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What would you pick: stability and financial security vs physical spark?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
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Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

Posted
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I seem to be meeting two types of guys:

 

1. 30 something good looking guys without stable career, most cases no college degree, and still renting and living in dumpy places

 

2. 30 something guys that are average or below in looks with established career, home owners, highly educated and intelligent.

 

It seems like I can not find both in one person. Or if that exists (like with my boss :rolleyes:) they are not single and/or into me.

 

So far, I have been rejecting both types in favor of something "more".

 

If you had to pick one, which would you go for? I am leaning towards 2.

 

I never like the 30something guy who makes 40K or more, could own a home, has been at his job 5+ years, lives in his own place now, etc.

 

Still, I tend to like a cross between your two descriptions.

 

I tend to like 30something guys who are educated and have a degree, have their own place (just a simple apartment though) or else live with someone, have their own car, have some income and a job - but it's not necessarily career-caliber work.

 

That said, it's only fair. I'm pretty much like what I described above, although I do have career-caliber work. I just don't make a lot of money and couldn't own a home.

monkey00 Established Member

monkey00

Posted
Posted
Just a quick aside...but home ownership is quickly becoming less of a "standard" measure of financial stability, responsibility, and worth...

 

How so? I've never heard that one. Unless you are referring to underwater homes.

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
Posted

 

1. 30 something good looking women without stable career, most cases no college degree, and still renting and living in dumpy places

 

2. 30 something women that are average or below in looks with established career, home owners, highly educated and intelligent.

 

 

 

#2 is not even something that is considered. I really don't care if she owns a house or not. She doesn't have to be able to provide for future because I already have that covered.

 

It'd be #1 most likely, but she'd have to be happy to be a stay at home mom. I would have to completely trust her as well. Lots of other things I won't mention.

 

If women were truely wanting to be equals to men, questions like these wouldn't come up.

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
Posted
How so? I've never heard that one. Unless you are referring to underwater homes.

 

 

I know lots of "home owners" that should not have taken the loan that they took. The banks own their homes and most likely it won't end well for them.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Just a quick aside...but home ownership is quickly becoming less of a "standard" measure of financial stability, responsibility, and worth...

 

I hope you are not taking this personally :rolleyes:

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
I have hard time connecting with "blue collar" workers. I can't help it. I also have a hard time respecting a man that has achieved less than I did :(

 

If that's the case, you're going to have a much smaller pool of attractive partners than most women, simply due to your own success. The majority of men (even financially responsible men) will earn less than you.

 

Keep in mind that what we've achieved isn't always measured by career and bank account balance.

 

 

I also have to admit that I don't have much time to waste. I give these men few weeks at most and make decisions quickly. I am not prepared to lose months in hoping something will "grow".

 

You should know within a few weeks.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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My mother told me yesterday: "Being a high achiever is going to be your biggest downfall" :(

 

I don't find that men dislike successful women, it's actually viewed as very positive.

 

I am the problem and my inability to be attracted to less successful men.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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My mother told me yesterday: "Being a high achiever is going to be your biggest downfall" :(

 

 

That's what mine says too but it's nonsense ;)

 

Different generation

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Posted

I don't know where you live ES but aren't there lots of successful men out there?

Imported Established Member

Imported

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Posted
My mother told me yesterday: "Being a high achiever is going to be your biggest downfall" :(

 

I don't find that men dislike successful women, it's actually viewed as very positive.

 

I am the problem and my inability to be attracted to less successful men.

 

 

I thought you were going to move because besides "no datable men", you were also unemployed or were in a job that really didn't matter. Do you work in Starbucks or something like that?

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

Posted
Posted

hmmm...if your pushing 60?.......not amazingly attractive, and are unemployed yourself?.....then i'd be lowering your expectstions a wee bit?

monkey00 Established Member

monkey00

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Posted

OP, with 1 & 2. Have you factored personality at all into the equation? Even if you had the best of both 1 and 2, what if they had a horrible personality? Wouldn't that be just as unappealing? :o

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

My mother told me yesterday: "Being a high achiever is going to be your biggest downfall" :(

 

I don't find that men dislike successful women, it's actually viewed as very positive.

 

I am the problem and my inability to be attracted to less successful men.

