What would you pick: stability and financial security vs physical spark?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I seem to be meeting two types of guys:

 

1. 30 something good looking guys without stable career, most cases no college degree, and still renting and living in dumpy places

 

2. 30 something guys that are average or below in looks with established career, home owners, highly educated and intelligent.

 

It seems like I can not find both in one person. Or if that exists (like with my boss ) they are not single and/or into me.

 

So far, I have been rejecting both types in favor of something "more".

 

If you had to pick one, which would you go for? I am leaning towards 2.

[xxoo]

I'd pick spark/connection over high education and high income.

 

Financial responsibility is a must, though.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It usually depends on how old and unattractive the woman is. Young, hot women tend to go for 1 while older, less attractive women will attempt to cling to 2.

 

I can go for either. I have options in both categories.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The problem is, with view to long term, spark will fade anyway. So I will be left with a lazy, disorganized man-child with my family's future and financial responsibility resting squarely on my shoulders.

 

I WANT a man that will match my career but that will be physically attractive too. I also have a very strong preference for never married/no kids men.

 

Looking at my friends, ALL have settled for 1. or 2. I can only think of one couple that has both. I am not that special to expect to actually find both out of my fantasy world.

 

Just some random thoughts.

[weallfalldown]

women that are just after financial security from a guy..in my mind are pathetic, all this bull**** about the independant woman etc is horse poo.

 

It should be 50/50 these days.....

 

but financial responsibilty should be had on both sides

the amount of really strong loving couples who have had the most amazing chemistry and spark have had their relationships ruined through hard financial issues...and it's so sad..........shame

 

I'm flying to the planet utopia......anyone coming?

[Janesays]

I'm usually attracted to the 2's, so I am confused on how to answer this question.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't view myself as materialistic but when a guy takes me back to his place and it's cheap/in bad area/small/old - I start to feel less into him

[yongyong]

I understand men and women tend to go for the opposite value when they want to settle down.

This girl was talking about this man she was in love with. he is an average guy but her family has money. she can support him to start his own business. she was willing to bring the house (only half mil, just 3 bed apt in my country lol) if they get married.

But she wasn't cute. His choice? he went for the average status girl with a cute face.

 

I don't care about girl's money. I would go for younger, prettier, fresher woman than older, uglier woman even though she can support me. I don't mind picking a trash to live with a pretty wife instead of living with a ugly woman in a mansion.

 

Does it make me shallow because I am not selling my soul for money? hahahaha

[Eternal Sunshine]

I understand men and women tend to go for the opposite value when they want to settle down.

This girl was talking about this man she was in love with. he is an average guy but her family has money. she can support him to start his own business. she was willing to bring the house (only half mil, just 3 bed apt in my country lol) if they get married.

But she wasn't cute. His choice? he went for the average status girl with a cute face.

 

I don't care about girl's money. I would go for younger, prettier, fresher woman than older, uglier woman even though she can support me. I don't mind picking a trash to live with a pretty wife instead of living with a ugly woman in a mansion.

 

Does it make me shallow because I am not selling my soul for money? hahahaha

 

 

Hehe nope, you are free to make that choice.

[RedRobin]

My vote:

 

3. A man of good character who shows reasonable judgement, strong work ethic, who takes care of himself physically, emotionally, spiritually as well as the people in his care.

 

I've witnessed too many 1's and 2's go down the drain without number three.... OR... become amazing/stay amazing.

 

This economy has taken it's toll on #2's. It has also created opportunities for #1's.

 

Life and age takes it's toll on everyone.

 

Without strong character... looks, money, or 'career' mean zero to me.

[Emilia]

Neither. I don't want some useless guy who can't get his s**t together in his 30s. I don't want someone I'm not attracted to either as that will only lead to a no sex relationship later

 

So it's no dates for me then if these are the only options.

[Radu]

Aren't you like close to 60 ?

 

Because if that's the case, either is fine tbh.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My vote:

 

3. A man of good character who shows reasonable judgement, strong work ethic, who takes care of himself physically, emotionally, spiritually as well as the people in his care.

 

I've witnessed too many 1's and 2's go down the drain without number three.... OR... become amazing/stay amazing.

 

This economy has taken it's toll on #2's. It has also created opportunities for #1's.

 

Life and age takes it's toll on everyone.

 

Without strong character... looks, money, or 'career' mean zero to me.

 

 

I agree with you. What if you had (3 AND 1) or (3 AND 2)?

[xxoo]

I WANT a man that will match my career but that will be physically attractive too.

 

ES, you are a highly educated, well paid professional. Do you need a man to match that, or can you respect a man who is financially responsible in a lower position? (think firefighters, teachers, etc). If you get to know some of these guys in rentals, you might find that a few are very financially responsible and hard working--just not affluent.

 

Can you feel spark and connection for a man who is not conventionally attractive, after getting to know him better? If you get to know some of these average looking guys, you might develop a connection that changes the way you see them.

