What would you pick: stability and financial security vs physical spark?

August 14, 2012

is that you or your dad?

women here hates Army

I am sure they don't mind dating pilots or other higher rank officers though..lol

What if a man served his country for 12 years, was deployed multiple times overseas, received medals of valor but had no degree, does that him make him less dateable then someone who has a degree of some sort?

August 14, 2012

Dated a military pilot once. Such a lance romance!

August 14, 2012

is that you or your dad?

women here hates Army

I am sure they don't mind dating pilots or other higher rank officers though..lol

My curriculum vitae if you even know what that is would blow your rickshaw education out of the water, so don't make me embarass you.

August 14, 2012

is that you or your dad?

women here hates Army

I am sure they don't mind dating pilots or other higher rank officers though..lol

Here is a little resson on American culture: There are more branches of the military then the Army.

August 14, 2012

I don't think that would make him undatable it is just a matter of personal preference. I am sure a lot of people would find that to be a turn on but I don't feel like I could connect with someone who did not have a degree or who served in the military (but I do admire those who fight for their country don't get me wrong).

What if your family requires that all male children serve at least one tour in the military and has been doing that for every generation since this country started? Some families still hold old world customs and honors and require their children to contribute to the country instead of just money grab for personal gain. What if that family was also very wealthy.

August 14, 2012

What if your family requires that all male children serve at least one tour in the military and has been doing that for every generation since this country started? Some families still hold old world customs and honors and require their children to contribute to the country instead of just money grab for personal gain. What if that family was also very wealthy.

All she would see is the word wealthy, and any mention of a degree would be out of the window.

August 14, 2012

This is a classic dilemma. Either you go for the fun and excitement or you settle for the "good guy". I seem to meet nothing but marginally employed and stupid dudes who want trash instead of good women. But that's my problem.

You're older, you've had your share of Alphas and Losers and whatnot. Now you're more mature, so you go for the good guys. You're not alone. I'm trying to do that myself.

August 14, 2012

Instead of saying "must have doctorate", think about what having a doctorate means to you and look for those attributes instead...
- intellectually stimulating
- successful and self-sufficient

I don't care about alphabet soup after the name but I do care about the attributes listed. Strangely enough, I get contacted by a high percentage of men with PhDs in all fields, as well as a smattering of JDs and MDs. Funny how things work out.

As for the poster who claimed the complex thinking and problem solving that a degree confers being valuable in relationships, all of these men were divorced.

August 14, 2012

What the hell. The OP hasn't posted here since page 5. You are all just blithely trashing her character and making up a bunch of crap.

She has a "black heart"? She's not intellectually interesting? She's elitist?

I've certainly gotten into it with ES over the years but I can't for the life of me see why this thread has taken this sad path.

She has a Phd. She is smart. She has an academic career (not a "publicist.") She never said she was smarter than anybody.

Leave her alone if she likes what she likes. So do you. It doesn't make her "elitist." And she did not say once that she can't hang out with people who aren't educated to her level. It's normal and appropriate that many people do seek similarly educated people to themselves as partners. Many don't, too. Either way is neither good nor bad.

I totally agree. However, Kaylan and ET both allude to not even being able to be " friends" with people without degrees.

I could be wrong about those two people, but they just sound like they think they will ot be able to connect on any level or have a friendship with a person, if that person has no degree.

I just wanted to say that there are some people WITHOUT degrees, l;ike myself, who has good friends who have more than one degree. I am able to connect with them and talk about things they want to talk about.

That is all.

AND YOU, Chaucer, I thought you would also see the tone of these posters comments... how they clearly would not even associate with people with no degrees beyond small talk - because they SOUND like they assume all people without degrees cannot connect with them even as " friends"

August 14, 2012

The problem is, with view to long term, spark will fade anyway. So I will be left with a lazy, disorganized man-child with my family's future and financial responsibility resting squarely on my shoulders.

I WANT a man that will match my career but that will be physically attractive too. I also have a very strong preference for never married/no kids men.

Looking at my friends, ALL have settled for 1. or 2. I can only think of one couple that has both. I am not that special to expect to actually find both out of my fantasy world.

Just some random thoughts.

You're looking for a physically attractive man with good income who has no kids/never married in his 30s

Yea you'll be looking for a long long time. Overwhelming majority of good looking and high income men get married at about 26-27. Why didn't you try to settle down with a man like that when you were in your mid 20s?

