Jump to content

What would you pick: stability and financial security vs physical spark?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

Posted
Posted
What the hell. The OP hasn't posted here since page 5. You are all just blithely trashing her character and making up a bunch of crap.

 

She has a "black heart"? She's not intellectually interesting? She's elitist?

 

I've certainly gotten into it with ES over the years but I can't for the life of me see why this thread has taken this sad path.

 

She has a Phd. She is smart. She has an academic career (not a "publicist.") She never said she was smarter than anybody.

 

Leave her alone if she likes what she likes. So do you. It doesn't make her "elitist." And she did not say once that she can't hang out with people who aren't educated to her level. It's normal and appropriate that many people do seek similarly educated people to themselves as partners. Many don't, too. Either way is neither good nor bad.

 

I took a nap for the last two hours, and hadn't read the whole thread in the first place, but if there is a lot of trashing of ES in the thread, I agree with the above: leave her alone.

 

Leave people alone in general for wanting what they want.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
Critical Marxist Theory: Gays are holy and oppressed (despite being a very wealthy "minority" of America) and do not discriminate against anyone, only heterosexuals do. :lmao:

 

Don't agree? You're "uneducated". In other words, not indoctrinated in communist gunk only attributed to race and where you choose to stick your penis into, over class (Which was also junk, but had far more merit).

 

critical race theory, critical theory, critical marxist theory, all a bunch of whining by a bunch of entitled harvard/ivy league/brown/swarthmore brats about how "oppressed" they are. What a crock of horsesh--.

 

"ooh boo hoo, I'm writing a thesis on the oppression of black lesbian intellectuals who get their bmw 7 series cars egged in harvard yard. boo hoo hoo!"

 

"Oh, I'm editing a marxist feminist postmodern postpostmodern journal on asian indian transgendered post ops who have to wait .5 milliseconds LONGER than Kate Upton and Britney Spears for a latte at coffee bean in brentwood." Oh the inhumanity!

It seems it is true what they say; Great trolls think alike.

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

Posted
Posted

I understand with her requirements but she is good at something many men doesn't give a fxck about.

(eg: do guys want to have an attorney wife who can just shoot him down in arguing? or just a sweet, young and cute front desk chick?)

Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't think the OP should have that much difficulty finding men with doctorates if she puts herself in university social settings. I know a bunch of guys with doctorates, and I'm not even trying to be around men with doctorates. Go to the lectures and events at universities, and you'll meet a bunch of men with doctorates. Or guys with Master's degrees who are in the process of applying for their doctorates.

 

I think people can get what they want, if they look for it. Or sometimes it will find you.

 

p.s. I just started dating a guy who's into Critical Marxist Theory. lol. He facilitates two reading groups related to it. I love intellectual men who read a lot.

Edited by Jane2011
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted

IME, a bigger differentiator is determining how two people are going to put a life together, what value each places on career success and continued promotion, and willingness to travel or relocate.

 

Three of my best female friends are highly accomplished...

 

...one has 75+ patents in chemistry. Her H works in construction. She has two grown children and will be a grandmother soon. :)

 

...one is the CIO for a large multinational. Her H is a surveyor. They have one grown son who just started college.

 

...A third just achieved tenure at a top university (engineering). Her H is 9 years younger than her and also has a PhD in engineering. They have two children.

 

One of my former co-workers is a direct report to the VP of a large multinational. Her H is a firefighter. They have four children.

 

All of my male mentors are married to highly accomplished women. Some stayed home while their children were young. Some did not.

 

... just a few examples of people I know who found happiness...

  • Like 2
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
I understand with her requirements but she is good at something many men doesn't give a fxck about.

(eg: do guys want to have an attorney wife who can just shoot him down in arguing? or just a sweet, young and cute front desk chick?)

I know several guys who like a girl with fire in her belly and who can stand up for what she believes. I personally enjoy a good spirited debate.

 

Cute front desk chicks are cute, but Id find them boring. I like a girl whos more than the pretty face that lets her boss know someones there to see him.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
I understand with her requirements but she is good at something many men doesn't give a fxck about.

(eg: do guys want to have an attorney wife who can just shoot him down in arguing? or just a sweet, young and cute front desk chick?)

 

There is so much going on in the world that you evidently have not a clue about. Are you even an adult?