[yongyong]

Generally No. Women want better lifestyle. Although she makes good money to support both, she would want to find a man who makes more and at higher position. The only exception is when woman is uglier than a guy

 

 

ES, you are a highly educated, well paid professional. Do you need a man to match that, or can you respect a man who is financially responsible in a lower position? (think firefighters, teachers, etc). If you get to know some of these guys in rentals, you might find that a few are very financially responsible and hard working--just not affluent.

 

Can you feel spark and connection for a man who is not conventionally attractive, after getting to know him better? If you get to know some of these average looking guys, you might develop a connection that changes the way you see them.

[Eternal Sunshine]

ES, you are a highly educated, well paid professional. Do you need a man to match that, or can you respect a man who is financially responsible in a lower position? (think firefighters, teachers, etc). If you get to know some of these guys in rentals, you might find that a few are very financially responsible and hard working--just not affluent.

 

Can you feel spark and connection for a man who is not conventionally attractive, after getting to know him better? If you get to know some of these average looking guys, you might develop a connection that changes the way you see them.

 

I have hard time connecting with "blue collar" workers. I can't help it. I also have a hard time respecting a man that has achieved less than I did

 

 

I also have to admit that I don't have much time to waste. I give these men few weeks at most and make decisions quickly. I am not prepared to lose months in hoping something will "grow".

 

All my life I went for type (1) until I started seriously envisioning my long term future.

[monkey00]

Well at least you're not running into the worst of both: Jobless deadbeat with average/below average looks.

 

I think if I had to choose between a girl, I would say somewhere between 1&2 and her having a stable job while being average or above average. A girl that is financially irresponsible is a turn off for me. Not being financially stable because of your job is one thing, but being financially irresponsible is a different story. One is not exclusive to the other.

[weallfalldown]

I don't view myself as materialistic but when a guy takes me back to his place and it's cheap/in bad area/small/old - I start to feel less into him

 

that's a bit shallow.......i'm sure if you'd met the right one...you wouldn't care......try sticking your nose in the air a bit less, and you might actually find something special?.....

[monkey00]

I don't view myself as materialistic but when a guy takes me back to his place and it's cheap/in bad area/small/old - I start to feel less into him

 

I don't know if that's fair judgment. In big cities like NYC or the bay area, a person could be paying up their butt in rent just to have a place to live. Often times it will be a roommate share or if they live alone, then it will probably be small. But I'm sure you know that right?

[RedRobin]

I agree with you. What if you had (3 AND 1) or (3 AND 2)?

 

I have fallen for both.

 

What you are describing (1 or 2) are externals... it doesn't say much about their motivations or how they got there... So I can't give you a precise answer.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Well at least you're not running into the worst of both: Jobless deadbeat with average/below average looks.

 

I think if I had to choose between a girl, I would say somewhere between 1&2 and her having a stable job while being average or above average. A girl that is financially irresponsible is a turn off for me. Not being financially stable because of your job is one thing, but being financially irresponsible is a different story. One is not exclusive to the other.

 

Being financially irresponsible points to other less desirable traits.

 

I do think I want a combination or something in between 1) and 2). The problem is, since my break up, I have only been meeting men that squarely belong into either 1 or 2. Maybe I need more patience

 

I have also noticed that men in category 2) are actually in higher demand that men in category 1)

[yongyong]

I agree with this and I have nothing against it.

 

However when I mention 'most of the time, a man marries a woman who's inferior than him' females get mad

 

To have a happy marriage, men should marry a lower class woman.

If she makes more, is at higher position, she will try to control the house and it won't work that way (has been like that thousands years. we can't change it in couple decades)

 

 

 

I have hard time connecting with "blue collar" workers. I can't help it. I also have a hard time respecting a man that has achieved less than I did

 

 

I also have to admit that I don't have much time to waste. I give these men few weeks at most and make decisions quickly. I am not prepared to lose months in hoping something will "grow".

 

All my life I went for type (1) until I started seriously envisioning my long term future.

[USMCHokie]

Just a quick aside...but home ownership is quickly becoming less of a "standard" measure of financial stability, responsibility, and worth...

[monkey00]

Being financially irresponsible points to other less desirable traits.

 

I do think I want a combination or something in between 1) and 2). The problem is, since my break up, I have only been meeting men that squarely belong into either 1 or 2. Maybe I need more patience

 

I have also noticed that men in category 2) are actually in higher demand that men in category 1)

 

I agree with the first part. Being irresponsible like that points to bad decision making, lack of self-control with spending, and other areas.

 

Well yeah that's true. Women in their 30's and late 20's want someone who's financially stable or want a provider figure so they can start a family. Preferences shift when people get older...IDK, you can't win every time.

 

I was telling my friend the other day that the life of a woman can be tough. Unfortunately they have to accept the hand their dealt with in the game of dating. If woman got to choose the guy they wanted to go out with, they would ask them out. But as it's gone for centuries, the man does the asking out and pursuing.

[ThaWholigan]

Just a quick aside...but home ownership is quickly becoming less of a "standard" measure of financial stability, responsibility, and worth...

Exactly, a house is a liability, not an asset.