Truth be told, you could probably find a man like that if you're willing to date a guy in his late 20s (say around 26-30) but I dunno how many guys around that age group would be willing to marry somebody several years older

August 14, 2012

ES, I always give you credit for your honesty. I'll never ridicule a woman for saying she wants a handsome man who makes a lot of money. I'll more ridicule the women who claim they just want a nice good man who believes in commitment, but fail to mention he also has to be tall, very good looking, and making a lot of money.

The unfortunate problem in dating now, especially in this economy, is that more successful people end up gaining weight and such. Most of the reason is they work too much to be successful and thus have no time to put into working out. Men go though this as well when I see yuppie males complain how all the educated career women are overweight while the hot slender women are working in tanning salons or bartending for crap money.

I'll also add in how many times the combo of good looks and successful money/career will end up with someone shallow and vapid. The main reason is the guy might put in 8-10 hours a day at the office, then hit the gym for two hours in the evening. Suddenly the girl is complaining that he never makes time for her because he's always working or working out, or he can't hold a conversation about anything other than money and sports...because he has no other hobbies or anything other than work, make money, work out, and go party on the weekends.

So that leaves the guys who make so much money that they might work 3-4 hours a day and spend the rest working out, doing things etc. Their money works for them, and they can easily go out and flaunt it. Unfortunately, they also get women easily. Hot young women easily tossing themselves into his bed in the hopes of a taste of his good life.

So now the pretty or somewhat-pretty girl who thinks he should pick her because she might hit the gym regularly and has an education/career will find herself rejected. These particular men have decided that smart/pretty/career woman will eventually age and be only smart/career, while he can get older and still nail hot 20somethings. Plus he might be thinking how trips, yachts, cars, and clubs are more fun than weddings, settling down, and kids. We'll still see the smart/pretty/career women though try to make their case while ridiculing the young/hot/slutty girls who easily please him more.

Your solution came from what RedRobin said. You'll have to find the middle ground man. The guy who isn't some quasimodo, but isn't David Beckham. He might work out regularly to be healthy, but he doesn't set your panties ablaze as did the broke bass player from some rock band you saw. However, he has an education and career...but he's not rolling in a BMW and living in a luxury condo.

I see plenty of those guys out there striking out and growing bitter into the "anti-marriage" attitude...which will make it even harder on women like yourself.

You can set the bar high, but if no one's reaching it then you have to decide how much you're willing to lower the bar to get the man, commitment, and life you want.

Good post here

Most good looking/successful men around 27-35 are likely looking for somebody much younger. I know if I was a 35 year old handsome lawyer, I'd be looking to marry a 24 year old

August 14, 2012

Good post here

Most good looking/successful men around 27-35 are likely looking for somebody much younger. I know if I was a 35 year old handsome lawyer, I'd be looking to marry a 24 year old

I am a 34 year old good looking fellow and I dont necessarily think I would look for someone too much younger, but I am not a lawyer lol.

August 14, 2012

After reading this thread, it's pretty obvious what the OP wants

OP wants a hunky doctor type who makes six figures in his 30s who is single/never married. This is approximately 0.000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the male population

Good looking/successful men with a great personality are like 1% of the male population...when you narrow it down to "must be extremely educated" then "in his 30s" then "never married/had kids". Yea you got a better chance of winning the lottery

I'm so happy I'm a man. It's just pathetic to always judge somebody based on their status/job. I don't give a sh*t if a woman makes 40-60 grand a year as long as she is financially responsible and has a stable job. Just another example of how straight women don't work on logic

August 14, 2012

I totally agree. However, Kaylan and ET both allude to not even being able to be " friends" with people without degrees.

When have I said that?

If anything I have only said I get along more with folks who are educated because we have more in common, but I never said I wouldnt befriend people without degrees.

However, I will say its been my experience that people who act low class tend to not have degrees...but that doesnt mean I think all folks without degrees act low class.

August 14, 2012

If you get this worked up over what some girl who you do not know and will never meet says about the kind of guy she wants to date... You should up the meds and consider staying off the internet for a while.