 

There are SO many men who would fail to thrive horribly if they shared daily life with a bimbo, no matter how hot she looked. Of course, then there is Hugh Heffner. Is he still alive?

  • Like 1
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
LMFAO! You went to a university, therefore you are an expert!

 

And anyone who disagrees with your wrath of khan esque "superior university level intellect" must be a troll! Genius! Pure genius I say! Completely unimpeachable "logic." :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

Lmao @ you being a dolt who misquotes me. I said I went to a university with a large LGBT population on campus and in town and that I have always had a few LGBT friends. I am also originally from NYC, so its hard not to run into a few folks who are LGBT growing up.

 

Having been around LGBT folks in a university, and town setting, I know more about what they are like than what you would like to assume.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

LGBT folks tend not to have these issues because they can create their own relationship dynamics instead of letting society dictate what they should be. I wish heterosexuals could emulate that but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

 

As for the OP there are plenty of guys who have both but ask yourself if you are subconsciously splitting men into those two groups instead of seeing all the man who do fit both.

  • Like 2
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

I thought this was goinna be an easy breezy kind of thread. :confused:

 

I'd go with physical spark because I don't need a man for stability. I stand on my own two feet.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted

I suffer with this as well. For me it is stability vs spark.

 

 

 

I'm leaning towards stability. I want a good man who I can be content with and maintain a stable lifestyle. If I could find one who I had that spark with, AND was stable, then I would by all means take him.

:laugh:

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

Posted
Posted

haha I expected this kind of response from American woman.

 

Every time I say 'I'd like to date a beautiful woman'

Some ugly girl gets mad and say 'so you want a dumb blonde whore?'

Did I say that? Are you saying all girls who's hotter than you are dumb and whores? are you saying all girls working at average jobs are dumb and worthless?

 

 

 

There is so much going on in the world that you evidently have not a clue about. Are you even an adult?

 

There are SO many men who would fail to thrive horribly if they shared daily life with a bimbo, no matter how hot she looked. Of course, then there is Hugh Heffner. Is he still alive?

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
haha I expected this kind of response from American woman.

 

Every time I say 'I'd like to date a beautiful woman'

Some ugly girl gets mad and say 'so you want a dumb blonde whore?'

Did I say that? Are you saying all girls who's hotter than you are dumb and whores? are you saying all girls working at average jobs are dumb and worthless?

 

I was responding to your post about the "cute front desk chick" vs. the attorney.

 

Are you in America now? If so, why don't you return from whence you came? Where all us skanky old broads don't roam free? Or do you have to stay here because this is where the 'rents moved and you're not grown up yet?

  • Like 1
AlexCross Established Member

AlexCross

Posted
Posted
Just a quick aside...but home ownership is quickly becoming less of a "standard" measure of financial stability, responsibility, and worth...

 

Yeah I would like to touch on this. Just because I am single and in my thirties and I rent and choose not to buy does not mean I am financially irresponsible. It means I choose not to live in a house or a condo while being single. If I am happy renting, pay my bills, save money, work my blue colllar job (even though I have a double bachelors) I am still financially responsible. Home ownership does not equate to being responsible financially.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
Yeah I would like to touch on this. Just because I am single and in my thirties and I rent and choose not to buy does not mean I am financially irresponsible. It means I choose not to live in a house or a condo while being single. If I am happy renting, pay my bills, save money, work my blue colllar job (even though I have a double bachelors) I am still financially responsible. Home ownership does not equate to being responsible financially.

 

Agreed.

 

 

There is a difference though, I would rather date a man who lived on his own than one that had room mates. I have my own place, therefore so should he.

AlexCross Established Member

AlexCross

Posted
Posted
Agreed.

 

 

There is a difference though, I would rather date a man who lived on his own than one that had room mates. I have my own place, therefore so should he.

 

Agreed and there are plenty of women out there who still live at home with baggage who expect to find Big from Sex in the City to come sweep them off their feet. Unrealistic expectations. Success is a subjective word. Especially if you are from another country. No disrespect OP.

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

Posted
Posted

OP made a comparison between good looking guy with less money and not that attractive guy with more money.

 

I was just making a same comparison for guys too. a chick with a good career with unattractive face Vs a chick with an average job with a cute face. When all other things are equal (# of guys they banged, personality, social intelligence), I would go for an average chick. that was my point and opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was responding to your post about the "cute front desk chick" vs. the attorney.