 

 

 

Man. I used to quiet like you as a poster.... Unfrotunately, you have left a bad taste in my mouth:mad: NOT cool, ET.

The way you measure success is very demeaning and offensive! How the hell are YOU any more " successfull" then ME, just because you have studied for longer, and hence got a more " successfull" career going on?

 

I am a lovely person, with just as many good traits as you do. I think highly of myself, and right now I am EXTREMELY happy!

.... if your more " successfull" than me, do you feel it makes you " happier" than I am, on a daily basis? Because I am extremel happy right now every day lately. With my relationship, friends, family, and career path I am heading in.

 

 

And what; you think because I have no " degree", that if you saw me in a book store, you would not be " able to connect" with me? Seriously, your coming accross as a snob.

One of my good friends has 2 degrees and is completing his masters. And is then going for a PHD. He is a landscape architect, and also has a business degree.

.... * shock horror* I actually get along very well with him; hence why we are " good" friends. EVEN THOUGH he has a DEGREE. WOW. He must be talking extra slowly, so as to dumb himself down for me:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Really, no one is beneath you ET. Talking in terms of what turns you on is fine, but going on about how you cannot " connect" with blue collar workers, or NON DEGREE educated people, p!sses me right off.

 

I got 92% in the aussie equivalent of the USA'S college entrance score. But I have chosen to NOT get a degree just yet. Or mayve even at all if I have other opportunities thrown my direction!

I find it extremely offensive, how you measure succcess, and how you feel above people without degrees, in terms of who you can " talk to" ....

 

We probably would not " talk" in real life, seeing as I would not be able to " keep up" with your marvelous vocabulary and way of talking...

BY THE WAY - I RESPECT your achievements IMMENSELY:) I am VERY impressed by the hard work and natural talent you appear to exibit. But please, you have a REALLY elitist attitude.

 

I get that you cannot interact and really " click" well with true blue collars who are not as articulate or well spoken as you are. But I am a " blue collar' worker, seeing as my career aspirations are NOT degree jobs, and I get along with college educated people just fine. They DO NOT speak a different language to me... sheesh!

 

 

Rant OVER.

El Brujo Established Member

El Brujo

Posted
Posted
I seem to be meeting two types of guys:

 

1. 30 something good looking guys without stable career, most cases no college degree, and still renting and living in dumpy places

 

2. 30 something guys that are average or below in looks with established career, home owners, highly educated and intelligent.

 

It seems like I can not find both in one person. Or if that exists (like with my boss :rolleyes:) they are not single and/or into me.

 

So far, I have been rejecting both types in favor of something "more".

 

If you had to pick one, which would you go for? I am leaning towards 2.

 

I'm not good-looking by anyone's stretch of the imagination... but I'm not lying when I say I haven't had any debt since '95, never been out of work (in fact, I don't even know what an unemployment application form looks like), I've never had anything repossessed, and the few times I had trouble with my taxes, I cleared it up within a couple months.

 

If I was fired or laid off from my job, to me that would be the perfect excuse to become my own boss... screw unemployment!

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
I am the problem and my inability to be attracted to less successful men.

 

You would have a lot more good options if you could be attracted to less successful men. That's true.

 

Maybe that will develop with time. Or, more likely, maybe you will meet ONE special guy who you can't get out of your head, even though he isn't a high earner.

 

Or, more likely, maybe you'll meet one of the hot, successful guys who will inevitably be divorcing in the next 10 years :laugh: (statistically, not all of the marriages will last...)

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
I hope you are not taking this personally :rolleyes:

 

 

 

My partner has his own house. He got given it by his father at age 15. As an investement. He also owns 50% of his dead mothers house, whome he shares with his big sister.

 

You would not connect with him, based on his way of talking( it is not affluent at all), but say a girl was like you in your view of home ownership; she liked my bf, and loved the fact he owned his own home... but had no idea it was given to him. It is not like it tells a girl early on.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Damn it, my keyboard is seriously at breaking point right now:mad::(

 

Of course, ET and other posters with her attitude would assume I am too stupid for them to probably interact with well in real life. Seeing as a spell a few words wrong. Surely I would not be able to understad them or have " conversations about anything meaningful or the least bit intelligent"

boaaaar Established Member

boaaaar

Posted
Posted
Rant OVER.
Wanna feel better ? Be glad her problems are not your problems.
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Wanna feel better ? Be glad her problems are not your problems.

