MourningLosses Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I have been in a loveless sex-only marriage for 5 years. I've been in love with man who won't leave a sham marriage for 4. I have friends getting Marie's for the first time in their 30s and honestly feel like screaming why??? Why so big on a piece of paper? What does it signify? Why not just pay $30k to some superstitious organization to keep your relationship together? I am seriously thinking of turning down the wedding invitation I got this week because I will have to be so fake at it. I don't believe in it. Either you love them and you live with them or you don't. And you may live sepne you don't live with, but either way he model in no way is enhanced by bits of paper and lily white dresses.
quankanne Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 nope, just made me try harder to be a better person (less selfish) for the sake of keeping our marriage healthy. And it isn't easy, but it's definitely worth it. question for you, ML: If your marriage isn't where you want to be, why are you still with this person? The only one to can effect change is YOU. 1
M30USA Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Nope life hasn't made me cynical about marriage...but it has let me see the truly evil natured people in the world and I can only pray that my children don't come across people like them. And the tricky part is everyone looks the same on the outisde: all smiles, nice clothing, and good manners. Nobody wears a tag on their forehead saying "abuser" or "sociopath".
mercy Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Nope, not at all. In fact the bad times have only made us stronger. Life is beautiful. 3
2sure Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 The piece of paper and the religious ceremony For most, are just traditions. People don't usually stay married because of either. 1
Woggle Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 It has but I admit that seeing a truly happy marriage still makes me smile. It only makes me determined to have my marriage beat the statistics. I understand why some people develop a negative view though. 2
Author MourningLosses Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Ok I get it bent thinks I'm evil. I poked my nose into a married mans marriage right? I didn't tell my husband I was in love with someone else even though we weren't really together at the time. I just went to my brothers wedding a few months ago and I had trouble sitting through it. So many people end up unhappy, like me, my married friend and his wife too. Why do people still put themselves through it? I lived with my husband for years before we for married. It went downhill when we did the ceremony. Suddenly we were shackled. I loved him but he wasn't "the one". I should have waited for the one before making it so final - at least without braving the censure of a very primitive morality. Things are much more complex than that. I'm not evil. My friends wife is not a saint. He wasn't forced to say he loved me or that he would leave her. Yet al these things are especially bad because the people involved were "married".
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I love being married. It's a true blessing. I think somebody's bunny is getting overcooked. Better go check. 2
Radu Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) I have been in a loveless sex-only marriage for 5 years. I've been in love with man who won't leave a sham marriage for 4. I have friends getting Marie's for the first time in their 30s and honestly feel like screaming why??? Why so big on a piece of paper? What does it signify? Why not just pay $30k to some superstitious organization to keep your relationship together? I am seriously thinking of turning down the wedding invitation I got this week because I will have to be so fake at it. I don't believe in it. Either you love them and you live with them or you don't. And you may live sepne you don't live with, but either way he model in no way is enhanced by bits of paper and lily white dresses. Life, a bit. It was ppl like you, who started an affair 1yr after getting married [and probably had before as well], who are making me cynical about marriage. Ok I get it bent thinks I'm evil. I poked my nose into a married mans marriage right? I didn't tell my husband I was in love with someone else even though we weren't really together at the time. I just went to my brothers wedding a few months ago and I had trouble sitting through it. So many people end up unhappy, like me, my married friend and his wife too. Why do people still put themselves through it? I lived with my husband for years before we for married. It went downhill when we did the ceremony. Suddenly we were shackled. I loved him but he wasn't "the one". I should have waited for the one before making it so final - at least without braving the censure of a very primitive morality. Things are much more complex than that. I'm not evil. My friends wife is not a saint. He wasn't forced to say he loved me or that he would leave her. Yet al these things are especially bad because the people involved were "married". You don't see yourself as being evil, but the ppl you have hurt sure do. And your rationalizations [including this thread] where you destroy any shred of empathy you might have for the ppl you are hurting puts you in the class of a sociopath. The sad thing is, that even when all hell breaks loose and ppl start seeing you for what you are, you will still blame the victims. Both you and your MM. Edited August 13, 2012 by Radu 3
quankanne Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 she's specifically come out and SAID you were evil, or are you milking sympathy for a failed relationship? Because all I got from Bent's original post is that there are some people who go into a relationship with an unhealthy outlook (abuse came to mind, the BAD kind where people are hurt physically, emotionally, psychologically) and inflict hurt on their families. Who wouldn't want to protect their child from being in that kind of relationship? back to my original question: If you're that unhappy, why are you wasting your time in a marriage you don't want? From the various posts you've put up on these forums, it seems like you want people to commiserate with you to a point where you are allowed to wallow in self-pity, rather than take responsibility for creating your own unhappiness.