 

Are you in America now? If so, why don't you return from whence you came? Where all us skanky old broads don't roam free? Or do you have to stay here because this is where the 'rents moved and you're not grown up yet?

AlexCross Established Member

AlexCross

Posted
Posted
What the hell. The OP hasn't posted here since page 5. You are all just blithely trashing her character and making up a bunch of crap.

 

She has a "black heart"? She's not intellectually interesting? She's elitist?

 

I've certainly gotten into it with ES over the years but I can't for the life of me see why this thread has taken this sad path.

 

She has a Phd. She is smart. She has an academic career (not a "publicist.") She never said she was smarter than anybody.

 

Leave her alone if she likes what she likes. So do you. It doesn't make her "elitist." And she did not say once that she can't hang out with people who aren't educated to her level. It's normal and appropriate that many people do seek similarly educated people to themselves as partners. Many don't, too. Either way is neither good nor bad.

 

I am in no way condoning someone trashing ES, but having a PHD doesn't make her any better then anyone. It doesn't put her on a magic pedestal because she has a PHD. Someone can have a PHD and have the social skills of an emu.

Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

Posted
Posted (edited)

I go for spark over stability. Fortunately, spark doesn't always mean the guy's a slacker who has no job, no education, and is a drunkard, lol. For me, "the spark" usually happens with a guy who is doing at least okay. He has his own place and his own car; he's just not that guy who's financially set and can buy anything he wants for himself and/or for me. My mother would love it if I got together with a guy who had a lot of money. Usually the first thing she asks when I start dating someone is "How old is he and what does he do?" She figures if he's older, he's got a great career and is stable.

 

I don't even want stability, per se. Or I do, but I want other things a lot more.

Edited by Jane2011
gaius Established Member

gaius

Posted
Posted

I'd rather live in a refrigerator box with someone I had a connection with than a mansion with someone I didn't really get.

  • Like 2
Meg717 Established Member

Meg717

Posted
Posted

I think it's important to have both...maybe when you meet a guy you're attracted to you shouldn't ask what he does for a living right away. Get to know him a little, maybe you'll find out you can relate to someone who isn't as educated as you. :)

 

To answer your question...Sparks, looks, and sometimes money all fade. You just have to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

 

Nothing in life is guaranteed...

 

For me, I don't need a guy to make a lot of money. Through my past relationship I learned I only have myself to rely on. However, I need to know there is some sort of income or a career is in the future. This cute guy I started talking to online seemed nice but I got the vibe he didn't have a job and has no source of income..mostly bc he suggested we "drive around" or "meet in a park" on our first date..I don't mind making more money than a guy I'm dating but I'm also not looking to be the supporter...If this guy said he was in school working on a degree or something, I'd think differently but he already told me school wasn't his thing..

 

I am personally attracted to the blue collar guy :love:

But I think it's bc I grew up in a rural farm area...

eleanorhurting Established Member

eleanorhurting

Posted
Posted

ES I had no idea you had a PhD!

 

I am behind :)

 

I understand how you feel and I think I probably would pick 2 although I really hope there is someone out there who will satisfy you the way you deserve to be.

 

I also can't imagine myself with someone who does not have some sort of degree so you are not alone. I don't think what your mother said was very nice but don't let it get to you.

AlexCross Established Member

AlexCross

Posted
Posted

What if a man served his country for 12 years, was deployed multiple times overseas, received medals of valor but had no degree, does that him make him less dateable then someone who has a degree of some sort?

eleanorhurting Established Member

eleanorhurting

Posted
Posted
What if a man served his country for 12 years, was deployed multiple times overseas, received medals of valor but had no degree, does that him make him less dateable then someone who has a degree of some sort?

 

I don't think that would make him undatable it is just a matter of personal preference. I am sure a lot of people would find that to be a turn on but I don't feel like I could connect with someone who did not have a degree or who served in the military (but I do admire those who fight for their country don't get me wrong).

  • Like 1
AlexCross Established Member

AlexCross

Posted
Posted
I don't think that would make him undatable it is just a matter of personal preference. I am sure a lot of people would find that to be a turn on but I don't feel like I could connect with someone who did not have a degree or who served in the military (but I do admire those who fight for their country don't get me wrong).

 

Yeah everything in life is a personal preference. Some choose not to date caddy materialistic narcissistic women. Its a preference.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...