 

 

Seriously though, I want her to have a hard think about wheather her " success" makes her ANY more happy or fullfilled than I am, on a daily basis.

 

Do her degrees and success in her career, necessarily mean her contentment levels are higher than mine are?

 

My dogs, my partner, and the friends I have ( a really great group, such nice people, much like me), and my gym/fitness and various hobbies, make me SO HAPPY!

 

Every day lately, I am so happy to be alive every day. Honestly. What exactly has her " success" given her over someone like me, in terms of their over all happiness levels they experience daily?

 

I can say that I have not reached a point where, mental issues aside, I am VERY happy. Every day. Albiet small bits where I am stuck on some homework or a person is cold towards me. A total of 2% of my whole day.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

and LOL - I actually like ET, I just do not agree with everything she is saying. No big deal. I still like her, and will continue to do so until she directly does something terrible to me.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
: Talking in terms of what turns you on is fine, but going on about how you cannot " connect" with blue collar workers, or NON DEGREE educated people, p!sses me right off.

 

When she said "connect", I thought she meant romantically. Meaning--what turns her on. Maybe she can clarify.

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

Posted
Posted
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

 

 

Man. I used to quiet like you as a poster.... Unfrotunately, you have left a bad taste in my mouth:mad: NOT cool, ET.

The way you measure success is very demeaning and offensive! How the hell are YOU any more " successfull" then ME, just because you have studied for longer, and hence got a more " successfull" career going on?

 

I am a lovely person, with just as many good traits as you do. I think highly of myself, and right now I am EXTREMELY happy!

.... if your more " successfull" than me, do you feel it makes you " happier" than I am, on a daily basis? Because I am extremel happy right now every day lately. With my relationship, friends, family, and career path I am heading in.

 

 

And what; you think because I have no " degree", that if you saw me in a book store, you would not be " able to connect" with me? Seriously, your coming accross as a snob.

One of my good friends has 2 degrees and is completing his masters. And is then going for a PHD. He is a landscape architect, and also has a business degree.

.... * shock horror* I actually get along very well with him; hence why we are " good" friends. EVEN THOUGH he has a DEGREE. WOW. He must be talking extra slowly, so as to dumb himself down for me:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Really, no one is beneath you ET. Talking in terms of what turns you on is fine, but going on about how you cannot " connect" with blue collar workers, or NON DEGREE educated people, p!sses me right off.

 

I got 92% in the aussie equivalent of the USA'S college entrance score. But I have chosen to NOT get a degree just yet. Or mayve even at all if I have other opportunities thrown my direction!

I find it extremely offensive, how you measure succcess, and how you feel above people without degrees, in terms of who you can " talk to" ....

 

We probably would not " talk" in real life, seeing as I would not be able to " keep up" with your marvelous vocabulary and way of talking...

BY THE WAY - I RESPECT your achievements IMMENSELY:) I am VERY impressed by the hard work and natural talent you appear to exibit. But please, you have a REALLY elitist attitude.

 

I get that you cannot interact and really " click" well with true blue collars who are not as articulate or well spoken as you are. But I am a " blue collar' worker, seeing as my career aspirations are NOT degree jobs, and I get along with college educated people just fine. They DO NOT speak a different language to me... sheesh!

 

 

Rant OVER.

 

was i not you that asked people to keep there negative thoughts to themselves in other people's posts?????????????????????

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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BTW WTF?

 

I have never been unemployed :eek:

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Yes, Leigh, I am turned of romantically by MOST of blue collar workers. I am turned off by swearing, limited vocabulary and how in general they tend to be "uncultured". There are exceptions of course, but there is high correlation between the two.

 

I don't care if a person like I described above has 10 houses. I would not be into them.

 

Why do you care if I would like your boyfriend? It's important that you do :rolleyes:

jimloveslips Established Member

jimloveslips

Posted
Posted

Seems to me neither of the options promote your future happiness.

 

Unfortunately life is a compromise - you will be surprised just what you are willing to give up when that special person does come along.

 

If you are not ready for LTR then have fun with both!

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