for me, and I don't think he has ACTUALLY cheated its just I can't cope with this! I want a family and time is running out for me if I don;t meet the right guy soon I'll be too late to have kids! Edited August 13, 2012 by LouLou75
KathyM Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 He's not protecting your relationship. He's not establishing boundaries with these other women. His boundaries are loose or non-existent. I'd suggest letting him go. If he' not giving these other women who show interest a clear message that he's not available, then he's leading them on and not valuing you enough to set boundaries. Tell him you're getting the impression that he's not interested in an exclusive relationship with you, since he is keeping these other women on a string, and that's not something you think is healthy for your relationship, so you're letting him go to figure out what it is that he really wants in his life.
Author LouLou75 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 He is one evil two-faced b**stard. I knew I could never trust him... he has behavioural problems and I hope he sorts them out before destroying another poor girls like. dirty c**t I've never met his mother or been up to his home-town in all this 3 years either. It seems like he's leading two separate lives. He has invited me up there a few times but I know his friends and family probably don't like me now since he's been a bit upset over the past 2 years (due to me dumping him a few times) so I don't want to meet them...
Author LouLou75 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) Last year he also left and went back to his home town/family/friends had a nervous breakdown, but came back and moved in with me after taking 2 months to decide if he even wanted to be with me... I've seriously doubted his commitment since, he can get out my life, I don't care if he can't get to work he will have to find somewhere else to live, he's got a few weeks off work to sort it out... Edited August 13, 2012 by LouLou75
KatZee Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I would've kicked your ass out of my house a long time ago for snooping through my ****. That said you should break up with him so you can work on your crippling insecurities. Give a woman reason to snoop and she will. You gotta do what you gotta do to watch your back, especially when a man acts shady as all hell. OP... good for you for listening to your gut. You were right. Cheating or not, he's taking it well past the boundary line and he's not making you feel secure in the relationship. He's out flirting talking to whoever he feels like... and I really don't think it would matter if he deleted his FB. He'd just find new ways to sneak behind your back. I wouldn't trust this guy, he's done these things over and over and over. Living in paranoia is no way to be happy in a relationship.
madtek Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 nice post, here the reality; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/340491-how-staying-bad-relationship-can-ruin-your-life-true-story
Garfish Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Run, run run and don't look back. Don't be like Lot's wife. Just get away from this person while you're still young. No contact.
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