Nobody here is getting worked up

If the OP wants to remain single and miserable for the rest of her life, that's her choice

August 14, 2012

You're looking for a physically attractive man with good income who has no kids/never married in his 30s

Yea you'll be looking for a long long time. Overwhelming majority of good looking and high income men get married at about 26-27. Why didn't you try to settle down with a man like that when you were in your mid 20s?

Truth be told, you could probably find a man like that if you're willing to date a guy in his late 20s (say around 26-30) but I dunno how many guys around that age group would be willing to marry somebody several years older

Actually most guys get married in their late 20s and early 30s...and the dudes with looks and money tend to wait til this time or longer if they know their worth. They are in no rush and have options. Im speaking of the USA though...dunno about elsewhere.

August 14, 2012

When have I said that?

If anything I have only said I get along more with folks who are educated because we have more in common, but I never said I wouldnt befriend people without degrees.

However, I will say its been my experience that people who act low class tend to not have degrees...but that doesnt mean I think all folks without degrees act low class.

Sorry to drag this out, the last thing I have to say on the issue is: I agree - people who act low class tend to not have degrees. Or they have degrees, but have become drug addicted and hence become low class.

I want to remind people like you, who have a degree and accosiate mostly with other like minded people, is that there are people you could chat to briefly, before knowing their academic background, and who you could get along very well with; when they do not have a degree.

As in - in some cases, you could not be able to tell the difference betwee your new friend that has no degree, VS your normal mates that all have degrees.

That is my experience thus far. I am in my mid 20's like you.

I can undestanding you wanting to date a girl with a degree, however. although a female business owner who owns her own company who dos not have a degree would prob do it for you if they are the right girl too.

August 14, 2012

I haven't bothered to read all the posts, but neither #1 or #2 are necessarily mutually exclusive.

I am more educated and make more 2x money than my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean he's less successful or intelligent than me.

Some people aren't given the life opportunities others are lucky to have.

August 14, 2012

I seem to be meeting two types of guys:

1. 30 something good looking guys without stable career, most cases no college degree, and still renting and living in dumpy places

2. 30 something guys that are average or below in looks with established career, home owners, highly educated and intelligent.

It seems like I can not find both in one person. Or if that exists (like with my boss ) they are not single and/or into me.

So far, I have been rejecting both types in favor of something "more".

If you had to pick one, which would you go for? I am leaning towards 2.

I think it comes down to where the woman is in her life that makes her choose between the two.

A younger woman in her 20's would be more open towards number 1 as she would go for casually dating "hot" guys. As a woman gets older, gets the "fun" out of her system, and starts to feel her age, she wants number 2. She wants to feel secure and be ready in her 30's to start a family. It's not about looks at this stage, it's about security.

Every woman in this world wants to be in love, married and have a family. Options become limited as a woman ages.

August 14, 2012

I would NEVER settle for just #1 or #2 now. I have in the past and

There is definitely the right mixture of both out there. Depending on how stringent the requirements are...I mean if you require the spark of a 6'2 model who pulls in 150k/yr then...well, goodluck.

I definitely think I have a wonderful mixture of #1 and 2 in my BF Shall I list his attributes...okay...fine!! Sexy, successful, hilarious, smart, grounded, great in bed, affectionate...yadda yadda....he has his s.hit together and is hotttt! :D:D

August 14, 2012

I know one woman who I think has settled. She's 38 right now, and I've known her for over 20 years. She is a very good-looking woman; looks way younger than her age, and has had hot boyfriends all her life (and one long-term relationship of four years in her 20s; they were a great couple, going to be married, but he died in a car accident when she was 29). Anyway, she can pull hot guys easily, and did, but never for a serious relationship.

She's now with a man who's 13 years older than her; he's 51 years old. I've seen pics of him, and he's okay looking but not nearly as hot as the guys she had all her life (and she never went for someone 13 years older than her before). I can't say for sure she's settled; maybe she's really happy and they have some great connection that transcends his looks. But it's just such an anomaly from what she used to like.

She also used to tell me (when we were friends; our friendship ended permanently about six years ago) that she planned to settle if she got close to 40 and didn't have a long-term relationship. I don't know if she was serious about that. Who knows. I don't have the inside track because I don't speak to her anymore. I just spy her Facebook page and see that she's with a stable guy who's unattractive. She's still gorgeous. That would suggest perhaps that she's not settling. She could date younger guys easily. She could date guys her age easily. She could still be dating hot guys. But she chooses to be with this unattractive man...