Garfish Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I lived with my husband for years before we for married. It went downhill when we did the ceremony. Suddenly we were shackled. I loved him but he wasn't "the one". I should have waited for the one before making it so final - at least without braving the censure of a very primitive morality. Things are much more complex than that. I'm not evil. My friends wife is not a saint. He wasn't forced to say he loved me or that he would leave her. Yet al these things are especially bad because the people involved were "married". People always amaze me with their reluctance to permanently let go of their notion of "the one" even when they are already cynical about marriage.
TigerCub Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I am cynical about relationships. I see more unhappy Rs than happy ones. I no longer see marriage as a goal (like I did when I was 22). Since then I've said "I'd rather be happy than married", and by that I mean I'd rather be with the one I love and have a healthy and happy relationship rather than just get a ring and have a party and be stuck with the wrong person. I realize that nothing in life is guaranteed and while things MAY change and people's feelings may turn and people could grow apart from one another, these days, I think that maybe its still worth it to give it a try and commit to someone and take that next step. Yes things COULD fall apart, but what kind of life is it if people don't do what makes them happy and take a leap of faith? I'd rather take a chance and do my best than never try at all. I still don't know if marriage is for me for sure, but I know that the man I'm with now is the only person I've been with where I can actually see a loving and healthy and happy future with. I think being involved in an affair can make a person extra cynical because it gives that person a very up close and personal view on how manipulative, hurtful and selfish people can be, and how even a person who isn't "evil" is capable of doing very hurtful things and how huge the ripple effect really goes to spread the damage to so many others.
stillafool Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Ok I get it bent thinks I'm evil. I poked my nose into a married mans marriage right? I didn't tell my husband I was in love with someone else even though we weren't really together at the time. I just went to my brothers wedding a few months ago and I had trouble sitting through it. So many people end up unhappy, like me, my married friend and his wife too. Why do people still put themselves through it? I lived with my husband for years before we for married. It went downhill when we did the ceremony. Suddenly we were shackled. I loved him but he wasn't "the one". I should have waited for the one before making it so final - at least without braving the censure of a very primitive morality. Things are much more complex than that. I'm not evil. My friends wife is not a saint. He wasn't forced to say he loved me or that he would leave her. Yet al these things are especially bad because the people involved were "married". I'm curious, why haven't you filed for divorce if you are so unhappy being married??
stillafool Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Sometimes it's cheaper to keep her. That would be his excuse but what is ML excuse?
quankanne Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I don't think she cares to address that particular reality, but rather, focuses on her affair because that's the primary relationship. Pure conjecture here, though
xxoo Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Marriage has been a wonderful life experience for me. Best life choice I ever made was choosing my spouse! 1
woinlove Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Marriage has been a wonderful life experience for me. Best life choice I ever made was choosing my spouse! This is exactly how I feel.
Ninja'sHusband Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 My marriage fell apart because of my wife's disrespectful attitude toward marriage. I need to find someone who respects marriage by communicating and working with me instead of sabotaging the relationship when there are problems. There is *NO* excuse for infidelity. If you don't believe in marriage, for God's sake get out of it and spare your husband the horrible pain of reconcilliation with someone who doesn't care or take responsibility. Spare him that horrible moment when he discovers what you've done, it will happen. 2
scatterd Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) After I had my second marriage I did not plan on doing it again. I thought marriage is a good institution if you like institutions. Then I met this wonderful man years later and we have been married for 19 years.But now I think it takes allot of pricks to get to the rose and sometimes the third time is the charm. Edited August 14, 2012 by scatterd 2
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