August 14, 2012

I know one woman who I think has settled. She's 38 right now, and I've known her for over 20 years. She is a very good-looking woman; looks way younger than her age, and has had hot boyfriends all her life (and one long-term relationship of four years in her 20s; they were a great couple, going to be married, but he died in a car accident when she was 29). Anyway, she can pull hot guys easily, and did, but never for a serious relationship.

She's now with a man who's 13 years older than her; he's 51 years old. I've seen pics of him, and he's okay looking but not nearly as hot as the guys she had all her life (and she never went for someone 13 years older than her before). I can't say for sure she's settled; maybe she's really happy and they have some great connection that transcends his looks. But it's just such an anomaly from what she used to like.

She also used to tell me (when we were friends; our friendship ended permanently about six years ago) that she planned to settle if she got close to 40 and didn't have a long-term relationship. I don't know if she was serious about that. Who knows. I don't have the inside track because I don't speak to her anymore. I just spy her Facebook page and see that she's with a stable guy who's unattractive. She's still gorgeous. That would suggest perhaps that she's not settling. She could date younger guys easily. She could date guys her age easily. She could still be dating hot guys. But she chooses to be with this unattractive man...

As a guess, perhaps she's somehow tied risk tolerance (was the car accident his fault?) and hotness together in the form of instability of partner, since she fell insanely in love with a guy who "left" her. So her newest partner might symbolize someone safe to emotionally invest in.

August 14, 2012

Is it still not a smaller dating pool then one that includes Bachelors and Masters graduates? PhDs make up only a small portion of the population, and its hard enough for most people to find the right person for them.

Of course the pool is smaller in absolute terms. But many people find a partner from their social circle, and that social circle almost automatically fills with BSc, MSc and PhDs, the longer you stay at Uni.

And how many of those people are settling? A lot of people settling to begin with, and a lot of people marry someone for the status of having someone in their perceived social bracket....OP is considering doing this herself.

And there are threads about men and women doing this all over the internet. So where am I wrong for pointing out that wanting a guy to be a PhD with money is making your pool smaller?

You are not wrong. I don't think I said that.

But to look down on guys who are doing just fine and who are successful just because they arent AS successful as her is a problem of silly high standards.

She can find a very successful guy, whos analytical, intellectual and has great critical thinking skills, but yet has only a bachelors or masters degree.

Of course. Still, her wish to find someone with a similar education is perfectly understandable.

August 14, 2012

I am in no way condoning someone trashing ES, but having a PHD doesn't make her any better then anyone. It doesn't put her on a magic pedestal because she has a PHD. Someone can have a PHD and have the social skills of an emu.

Of course, but it shows that she has (had? ) the intellectual capacity and the drive to pursue higher education. It is an accomplishment even if you don't feel the same.

August 14, 2012

Hahaha. Yeah.

When guys talk about this, we talk about the triangle. Looks, intelligence, sanity, the best you can do is two out of three.

It's normal to want the best of the best. But, if you want the top 1%, you better be top 1% yourself, or be top 1% in luck.

I dare say most men with looks and money have other issues (from a woman's perspective anyway, as a guy, if I see a successful good looking charming man going around f-king all the models, I'd think he's a lucky sonofabitch). Unless you are in a relationship with them, many couples appear perfect from the outside, you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

I'm not a woman, so I don't know what it's like on that side. But I can say for men, I've known guys that are really into physical beauty, and what they do is they put up with the crap that their good looking women give them, because to them, it's worth it.

One guy I know put up with his ex beauty queen wife for many years in a miserable marriage, while she ignored him and cheated on him, then finally they divorced. AND he was afraid she was going to go after his company (small privately owned, no protection against divorce lawyers) because California is a no-fault state. But he paid her off with quite a bit of money so she would be satisfied and not go after his company. But I give her props because she didn't take the money AND go after his company. I'm sure there's a lawyer out there that could have made it happen. So I'd say he got lucky. She just took the money and disappeared. I think she at least had the capacity to feel guilt. Had she consulted a lawyer, it would have been back to square one for him.

99% of the time, that's how the world works. If you want some goodies, be prepared to pay for it in some way. There's no free lunch.

Edited August 14, 2012 by fishtaco

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What would you pick: stability and financial security vs physical spark?

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